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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
K Question by K on Dec 10, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love G,
We got married in February. We met through an ad and didn’t date much.
When we have sex, he prefers anal sex mainly.
He won’t talk about sex.
I feel he is gay and doesn’t know it.
What should I do?
Thanks,
K

Ans:

Why oh why would you not date much and marry someone you hardly know? Because it's safe to assume that you'll live happily ever after for the rest of your life with a virtual stranger?

Won't talk about sex? You talk about it. Express your doubts and see what he has to say.

I don't think he doesn't know he's gay, I think he just may not want to admit it. And he may not be, either -- sometimes anal sex can also be a straight man's fetish.

Whatever the issue, healthy dialogue is the order of the day. And if he won't open up, visit a counsellor together. 

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 22, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, it's been 5 years of my marriage. From the last few months I am feeling disconnected from my husband. I ask him about it. He mentioned that he met a guy somewhere in November and had a one-night stand with him. He explained to me the initiation was from him and that he likes him. After few days of conversation with him my husband started having feelings for him. But it was for limited time period coz that guy was trying on someone else or many others (according to my husband) A few days earlier he mentioned that he is being confused if he is gay or straight. He now has feeling for another guy but he has a family and sees him as friend. My husband is continuously telling me to understand him. He needs to find him etc etc... And deep down I know he has no future with any other man. He doesn't feel any physical attraction towards me (it's what I think). I do like him. Physically also. But he doesn't. We don't have any child. He is 36, I am 34.Now I am super confused what to do. I do love him. Please help.
Ans:

Dear KS,

It’s still unfortunate largely in our country and in few other places outside of India, sexual preferences and orientation is still considered a taboo or something to shoved under the carpet.

It’s treated as an illness that will go away like a cold and fever.

Your marriage possibly comes under this confusion and hence both you and your husband are struggling.

He never got a chance to figure out which gender he leans into more maybe due to societal pressure or from family; and it has surfaced after marriage.

For you, it feels like you have been cheated and though you love him, do know that it might not be a marriage that might work especially if he chooses to root himself to his current sexual orientation.

I suggest you weigh out the pros and cons of being in this marriage and have a frank discussion with your husband.

If he has nothing to offer to you and in this marriage, you know what is to be done.

Whatever it be, do know that this has happened at the right time; just imagine the confusions if there were children in the picture.

If after the discussion, it was just something that he experimented with, I guess there might be scope to grow into the marriage.

Have that discussion and do that NOW; a lot will ease.

Yes, it perhaps might be a heartbreak, but better to MOVE either way.

Be strong and all the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I was in an arranged marriage in April 2022. Ten days after my marriage I found some letters, videos, conversation which clearly indicate that my husband is gay.I left him silently and tried to understand those things.We were not in a physical or romantic relationship. When I confronted him he said he was confused about his orientation for the last 10 years but now he is straight...Everything he explained had no head or tail, it seemed like a lie. We decided to separate.He moved on and is enjoying his life but my life has become hell. I miss the life I had dreamed about. I feel guilty if I was over reacting.Sometimes I wonder why I left him.I lost everything -- my looks, my confidence, my health, friends etc... I feel lonely.
Ans:

Dear PF,

I seriously don’t understand how he goes from being gay to straight all of a sudden.

If he is convinced that he is straight, have there been any moments of intimacy between the two of you or is this a façade that he is putting to avoid the glares of society and its cruel backlash?

If you feel that there is still hope, would you be willing to dull in your mind, what had happened and then appeal to him to start afresh?

Or has that boat already sailed?

I do believe in second chances and if his claims that he is straight are true and you feel that you acted in haste about leaving the relationship, why don’t you reach out to him and request him for a chance for both of you to work on getting back together?

There is no point in feeling sorry or guilty. What helps is doing something that might help you in the direction of what you want.

So, get into that action mode and do what needs to be done. Your confidence solely lies in moving ahead into a solution mode. So, what are you waiting for?

Best wishes!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
i had a love marriage 20 years back. we were in a relationship for 3years before that. but after marriage i realised the harsh reality. though we are in the same field, he prefers that i do all the househld work. we have two children 17 and 12 years old. he has also started neglecting his health. after work his only work is to sit on sofa , watch tv. he has gained a lot of weight, has started eating pan masala which i dislike. we also had no sex for the last four years. when confronted he always says that he is in no mood. last year i came in contact with his friend and once we had sex too. but the sad part is i dont really feel guilty about it. i have tried many times to talk to my husband about our sex life but he always ignores and put the blame on me that i have started growing old. however hard i try he is not able to have a erection, this frustrates me even more. he is very dominating at home too. what should i do ? everytime i try to think to move out of that marriage but am afraid of the society. since he is very caring in front of others. am worried about the kids too. please help what should i do? there is no use of talking to him, i have tried it many times. he is not ready to go to any councellor too.
Ans: It sounds like you are facing some serious challenges in your marriage and that you are feeling frustrated, unhappy, and trapped. It's important to remember that you are not alone and that many people find themselves in similar situations.

Here are some steps you can consider taking:

Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide you with support and guidance.

Take care of yourself: Make time for self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. This can help you manage stress and cope with the challenges you're facing.

Consider couples therapy: Even if your husband is not willing to attend therapy, consider seeking therapy for yourself. A therapist can help you understand your feelings and emotions and provide you with strategies for coping with the situation.

Be honest with yourself: It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and needs. If you are unhappy in your marriage and feel that it's unlikely to improve, it's okay to consider leaving the relationship.

Make a plan: If you decide that leaving the marriage is the best option, make a plan for how you will do so in a safe and practical manner. Consider the impact on your children and plan for their care and well-being.

Seek legal advice: If you decide to leave the marriage, consider seeking legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Remember, leaving a long-term relationship is a big decision and can be a difficult process. It's important to take the time to consider your options and seek support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals.

..Read more

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, my son got 9323 rank in comedk and 23350 rank in KCET. As per last year cutoff he may get Mechanical seat in BMS or MSRIT. Please suggest which one is good for Mechanical engineering
Ans: Both are equally good for Mechanical. Some factors to keep in mind before choosing either college for your Son: (1) Location Preference (2) Will stay in Hostel (or) study as Day Scholar (3) Your affordability for fees (if there is a major difference in fees between these 2 colleges & (4) Availability of transport from your home to college. Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

All The BEST for your Son’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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I'm a girl from Jharkhand, I got 91.87%ile in jee mains, crl 1.22 lakh, category rank 40k. In which counselling program should I apply for and what colleges can I get at this rank? Is there any chance to get colleges through board %age as I got 95% in CBSE class XII
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All The BEST for your Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad)’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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My daughter scored 251 in BITSAT, and 25k in jee mains. She is getting mechanical and chemical in warangal nit. What should we do?
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All The BEST for your Daughter’s Bright Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

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Hi,My son got sandip University nashik cse (AIMl) is it good college to go for his studies or else need to try another colleges in Bangalore??
Ans: Raju Sir, you have asked the need for Bengaluru Colleges. If your son has appeared for COMEDK or any other Private Colleges' its own entrance exams, better he tries through them. It depends upon your son's Rank / Score & the streams he prefers. Recommended before your son goes for Sandip University (if he has no other option, as time is very less now). Whatever Institute / University & Branch your Son chooses, he should keep upgrading his skills from his 1st year itself till his Campus Placement during his last year, from LinkedIn, Coursera, NPTEL, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by his College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students.

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To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3754 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
Money
I want to invest in 10 L lumpsum for 3-5 years. What is the best strategy for getting good returns (at least 12-15 %)? I want to use this money further for my own business.
Ans: Understanding the Investment Landscape
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh with the goal of achieving good returns requires a thorough understanding of the investment landscape. Given your objective to use this money for your own business in 3-5 years, it's important to choose a strategy that balances potential returns with acceptable levels of risk.

The Importance of Time Horizon
Your investment time horizon significantly impacts the type of investment strategy you should adopt. While you are considering a 3-5 year period, achieving a 12-15% return may require a slightly longer horizon.

Investing for at least 7 years could better align with your return expectations and allow your investment to ride out market volatility.

Embracing Market Volatility
Investing in the market inherently involves dealing with volatility. Market fluctuations are natural and can impact short-term investment performance.

However, historically, equity markets have shown growth over longer periods, offering potential for substantial returns. Embracing this volatility is crucial to achieving your financial goals.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a diversified investment option that can help mitigate risks while providing exposure to growth opportunities. Actively managed funds, in particular, are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment decisions.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Skilled fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio, aiming for higher returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing the risk associated with individual investments.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer liquidity, allowing you to redeem your investment when needed.

Transparency: Regular updates and reports keep investors informed about their investments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Market Mimicry: Index funds aim to replicate the performance of a specific index, limiting their potential to outperform.

No Active Management: Lack of professional management can lead to missed opportunities in dynamic market conditions.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds follow a predetermined strategy, offering little flexibility in response to market changes.

Benefits of Investing Through Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures that your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

CFPs offer personalised advice and can help navigate the complexities of the financial markets.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Expert Guidance: MFDs with CFP credentials provide valuable insights and strategic advice.

Tailored Solutions: Regular funds offer customised investment strategies based on individual goals and risk tolerance.

Support and Service: Professional support for investment decisions and portfolio management.

Holistic Planning: CFPs consider your overall financial situation, ensuring comprehensive financial planning.

Understanding Investment Risks
Every investment carries a certain level of risk. It's crucial to understand and accept these risks when aiming for higher returns.

Types of Risks
Market Risk: The risk of investments declining due to market fluctuations.

Interest Rate Risk: The risk of interest rate changes affecting investment values.

Inflation Risk: The risk of inflation eroding purchasing power over time.

Importance of Staying the Course
Investing with a long-term perspective requires patience and discipline. Market volatility can be unsettling, but staying the course is essential for achieving your investment goals.

Strategies for Staying the Course
Avoid Emotional Decisions: Base your investment decisions on facts and long-term goals, not short-term market movements.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio to maintain your desired asset allocation.

Reinvestment Strategies
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, consider evaluating their performance.

Surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting in mutual funds can potentially yield better returns.

Benefits of Reinvestment
Higher Returns: Mutual funds typically offer higher returns compared to traditional insurance policies.

Flexibility: Reinvestment in mutual funds provides more flexibility and control over your investments.

Cost Efficiency: Mutual funds often have lower costs and fees compared to insurance policies.

Strategic Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is crucial for managing risk and achieving your desired returns. A well-balanced portfolio should include a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments.

Suggested Allocation
Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for growth potential.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: Consider hybrid funds for a balanced approach to risk and return.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Continuous monitoring and adjustments to your portfolio are necessary to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Benefits of Regular Monitoring
Performance Tracking: Monitor the performance of your investments regularly.

Timely Adjustments: Make necessary adjustments to optimise returns and manage risks.

Goal Alignment: Ensure your investments remain aligned with your evolving financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing a lump sum of Rs 10 lakh requires careful planning and a strategic approach.

Understanding the investment landscape, embracing market volatility, and opting for actively managed mutual funds are key steps towards achieving your financial goals.

Staying the course, regularly reviewing your portfolio, and seeking professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can enhance your investment experience and outcomes. By focusing on a balanced and diversified investment strategy, you can work towards achieving your desired returns while preparing for your business ventures.

Invest wisely, stay informed, and be patient to see your investments grow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2024Hindi
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Career
Please include one more choice in the selection criteria 1. Vit Vellore CSE in 4th category 2. Pes ec campus CS 3. MIT BANGALORE CSE We are staying in Bangalore, which choice is better and please help with reasoning?
Ans: You have not mentioned in which-all Entrance Exams you appeared (COMEDK \ KCET etc.)? However, order of Preference (1) PES (Electronic City) (2) MIT-Bengaluru (here, however, please note, for some students this is not suitable due to its culture (non-academic / psychological factors). (3) VIT-Vellore (check the fee structure of all 4-years for affordability). If you have appeared in COMEDK & KCET also, find out 1-2 options even the colleges belong to Tier 2 category. Whatever Institute / University / Branch / Domain you choose, keep upgrading your skills from 1st year itself till your Campus Placement during your last year, from LinkedIn, NPTEL, Coursera, Internshala etc. and / or any other online platforms, recommended by your College Faculties, to be COMPETENT among other Students, for jobs.

All The BEST for your Bright Future.
To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs | Resume Writing | Profile Building | Salary Negotiation Skills | Building Professional LinkedIn Profile | Choosing Right School Board (State | Matriculation | CBSE | ICSE |International Board) | Student Psychological Counselling | Exam Preparation Techniques (Board | Entrance & Competitive)| Strategies to Attempt Exams | Job Interview Skills | Skill Upgrading | Parenting & Child Upbringing Skills | Career Transition | Abroad Education | Education Loan (India | Abroad) | Scholarship (India | Abroad) | SOP Writing Tips’, please FOLLOW me in RediffGURU here.

Nayagam PP |
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