Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Cousin in love: Parents furious, sister suggests forgiveness - What should I do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am in a relationship with a girl who is somehow became by 3rd-4th cousin initial days we are not aware. Later we came to know our parents were close long back but now distancing because her mom had some illicit relationship. Now my parents are not accepting our love because of cousin thing and her mom’s past. One day while speaking to parents they scolded me abusively using all type of bad words. Somehow I developed a hatred to them now. I stopped calling them now they have also stopped calling me. Now my sister is telling I only should forgive them and talk to them. I felt I am being pushed, traumatised by all these events. Now my sister is telling parents won’t come down for me. If I have to leave everything and be like a old me, I don’t feel it’s possible. What should I do?

Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Hi ma'am my relationship with my parents r getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I think about my happiness they will start fighting with me nd my parents never supported me for anything in my life till today my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness then I'm gonna leave everything nd go nd so does my mom she also threatened me to cut ties with me even I do everything still they taunt me every day that I can't do anything in life my parents never support me they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what I wanna work what is my goals ngt but it's always about them my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids and all r well settled but her 2 daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim nd one to a hindu when they were about to get married my mom didn't even raised her voice or opposed that marriage her one daughter ran nd got married to her bf who is a hindu at that tym also my mom nd dad nd my grandmother didn't even say a word nd during Covid 2020 my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married with her bf who is a muslim without informing any of our relatives when I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom separated me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person I love nd get married to a Christian guy when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always start a fight with me we went there for 3 times and all the 3 times she started fighting with me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 tyms and ask how they are when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even raise her voice nd didn't even take a stand for myself but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through when she was seeing me cry everyday she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work my mom will listen to her nd her daughters but she will never listen to me and my grandmother started forcing me to get married to a Christian guy nd i should also listen to her nd not to think about my happiness nd what makes me happy in life what should I do I'm completely shattered ma'am nd i don't have anyone to share my pain with even if I do they will support my parents only bcoz of all this I'm not able to concentrate on anything at all
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
Right now, your emotions are tangled in hurt, anger, and helplessness, but you are not powerless. The first thing you need to do is detach emotionally from their guilt-tripping. You cannot live your entire life trying to please people who refuse to acknowledge your needs. It’s okay to love and respect your parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself.

Start setting boundaries, even if it feels impossible at first. If they constantly taunt you, limit conversations with them. If they threaten to cut ties, remind yourself that love should not be conditional. If they refuse to support you, find strength within yourself. You are already surviving without their emotional backing, which means you are stronger than you think.

As for your relationship, you need to ask yourself—are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to avoid family drama? If you truly love this person and see a future together, you will need to stand firm in your decision. Love requires courage, and choosing your happiness is not selfish—it’s necessary.

You are not alone in this. Many people fight similar battles with families who refuse to understand. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You deserve love, respect, and the right to make your own choices. No matter what happens, never let their words make you believe you are unworthy of happiness. Keep fighting for yourself, because you deserve it.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8189 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Dear Sir, I am a 55-year-old corporate executive retiring by 2029. My corpus is as follows - PF = 45,00,000. PPF = 3200,000. NPS = 35,00,000 (with a monthly investment of 30k). Property = 4 crores. Shares + MF = 32,00,000 (with monthly investment of around 60,000). LIC = 14,00,000 (maturing next year). FDs = 36,00,000. Apart from the above, there would be Gratuity (15 lac) and jewellery. My 2 children would be needing around 25 lac for their education spread over the next 4 years. Can I take early retirement.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. You have built a solid corpus across multiple asset classes. Below is a detailed assessment of your readiness for early retirement.

Assessing Your Financial Position
Retirement is in 2029, meaning you have five more years of income and investments.

Your total corpus is well-diversified across PF, PPF, NPS, MFs, shares, FDs, and property.

You have a healthy investment habit with a Rs 60,000 monthly SIP and Rs 30,000 into NPS.

LIC maturity next year will provide Rs 14 lakh, adding to liquidity.

Gratuity of Rs 15 lakh will come at retirement, increasing your cash reserves.

Jewellery is additional wealth but is not an income-generating asset.

Financial Needs & Future Goals
1. Children’s Education – Rs 25 Lakh Needed in 4 Years
You need Rs 25 lakh over four years for education expenses.

Your FDs (Rs 36 lakh) can help cover this without disturbing your investments.

Consider a laddering approach for FDs to match the education payment timeline.

2. Regular Income Post-Retirement
Your NPS corpus (Rs 35 lakh) will generate a pension post-retirement.

EPF (Rs 45 lakh) and PPF (Rs 32 lakh) provide lump-sum retirement funds.

MFs & Shares (Rs 32 lakh) with Rs 60K SIP will continue to grow.

You have a strong base for passive income but need an income plan.

3. Healthcare & Emergency Fund
At 55 years, medical expenses will rise over time.

Ensure you have adequate health insurance for post-retirement years.

Keep at least Rs 15-20 lakh in liquid FDs or debt funds for emergencies.

Assessing Early Retirement Feasibility
1. Corpus Growth Over the Next 5 Years
Your existing investments + SIPs + NPS contributions will grow further.

With proper asset allocation, your corpus can cross Rs 5-6 crore in five years.

2. Inflation & Lifestyle Maintenance
Your current lifestyle expenses should be estimated.

Factor in inflation (6-7% per year) to assess long-term sustainability.

3. Investment Strategy for Stability
Shift some equity to balanced funds for stability closer to retirement.

Keep a mix of growth & conservative investments for steady returns.

Avoid full withdrawal of NPS—use a mix of systematic withdrawal & pension.

Final Insights
You have a strong corpus and are on track for retirement.

Continuing work for five more years will provide financial security.

Asset allocation adjustments will ensure income stability post-retirement.

Plan for rising medical costs & inflation for a stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8189 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Listen
Money
Dear Sir, I am 59 years old salaried person, doing SIP Axis midcap @5K, Axis ESG @5K, Parag Parikh Flexicap @25K, Nippon Multicap @7.5K Nippon Smallcap@5K, SBI Smallcap @4K and Canara Smallcap @3K per month from last four years. The SIP is to be continued for another five years. In context of the present market volatility, will you please review my portfolio? I am not risk averse. Goal is wealth creation.
Ans: Your investment strategy is well-structured. You have a strong focus on wealth creation, and your portfolio reflects that. Below is a detailed review with recommendations.

Assessing Your Existing Portfolio
You have a well-diversified equity portfolio with mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, ESG, and multicap funds.

The majority of your investments are in aggressive-growth categories.

Your risk-taking ability is clear from the allocation to small and mid-cap funds.

You have been investing consistently for four years, which is a good approach.

Your SIPs are planned for another five years, giving your investments time to grow.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Growth Potential: Small and mid-cap funds have higher return potential over the long term.

Diversification: Investing across categories helps balance risk and return.

Flexibility: The flexi-cap and multicap funds allow fund managers to switch between market caps.

Consistency: Regular SIPs reduce the impact of market volatility.

Key Areas for Improvement
1. High Exposure to Small & Mid-Cap Funds
Your portfolio has a strong tilt towards small and mid-cap funds.

These funds can be volatile, especially in uncertain markets.

A slight reallocation towards large-cap funds can add stability.

2. Sector-Specific Risk in ESG Fund
ESG funds are theme-based and depend on specific regulatory and global trends.

This can lead to underperformance if ESG sectors face downturns.

Consider reducing exposure to ESG or tracking its performance closely.

3. Overlapping Investment Strategies
Some of your funds may have similar stock holdings, leading to duplication.

Too many funds in the same category do not always mean better diversification.

A focused approach with fewer but well-selected funds may work better.

Recommended Portfolio Adjustments
1. Reduce Small-Cap Exposure
You already have multiple small-cap funds.

Retaining one strong performer and reducing others can improve risk management.

The freed-up capital can be shifted to large-cap or balanced funds.

2. Increase Large-Cap Allocation
Large-cap funds provide stability and steady growth.

A 15-20% allocation in a strong large-cap fund can improve balance.

This will ensure that your portfolio withstands short-term market fluctuations.

3. Monitor ESG Fund Performance
ESG funds have a unique investment strategy.

If the performance is inconsistent, switching to a flexi-cap or multicap fund may be better.

Managing Market Volatility
SIP Continuation: Continue your SIPs as planned to benefit from rupee cost averaging.

Rebalancing: Adjust allocations annually based on market conditions.

Profit Booking: Consider partial withdrawals in strong market phases.

Taxation Considerations
Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.

Reallocation Impact: Switching funds may lead to taxable capital gains.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan redemptions to minimize tax liability.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for wealth creation.

Reducing small-cap exposure and adding large-cap stability can improve balance.

Regular monitoring and minor adjustments will keep your investments on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8189 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 03, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Sir, I'm(33yo /M) looking for guidance on investing rs6 lakhs from my gratuity. I've a diversified portfolio including debt, equity and gold. I'm aiming for growth over a 3-4 year timeframe,(aggressive mindset) but I'm also mindful of the current equity market risks. Could you pls advise investment options that align with my risk tolerance and growth objectives? (Prefer: Gold or Equity Market)
Ans: Your investment approach is clear and well thought out. Since you prefer gold and equity, and have an aggressive mindset, let's structure your Rs 6 lakh investment accordingly. Below is a detailed analysis to help you make informed decisions.

Understanding Your Investment Horizon and Risk Tolerance
Your 3-4 year time frame suggests that you need liquidity within a relatively short period.

Since you are open to high risk for growth, equity-heavy investments suit your needs. However, market volatility can impact returns in the short term.

Gold can act as a hedge against market downturns but may not provide significant growth over such a short period.

Suggested Investment Allocation
1. Equity Mutual Funds – 60% Allocation (Rs 3.6 lakh)
Actively managed equity funds can deliver strong returns over your time frame.

Large and mid-cap funds offer a balance of stability and growth.

Small-cap funds can provide high returns but come with higher risk.

Sectoral and thematic funds can be considered, but they require close monitoring.

Investing in a mix of these categories can optimize risk and return potential.

2. Gold Investment – 25% Allocation (Rs 1.5 lakh)
Gold can act as a safeguard against equity market fluctuations.

Gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds (SGBs) are preferable to physical gold due to ease of liquidity and additional interest in SGBs.

Gold prices can be volatile in the short term, so a 3-4 year horizon may not always guarantee high returns.

3. Balanced Hybrid Mutual Funds – 15% Allocation (Rs 90,000)
Hybrid funds blend equity and debt to reduce risk while offering reasonable growth.

They are useful for managing market volatility over a 3-4 year period.

Dynamic asset allocation funds adjust between equity and debt based on market conditions.

Factors to Consider While Investing
1. Equity Market Risks
The stock market can be unpredictable, especially in the short term.

Staying invested for at least 3-4 years can help ride out market fluctuations.

Avoid timing the market. Staggered investment through SIPs may reduce risk.

2. Gold Market Trends
Gold prices depend on global economic factors and inflation trends.

A 3-4 year horizon may not always align with gold’s long-term growth pattern.

Diversifying within gold (SGBs, ETFs) can enhance liquidity and returns.

3. Liquidity Considerations
Equity mutual funds offer high liquidity but can be affected by short-term volatility.

SGBs have a lock-in period, but early exit options exist after five years.

Balanced hybrid funds provide moderate liquidity with reduced volatility.

Taxation Impact on Your Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.

Gold Investments: Taxation depends on whether you invest in physical gold, ETFs, or SGBs.

Hybrid Funds: Tax treatment depends on the equity-to-debt ratio of the fund.

Consider tax-efficient withdrawals if you plan to redeem funds within 3-4 years.

Final Insights
A mix of equity, gold, and hybrid funds aligns with your aggressive growth objective.

Diversification can help manage risk while maximizing potential returns.

Monitor your investments regularly and adjust if needed based on market conditions.

If liquidity is a concern, avoid investments with long lock-in periods.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x