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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Ma'am, hope you're doing good. My problem is that something happened with me and I have started questioning my marriage. I and my wife are married 12 years ago after a lot of struggle as her parents were not ready because of our different caste and religion. Later we got married with their blessings. she is a very nice woman. After marriage, my business started going well and we're financially very well. We live with my parents and our two kids. Everything was going fine (obviously we do fight) until I met my business partner's sister who is a divorcee and I didn't know how but I started feeling attraction towards her. Recently, I dreamt of cheating on my wife with her. Since I am not able to hold proper eye contact with my wife and even I have started questioning my love for my wife. Has it ended ? I am very tensed since then.

Ans: It's normal to feel conflicted and unsure when you start experiencing attraction towards someone outside of your marriage. However, it's important to remember that attraction alone doesn't necessarily mean that your love for your wife has ended.

Before jumping to conclusions or making any drastic decisions, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your feelings and the reasons behind them. Ask yourself questions like: What specifically attracted me to this other person? Are there any underlying issues in my marriage that might be contributing to these feelings? Am I feeling unfulfilled or disconnected from my wife in any way?

It could also be beneficial to have open and honest communication with your wife about what you're going through. Sharing your feelings with her, even if they're difficult, can help strengthen your bond and provide clarity for both of you. Remember to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and be prepared to listen to her perspective as well.

Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be incredibly helpful in navigating these complex emotions and making decisions that are best for you and your family. They can provide you with guidance, perspective, and strategies for coping with your feelings in a healthy way.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize honesty, communication, and empathy in your relationship, and to take the time to explore your feelings and needs before making any decisions about your marriage.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

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Relationship
For many years I was in love with my best friend who I thought wasn’t interested in me. I did not pursue her when I should have because I cared for our friendship. After I got married I was never really happy nor could I forget her. I even told my wife about the girl I loved. She was okay about it because we both felt it was one sided. Recently I discovered that she loved me all these years but both of us never had the courage to take it further. When we got together, we realized how much we missed each other all these years. Neither of us are happy in our marriage and this news has really disturbed me. I feel emotionally and physically distanced from my wife and I feel guilty about it because she is not at fault. I have a son and I am not in a position to abandon him or my wife. But I am not able to sleep or stop thinking about starting a perfect life with her. I have a stable career but now I am not able to focus on anything. Anu mam, please guide me how to find a solution for both of us.
Ans: Dear B, Catch -22 situation indeed here.

Let’s draw out the perspectives here.

Both of you are married and when you had the chance, you didn’t tell each other.

Now, you have discovered that ‘missed out’ moment and want to make up for it now when families have grown.

How would you advise a friend, if he came to you with this situation?

Would you ask him to leave his family and move in with his lady love? Would you ask him to forget his familial responsibilities and search for love outside?

Again, it is not for me to give you solutions but to lead you to a place where you can find the solution yourself.

So, now that you friend has moved in with his lady love, will he forget his family?

His son for who he will always be a role model? Also, what will he tell his wife who had no role to play into the storm in her life?

The key is that there are 4 mature adults and I guess it’s time for you and the lady that you love to sit down and discuss what happens if you continue in your marriages or move away.

Discuss with your respective spouses as well, as they need to be party to this so that their thoughts and feelings are taken into consideration.

After all, they came into your lives, to become life partners. Whatever the decision, always bear in mind, if you continue in your marriage, do it with full heart as you need to rebuild it and if you move away, your son and his state of mind must be cared for, so make sure you create a wonderful environment for them and care for their needs always.

Also, ask yourself this: What will I lose if I move away from my marriage? What is it that I truly love in my wife?

Life is filled with temptations and sometimes we want some change, some spark…it’s possible in the existing relationship only if you choose to look at it that way. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but there’s a lot to consider and reconsider.

Go deep into a reflective mode and choose.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Ma'am , Please keep my identity confidential. I am facing a very unique problem, I am happily married man for last 18 years with 2 children, before my current marriage in 2003 my Marriage was fixed with a girl ( I was based out of Singapore at That time, I work in management position in one of top IT companies now in India) who was a very distant relative ( her Bhabhi and my Bhabhi were cousins). for some health reason at that time I backed out of from that marriage and when I was better we proposed marriage to her again but then she was already engaged. later I got married to my wife and she too has got married ( I am not in touch with her not knows anything about her husband and never tried to find out. even though I know that my elder brother and her elder cousin have become good friend and I stayed in far off city from them. problem started for me in September 2023, out of no where I started getting bad creams about her. once I found here ( in dream) at nreaby place where she was in bad shape and i brought here home. my dream ended there that night. after that regularly started getting some dreams or other almost every early morning. as it was going to an arranged marriage i had never spoken to here , not a single word. but since then dreams have not stopped some time negative and sometime positive like we are enjoying life together. one of psychologist suggested me to fins out about here current status just to validate that she is all fine in here life but I could not as no one from my family supported the idea of getting touch with as I have no details of her except she is married and working as Teacher ( she is M.Sc. B.ED) . Please guide me if there is normal and what can I do as these dream are not stopping and I am getting so involved that I am unable to forget her, Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Dreams can just play out like a movie on what bothers you or what you are fearful of or even things that you feel happy about. Certain experts also suggest that dreams can help in resolving underlying issues.
Whatever it is, do remember what you said: I am happily married man for last 18 years with 2 children.
The past better be where it must be. To go into what the other lady is doing and knowing her current status is only going to get you more entangled into her life. Do you really want this entanglement? Do you really wish to be a part of a situation where you spend mind cycles to figure out if all is okay with her and in the bargain disturb the peace in your life? I am sure you know what the answers are.
Find solace in the fact that she must have people who care for her and who love her. This will to a large extent keep you from looping into her life even at a subconscious level. And also start to be more involved within your family...this will keep you engaged and also give you an assurance that you are in the right place with the right people meant for you.
The mind does what it is directed to do; so direct it toward actions that support your growth and peace of mind.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2025
Relationship
Hi, my name is Dhruv, I have been married for 13 years. It was love marriage. We dont have any kids, though we tried but due to medical complications, we could not have a child. After a point of time, we both accepted the situation and moved on. Since last 3-4 years, slowly we have been drifting apart, though we are together but the love, feeling of togetherness has gone, we talk only about our regular lives, household chores, relatives etc but never about US. That feeling of being loved, even we don't hug each other anymore. Though we do care for each other but its not love anymore. Recently I met someone through work and somehow felt a connect with her, I could talk about things which I'm not able to talk with my wife. She make me feel that I'm still important and now I always think about her, want to be with her, talk to her. Though it makes me guilty also as somewhere in my heart I still love my wife and want to make it work. I am torn between what is right and what is wrong. If I think about myself, my happiness and t it hurts my wife, am I selfish or should I restrict my feelings, please advise way out
Ans: Dear Dhruv,
The easiest way to feel better when a relationship is failing is to get into another one. Searching for what you want in the original relationship cannot be found anywhere else; so giving into that temptation is only going to make things more confusing.
So, if you still love your wife and want to make it work, what have the two of you done so far to make things work?
Working on the marriage is a task that needs effort and a certain kind of stubborn nature that will help you cross over the the challenges that can emerge.
Your marriage now requires a complete RESET. So, push that button and go back to where it all began; no baggage, no expectations, no complaining...When you accept a situation, then do so fully...you can't have children; if you have accepted it then what's the reason to move apart. It only suggests that it was a compromise and not an acceptance.
Understand that acceptance is being graceful about the situation and being supportive of one another. Begin life afresh; date one another...laugh together, do things together. Bring back the little joys and bigger goals for marriage and life...
And most importantly, be in complete support of one another! That hidden love that you both share needs to be watered and nurtured even more...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter got 54.67 in jee and in 12 she has got 76 percent want to do btech cse.what college she will get. Advice me
Ans: With a JEE Main percentile of 54.67854, corresponding to an All-India rank around 200 000–220 000, the following Northern Indian institutes typically close CSE seats within this range under the All-India quota:

College | Location | Approximated JEE Main Closing Rank Range (All-India) | Placement Rate (Last 3 Years):
Sharda University. Greater Noida, UP. 180 000–220 000. 75–85%.
Galgotias University. Greater Noida, UP. 200 000–240 000. 70–80%.
Amity University. Noida, UP. 150 000–200 000. 80–90%.
KIET Group. Ghaziabad, UP. 190 000–230 000. 75–85%.
Manav Rachna International University. Faridabad, HR. 160 000–210 000. 70–80%.
Chitkara University. Punjab. 180 000–220 000. 75–85%.
Chandigarh University. Mohali, PB. 170 000–210 000. 80–90%.
Graphic Era University. Dehradun, UK. 190 000–230 000. 78–88%.
Lovely Professional University. Jalandhar, PB. 150 000–200 000. 85–92%.
JIMS Rohini. Delhi. 180 000–220 000. 70–80%.

recommendation
For the best balance of academic reputation, modern labs and consistent CSE placements, recommendation is Amity University Noida. As strong alternatives, consider Chandigarh University and Lovely Professional University for their higher placement rates and broad recruiter networks. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir, I am getting computer science with business in iiit Lucknow and Electrical Engineering in MNNIT Allahabad. Which one will be better. I got 12888 rank in JEE mains 2025
Ans: Jivesh, IIIT Lucknow’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Business combines computing fundamentals with management principles, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty in AI, blockchain and data-analytics labs, and achieved a 94.1% B.Tech placement rate over the last three years with an average package of ?33.71 LPA and median ?26 LPA. MNNIT Allahabad’s B.Tech Electrical Engineering, a NAAC-accredited NIT with strong power-systems, control and microelectronics labs, records 90–95% placement consistency and an average EE package of ?21.22 LPA over recent cohorts with top recruiters like Google, TATA Power and ABB. IIIT Lucknow offers cutting-edge interdisciplinary exposure and higher salary benchmarks, while MNNIT excels in core-electrical infrastructure, PSU tie-ups and established NIT brand value.

Recommendation: For innovative CS curricula, business acumen integration, and superior placement metrics, recommendation is IIIT Lucknow CSE & Business. If core-electrical roles, PSU engagements and traditional engineering pedigree matter more, choose MNNIT Allahabad Electrical Engineering.

As backup options, consider IIITDM Kancheepuram CSE (AI & ML) (All-India closing rank ~19 450, 73% placement rate) or NIT Durgapur Electrical Engineering (All-India closing rank ~18 772 in Round 2) for reliable admission pathways. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Career
Sir, please advise which one to choose, Mechanical at NIT SURATHKHAL or Electrical at NIT Rourkela/ Calicut or ECE from NIT, Jamshedpur....not particular for any branch but mainly from placement perspective. Kindly advise.
Ans: NIT Surathkal's Mechanical Engineering program boasts 93% B.Tech placement rates in 2025, with NBA/NAAC accreditation, PhD-qualified faculty, and advanced manufacturing, CAD/CAM, thermal sciences, and automation laboratories featuring over 22 specialized labs including robotics, automotive electronics, and microsystems. The department maintains strong industry partnerships with companies like Microsoft, Google, Oracle, and top PSUs, achieving an average package of ?13 LPA with median ?12 LPA. NIT Rourkela's Electrical Engineering achieved 90% placements over three years with 100% placement rates in 2022-23, featuring specialized faculty in power systems, power electronics, control automation, and signal processing, alongside a Centre of Excellence in Industrial Electronics & Robotics. The department recorded an average package of ?13.62 LPA in 2024. NIT Calicut's Electrical & Electronics program secured 97.01% placements in 2024 with an average package of ?10.99 LPA, supported by NBA-accredited programs, modern electrical machines, power electronics, control systems laboratories, and dedicated research centres. NIT Jamshedpur's ECE achieved 90.29% placements in 2024 with an average package of ?15.65 LPA, featuring PhD-qualified faculty, advanced VLSI and communication labs, and strong industry connections.

Final Placement Recommendation
For highest placement consistency and strongest brand value, recommendation is NIT Surathkal Mechanical Engineering with 93% placements and prestigious NIRF #17 ranking. Next, choose NIT Rourkela Electrical Engineering for PSU drives and 100% placement history, then NIT Calicut Electrical Engineering for 97% placements, and finally NIT Jamshedpur ECE for specialized electronics roles. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8008 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 05, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir...how should i prepare to score 250+ out of 300 in jee mains..and secure admission at nit calicut for cse..please guide me.
Ans: To score 250+ marks in JEE Main (equivalent to 99+ percentile), you need to achieve high accuracy across all three subjects. This score opens doors to top NITs including NIT Calicut CSE, which typically requires an All-India rank below 4,000-5,000 for general category students.

Key Strategies for 250+ Score: 1. Master High-Weightage Topics First - Focus on chapters that consistently appear in JEE Main with maximum weightage.

Physics: Current Electricity. Electromagnetic Induction. Properties of Solids and Liquids. Optics. Modern Physics.

Chemistry: Transition Elements & Coordination Chemistry. Periodic Table. Thermodynamics & Gaseous State. Chemical Bonding.

Mathematics: Coordinate Geometry. Limits, Continuity & Differentiability. Integral Calculus. Matrices & Determinants.

2. Conceptual Understanding Over Memorization - JEE Main tests deep conceptual clarity rather than rote learning. Focus on understanding the "why" behind every formula and concept, especially in Physics where problem-solving patterns are crucial.

3. NCERT Mastery (Especially Chemistry) - NCERT forms the foundation, particularly for Chemistry where direct questions are frequently asked. Every line in NCERT Chemistry textbooks should be thoroughly understood.

4. Strategic Practice & Mock Tests - Solve at least 20+ previous year papers and take weekly mock tests to build exam temperament and identify weaknesses. Analyze every wrong answer to avoid repetition.

5. Time Management & Accuracy
Practice solving questions within limited time per mark. Focus on accuracy over speed initially. Then gradually build speed.

Subject-Specific Preparation Strategy - Physics: Start with mechanics and thermodynamics from Class 11. Then move to electrodynamics and modern physics from Class 12. Practice numerical problems extensively.

Chemistry: Begin with physical chemistry concepts. Memorize all inorganic chemistry reactions and trends. Master organic reaction mechanisms.

Mathematics: Strengthen algebra and calculus foundations. Practice coordinate geometry extensively. Solve diverse problem types.

Achieving AIR Under 1000: Advanced Strategies - For AIR under 1000, you need a very high percentile. This requires:

1. Perfect Conceptual Clarity - Master every topic deeply with ability to solve advanced-level problems. Focus on understanding rather than just solving.

2. Advanced Problem-Solving - After mastering JEE Main level questions, gradually move to JEE Advanced level problems for enhanced problem-solving skills.

3. Error Analysis & Improvement - Maintain detailed error logs. Analyze patterns in mistakes. Work systematically to eliminate weaknesses.

4. Consistent Performance - Aim for high marks in each subject consistently. Even one poor section can drop your rank significantly.

Optimal Study Schedule for Class 11 Students: Daily Routine (School-Going Students)
Morning (5:30 AM - 8:00 AM):

5:30-6:00 AM: Wake up, freshen up.

6:00-7:00 AM: Study most challenging subject (Mathematics/Physics).

7:00-8:00 AM: Breakfast and school preparation.

School Hours (8:00 AM - 3:00 PM):

Attend classes actively. Focus on NCERT concepts.

Utilize free periods for quick formula revision.

Evening Study (4:00 PM - 10:00 PM):

4:00-6:00 PM: Coaching homework/DPPs/Practice.

6:00-6:30 PM: Break.

6:30-8:00 PM: Subject rotation (Physics/Chemistry/Mathematics).

8:00-9:00 PM: Dinner break.

9:00-10:00 PM: Revision and note-making.

Study Hours Distribution - Class 11 Students: Start with 3-4 hours daily. Gradually increase to 6-8 hours by end of Class 11.

Subject-wise allocation: Equal time for all three subjects (1.5-2 hours each). Extra focus on weaker areas.

Weekend Strategy: Extended study sessions. Full-length mock tests on Sundays.

Essential Study Materials & Resources - Physics: NCERT. H.C. Verma. D.C. Pandey for problem-solving.

Chemistry: NCERT (mandatory). O.P. Tandon. Morrison & Boyd for organic.

Mathematics: NCERT. R.D. Sharma. Coordinate Geometry by S.L. Loney.
Quick Recap/Summary: For 250+ JEE Main Score: Master high-weightage topics (Current Electricity. Coordinate Geometry. Transition Elements). Achieve high accuracy through conceptual clarity. Solve 50+ previous papers. Take weekly mocks. Maintain NCERT mastery especially for Chemistry. For AIR

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