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How do I move on from an incestuous relationship with a family member?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Arun Question by Arun on Feb 25, 2025Hindi
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How to get over family incest relationship

Ans: Dear Arun,
Right thing: You don't get into relationships like these...so there's no question of getting over it, right? If it has already happened, pray that no one gets to know about it and then stay away from it all...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl who is somehow became by 3rd-4th cousin initial days we are not aware. Later we came to know our parents were close long back but now distancing because her mom had some illicit relationship. Now my parents are not accepting our love because of cousin thing and her mom’s past. One day while speaking to parents they scolded me abusively using all type of bad words. Somehow I developed a hatred to them now. I stopped calling them now they have also stopped calling me. Now my sister is telling I only should forgive them and talk to them. I felt I am being pushed, traumatised by all these events. Now my sister is telling parents won’t come down for me. If I have to leave everything and be like a old me, I don’t feel it’s possible. What should I do?
Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2025

I am 48 years old man, have always been in love with my younger brother(44 years) (cousin). He and I were best friends since childhood and I am too much in love with him. For last 23 years, we have parted (fought) and I have avoided him like anything. He knew all about my love (letters/stalking/begging/crying) and thats why he distanced himself from me. He came back after 23 years (only on whatsapp chat), and again i started crying and what not and emotionally totally unstable. My wife, kids and even i am surprised how bad it is within me. He wants me as a friend (not overly emotionally invested). How can I be a normal human being with him? Is it even possible? I hate being like this, how can i let go.... It's for so long what help do i need if any.
Ans: Dear test,
When you allow your emotions to self-destruct, that is exactly what will happen. You have been unable to accept that your path and your cousin's paths are different...you have gone on to build a family and then you have decided to break down all over again. How do you expect your family to understand all this?
What you call as LOVE; is it possibly an attachment for him? Dependence on him for attention, love, validation? You need to introspect and grow out of this OR settle this in a way that you can get back your peace of mind. At this moment with the information that you have shared, I can guide you only as much!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8033 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

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I have following SIPs in my portfolio. I want to invest 30000 per month but can't understand how much money should I allocate in each SIP? SBI Technology Opportunities Fund Direct-Growth, Nippon India Consumption Fund Direct-Growth, SBI Long Term Equity Fund Direct Plan-Growth, Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct-Growth, ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF Direct - Growth, Quant Infrastructure Fund Direct-Growth, UTI Gold ETF FoF Direct - Growth, ICICI Prudential Silver ETF FoF Direct - Growth, ICICI Prudential Nifty 50 Index Direct Plan-Growth
Ans: You want to invest Rs 30,000 per month across multiple SIPs. Allocating funds efficiently is important for long-term wealth creation. Let’s evaluate your portfolio and decide the best allocation strategy.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio consists of the following categories:

Sectoral and thematic funds – Technology, consumption, infrastructure, Bharat 22
Tax-saving funds – ELSS funds
Gold and silver funds – Precious metal investments
Index funds – Passive investment approach
Each category has different risk, return potential, and diversification benefits. Let’s assess each one.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
High-risk, high-reward investments – These funds invest in specific industries. Their performance depends on the growth of that sector.

Not suitable for large allocation – These funds are volatile and should be a small portion of your portfolio.

Recommended allocation: 15-20% of total SIP amount – Spread this amount across different sectors for better diversification.

Tax-Saving Funds (ELSS)
Helps in tax savings – Investments in these funds provide deductions under Section 80C.

Mandatory lock-in of three years – Ensure that you can stay invested for this duration.

Recommended allocation: 20-25% of total SIP amount – This depends on your tax planning needs.

Gold and Silver Funds
Acts as a hedge against inflation – Precious metals protect against economic downturns.

Volatility and long-term returns – Prices fluctuate, and returns may not always match equity funds.

Recommended allocation: 5-10% of total SIP amount – This prevents overexposure to metals.

Index Funds
Limited flexibility – These funds mirror an index and do not react to market changes.

Underperforms during volatile periods – Actively managed funds adapt better to market shifts.

Misses on alpha generation – Professional fund managers provide better stock selection.

Recommended allocation: Avoid completely – Actively managed funds are a better choice.

Optimal SIP Allocation Strategy
Based on the above evaluation, your Rs 30,000 monthly SIP can be divided as follows:

Actively managed diversified equity funds: Rs 12,000 (40%) – These funds provide long-term stability and higher growth potential.
ELSS tax-saving funds: Rs 6,000 (20%) – Helps in tax savings while investing in equity.
Sectoral and thematic funds: Rs 4,500 (15%) – Invest selectively in growing sectors.
Gold and silver funds: Rs 3,000 (10%) – Provides hedging benefits.
Infrastructure and Bharat 22 funds: Rs 4,500 (15%) – Exposure to government-driven sectors.
You can adjust these allocations based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Key Considerations Before Investing
Avoid overconcentration in any single theme – Too much investment in one sector increases risk.

Prioritise actively managed funds – These funds adapt to market conditions better than index funds.

Monitor performance regularly – Review your investments every six months.

Ensure diversification across sectors – A well-diversified portfolio reduces risk.

Finally
Your investment should align with your financial goals and risk appetite. A well-balanced SIP allocation improves returns and reduces volatility.

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your strategy further.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8033 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

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Sir for my son's education is it better to take loan or use my fd , i fall in 30 %IT slab. Pls adv
Ans: You are in the 30% tax slab. The choice between taking a loan or using your fixed deposit depends on multiple factors. Let’s evaluate both options from a financial and strategic perspective.

Benefits of Taking an Education Loan
Tax Benefits on Interest Paid

The interest paid on an education loan qualifies for a tax deduction under Section 80E. This benefit is available for up to eight years.

Since you fall in the 30% tax slab, this deduction can help reduce your taxable income.

Liquidity Retention

Keeping your fixed deposit intact ensures liquidity for emergencies and other financial goals.

Unexpected medical expenses or job loss can impact cash flow. A loan helps you maintain financial security.

Low-Interest Rates Compared to Other Loans

Education loans usually have lower interest rates than personal loans. Some banks also provide a moratorium period, during which repayment starts after course completion.

Credit Score Improvement

Timely repayment of the loan will improve your credit score. This can help in the future if you need to take another loan.

Disadvantages of Taking an Education Loan
Interest Outflow

Even though the tax benefit reduces the burden, you will still pay more than the actual loan amount due to interest.

If you can afford the expenses without affecting other goals, avoiding interest payments is better.

Loan Repayment Burden

If your son does not secure a high-paying job immediately, the repayment can become stressful.

You may have to step in to make EMI payments, affecting your retirement plans.

Benefits of Using Fixed Deposits
No Interest Outflow

By using your own funds, you avoid paying interest to the bank. The actual cost of education remains lower.

Peace of Mind

Without a loan, you won’t have to worry about monthly EMI payments. This ensures financial stability and mental peace.

Better Financial Freedom for Your Son

If you fund the education yourself, your son starts his career debt-free. This gives him more flexibility in career choices.

Disadvantages of Using Fixed Deposits
Loss of Liquidity

Using the fixed deposit will reduce your emergency funds. If another major expense arises, you may struggle to arrange funds quickly.

Impact on Other Financial Goals

If this fixed deposit was set aside for another financial goal, using it for education may delay that goal.

You need to evaluate whether this will affect your retirement or home purchase plans.

Tax on Fixed Deposit Interest

The interest earned on fixed deposits is fully taxable as per your slab. Since you are in the 30% slab, this reduces your net return.

Key Factors to Consider Before Deciding
Cash Flow Stability

If your monthly income and investments provide enough financial security, paying from the fixed deposit is a good option.

If not, an education loan can help manage cash flow better.

Alternative Investment Options

If your fixed deposit is earning lower returns than the loan interest rate, it makes sense to use it instead of taking a loan.

If your investments are growing at a higher rate than the loan interest, taking a loan is financially better.

Risk Tolerance

If you are comfortable managing debt and can benefit from the tax deduction, a loan can be a strategic decision.

If you prefer a risk-free approach, using your fixed deposit is the better choice.

Optimal Approach for You
Since you are in the 30% tax slab, an education loan can provide tax benefits.

However, if your fixed deposit is earning a lower return than the loan interest, using it can be financially smarter.

If liquidity is not a concern and your retirement plans remain unaffected, funding education yourself is a good choice.

A balanced approach is also possible. You can take a partial loan and use some of your fixed deposit. This way, you reduce the loan burden while keeping some liquidity.

Finally
Taking an education loan has tax benefits and keeps liquidity intact. However, it comes with interest costs and repayment obligations.

Using your fixed deposit saves interest but reduces liquidity and may impact other financial goals.

The decision depends on your financial stability, investment returns, and long-term goals.

A Certified Financial Planner can help structure your finances in the most tax-efficient way.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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