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Inter-Caste Love: How Can I Convince My Parents to Accept My Choice?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I love my parents a lot & the same way is for them, but in my family there are people who might say ill words against my father if he agreed to my decision, its really been 5 years I am trying to convince my father and even my grandfather also convinced him, but still my father is on the same point that I will not let this happen & if you want to do you go ahead but you will never come back here. I know the love and worry he have for me but there are many people ( one pandit) out of nowhere they are coming and askiing me to leave the guy and get marrieg in same caste. How the rules are changed if they know that my relationship is now 16 yrs & now I am making a tough decision of getting court marriage done. But suggest me will there be any tiny hope where I can still ask my father to be on my side. Apart from that he agreed for cousin marrigae in same cast but he will not attend that marrirage for mine atleast he can give me blessing. I was a good bacha for him which really made him hurt and he didnt expected this from me, tell me how can i make them agree

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
16 years is a long time and I am sure that you have thought this through...It's possible that your father may come around someday...for now, it's time for you to take a decision to live life and take charge. You cannot force him to agree to anything and maybe address what his worries. Some of it may make sense and some of it may seem unnecessary. But ultimately he is a parent and wishes you well.
Address his concerns and if he still does not want to look at things differently, you know what you can do...So, take charge...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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Hi Ma’am. I’m having a problem with my parents about my marriage. I’ve been in a relationship for three years and I want to marry him. My parents are not agreeing as it is a society issue because it is an interstate and inter-caste marriage. I'm trying to convince my parents for that since long time but it's going nowhere and they are too stubborn to even meet him once. What can I do in this situation? How can I deal with their emotional drama as a parent-child relationship should not break because of these issues? Kindly advise me, Ma’am. AS
Ans:

Dear AS,

You need to focus on how you can marry the person you love and also have your parents support you.

Is this possible?

There is a chance only if you take them into complete confidence and appeal to their logic.

Many societies are still against inter-caste marriages and I am sure they have their reasons for it, just like your parents have strong reasons to oppose the marriage.

Have you tried to find out why they oppose it? Are they worried about how they will face your family members as this is a big thing across cultures in the world?

As their daughter, you have connections with them as well as the right to live your life your way. Bring in an elder member of the family and ask him/her to appeal on your behalf. If this doesn’t work, you might be forced to decide one way or the other.

Whatever you do, do it with conviction and maintain relationships along the way. It may be an uphill task but breathe, smile and live life.

All the best, Happy 2022!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Be clear about what you want and in this process/journey, there will be a lot of highs and lows...
Also, you may not be able to have the cake and eat it too which is why you are struggling at making a decision. You want to marry the man of your dreams that your parents and brother disapprove of BUT you don't want to disappoint them by going against them...You can't have one foot in two different paths...it will tear you apart; literally...
So, decide what you want, the pros and cons of going against the family...of course there are situations where over time, parents have accepted the boy/girl but there's a lot of patient waiting.
If you are in haste, they are not going to relent and you will be left feeling disappointed...
Decide and then do whatever it takes to make that decision right...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1186 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi Madam. I am married from last one and half years now, there has been numerous fights in between small and big ones both. In between this time I have become a mother, and, my baby is 7 months old now. My husband does nothing, did nothing in past one and half years. He is only occupied with his work all the time, he goes to office everyday mostly. Right now my baby is 7 months old and from last 7 months me and my parents are taking care of the baby. And, he absolutely shows no understanding when it comes to looking after the baby. Am also a working person. Moreover I pay all the bills when it comes to getting household stuff, paying rent, all the expenses related to baby. He is so shameless that he just doesn’t care too, when I pick these topics or raise concerns about handling the baby he gets abusive. I am not sure what to do now! How insensible can a person get if no one sees my husband would never feel that person like him exist in this world. I feel like filing a divorce petition now. He was the one who wanted to have baby so soon. I was never ready. Now when I have the baby I am the only person along with my parents and sister looking after the baby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your husband wants a family without responsibilities and that's why neither is he interested in the baby nor in paying the bills...This is not just insensitivity but lack of emotional immaturity and the unwillingness to take on responsibilities head on...Approach a senior male member within the family who is someone that has been a role model to others in terms executing family responsibilities and is also caring and affectionate. This person can appeal to your husband and talk some sense into him.

If there's no one that fits the bill, the only option is to go to a professional for Couples Therapy. There's a reason why your husband avoids his duties as a husband and father and that needs to be uncovered and sorted out. It will also help the two of bond and connect better. Make this attempt before jumping into divorce; separating is a whole different world that comes with its own set of challenges and with the baby now in the picture, work at the marriage and putting things together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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