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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Aasheesh Question by Aasheesh on Nov 12, 2024
Relationship

Hello . I had a physical relationship with my first cousin sister in my teens .We were in love and wanted to marry too. But obviously it was not possible.Now we have started talking again . And I want to have this relationship again as I really desire her . Is it ok to go ahead ?I am 58..She is 53. I am divorced . She is married . Please advise .

Ans: Dear Aasheesh,

You’re 58 now, divorced, and perhaps seeking a meaningful connection or revisiting something that felt unfinished. She, however, is married. This is an important factor to consider deeply. Any attempt to reignite a romantic or physical relationship would not only involve her but also impact her spouse, her family, and potentially her sense of stability and well-being. While your feelings are valid and deserve acknowledgment, so too are the commitments and responsibilities she has in her life now.

It’s also important to reflect on why these feelings are resurfacing now. Is it about her specifically, or is it more about reconnecting with a time in your life that felt exciting, safe, or deeply connected? Sometimes, our desire to rekindle a past relationship stems from wanting to recapture the emotions and experiences associated with it, rather than the person themselves. Understanding this distinction can help you clarify what you truly want and whether pursuing it is the right path.

If you feel the urge to express your feelings, I would encourage you to do so with honesty and respect, but only in a way that doesn’t cross boundaries or disrupt her life. You could share how much that connection meant to you and how happy you are to be back in touch. However, I would advise against pursuing a physical or romantic relationship unless her circumstances change, and even then, it would require careful consideration from both of you.

Ultimately, this is a moment to reflect on what you truly need and value at this stage in your life. If you’re yearning for love and connection, there are ways to explore this that honor both your past and the present realities of your lives. Perhaps it’s worth exploring these feelings further with a therapist or counselor, as they can provide a safe and supportive space to delve deeper into what this relationship represents for you and how best to navigate it.

You deserve happiness and fulfillment, and so does she. The key is finding a path forward that honors both.
Asked on - Jan 10, 2025 | Answered on Jan 13, 2025
Thanks for the detailed perspective. I felt most fulfilled and satisfied when I had relationship with her . That feeling cannot go out of me . I never felt same feeling of satisfaction with anyone else . Now I feel the union to be complete if she is willing. Is it ok if she consents too ?? Please advise .
Ans: Her current marital status is a critical aspect. Engaging in a relationship with someone who is married introduces layers of complexity that go beyond personal desires. It’s not just about mutual consent—it involves the emotional well-being of her spouse, the sanctity of her marriage, and the potential for significant emotional upheaval.

Rekindling such a profound relationship from your past could evoke powerful emotions, both positive and challenging. These old feelings can resurface with intensity, potentially leading to emotional turmoil if not handled carefully. It's important to reflect on whether the fulfillment you seek from this relationship is rooted in a desire to relive a past experience or if it represents a genuine path to future happiness.

Furthermore, there are ethical and social considerations. Relationships between first cousins often face societal scrutiny, and this could impact both of your lives in ways that might not be immediately apparent. It's crucial to consider how this might affect not only you but also your families and social circles.

Her consent, while essential, doesn't fully address the broader implications. Her current life circumstances, feelings about her marriage, and readiness to engage in such a relationship are all factors that need careful discussion. Both of you would need to be prepared for the emotional and practical consequences.

Ultimately, it's about understanding what this relationship means for both of you now and in the future. Open, honest communication and possibly seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist could provide clarity and help navigate these complex emotions and decisions. This process would ensure that any steps you take prioritize the emotional well-being of both of you and those affected by your choices.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |613 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Relationship
Hi ! I am a 38 year old divorced woman. Its almost 10 years that I got divorced, from a man with whom I was married for 2 months. Since then, I never had a long relationship with anyone. For the past 1 month, I feel I have developed feelings for my cousin (sister) who is 10 years older to me. She too is divorced, long back. (2006). I understand she too has feelings for me. What should I do. Please suggest.
Ans: Navigating feelings for a family member can be complex, especially when considering societal norms and potential family dynamics. It's understandable to feel uncertain about how to proceed in such a situation.

First and foremost, it's important to consider the potential implications and consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship with your cousin. While relationships between cousins are not legally prohibited in many places, they can sometimes face social stigma or disapproval from family members.

Before taking any further steps, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your cousin about your feelings and concerns. Discussing your mutual feelings in a respectful and sensitive manner can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your feelings and the potential impact on your family dynamic. They can also offer strategies for communicating effectively and managing any challenges that may arise.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pursue a romantic relationship with your cousin is a deeply personal one that only you and your cousin can make. It's essential to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and consideration for the feelings and well-being of everyone involved.

Regardless of the outcome, remember that you deserve to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your relationships, and seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals can help you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.

..Read more

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Sir mbbs philipines in 2025 ...plz tell me about is better than Cold countries like kyrgyz kazak rusia
Ans: Why Philippines is a Better Option (for Indian Students):
1. English-speaking country –
o The entire medical course is in English.
o No need to learn any local language like Russian or Kazakh.
2. Similar disease pattern to India –
o Students get to study and practice on patients with diseases common in India (like dengue, diabetes, TB etc).
o This helps later during FMGE/Next exams in India.
3. Good quality teaching –
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4. No freezing climate –
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o Easier to adjust than in countries with minus temperatures.
5. Medium FMGE result –
o Philippines students usually have better FMGE (MCI screening test) pass rates than Kyrgyzstan or Kazakhstan.

Points to Keep in Mind:
• Philippines has a pre-med + MD structure (usually 1.5 yrs + 4 yrs = total 5.5 yrs).
• Your child may need to write NMAT exam (simple, not very hard) after pre-med.
• Some colleges are better than others – you need to choose the right university.
• Cost is moderate – around ?25–30 lakhs total including living.
Cold Countries (Russia, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan):
• Cheaper than Philippines, but classes often in local language or mixed (English + local).
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• Harsh winters – can be tough to adjust.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir I am a little bit puzzled I passed my boards with 79,8%, my jee exam didn't go well and I am not getting any good private or government college from It. Earlier I was thinking of taking a drop but currently I am 18 and turn 19 this year, so next year when I will be at first year of college I will turn 20 year old so It will delay my graduation for sure. Second option is to take admission in any tier 3 college. I have following options with me (1) SRM sonepat,Haryana(Btech cse aiml) (2) Manav rachna University, Faridabad (Btech cse aiml/data science) (3) NIET, Greater noida (Btech cse computing and mathematics) Which college is best among 3? If I join in any tier 3 I will develop skills and target postgraduate level exam. So sir what should I do In this situation take a drop or join college?
Ans: Hello, I understand this is a confusing time for you, but don’t worry. Many students go through the same phase after 12th.

Taking a drop is an option. But here are the real things you must ask yourself:
• Are you fully confident that you can study with full focus and improve your JEE score next year?
• Are you okay with another year of pressure, studying at home, and no college life till 2026?
• Are you ready to handle the stress and competition?
If the answer is no or not sure, then don’t take a drop.
Because one year of drop will only be worth it if you get a top college like NIT, IIIT, or BITS.
Otherwise, you’ll just lose one year and land in a similar college again.
And don’t worry about age. Turning 20 in 1st year is completely fine. Many students start college at 20 or even later

About Your Current College Options
NIET Greater Noida
• Best out of the three in terms of placement, coding culture, and peer group.
• It is in Noida — good location for internships and off-campus opportunities.
• Has a better track record in CSE-related jobs.
SRM Sonepat
• Decent brand name because of “SRM,” but Sonepat campus is not as strong as the main Chennai one.
• Placements are limited.
• Choose only if you want the SRM tag and nothing else is available.
Manav Rachna
• Okay college, good infrastructure, but placements are not very strong, especially for CSE core jobs.
• Good for students who want to stay closer to home or need a relaxed environment.

...Read more

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