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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Milan Question by Milan on Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Love Guru, I am 37 year old, my wife is 35 years old and our marrige is "Love Marriage" Feb-2018. We have two children, one is 4 yr and second is 2 yr old. We work in the same government department but in different district her place of work is approximately 400 km away from me. Our job is transferrable one, initially we used to live together also after 2-3 years we will again live together. My wife is having a colleague who is 36 year old Boy and very talkative. My wife used to go to play Badminton after office hours with him 07:00-09:00 PM even though children were alone at house with the maid. Wife used to ignore me when I tried to talk with her. Proper communication was done only on weekends when I used to visit her place. Now, after some time she started to give me excuses to avoid SEX. I respected her opinion so I avoided it for 2-3 times. However, while changing the cloths I found a "Love Bite" thing (Circle/Oval shaped) on her cleavage. When I asked her she told me that excessive scrubbing by hand while removing the dirt had caused this. I said okay at that time. Later after 1 month again I found (Circle / Oval shaped) on her waist. She again told me that scrubbing has caused this. I told her to come to home on right time as children are alone to which she said that she will go to play badminton during afternoon hours. It's okay to play a sport as it will improve the fitness and mind however she never involved in sport with me even though I am a better player in our department. Now come June-24 to Aug-24 she acted strangely avoided sex saying this is auspicious month and period. (Which never happened earlier). Hence, from June-24 to 06.09.24 (Sept-24) only once we had sex. She stays awake upto 01:00-02:00 AM without talking to me as per her WhatsApp status. Whereas I am sleeping hardly at 10:30 PM. She hardly chats with me (WhatsApp). I never find any strange thing in her mobile though. However all of sudden on yesterday 05.09.2024 she asked me "What I find beautiful in her? Why I married her?". I am shocked to hear that why after 6.5 years she asked me? I brings new cloths for her in at least once in a month. I try to giver her time as much possible. But she tries to keep it limited by narrow talks and all.

Ans: I smell a rat. And no doubt, so do you. So instead of playing games (no pun intended), just come out and ask her straight up what the matter is, and that you want the truth from her, not any half-assed excuses. Maybe there’s nothing more to the badminton angle, but she’s definitely avoiding you and her interests at the moment certainly seem to lie elsewhere. And you’re in a long-distance relationship; couples in that situation tend to get more physical when they do manage to meet, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. In your case she’s pointedly ignoring you. Have it out and speak your mind to her. Let’s see what she has to say and take it from there.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

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Relationship
Dear LG, Please don't disclose my name. I don't want to share my personal problems with others. I am 45 years old, married 13 years ago; my wife's age is now 38 years. I got two kids. My wife is pretty (she takes lot of care for her beauty) and I want to live simple. I kept faith on my wife so I didn't interfere in her life. From last four years, I am staying away from family (because of work I have shifted to other city, monthly once I go back , purchase everything, give money for expense and return to job). She keeps her mobile with security. Once, by mistake, I read her WhatsApp message. One of her office client was praising her pics and she was responding to him. So I told her, be official, don't entertain, if they fall behind you and we may face problem. She agreed but is doing the same thing and deleting his messages. Then I wanted to see what all things she does in WhatsApp. So her link I shared in my mobile and started reading her messages. She use to chat with one married person from last three years, she changed his name in her mobile and kept his wife's name. Three years back he proposed her with love song. My wife used to support him, sometimes she used to delete the messages. He knows all my family history. Whenever they get time, they used to talk each other in phone. Some messages I read, they were planning to meet also. She always come home very late, I didn't question her because I kept faith, but as I told you I have two kids in home. If she comes late, they are facing a problem (they stay alone until she comes back). Simultaneously she is chatting with another married friend. She says he is like a brother in front of me, but that person says baby, darling, dear, love, etc, in his conversation and forwarded some love songs and calling her for long drive. My wife replied some other day we will go. He replies, You always says same thing. I will become old one day. Then I was surprised and guided my wife indirectly. I told, don't entertain any person they may start to trouble you or if anybody troubling you please tell I will help you. We got two kids so we got lot of responsibility. She got a clue that I am reading her messages, so immediately she deleted all messages and after some days she deleted their numbers, along with that she deleted some other numbers also!  Why, I don't know. Once I told my son, beware, I can track you and tell where are you going and what are you doing. But from that day onwards, my wife is blocking her internet at 6 pm (when her office closes) and unblocking when she returns home. I am worried regarding this behaviour. I have stopped reading her messages now. But now I am feeling very uncomfortable because her behaviour is very soft with me, (previously she was very aggressive, she used to fight with me unnecessarily.) Please guide me how to handle the situation. What can I do now? Sometimes I feel I should leave everything go somewhere or is it a punishment for marrying a pretty girl? What to do? Please guide how handle the situation. Regards.
Ans:

So, in a nutshell, you think your wife was flirting behind your back, you dropped some hints and then she has either stopped, or then stopped you from spying on her phone.

First of all, why are you dropping hints to her instead of talking straight? Which husband is going to appreciate his wife being wooed by other men with all this darling-baby love talk?

Even if she’s not having an affair, the flirty behaviour is bound to make you uncomfortable. Don’t you think you should call her out on it instead of pretending like some other man is making her uncomfortable?

Clearly, she’s enjoying the attention!

You seem very timid and intimidated by your wife. And if her behaviour has changed toward you for the better because you suspect she is guilty of something, all the more reason to get to the bottom of it!

Stop playing games and pussyfooting around her. Do some straight-talking for a change instead of going behind her back and reading messages!

And FYI, being good-looking doesn’t give any spouse licence to make their partner insecure!

 

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1526 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1526 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
As a concerned parent, I am deeply troubled by the recent tragic incident involving a Nepali student at KIIT. Given the reports of unrest and safety concerns, what can we as parents do to ensure the well-being of our children who study in other states? How can parents be assured that such incidents will be prevented in the future?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It has been a very disturbing incident indeed and as parents it can set off a string of thoughts on children's safety.
As parents what can be done is:
1. Reassure your child that whatever the situation, you are there for them! Just knowing this can ease them in terms of having an open channel of communication with you.
2. Also, being in touch with them not just out of worry BUT to genuinely inspire them can keep them in a motivated space.
3. A semblance of a schedule of visits from either side will ensure that they are always connected with family
4. Encouraging them to pursue cultural events/sports will give them a chance at being in larger groups so they never feel lonely or can't be singled out
5. If your child is someone who is quieter and prefers to be by themselves most times, have regular conversations with them.

There's only so much that you can do as a parent; but I firmly believe and have seen in my experiences while working with youngsters: The ones who have strong family support usually seem to most likely struggle less through these unknown challenges.
And one more thing: Tell them as often as you can: You are loved!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1526 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |54 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Health
I’m a 60-year-old woman with stiff joints and limited flexibility. Can yoga help me improve my mobility and reduce joint pain?
Ans: Yes, yoga can help you improve mobility, reduce joint pain, and increase flexibility, even at 60. Gentle yoga movements, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques can make your body feel lighter and more comfortable.

How Yoga Helps with Joint Pain & Stiffness
? Improves Blood Circulation – Keeps joints nourished and reduces stiffness.
? Enhances Flexibility – Slow, mindful stretches improve movement.
? Reduces Pain & Inflammation – Gentle yoga relieves pressure on the joints.
? Boosts Strength & Stability – Helps prevent falls and injuries.

Gentle Yoga Poses for Joint Mobility
Tadasana (Mountain Pose) – Improves posture and balance.
Pawanmuktasana (Joint Release Movements) – Simple hand, knee, and ankle rotations to reduce stiffness.
Marjaryasana-Bitilasana (Cat-Cow Pose) – Eases back and neck stiffness.
Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclined Butterfly Pose) – Opens the hips and relaxes the body.
Vrikshasana (Tree Pose, with support) – Strengthens legs and improves stability.
Pranayama (Breathing for Joint Health)
? Anulom Vilom (Alternate Nostril Breathing) – Improves oxygen flow and reduces stress.
? Bhramari (Humming Bee Breath) – Relaxes the nervous system.

Why Seek a Yoga Coach?
A coach ensures that you practice safely, avoiding strain on weak joints. With proper guidance, you can regain flexibility and move with ease! Start slow, listen to your body, and stay consistent.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |54 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 21, 2025Hindi
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Health
I’m a 31-year-old woman planning to start a family. Are there yoga practices that can help improve fertility and prepare my body for pregnancy?
Ans: Preparing your body for pregnancy through yoga is a wonderful way to enhance fertility, reduce stress, and create a balanced, healthy environment for conception.

Yoga Practices to Improve Fertility & Prepare for Pregnancy
1. Gentle Asanas to Boost Fertility
? Baddha Konasana (Butterfly Pose) – Improves blood circulation to the pelvic area and strengthens reproductive organs.
? Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclined Butterfly Pose) – Relaxes the body and enhances hormone balance.
? Bhujangasana (Cobra Pose) – Stimulates the ovaries and improves blood flow.
? Setu Bandhasana (Bridge Pose) – Helps regulate hormones and strengthens the lower back.
? Viparita Karani (Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose) – Reduces stress and improves circulation to the uterus.

2. Pranayama (Breathing Techniques)
? Nadi Shodhana (Alternate Nostril Breathing) – Balances hormones and reduces stress.
? Bhramari Pranayama (Humming Bee Breath) – Calms the nervous system and improves reproductive health.

3. Lifestyle Tips for Fertility
Eat a nutrient-rich diet with fresh fruits, vegetables, and healthy fats.
Maintain a healthy sleep cycle (7-8 hours of rest).
Avoid stress – meditation and deep relaxation can help balance hormones.
Stay hydrated and engage in light physical activity daily.
Guidance Matters!
A yoga coach can create a customized plan based on your body’s needs, ensuring safe and effective practice. Stay consistent, keep a positive mindset, and trust your body’s natural ability to prepare for motherhood!

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |54 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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Health
I’m a 25-year-old student feeling constantly fatigued and low on energy. How can yoga help me boost my energy levels and stay active?
Ans: Feeling constantly fatigued at 25 can be due to stress, poor posture, lack of movement, or irregular sleep patterns. Yoga can help by improving blood circulation, reducing stress, and balancing energy levels.

Here’s How Yoga Can Help You Stay Energized:
Start Your Day with Sun Salutations (Surya Namaskara)

Just 6-12 rounds of Surya Namaskara in the morning can wake up your body and improve blood flow.
Practice These Energy-Boosting Asanas:

Tadasana (Mountain Pose) – Improves posture and increases energy.
Bhujangasana (Cobra Pose) – Opens the chest and enhances oxygen intake.
Vrikshasana (Tree Pose) – Improves focus and mental clarity.
Setu Bandhasana (Bridge Pose) – Stimulates the nervous system and relieves fatigue.
Breathing Exercises (Pranayama) for Energy:

Bhastrika Pranayama (Bellows Breath) – Boosts oxygen supply and increases alertness.
Nadi Shodhana (Alternate Nostril Breathing) – Balances energy levels and calms the mind.
Lifestyle Tips:

Get 7-8 hours of sleep for recovery.
Stay hydrated and eat a balanced diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables.
Take short breaks and practice stretching to avoid sitting for long hours.
For the best results, learning from a yoga coach can help you personalize your practice. Stay consistent, and you’ll feel more energetic and focused in no time!

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1526 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 30 year old working woman. I am pretty introvert and never have been in a relationship. Men have never approached me maybe because of my closed off nature. My mother has been constantly pressing me to look for a potential match for last 3-4 years. I have been trying dating apps and matrimony apps and have gone on a lot of dates but till now there has been no success. This entire process is taking a toll on me. When I say this to my mother she will not listen and instead keeps on searching for matches herself and make me go on dates which ultimately doesn't last since none of them seem to be compatible (mainly because of difference in family background, salary differences , values mismatch,etc). At this point I am confused. I do want to settle down for the sake of life long companionship but feel that things aren't working for me and sometimes my frustrations make me feel that I am good not married. What should I do in this case?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When the right person comes along, you will know it. Until then, enjoy the process without being too attached to the outcome. If something clicks, then it does...why fret over anything?
Your mother is just doing what she is out of love and concern; so, let her! By pushing her back it will only heighten her concern and it will come back to you in other unhealthy ways. Go along with it and just play the wait and watch game. A good way to convert your frustration into something more useful and light.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1196 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Career
My daughter is currently doing ICSE 10th and is performing very well in the class in Kochi. I would like to know what are the options of preparing for entrance exams such as KEAM and NEET without putting a strain or off-balance of her regular class work. What are options of attending online and offline coaching? What would be effective ? What are some good study materials ?..etc
Ans: Hello CJ
Here is the point-wise reply to your question: (1) To appear for KEAM or NEET, you have to take PCMB subjects in the 11th and 12th and appear for the respective entrance tests (2) If you are not interested in giving her stress then either she can prepare it via self-study or by joining any coaching classes (3) It is recommended to join offline classes and if your financial situation permits, then you can join any online classes only for "revision purpose". You should not remain dependent on online classes as they have huge drawbacks. (4) Related to the material, the concerned subject teacher will guide her. Yet it would be highly recommended to contact the recently passed students who cracked KEAM/NEET with high scores. Everybody referees different authors' books. But some of them are common for which your daughter can take the help. (5) Please keep in touch with the NTA website which offers free test series for NEET/JEE. (6) Ask her to focus on the interested subject either Bio or Maths. (7) Joining any coaching either offline or online mode does not carry a guarantee of success. One has to try himself. I hope, your daughter will also follow the same path of hard work to get success in either KEAM or NEET.
Best of luck to your daughter for her upcoming bright future.

If satisfied with the reply, pl like and follow me, else ask again.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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