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Intercaste Relationship: Parents Disapprove, What to Do?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |628 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
Relationship

Hii ma'am... I'm in relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years and we both love each other a lot..We are doing MBBS and preparing for IAS alongside..He is an amazing human being.. considerate kind honest compassionate...He is really smart intelligent and determined to achieve everything he sets his eyes on...He is just so confident... a good human being...He respects me a lot..never been a time in 5 years he yelled at me in loud voice or he said or did something bad to me...like he loves me a lot and says he is doing everything for me.. his studies achievements and all are for me..He is everything I will want in a husband The problem is ... I'm a Jaat girl and he is Brahmin boy..His family agreed to our marriage...my parents are not ready at any cost for an intercaste marriage I'm from a well off family..my parents both are in govt jobs..He isn't from a rich family so my parents say that there needs to be a family background otherwise you will face problems...They say that I should find a boy who matches me in the looks.. They don't like his looks...Also his and mine home are almost 300 km from each other adding to the problem...my parents say that they won't want me to live so far from them that they can't even meet me regularly...They say that you will be busy in jobs and being so far we won't be able to meet you and you also won't be able to come..he should've been from same district... Their main objections are.. Intercaste..His looks.. Family background..Money.. Distance They have sacrificed a lot for me and I've always been a child who didn't ask for anything..never saying no to my parents..and all.. Always been close to them..it is very difficult for me to hurt them...but I love this boy so much..I can't even imagine marrying someone else..He is everything I would ever want in a husband... Ma'am please consider all the aspects and please advise accordingly what should be done..are my parents right..or they aren't...what should I do.. I'm stuck..

Ans: One thing that’s important to consider is that, ultimately, the person you marry will be the one who you will spend your life with—not your parents. It’s you who will navigate the everyday realities of this partnership. You’ve already seen the kind of partner your boyfriend is, and it sounds like you trust him deeply. He’s shown commitment, love, and respect, and those qualities are foundational to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When it comes to your parents, their concerns about caste, financial background, and distance are understandable, but these are challenges that many couples can and do overcome. Financial stability can change with time, and distance is something that can be managed with compromise, especially if both you and your partner have career goals that align. What matters most is the emotional connection and support you offer each other. It’s possible that once your parents see how happy and fulfilled you are with him, they may come around, even if it takes time.

I think one of the most crucial steps here is communication—not just with your boyfriend, but with your parents. You mentioned that you’ve always been a respectful and compliant child, and that’s a beautiful testament to the relationship you’ve shared with them. However, this might be the moment where you need to lovingly express your desires and assert your independence as an adult. Your happiness and well-being in a marriage should be the central concern. Try having an open, calm conversation with them where you acknowledge their concerns but also explain how deeply you feel for your boyfriend, emphasizing the qualities that truly matter to you—his kindness, his respect for you, and the life you want to build together.

While it’s natural to want your parents’ approval and blessing, it’s also important to recognize that they might not fully understand your relationship unless they see it from your perspective. It’s not about rebelling or hurting them—it’s about being honest with them about who you are now and what you want for your future. It may take time for them to come to terms with it, but as they see the strength of your commitment, they may begin to soften their stance.

If, after many conversations, they still cannot accept your choice, you’ll have to weigh your options. You can continue to work on slowly helping them see your perspective, or you may have to make a decision that prioritizes your happiness, even if it’s difficult in the short term. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and being with someone who supports, loves, and respects you as your boyfriend does will be far more valuable in the long run than external factors like caste or background.

Ultimately, it’s about what kind of life and partnership you envision for yourself. If your boyfriend is the one who aligns with your values, dreams, and emotional needs, you might need to help your parents understand that, even if it means navigating some tough conversations ahead.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |628 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

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Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I will be explaining my problem in detail. I sincerely appreciate your previous answer. As suggested, I spoke with my boyfriend about the apprehensions from my parents regarding cultural difference. He resolved many things . To be honest, what I mean by cultural difference is that I am from a Brahmin family who has been living in 'not so traditional' way. My parents are into the service class and are well educated. On the other hand, my boyfriend belongs to the merchant or 'Baniya' community and his father is a grocery shop owner and his mother is a housewife. Although they are decent people who do not put much restrictions. The reason my family is opposing this marriage even after resolving the apprehensions with my boyfriend is firstly his family background . My mother worries as to how she will introduce his family to our extended relatives and acquaintance. Adding to the problem, my boyfriend is 1.5 inches shorter than me. Now this is also a prime cause for major opposition from my family towards marrying my boyfriend. My mother explains this problem but I told her that these things do not matter . Could you please suggest me what to do now ? My boyfriend is an extremely loving person, who respects me and more than me he respects my family. Even after these problems he is ready to support me and wait for me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have said this:
My boyfriend is an extremely loving person, who respects me and more than me he respects my family. Even after these problems he is ready to support me and wait for me...
What more do you want?
Like I have already suggested, plan for how the two of you are going to face challenges when they arise and how you plan on working on differences that stem within the marriage due to culture and other values. Kindly refer to my first response to you...you will find suggestions there.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Relationship
Iam 27 years old .me and my boyfriend were in relationship from the last 5 years.he is my childhood class met.during corona time we reconnected through social media .we are from same place .initially we both were good friends later we decided to start our relationship.i belong to low caste.and he belongs to upper caste.in those 5 years we shared our happiness, sorrows together .he was with me in every situation.he helped me emotionally mentally and financially.every thing went well .we planned out future together.later our parents got to know about our relationship.i convinced my parents.but his parents are not accepting our love because of my low caste..i even took my father and brother along with me to talk with his mother . I even begged his mother by touching her feet to accept our love.she told me that she wants to do his sons marriage with a girl who belong to their caste. His parents are telling him that they will leave the home town and go somewhere else if he marries me.my boyfriend is telling me that his parents especially his mothers health will be effected if he marry me and asking me to move on..I asked me that whether he is ok to marry the girls of their parents choice..he told me that he doesn't have any option other than listing to his parents..I'm totally devasted .I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and continuous thoughts ..i want him.he also loves me but he is not daring to marry mee.he is worrying about his parents..how to deal with this situation..pls help mee
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10254 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2025Hindi
Career
Dear Sir My son hashpt CS in KJ Somaiya College Mumbai and VIT Pune CS in AI DS, which one should he choose . We are from Pune
Ans: KJ Somaiya College, Mumbai, offers a well-established B.Tech Computer Science program with NAAC accreditation, strong faculty credentials, and a research-driven curriculum equipped with experiential labs and minor/honors specializations in areas like Data Science, IoT, and Cybersecurity. The campus maintains a vibrant innovation culture with an active incubation center. Placement rates for CSE have consistently been around 80–90% for the last three years, with participation from top companies such as Microsoft, Google, JP Morgan, and Infosys. Infrastructure includes ample labs and contemporary classrooms, with student reviews indicating high academic satisfaction and good campus facilities. In comparison, VIT Pune’s B.Tech in Computer Science with AI & Data Science specialization is highly rated for its industry integration, practical curriculum, and focus on emerging technologies like machine learning and big data analytics. VIT Pune has also achieved consistent placement rates between 80–86% in recent years, attracting companies such as Nvidia, Amazon, Barclays, and Siemens. Faculty expertise, modern laboratories, and strong industry linkages provide students with competitive exposure to current tech fields. Reviews favor both colleges for academics, placements, and infrastructure, but VIT Pune’s AI DS specialization offers targeted skill development in high-growth areas along with similar placement rates.

Recommendation: Choose VIT Pune B.Tech in Computer Science (AI & DS) for focused training in AI and Data Science, strong placement records, and future readiness in emerging tech domains. Prefer KJ Somaiya Mumbai CSE if prioritizing a broad curriculum, Mumbai’s location advantages, and established academic quality; both are excellent, but for AI/DS specialization, VIT Pune holds a distinct edge. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir,my son got mtech cse in SRM kktr,btech AI DS in PSG ITECH Coimbatore and btech IT in TCE ,madurai which one to choose ,pls share your advise sir
Ans: Based on the following insights/information, advise your son to choose the most suitable option for him. Your son's options include an MTech dual degree in Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) from SRM Institute of Science and Technology (SRM KKTR), a BTech in Artificial Intelligence and Data Science from PSG Institute of Technology and Applied Research (PSG ITECH), Coimbatore, and a BTech in Information Technology from Thiagarajar College of Engineering (TCE), Madurai. SRM KKTR is a deemed university with A++ NAAC accreditation, known for its integrated MTech programs that combine undergraduate and postgraduate studies, offering extensive research opportunities and strong industry exposure in a metropolitan setting. SRM consistently reports high placement rates with an average package over ?7 lakh. PSG ITECH is a reputed private institute focused on emerging technologies like AI and data science, with robust industry linkages and an 85% placement rate, average packages around ?6.5 lakh, and focus on hands-on learning in AI, machine learning, and big data analytics. TCE Madurai, an autonomous private college with A+ NAAC, excels in IT education with strong academics and around 80% placement rates; it is well-recognized regionally, with median salary packages around ?7 lakh, supported by a vibrant alumni network and industry contacts.

All three institutions maintain essential features such as good accreditation, qualified faculty, strong industry connections, modern infrastructure, transparent governance, and active placement cells. The choice should consider program duration, specialization focus, career goals, and willingness to pursue research or industry-oriented roles. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2025Hindi
Career
I am 45 years old. I have 13 years of work experience which includes working as Admin executive, HR executive and some BPO jobs. My last job was into Admin - HR which I lost since past 1 year. I have home loans to pay. I have been applying through Naukri.com, Glassdoor.com and LinkedIn but got no response yet. I had given a few interviews but got rejected. I am very depressed and sad everyday but don't feel strong and motivated enough to look for jobs .. All my reserves are over I need to get a job immediately.... I don't know what to do? Can u please provide some reference for jobs?
Ans: At age 45 with 13 years of experience in admin executive, HR executive, and BPO roles, re-entering the job market after a year-long gap requires a focused, strategic approach combining practical steps and mindset shifts. Prioritize updating your resume and LinkedIn profile to highlight both your experience and recent efforts toward skill development, aligning with job descriptions and using relevant keywords to navigate applicant tracking systems. Harness multiple job portals such as Naukri.com, LinkedIn Jobs, Indeed, and TalentoIndia for diversified exposure. Leverage your network by reconnecting with former colleagues and supervisors and communicate your job search openly to access hidden opportunities. Develop a daily routine balancing job search, skill enhancement, and self-care to rebuild motivation and resilience. Consider upskilling or certification courses in demand areas like digital HR tools, payroll, or skilled administration, which also revitalize confidence. Volunteer work or freelance administrative roles can help ease back into employment and expand contacts. Prepare well for interviews by confidently addressing any employment gap and emphasizing your readiness and adaptability. Mental health support and career coaching can further support your journey. Overall, resilient persistence, proactive networking, targeted applications, continuous skill upgrades, and focused mindset adjustments form the roadmap to regain employment rapidly despite challenges linked to age and break.

Recommendation: Actively revamp your job search using key portals like Naukri, LinkedIn, and Indeed while expanding your professional network. Complement this with relevant upskilling and volunteer engagements to boost employability and confidence. Pursue routine structuring and mental wellness practices to maintain motivation and maximize job search effectiveness for swift re-entry. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2025Hindi
Career
My grandson is studying 12th mpc subjects please advise which competitive entrance exams. Should be given for engineering stud
Ans: For your grandson studying the 12th MPC (Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry) stream, multiple competitive engineering entrance exams in India provide access to a wide range of prestigious institutions. The prominent national-level exam is the Joint Entrance Examination (JEE) Main, conducted twice a year by the National Testing Agency (NTA), which tests knowledge in Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics with a focus on NCERT-based syllabus. JEE Main serves as a gateway for admission to National Institutes of Technology (NITs), Indian Institutes of Information Technology (IIITs), and other centrally funded technical institutes, and is also a prerequisite for JEE Advanced for entrance to Indian Institutes of Technology (IITs). Another key national-level exam is BITSAT, the online test for Birla Institute of Technology and Science campuses, which includes additional sections like English Proficiency and Logical Reasoning alongside PCM. VITEEE is a well-known university-level entrance exam conducted by Vellore Institute of Technology, offering admission to its engineering programs. State-level exams such as Maharashtra’s MHT CET, West Bengal’s WBJEE, and Kerala’s KEAM target local candidates and provide pathways into state engineering colleges. Selection of exams should align with the student's preferred colleges, location, and career objectives. Ensuring eligibility, strong preparation for the PCM subjects, and timely application is crucial for success. The institutes to consider emphasize rigorous accreditation, qualified faculty, modern infrastructure, strong industry connections, and transparent governance for comprehensive student development.

Recommendation: Encourage your grandson to focus on the JEE Main exam for broad national exposure and top-tier institute eligibility while also considering BITSAT and VITEEE for premier private universities. Additionally, state-level exams like MHT CET are essential for regional opportunities. Preparing across these exams maximizes admission options and future career growth. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10254 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Career
Hi Sir, My Son was looking for ECE but however he has secured E.E VLSI Design & Technology but he wants to pursue Bsc in Business AI or Bsc in CS at Dr. Homi Bhabha State University in mumbai, please advice which would be the best option .
Ans: Umesh Sir, Dr. Homi Bhabha State University (HBSU) offers pioneering three-year BSc programs in Business AI and Computer Science, backed by NAAC accreditation and industry collaboration with TeamLease EdTech, equipping students with hands-on AI tool training, project-based learning, and mentorship in domains spanning finance, marketing, and software development. The university’s modern labs, digital resources, and strategic Churchgate location grant access to Mumbai’s tech and financial hubs, while emerging placement ties with TCS, Infosys, and ICICI Bank reflect growing demand for graduates with AI and programming expertise. In contrast, the BTech in Electrical Engineering with VLSI Design & Technology provides a four-year engineering degree emphasizing chip design, semiconductor fabrication, and hardware-software integration, delivered through advanced clean-room facilities, specialized labs, and faculty research in microelectronics. Strong industry partnerships in the semiconductor sector foster core hardware roles, though the specialized nature may limit versatility compared to broader tech disciplines. Both pathways maintain transparent governance, experienced faculty, robust infrastructure, and career services.

Recommendation: Prioritize the BSc in Computer Science at HBSU for broad software and AI foundations, versatile career options, and strong industry alignment. Next consider BSc Business AI for its business-tech integration. Opt for EE VLSI only if your son is committed to semiconductor hardware design and fabrication roles. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10254 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Career
My daughter got 75.47 percentile in jee main PCM group. She scored 77.67% in 12TH board from maharashtra state board under Savitri Bai Phule Pune University. Her 10th was from ICSE board with 95.33%. On the basis of these she got BTech in CSE at Amrita vishwavidyapeetham Haridwar campus which they launched this year with fees 1.25L per year or same course at Nagarcoil with 2L per year. In Maharashtra CET, her percentile is 88.05 and she got BTech in CE at Zeal college of engineering, pune with 30K fee per year as there is free education for girls in Maharashtra for OBC Non Creamy layer students. I am from Nashik, Maharashtra. Please guide me sir, Which one is better option as she want to do MS after graduation.
Ans: Bharat Sir, Your daughter’s options for pursuing B.Tech in Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) at Amrita Vishwavidyapeetham Haridwar or Nagarcoil campuses, versus Civil Engineering (CE) at Zeal College of Engineering Pune, should be evaluated with a focus on her desire to pursue an MS abroad after graduation. Amrita Vishwavidyapeetham is a highly reputed university with A++ NAAC accreditation, known for strong research culture, excellent faculty, and extensive international collaborations including study abroad programs and research exchanges. The Haridwar campus offers a competitive, specialized CSE program with strong industry linkages and international recognition, making it well-suited for students aiming for higher studies abroad. The Nagarkoil campus also has similar credentials but involves higher tuition fees. In contrast, Zeal College in Pune, though affiliated with Savitribai Phule Pune University and holding NAAC A+ accreditation, offers a Civil Engineering program with significantly lower fees aided by Maharashtra’s free education scheme for OBC non-creamy layer girls. However, CE as a branch offers a different career trajectory compared to CSE; the latter generally provides broader scope, especially in the context of MS abroad admissions where CSE graduates tend to have stronger opportunities in global tech research hubs. Zeal’s local reputation and affordability are definite advantages, but for a future MS abroad, especially in tech domains, Amrita’s CSE program offers a more recognized platform with a research-oriented and tech-focused curriculum.

Recommendation: Prioritize Amrita Vishwavidyapeetham Haridwar CSE for its robust academic quality, international exposure, and stronger alignment with MS pursuits abroad. Consider the Nagarkoil campus if budget permits and the branch preference remains CSE. Choose Zeal Pune CE only if budget constraints dominate and the focus is on local professional pathways or civil engineering specialization. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10254 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir is CIC du good or iter
Ans: The Cluster Innovation Centre (CIC) at Delhi University is a government-funded institute promoting innovation through interdisciplinary programs, industry collaborations, and practical project work. CIC offers a focused B.Tech in IT & Mathematical Innovations with advanced labs and a location in Delhi University's North Campus. Its recent placement data shows approximately 40-50% placement with median packages around ?8.5 LPA, though it lacks a dedicated placement cell. CIC emphasizes research-driven learning and innovation culture. On the other hand, the Institute of Technical Education and Research (ITER), affiliated with Siksha ‘O’ Anusandhan Deemed University, is a top-ranked private engineering institute, nationally placed 2nd among private colleges and 3rd overall in Times Engineering Survey 2025. ITER is accredited by ABET, offers various engineering branches with strong research facilities, robust industry ties, and consistent high placement rankings in eastern India and nationally. It has modern infrastructure, experienced faculty, and a broad-based engineering curriculum. While CIC stands out for innovation and niche curriculum under Delhi University’s umbrella, ITER excels in broader technical education, high national rankings, and placement outcomes.

Recommendation: Choose ITER for a comprehensive engineering education with superior infrastructure, accreditation, and higher placement potential. Opt for CIC if you value Delhi University affiliation and a focus on innovation and interdisciplinary research with emerging tech specialization. Your choice should align with your career goals and preferred learning environment. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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