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Cousin in love: Parents furious, sister suggests forgiveness - What should I do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am in a relationship with a girl who is somehow became by 3rd-4th cousin initial days we are not aware. Later we came to know our parents were close long back but now distancing because her mom had some illicit relationship. Now my parents are not accepting our love because of cousin thing and her mom’s past. One day while speaking to parents they scolded me abusively using all type of bad words. Somehow I developed a hatred to them now. I stopped calling them now they have also stopped calling me. Now my sister is telling I only should forgive them and talk to them. I felt I am being pushed, traumatised by all these events. Now my sister is telling parents won’t come down for me. If I have to leave everything and be like a old me, I don’t feel it’s possible. What should I do?

Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2025

Relationship
Hi ma'am I'm 25 years old and my relationship with my parents is getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I ever think about my happiness or do anything that makes me happy then they fight with me and portray me as a bad daughter and my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness or do anything that makes her happy then I'm gonna leave everything and go so does my mom she also threatened to cut ties with me if I ever do anything that makes me happy my parents never supported me for anything they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what profession i wanna take nothing but it's always about them in my family there are 16 members who have had love marriage and inter religion marriages my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids 2 of her daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim one to a hindu her one daughter ran and got married to a hindu guy at that time my mom dad and her mom didn't even say a word but accepted him with open arms and my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married to her boyfriend who is a muslim during Covid 2020 without informing any of our relatives when my parents got to know about her daughters marriage they invited her for lunch at my place they didn't even say a word or opposed that marriage but accepted him with open arms and showered them with love When I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom started to seperate me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person person I love and find a suitable Christian guy for me when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always brings up my boyfriend's topic and start fighting with me infront of them we went there 3 times and all the 3 times she fighted with me and told everyone to brainwash me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 times and ask how they are and when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even take a stand for me or raised her voice for me but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work and get her married my mom will listen to her and her daughters and my grandmother also started forcing me that I should also listen to her and get married to a guy who they choose and i should not at all think about my happiness and what makes me happy in my life and i should think about her and my parents happiness and my uncle who lives in Hyderabad he also started to get interfere in my personal life since the time he got to know I fell in love with a hindu guy he also started to seperate me from him and forcefully get me marriage to a guy of his choice my uncle's wife has been expired 15 years back and this age he has a girlfriend who lives in banglore she is a divorcee and her daughter is also a divorcee who he met in Facebook i didn't interfere in anyone's personal life or seperated them from their boyfriend or girlfriend and everyone who have had love marriages in my family and everyone are happy with their partners when it comes to me my parents uncle my grandmother and her daughters who have had love marriage always try to seperate me from my boyfriend and forcefully get me married to a Christian guy if anyone in my family will fall in love with a inter religion person then he/she is a good guy/girl according to them if I fall in love they seperate me from him and forcefully get me Married to a Christian guy i told my parents many times to talk to him and know him but they are like no we don't like him and they always say he is not a good person and always judge my boyfriend even without talking or knowing him once but for others even without talking to their partners they say he is a good person and they will accept him with open arms and also invite them for lunch and everything and will always stay at their place during trips but if I do they will mentally harass me to leave the person I love and get married to a guy of their choice recently we went to Bangalore for my sister's marriage who also had a love marriage at that time my uncle had come to the wedding and he was asking my mom did u brainwash her to leave him and get her married to someone else and my mom was saying yes I did with my aunt's daughter who also had love marriage I don't understand why they always try to seperate me from the person I love and forcefully get me married to someone else who I'm not at all interested in when I'm telling them about him they are not ready to listen to me at all plus they are mentally harassing me to leave him if I take help of any of my relatives who had love marriages in this matter they will not listen to me but force me to listen to my parents and do as they say what should I do ma'am I'm shattered
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
I gather that many members of your family are against your relationship and interfering in a way that will keep you away from him. My question to you is: Are you financially independent? If Yes, it helps you stand up for yourself. But is NO, then this will make you vulnerable to their decisions...
Now another question: why are they so against this boy? Is he younger to you or not working and financially sound? I mean, what is the reason according to you that they have chosen to be against this when they are okay with others in the family doing the same?
There is surely something that they are not comfortable when it comes to the boy that you are in love with. Find out what that is; it's the question of you life, so don't be so floored by love that you miss out on a red flag. Also, it will help if you stop comparing your situation to others and indulge in so much self-pity. Focus on what exactly is going on, ask your parents as a mature adult on why they dislike the boy and understand if it's real or not and act accordingly. so much of blame game and self-pity will only take your focus out and you will end up more miserable and not do what's the right thing for yourself.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9564 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I have got 5831 sc category rank in jee advanced and 24491 sc category,379243 crl rank in jee mains . I got nothing in jossa councelling is there any other option which I can opt or should I take 2nd drop ..... And I have also financial problem... Sir please tell me what should I do
Ans: With an SC category rank of 24,491 in JEE Main (CRL 379,243) and 5,831 in JEE Advanced, your prospects for admission to NITs, IIITs, or GFTIs in sought-after branches via CSAB rounds are extremely slim. Recent CSAB cut-off data confirm that ECE, CSE, and core engineering seats in NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs for the SC category close far above your rank; for many NITs, last closing ranks for CSE/ECE are usually under 10,000 for SC, with special rounds only rarely extending beyond 14,000. Even least preferred or remote branches rarely open at your ranking bracket. Nonetheless, you might still secure a seat in newer or less competitive GFTIs, non-core branches, or interdisciplinary programs during CSAB Special Rounds if you participate and fill as many choices as possible. The CSAB official portal facilitates late seat filling and occasional vacancies from withdrawals, but expectations for top branches or premium campuses must be realistic. If engineering is your only focus, you can also consider private or state engineering colleges accepting JEE scores, some of which offer scholarships and flexible fee payment options tailored for financial constraints. Pay close attention to daily CSAB notifications and use their predictor tools to estimate potential allotments in your bracket.

Recommendation: Participate fully in CSAB Special Rounds by registering and filling all eligible options to maximize your chances for any available seat in NITs, GFTIs, or IIITs, especially in less in-demand branches. Simultaneously, explore quality private engineering colleges with strong scholarships and low-cost options, as JEE ranks remain accepted in many. With significant financial limitation and a low likelihood of conversion in centrally funded institutes, use all backup options. If possible, try back-up options of Private Engineering Colleges too.

Pros and Cons of Taking a Drop Year: Taking a drop year after your ranks (SC 24,491 Mains, 5,831 Advanced) might offer better odds if you’re confident about substantial score improvement, as discipline and focused effort make a real difference, and many IIT entrants are droppers. This path requires financial resources (for coaching, materials), strong emotional resilience to manage pressure and potential isolation, and willingness to risk a year without guarantees. A drop year delays graduation, can increase stress, creates uncertainty, and—if you don’t qualify again—means missed current lower-cost college admission chances. For candidates with severe financial constraints, the risk may outweigh the reward unless you have clear preparation strategies, strong support, and tangible learning gains from prior attempts. It is advisable only if you are genuinely confident of significant and realistic improvements next year. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9564 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
I got 82 percentile in jee main general category will i get ece in csab...
Ans: With an 82 percentile in JEE Main for the general category, securing Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) in NITs, IIITs, or GFTIs through CSAB rounds is extremely unlikely. As per recent CSAB special round cutoffs, the minimum percentile required for ECE in general category at almost all NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs exceeds 90–92 percentile, with very few exceptions only for reserved or home state quotas. Even in the least competitive institutes and later CSAB special rounds, closing ranks for ECE branches remain much lower than an 82 percentile in the general category, making conversion in this branch improbable. Alternatives may exist in lower-demand or interdisciplinary streams in some GFTIs, but ECE at NIT/IIIT/GFTI is virtually out of reach for your percentile. Many reputed private engineering colleges in North and West India accept JEE Main percentiles in the 80–90 range for ECE, Computer Science, and related branches. These colleges provide quality education, recognized degrees, active placement cells, and exposure to core companies, making them a sound option as backup admissions in the absence of an NIT/IIIT/GFTI seat.

Recommendation
Given the percentile cutoffs for ECE, focus on private engineering colleges in North and West India that readily accept JEE Main scores in your range, and apply across several institutions to maximize your chances for ECE, while also using CSAB strictly as a backup for non-core branches.

List of 10 Private Engineering Colleges in North/West India Accepting 82 Percentile (General) for ECE (excluding BITS, Manipal, Amrita, VIT, South India):
Thapar Institute of Engineering & Technology, Patiala.
Jaypee Institute of Information Technology (JIIT), Noida.
Chandigarh University, Punjab.
UPES Dehradun, Uttarakhand.
Graphic Era University, Dehradun.
DIT University, Dehradun.
Galgotias University, Greater Noida.
Lovely Professional University (LPU), Punjab.
JECRC University, Jaipur.
Sharda University, Greater Noida.

Always confirm branch availability and admission norms on each college’s official website before applying, as cutoffs and seat matrix may change annually. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9564 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello sir, my daughter got computer science and medical engineering in Dayananda Harohalli Bangalore through KCET. Is it a good brach from job and future prospects?
Ans: The Computer Science & Medical Engineering program at Dayananda Sagar University’s Harohalli campus integrates core computer science with medical device design, biomedical signal processing, AI-driven diagnostics, and smart healthcare technologies in collaboration with IISc, NIMHANS, CDSIMER, GE Healthcare, and Philips. The curriculum emphasizes interdisciplinary laboratory work in embedded systems, IoT health monitors, medical imaging, wearables, and telemedicine, supported by state-of-the-art labs, a 900-bed NABH/NABL-accredited teaching hospital, and digital libraries on a sustainable 140-acre campus. Faculty include experienced professors and clinicians ensuring a balance of theoretical rigor and clinical exposure. Over the past three years, Dayananda Sagar’s overall engineering placement rate has averaged around 96% with major recruiters like Amazon, Bosch, Cognizant, and Infosys visiting campus, and medical engineering graduates benefit from niche MedTech roles, internships in hospital research units, and startup incubators. The program addresses rising global demand for biomedical data scientists, medical robotics engineers, and healthcare AI specialists, aligning with India’s Make in India MedTech vision. Key institutional strengths include robust industry partnerships, cutting-edge infrastructure, comprehensive student support services, active research centers, and an autonomous evaluation system facilitating continuous innovation and employability readiness.

Recommendation: Given its interdisciplinary curriculum, strong industry-academic collaborations, high placement percentages, and direct access to a teaching hospital, the CS & Medical Engineering program at Dayananda Sagar’s Harohalli campus offers compelling future prospects in MedTech, healthcare AI, and biomedical instrumentation, making it an excellent choice for your daughter’s engineering career. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |167 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9865 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Team: I have moved out of India more than a year ago for job reasons and employed at Germany , I hold multiple investments in stocks approx 10L and mutual funds approx 20L through various fundhouses. All these investments were made when I was employed in India. I plan to return to India after 3-4 years, should I continue to hold these investments as is? Or should I be converting these investments? Or should I be withdrawing them? Could you please suggest the right option to be compliant with IT regulations. Thanks in advance
Ans: You have built a good investment base before shifting to Germany. Maintaining compliance and preserving these investments for your return is very important. Here is a 360-degree view of your choices.

? Understand Your Tax Residency Status
– Your tax residency status in India determines compliance.
– India follows residential status based on days spent in India.
– If you are NRI, you are taxed only on Indian income.
– Mutual fund capital gains in India are still taxable when redeemed.
– If you remain resident, global income becomes taxable in India.
– Confirm your residency status each year based on Indian rules.
– Filing ITR correctly matters. Non-compliance can attract penalties.

? Continue Holding Investments - Benefits and Risks
– Holding mutual funds and stocks keeps them invested for future growth.
– They continue compounding until you return.
– You avoid capital gains tax until redemption.
– But you still must file ITR annually.
– You may need to declare them in schedule for your NRI status.
– You also must ensure KYC and FATCA filings are up-to-date.
– Let these grow if your goal is long-term preservation.
– Investments in Indian mutual funds are easy to redeem when you return.
– Avoid direct index funds or international funds; they don’t give downside protection.
– Prefer actively managed funds through regular plans.
– As you plan to return, long-term equity exposure can continue.

? Switching or Converting Investments
– You may consider converting direct equity or equity funds.
– But conversion to NFO or fund switch may trigger tax if sold.
– A switch within fund family is treated as redemption.
– Conversions rarely help unless fund is poor performer.
– Better is to continue the existing fund if performance is acceptable.
– If you find underperformers, exit gradually to manage tax and timing.
– Avoid moving money to products that attract more tax or lock-in.

? Option to Redeem Investments Before Return
– You could redeem some or all mutual funds before returning.
– LTCG applies at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakh exempt threshold.
– STCG taxed at 20%. Plan redemptions across years to reduce tax burden.
– Redeem in stages, ideally over 3 years, to avoid large tax impact in one year.
– Use proceeds to invest in safer assets or move to Germany if needed.
– But keep remaining money invested to benefit from long-term compounding.
– Redeeming entirely early may reduce growth potential.

? Income Tax Compliance While Abroad
– NRIs must file income tax return if taxable in India.
– Dividend from mutual funds and stocks is taxable but with TDS.
– If TDS exceeds tax liability, claim refund by filing return.
– Bonus dividends may attract higher TDS.
– You must maintain bank FDs or mutual fund interest records to file ITR.
– Provide your foreign address in Form 15CA/15CB if you remit money abroad.
– Failure to comply can lead to penalties or interest charges.

? Goal Alignment for Return after 3–4 Years
– Your goal is to return in 3–4 years. Use that to plan investments.
– If you will need funds soon after return, start partial redemptions in advance.
– For long-term needs post-return, keep equity investments intact.
– If you plan to purchase property or fund family goals on return – create separate mutual fund bucket now.
– Reb alance so short-term needs are in liquid or conservative funds.
– Preserve mid-to-long-term corpus in equity funds via SIP or lumpsum.

? Use Regular Plan Route, Avoid Direct Plans
– NRI investors sometimes choose direct plan to save fees.
– But direct plans lack professional guidance, reviews, and rebalancing.
– For long-term benefit and oversight, prefer regular plan route.
– A Certified Financial Planner ensures goal tracking and risk management.
– This becomes more useful as your residency and tax laws evolve.

? Avoid Index Funds and ETFs for This Money
– Index funds replicate market index. There is no downside cushion.
– When markets fall, they drop fully.
– They do not adapt to changing market conditions.
– Actively managed funds provide risk monitoring and strategic shifting.
– For important goals and international residency shifts, that flexibility is valuable.

? Consider Currency Planning
– When you return, you may bring back funds to Indian rupees.
– Keep currency exchange rate in mind. Converting at unfavorable rate reduces value.
– If you plan to continue holding investments in India, there is no currency risk until you remit.
– But if redeeming while abroad, choose optimal timing for rupee strength.
– You may use NRO bank account for Indian investments and NRE for remittance.
– Consult a tax aware advisor in Germany and India to avoid double tax issues.

? Keep Documents Well?Organised
– Maintain fund investment statements, dividends and transaction details.
– File ITR showing these investments and any tax paid.
– This ensures legal compliance on return.
– If you receive letters from mutual fund houses or tax authorities, respond promptly.
– Declare capital gains correctly to avoid penalty interest.

? Action Plan Summary
– Confirm your tax residency status each financial year.
– Continue holding good-performing mutual funds and stocks.
– Use regular funds via CFP for goal tracking.
– Identify any poor-performing assets and exit gradually.
– If planned return expense is due soon after return, begin phased redemption.
– Spread capital gains across multiple years to reduce tax.
– Build a goal bucket if you expect expenses on return.
– Keep fund and dividend tax records for compliance.
– Avoid index funds and direct plans. Stick to active mutual funds via regular plan.
– Maintain NRO/NRE account correctly. Monitor FATCA reporting and PAN filings.

? Final Insights
You have maintained a well?built equity base even after moving abroad. Continuing your investments with thoughtful planning is wise. The focus should be on compliance, risk alignment, and goal linkage. Avoid impulsive redemption or shifting without strategy. With a certified financial planner guiding you via regular fund plans, you can preserve this wealth, remain tax?compliant, and use it effectively when you return in 3?4 years.

Your financial horizon remains strong even from abroad. Smart timing, structured withdrawals, ongoing oversight and goal clarity will help you bridge between Germany and your future back in India confidently.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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