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Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Jannu on Nov 29, 2021Hindi

Dear LG,
My hubby is squeamish about being orally intimate.
How can I change his view?
Thanks,
Jannu Sinha

Ans:

Maybe you can be the first to make a move on him and show him how enjoyable it can be?

Ask him to have an open mind and try it in degrees; sometimes people are inhibited about certain sexual acts, it takes time for them to become comfortable with performing them.

Explain that sex can become boring and monotonous without exploring each other's bodies, especially for women who often don't climax during the actual act of penetration and need oral stimulation as well.

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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2021

Question by HS - Dec 30, 2021Hindi

Dear LG, We’ve been seeing each other for a more than a year and are pretty serious. Physically, there is a lot of heavy petting but he does not want to go to the final level until we are married. I am more than ready. How do I convince him? We should know whether we are physically compatible. HS

Ans:

How about that... The problem is usually the other way around!

Not that I’m judging you, my dear, it’s your body and your life to do as you please.

And yes, I can see your point of view.

So why does he want to wait for marriage, particularly? Is he a virgin? It’s a matter of ethics, maybe? Or he just needs a little time to warm up to the idea.

You can tell him that you are only willing to marry him once you’re assured that both of you are physically compatible as well, if that’s how you feel.

One thing I will tell you, though -- do not marry in a hurry for this reason.

Sex is not a reason to marry soon at all. One year of dating, in my opinion, is nowhere enough.

Also, I hope you’ve considered whether you’re be okay to sleep with him even if things break off in the future?

That is something you should be prepared for, if you’re having sex outside of marriage -- that the marriage may not happen at all. If you’re fine with that, then go right ahead.

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Anu Krishna |1236 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 23, 2022

Question by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2022Hindi

Hi Anu, plz helpI am 42 years old and married since 9 years. We (husband and I) are childless. It's nine years since our marriage but we have not been intimate for even 90 times. My husband has no interest in sex. He had shown interest only in first week of marriage after that He never initiate. I understand his nature and always try to initiate but he always gives cold shoulder, he never reciprocates warmly, never holds me tightly or kisses willing. I always have to force' him or ask him to kiss or hug me. And this turns my mood off. This way we seldom have sex. I eagerly want it at least once a month and have told him, forced him several times but all in vain. I get frustrated. I feel restless. I can't share this with anyone. Whenever I try to get close, he ignores. Both of us respect and love each other. We don’t have extra marital affair. He cares for me too. I feel like running away from this situation but I love him and don’t want to leave him alone. Please respond.

Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

When there is a challenge with physical intimacy, it could be a physiological or a psychological problem. Either case, it needs some treatment.

But the worse could be conditioning about sex from childhood.

We all carry our maps when it comes to sex and beliefs around it. Along comes so many people and media and more who draw on these maps and we are left at the mercy of things that don’t belong to us.

Since he cares for you as you mentioned it, can you request him to sit down with you for an honest conversation where you can express all of this to him.

Who knows he might be willing to understand, and things can flow from there on.

Be kind instead of accusatory in your tone during the conversation. This will help ease him as well. But of course, if he resists the request, you might suggest that he see a professional.

It might again be met with some resistance but well, you need to try every trick in the book to meet an outcome.

Also, be aware that physical intimacy happens when the closeness develops outside the bedroom. So, spend a lot of time together, laugh a lot.

Praise his efforts in the marriage and appreciate the qualities in him.

Most often men who avoid sex simply suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth. So, play along and mean every compliment from the heart.

Best wishes to you!

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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2023Hindi