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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
AS Question by AS on Nov 16, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hello mam,
I have been friends with a guy from my school for last 10 years. We know each other pretty well.
I even tied him a rakhi just to protect our friendship; I was too naïve.

Since last month we are seeing each other frequently and have had conversations about family issues, future goals etc and during all these talks he used to come up with the topic of marriage and dropped hints for me.
When I told him that I keep thinking about him throughout the day he replied that 'I gave you emotional support when you were stressed and that's why this is happening. You shouldn't pay attention to these thoughts.'
What should I do? I am confused whether I love him or it was just the way he thinks it is?
Please keep this anonymous.
Thank you.

Ans:

Dear AS,

So brotherly feelings turned into love?

I guess when you tied the rakhi, you simply were trying to avoid facing up to the fact that there already might have been feelings for him, and it was convenient to seal the connection with a rakhi. Possible?

Now that both have discovered that it might be more than what you thought of initially, please sit down like mature individuals and talk about it.

No point trying to avoid the feelings for each other if they indeed exist. After which, both of you can decide the right course of action.

Also, dropping hints might be your reading of the situation based on what you wished or hoped for.

It could very well be one-sided from you, so it’s better to have that frank chat and put all these doubts and uncertainties to rest.

Makes sense? Wait no longer…

All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Dear Anu hope you are doing well.While I was pursuing my postgraduation I met a guy in my university who was 8 years older to me and we were in the same class. I was 23.We were great friends. I helped him in English and to write messages that he would send to other girls 'in English.This went on until the girl (teacher of the university) rejected his proposal.He proposed me a few days later. I accepted it.He wanted marriage, I wanted time.The relationship lasted for 5 months before he ended it. He wanted to be friends.Every now and then I message him regarding my problems and he offers me a solution or at least consoles me.That’s how our friendship had started.It’s been 2 years now. He never texted me but always replied back.While in the relationship he has always been looking around at other girls. The relationship had been very controlling, dominating but did help me during my difficult times.I don't know what it was. Did he even love me?He wants to be friends with me the entire lifetime. What does my friendship or presence offer him? He has also taken academic help from me during university days.
Ans:

Dear S,

The very fact that you have asked me this question as to whether he loved you at all simply suggests that you have the answer to that.

Certain actions of people can make us quite unsettled and I would like to point you to the fact of him proposing to you almost immediately after he was rejected by the other girl (teacher).

What does that tell you?

Doesn’t it seem that he is possibly incapable of taking rejections and also wants to feel the aura of woman around him all the time?

Aren’t these messages enough for you to be able to find someone more mature and someone who respects your presence in his life and wants to marry you for love and a life together rather than to make him feel secure, whole and complete?

Never try and fill an emotional void in a person which must be filled by them on their own accord. Once you fill it, another void will be waiting to be filled by someone else and before you know, you will be caught in a loop that can’t be untied.

Your presence offers him warmth, attention and care of woman that you have possibly been splurging on him.

When he finds another woman offering this, he might be ready to try that as well. Be your own person, guard your boundaries and let people in who nourish you and accept you for who you are.

Be well and happy!

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Rishta

Rishta Guru  | Answer  |Ask -

Rishta Guru - Answered on Feb 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My friend, let’s call him A, and I have been very, very good friends for seven years now. Suddenly, one day, he told me he loves me. I was shocked. I did not know how to react and I walked away. It has been a week and we haven’t spoken to each other; rather, I haven’t spoken to him though he smiles at me whenever we see each other in college. He has messaged me but I have not acknowledged it. He said it’s okay if I do not want a relationship, we can be friends. He’s a really great guy, one of the nicest people I have met. I am not ready for a relationship with anyone and definitely not with him. There are things I want to do, a career to achieve, before I think about a relationship. But he’s a great friend, one of my best buddies but I don’t love him like that and I don’t think I ever will. What should I do? I am very unhappy. I feel that if we go back to being friends things will never be the same again.
Ans: Hi. Thank you for writing in.

I can understand that you feel shocked and unsure about how to react when a close friend suddenly confesses his feelings, especially when you don't reciprocate them.

Here are some steps you can consider:

1. Have an honest conversation with A

It's important to communicate your feelings clearly to A. While avoiding him or ignoring his messages may seem easier, it can prolong the tension and create unnecessary hurt. Choose a quiet place where you can talk freely and avoid distractions.

Express your appreciation for his friendship and honesty. Explain that you value him as a friend but don't have romantic feelings for him. Be clear and direct about your desire not to be in a relationship at this time.

Acknowledge that things might feel different after this conversation but emphasise your desire to maintain the friendship if possible. Be open to hearing his perspective as well.

2. Set boundaries

If A's behaviour makes you uncomfortable or gives you mixed signals, politely but firmly set boundaries. This could involve reducing one-on-one time and being direct about topics you're not comfortable discussing.

3. Allow time and space

Processing emotional situations takes time. Both you and A need space to adjust to the changed dynamic. Give yourselves the space to reflect and understand your own feelings.

4. Seek support

Talking to a trusted friend or family member can help you navigate this complex situation and process your emotions.

True friendship can sometimes withstand difficult conversations and honest communication. While the dynamics might change, it's possible to maintain a respectful and supportive friendship.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
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I have a online friend of over 3 years now. We were very good friends for 2 years but he always showed his interest in me indirectly which I always ignored because A he was going good in his career, his caste was different, and that I was still unclear about my career, including I was just overcoming from a previous 3 month dating. My friend also came to meet me twice in my city but I didn't meet him. Later, after nearly 2 years, I asked him how he was to which he saw text and replied after a day because he was too busy in work. Upon saying that I was curious he teased me whether he was my boyfriend and I got angry on him. He called to mend up after 8-10 days, I didn't respond and he never called again. After almost 10 months, I texted him, we immediately connected, felt emotional, I was about to confess, he realised this and told me he was in a casual dating phase with his junior for one month, had kiss, no further intimacy. But he constantly had feelings for me. I told him it was always him and I never thought about any other man. He regretted and felt that he in a way cheated on me, but I assured him that we were not committed, and he didn't know about my feelings. Now I am stuck what to do. We are yet to meet in September this year. He calls me, makes me laugh, but sometimes I just miss him a lot and need his emotional availability to address my thoughts and doubts about us. All he has to say is that I like you and I love you. I don't understand he is the samne old friend who used to understand me without me saying a word. Now doens't want to undo knots in my heart. Even though he is not a cheater, mature, and loving guy, I am not feeling the same as before. I cried for the first time because of him in 3 years only the day he told about he girl. I have always felt calm with this guy but now, I am doubtful.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it must be frustrating and confusing, but I am sure once you meet in person, you will have more clarity. Make sure to tell him how you feel and about your concerns. And ask any doubts you have in your mind about his intentions. It is the perfect opportunity to connect and clear your concerns.
Best wishes.

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