Dear Love G,
We got married in February. We met through an ad and didn’t date much.
When we have sex, he prefers anal sex mainly.
He won’t talk about sex.
I feel he is gay and doesn’t know it.
What should I do?
Thanks,
K

Ans:

Dear KS,

It’s still unfortunate largely in our country and in few other places outside of India, sexual preferences and orientation is still considered a taboo or something to shoved under the carpet.

It’s treated as an illness that will go away like a cold and fever.

Your marriage possibly comes under this confusion and hence both you and your husband are struggling.

He never got a chance to figure out which gender he leans into more maybe due to societal pressure or from family; and it has surfaced after marriage.

For you, it feels like you have been cheated and though you love him, do know that it might not be a marriage that might work especially if he chooses to root himself to his current sexual orientation.

I suggest you weigh out the pros and cons of being in this marriage and have a frank discussion with your husband.

If he has nothing to offer to you and in this marriage, you know what is to be done.

Whatever it be, do know that this has happened at the right time; just imagine the confusions if there were children in the picture.

If after the discussion, it was just something that he experimented with, I guess there might be scope to grow into the marriage.

Have that discussion and do that NOW; a lot will ease.

Yes, it perhaps might be a heartbreak, but better to MOVE either way.

Be strong and all the best!

Ans: Well if you feel like that, why don’t you make the first move instead of constantly waiting for him to? Give him a kiss on the lips, and see where it leads.

Ans: Maybe he’s gay or asexual? It’s odd that for all these years he hasn’t shown you any physical affection and I can understand how frustrating it must be for you. And obviously he’s not forthcoming about what the problem is. I would seriously suggest a therapist who can help with your intimacy issues.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Economics at play here...
When something is easily available, one loses interest in wanting that product but if something is rarely available, it makes us want it even more...

Sorry for this kind of comparison, but your husband fits this bill here. You seem to be easily available now at home and for him all the time, so this does not generate any interest in him. When you were in the courtship phase or when you leave for your parent's home, you aren't around much and that makes him interested. There is no right or wrong about it...it's the way your husband functions. So, make sex a rare thing for him. Don't ask, don't initiate...wait for him to actually want it by not showing that you are interested. In fact, there's no harm even in saying NO so that he also starts to feel that your are not all the time available and that will make him also want to get intimate with you...Makes sense, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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