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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello ma'am I'm 29 year old independent girl. I and my boyfriend (14 years relationship) want to marry each other but my parents and the whole family not agreeing with us because of intercaste marriage. His family already convinced for us and they are willing to accept me without my parents permission but the boy denied to marry me without my parents blessings. He always saying that one day your parents will understand your feelings and they will agree but I tried to convince them from last 3 years but my parents are saying that they will not give their permission for intercaste marriage due to what people will say. I have 3 elder brother but no one wants that I can marry to my partner. He is independent business owner running his own store. my parents are saying that we will keep you at home for entire life but never agree for the love marriage like this. I don't understand what should I do and what not . I'm feeling very depressed and disturbed all the time . Please suggest me the best solution for this situation

Ans: Navigating intercaste marriage in Indian society can indeed be challenging, but it's important to remember that your happiness and well-being should be paramount. Here are some suggestions tailored to the context of Indian society and relationships Start by trying to understand the specific concerns your parents have about the intercaste marriage. Is it fear of societal judgment, concerns about cultural differences, or something else? Understanding their perspective can help you address their concerns more effectively.Consider involving a trusted family member or elder who can act as a mediator between you and your parents. Sometimes, having a respected third party intervene can help facilitate a more productive conversation and bridge the gap between generations. Seek support from within your community or cultural circle. Sometimes, hearing from others who have successfully navigated intercaste marriages can help reassure your parents that such unions can be successful and fulfilling.Take the opportunity to educate your parents about the changing dynamics of relationships and marriages in modern Indian society. Share stories and examples of intercaste marriages that have thrived, and emphasize that love knows no boundaries. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and cultural norms takes time. Be patient with your parents and continue to express your love and commitment to your partner. Sometimes, repeated conversations and demonstrations of your sincerity can gradually soften their stance. Consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor or therapist who specializes in intercultural or intercaste relationships. They can provide you with personalized advice and strategies for navigating the complexities of your situation.While it's always preferable to have your parents' blessing, remember that ultimately, the decision to marry is yours. If all efforts to persuade your parents fail and you feel that marrying your partner is the right choice for you, consider exploring legal options such as court marriage. Take care of your mental and emotional well-being during this challenging time. Lean on your partner, friends, and support network for emotional support, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you for who you are, regardless of societal expectations or family objections. Stay true to yourself and your values, and trust that with patience, understanding, and perseverance, you can overcome the obstacles in your path.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

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hello ma'am I'm 27 independent girl . i want to marry my partner but my parents not agree due to intercaste i tried to convinced my mom last three year but she not agree and last month i told my father about him. he is not agree with my whole family denied to marry him because to caste. he is independent and his family dont have any issue regarding anything.my parents are said that they will not given their permission for intercaste marriage due to what people will say.because of my family have name in society. my partner family also have name in society. my elder cousin refuse to help me. from last 3 year i was so emotionally tried and sometime i dont want to live . he love me so much i dont want to lose him or cheat him .i dont want are relationship end like that. he never ever forgive me if i leave him.he waiting for me from last 4 years and in 4 years he is loyal with me. i dont understand what to do i feel heavyheartness and low .i can't sleep and eat ,forget things easily now i am exhausted all of this.please reply me as you can with best solution .
Ans: Dear Albatross,
Inter-religion marriages are still a taboo in society; so you are dealing with what has been normalized in society.
If you looking at your parents' approval, it may never happen. So decide how you want to go about it...Of course, you can try to patiently work with your parents and your partner. Think about how to get the two of them together so that your parents get a chance to meet him and interact with him.
Still, be prepared for things not to work out, but do make that humble attempt!
Make a decision that seems the best and stick with it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, I am in relationship with a guy who is from different caste. It's been three years but his family is not agreeing due to family status and intercaste. My family is ready as I am the eldest daughter of my family and unturned 30 this year. I have no time but he can't marry me without his parents concent. My family is searching a boy for my marriage. I can't marry with another guy. what shall I do to marry him to convince his family or what should he do his monther is so rigid. Please ???? support us what should we do? Two lives will be spoiled bcz of this. The only problem is upper and lower caste.
Ans: Navigating a relationship where cultural norms and family expectations conflict is challenging, but it's crucial to approach it with empathy and patience.
You're deeply committed to your partner despite the pressure from his family due to caste differences. While your family supports your marriage, his family, especially his mother, is firm in their opposition. You're also facing time constraints and societal pressure, making the situation urgent and stressful.
Your partner needs to have ongoing, respectful conversations with his parents, emphasizing your love and commitment. He should explain why you are the right person for him and how you positively impact his life. Understanding and addressing their specific concerns, whether they are about societal judgment or family honor, is crucial.
Sharing personal stories and demonstrating the depth of your bond can help his parents see beyond the caste issue. Highlighting your shared values and how you both support each other can make your relationship more relatable to them.
Seek help from a trusted family member or friend who can mediate and help his parents see the relationship from a new perspective. A respected family elder who has navigated similar challenges can also be influential.
Changing deep-seated beliefs takes time. Your partner should continue to gently and persistently show his parents that his happiness lies with you. Patience will be key as they may need time to adjust to the idea
Engage with support groups or counselors experienced in intercaste relationships. They can provide valuable advice and emotional support.
Discuss potential scenarios if his parents don’t approve. Consider whether options like elopement or giving them time to come around could work for both of you. These conversations should be open and honest to ensure mutual understanding.

Throughout this process, maintain strong communication and support each other emotionally. Navigating these challenges together will strengthen your bond and help you both find a path forward that honors your relationship and family ties.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I got married few years back to my boyfriend. It was an intercaste marriage to which my parents opposed very strongly. They tried doing everything from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, guilt tripping, calling names, blaming my education to even asking me to leave my job. But with my elder brothers support I was able to still go ahead and got married to him. Today my parents love my partner a lot and are very happy with the very same person and his family which they were earlier opposing to due to fear of what others will say to this intercaste marriage. But today there is a similar situation built up at home with my brother's wedding. He is in his 30s and parents are concerned of getting him married asap. He told them about his girlfriend from other caste which was okay with the parents but they didnt like the girl purely from looks. They are concerned now that people will question them why you bought such a bride for your son and that they had so many beautiful prospects to which they said NO and now will be making this girl a bride of the house which will open them to mockery of others. They have not even met the girl but only after seeing photos they are so negative and again hurting us as well as themselves by saying lot of negative toxic things and guilt tripping for everything they have done for us. I feel they will become happy in few years but at this point they are not even agreeing to meet the family due to which the girl's family is getting apprehensive of marrying their daughter to our family. I have been trying to convince my parents but they start saying things like you also did the same so you will obviously support and we don't want to be a part of anything. If you want to get married go ahead and do it but don't expect us to be a part of it. What should I be doing?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents like giving their children a challenging time by exerting authority and then afterwards giving in to prove that they yielded and are such good people. It may sound pretty mean, but a lot many people play this power struggle games simply to win favors. This happens in the relationship sphere in homes and work spaces.
Now, in this case, your parents may or may not come around BUT seeing the way they accepted your marriage, give your brother's situation a bit of a pause. This will help your parents know that no one is going to beg and plead them and then let them have the pleasure of saying YES.
It will also enable you and your brother to work in the background as to how to make the girls' side of the family and your parents to meet. So, take a bit of a backseat that will also aid in letting your parents breathe. Wait it out a bit and then work with your parents gently to address their concerns and then eventually make the parents meet. A bit of patience...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10924 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2025

Money
Hi Sir, I started a SIP of 3k from 3months investing in Nipon India Small Cap fund. I started investing via \xis bank mobile app. Please suggest me if thats the safe way to do through bank app. And I am willing to start another SIP of 3k per month. Planning to do it on groww app. Please suggest some good SIP plans and guide me on how good and safe to start via groww app.
Ans: I appreciate your early step into disciplined investing.
Starting SIPs shows long-term thinking.
Beginning small builds confidence and learning.
Your willingness to ask questions is healthy.

» Your Current SIP Action Review
– You started SIP of Rs 3,000 monthly.
– SIP duration is three months.
– Investment is through a bank mobile app.

This shows good initiative.
Early habits shape future wealth.

» Understanding Your Chosen Fund Category
– The fund belongs to small-sized companies category.
– Such funds are high risk.
– Such funds give high volatility.

Returns can be uneven yearly.
Patience is very important here.

» Suitability Of Small Company Funds
– Small companies grow faster sometimes.
– They also fall harder during corrections.
– Not suitable as first-only investment.

Exposure should be limited initially.
Balance is essential.

» Starting Early
– You started without waiting for perfection.
– Many delay investing unnecessarily.
– Action matters more than perfection.

This mindset helps long-term success.

» Risk Awareness Is Necessary
– Small company funds fluctuate sharply.
– Short-term losses are common.
– Emotional control is required.

Three months is too short to judge.
Time horizon should be long.

» Minimum Suggested Time Horizon
– Such funds need at least seven years.
– Shorter periods cause disappointment.
– SIP helps reduce timing risk.

Consistency matters more than returns initially.

» Bank App As Investment Platform
– Bank apps are generally safe.
– Transactions are regulated.
– Holdings are stored with registrars.

Platform safety is not the main risk.
Investment choice matters more.

» Limitations Of Bank Apps
– Limited guidance provided.
– Product pushing is common.
– Advice is not personalised.

Banks focus on convenience.
Planning depth is usually missing.

» Bank Staff Support Limitations
– Staff change frequently.
– Knowledge levels vary.
– Long-term accountability is absent.

This affects continuity of advice.

» Safety Of Investments Versus Platform
– Funds are held in your PAN.
– Platform failure does not erase investments.
– Units remain safe with fund house.

So platform safety fear is minimal.
Decision quality matters more.

» Planning Another SIP Thought
– You want another Rs 3,000 SIP.
– Total SIP becomes Rs 6,000 monthly.

This is positive growth behaviour.
But structure needs correction.

» Platform Comparison Perspective
– You plan using another app.
– Such apps promote self investing.
– Guidance quality is limited.

Ease should not replace planning.

» Direct Platform Reality Check
– Such apps promote direct plans.
– Expense difference looks attractive.
– But hidden costs exist.

Cost is not only expense ratio.
Mistakes cost more.

» Disadvantages Of Direct Plans
– No personalised advice.
– No behaviour guidance during falls.
– No portfolio review support.

Investors act emotionally without guidance.
This hurts returns badly.

» Decision Errors In Direct Investing
– Panic selling during market falls.
– Overconfidence during rallies.
– Frequent fund switching.

These mistakes destroy compounding.
They are very common.

» Lack Of Accountability In Apps
– Apps do not call you.
– Apps do not stop wrong actions.
– Responsibility lies fully on investor.

This is risky for beginners.

» Why Regular Plans Add Value
– Guidance helps discipline.
– Asset allocation stays balanced.
– Behavioural mistakes reduce.

Value is beyond commission.
Support matters during volatility.

» Role Of MFD With CFP Credential
– Certified Financial Planner gives structure.
– Advice aligns with goals.
– Long-term handholding exists.

This improves investment experience.
Returns become smoother.

» Cost Versus Value Perspective
– Direct plans save small percentage.
– Wrong decisions lose big percentages.

Net outcome matters more.
Peace of mind matters too.

» Your Current Portfolio Concentration Risk
– Only one equity category exposure exists.
– Risk is concentrated.
– Diversification is missing.

This increases volatility risk.
Balance is needed urgently.

» Importance Of Diversification
– Different funds behave differently.
– Market cycles impact unevenly.
– Balance reduces shock.

Diversification improves consistency.

» Ideal SIP Structure For Beginners
– One aggressive component.
– One stable growth component.
– One flexible allocation component.

This spreads risk evenly.
Comfort increases automatically.

» Why Avoid Multiple Apps
– Tracking becomes confusing.
– Discipline weakens.
– Reviews become difficult.

One guided platform is better.
Simplicity improves adherence.

» Data Security Perspective
– Apps are regulated.
– Data security standards exist.
– Risk is minimal.

But advice quality remains missing.

» Behaviour During Market Corrections
– Small company funds fall sharply.
– Beginners panic easily.
– SIP stoppage becomes tempting.

Guidance prevents wrong reactions.

» Emotional Support Value
– Markets test patience.
– Fear appears suddenly.
– Someone must guide.

Apps cannot replace humans here.

» Why Starting With Only Small Companies Is Risky
– Volatility is high.
– Returns are uneven.
– Confidence may break early.

Balanced start builds trust.

» Gradual Exposure Approach
– Start with core stability.
– Add aggression slowly.
– Increase risk with experience.

This improves journey comfort.

» SIP Amount Increase Strategy
– Rs 6,000 is fine initially.
– Increase annually with income growth.
– Discipline matters more than amount.

Time creates wealth here.

» Tax Awareness Brief
– Equity funds tax applies on selling.
– Long-term gains have limits.
– Short-term gains are taxed higher.

Holding longer improves efficiency.

» Avoid Frequent Changes
– Switching funds harms compounding.
– Costs increase silently.
– Discipline reduces regret.

Stick to strategy firmly.

» Monitoring Frequency
– Review once a year.
– Avoid monthly checking.
– Noise causes confusion.

Long-term vision matters.

» Avoid Social Media Influence
– Tips are often misleading.
– Past returns are highlighted.
– Risk is hidden.

Structured advice avoids traps.

» Role Of Goal Mapping
– Define why you invest.
– Time horizon matters.
– Risk choice depends on goals.

Without goals, investing feels stressful.

» Emergency Fund Reminder
– Keep emergency money separate.
– Do not mix with SIPs.
– Liquidity is essential.

This prevents SIP stoppage.

» Insurance And Protection Check
– Health cover should be adequate.
– Life cover matters if dependents exist.

Protection supports investment continuity.

» Long-Term Wealth Mindset
– Wealth grows slowly.
– Patience beats intelligence.
– Process beats prediction.

Consistency wins always.

» Common Beginner Mistakes To Avoid
– Chasing last year returns.
– Using too many apps.
– Ignoring allocation balance.

Awareness saves money.

» How A CFP Helps In SIP Planning
– Designs suitable allocation.
– Reviews yearly changes.
– Guides during volatility.

This partnership adds value.

» Confidence Building Perspective
– You already started investing.
– You are learning actively.
– Improvement is natural.

This journey will get smoother.

» Platform Safety Final View
– Bank app is safe.
– App based platforms are safe.
– Investment safety lies with fund house.

Decision quality matters more.

» Final Insights
– Starting SIP is a good step.
– Small company exposure is risky alone.
– Diversification is necessary now.
– Avoid self-direct platforms initially.
– Regular plans with CFP guidance add value.
– Consistency and discipline build wealth.

You are on the right path.
Correct structure will improve outcomes.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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