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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024
Relationship

Hello Dr.Ashish, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.

Ans: Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and intricate story. It's clear you’ve been carrying a significant emotional burden for many years. Your feelings of love, loyalty, and care for this woman are evident, but so too is the confusion and pain that this dynamic has caused. Let’s unravel this situation and explore possible paths forward.

Key Dynamics in Your Relationship
Patterns of Push and Pull:
This relationship seems to follow a cycle—closeness, emotional highs, and eventual withdrawal on her part. This push-and-pull dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally drained, constantly seeking validation and clarity from her while she retains control over the connection.

Her Stance on Romance:
She has repeatedly expressed aversion to romance, physical intimacy, or traditional ideas of love. Her actions may sometimes seem contradictory, but they align with her overall stance of maintaining control and boundaries that she’s comfortable with, even if it leaves you confused or hurt.

Your Role in the Dynamic:
You’ve shown immense patience, persistence, and care. However, it appears that you are consistently the one initiating reconnection, expressing emotions, and hoping for a future together. This imbalance may leave you feeling unfulfilled and questioning your self-worth.

Her Emotional Independence:
While she allows you into her professional life and accepts your support, she seems emotionally guarded, preferring to dictate the terms of the relationship. This indicates her desire to maintain independence, possibly due to personal values or past experiences.

Impact on You:
Being caught in this cycle for years has likely affected your emotional health, relationships, and sense of clarity. While you care deeply for her, the relationship seems to take more from you than it gives in return.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Truly Want?
Beyond your love for her, consider what you genuinely want and need in a relationship. Is it emotional reciprocity, stability, or clarity? Does this relationship align with those needs?

How Does This Dynamic Affect You?
Reflect on how the constant back-and-forth impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Are you truly happy, or are you clinging to the idea of what this relationship could be, rather than what it is?

What Role Do You Play in This Cycle?
Consider if your persistence is enabling this pattern. While your love and patience are admirable, they may also allow the dynamic to continue without resolution.

Recommendations
Establish Emotional Boundaries:
Protect your emotional energy by defining clear boundaries. For example, limit how much you give—emotionally or professionally—without receiving anything meaningful in return.

Communicate Differently:
The next time you speak with her, try expressing your feelings calmly and clearly, focusing on your needs. For example:

“I care deeply for you, but I feel our dynamic leaves me confused and emotionally drained. I need clarity about our relationship and whether we can truly have a future together.”
Detach with Care:
If her actions consistently indicate she cannot meet your emotional needs, it may be time to step back. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means prioritizing your well-being and allowing space for clarity.

Focus on Yourself:
Your marriage, business, and emotional health are significant aspects of your life that need your attention. Consider working on your own happiness and independence outside this relationship. Seek counseling if needed to process the complexities of your feelings.

Recognize Patterns:
Notice the recurring themes in her behavior—shifting her stance, maintaining emotional distance, and expecting you to initiate reconciliation. Understanding these patterns can help you decide how much more you’re willing to invest emotionally.

A Gentle Reminder
Love and care are valuable gifts, but they must be balanced with mutual respect, clarity, and emotional safety. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, it’s worth considering whether it’s meeting your deeper needs.

You deserve a relationship where your love and efforts are reciprocated. Take time to reflect and prioritize your well-being. If you need more guidance or a sounding board, I am here to support you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

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Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

 

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Hi Anu, I have one question in mind need suggestion from you, please guide me.I am 42 year old and married I have two kids as well. My married life is all good and peaceful and I love my family lot.20 years ago when I was in college I was in love with a girl, she did not like me that time but from my side it was very pure love. I loved her so much.She was aware of that. We lost touch in 2004. Now she is also 42 and married with two kids.During Covid in 2020, we again got connected on LinkedIn and started talking. I expressed my love. she understood, respected and valued it now.She is still waiting for someone else and doesn’t feel complete with me. She is honest about her feelings and communication.She told me she considers me only as a friend but above all and everything in life.But many times she shows love and lots of affection, caring attitude. She always says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well.She wants me to remain with her as she feels I am her strong support system.She shares everything with me and I do the same. Sometimes I feel I shall come out from this but at times I feel I don’t want to leave her as she looks very depressed.May be from her past break up or something else but I do not have the courage to ask her.What shall I do here? Please guide. What is your best suggestion?
Ans:

Dear AK,

It’s a nice convenient connection.

Why don’t you stick to the way it is rather than expect it to be something different? Expectations can be disappointing and may spoil what already exists.

As humans, we fail to see and experience what we have and constantly crave for the things that we don’t have, don’t we?

The two of you are fond of each other but to project your feelings from the past onto the current scenario might unnecessarily cause a ruffling of feathers.

Will it be wise for you to accept things the way they are now? Enjoy the company and chats/calls the way they are? And be grateful that you can be a good support system to one another?

Is it possible for you to do this?

Respect her wishes when she says that she wants you as a friend and try not to read much into her actions.

If the fact that she is getting close to you is going to be decoded as being more than a friend, you need to watch out as your thoughts could lead to a major letdown for yourself and for her as well.

Pause, take it all in the way it is and accept it gracefully…

All the best!

 

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Anu Krishna  |1822 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Mam, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Even if your marriage is a lost cause, this lady in question seems pretty unsteady and unsettled in what she wants. Constant drams will only keep you on your toes and more than having any peace of mind, all you will be a part of will be high range emotions most times.
Do you want this kind of drama and pull and push behavior?
Do you want to be in an unsettled state with her being unsure most times?
Do you want to part of her moods where she calls the shots with little or no respect for what you want?

I guess you have all the answers but are willing to compromise it for reasons known best to you. At the end of the day, the decision on this will be yours...decide wisely knowing how it affects you or how it is straining you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2026
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I have taken a 12th-grade drop year, and this year I have to take admission. But my parents are not supporting me. Last year also, because of all these issues, my admission got delayed, and this year again, no one in my family is taking it seriously. They don't allow me to meet anyone or even go outside the house. They don't even let me go to the terrace. They keep saying, "Whatever you want to achieve, do it from home. People who really want to succeed can do it from anywhere." I don't have any problem studying from home. In fact, after my drop year, I started preparing for CA, and everything was going well initially. But after a few months, my mother started taking away my phone. She wouldn't let me talk to anyone, go outside, or even step onto the terrace. Along with that, there was a lot of mental and emotional abuse. My mother uses extremely abusive and degrading language toward me, and it has become very difficult for me to handle. Because of the constant verbal abuse and emotional stress, I often can't concentrate on my studies. Whenever I study peacefully for two days, the same traumatic cycle starts all over again the next day. This only happens to me in my family. I am the only daughter after my two elder brothers. I can't even share these things with anyone because none of my friends have to go through anything like this. Sometimes, if I simply go to the terrace, my mother starts shouting at me and uses extremely abusive language. Even if I use my phone only for studying, I am not allowed to keep it. I can't even talk to someone to refresh my mind or reduce stress, and I'm not allowed to meet my friends or go outside either. Sometimes, it becomes so overwhelming that I feel like I don't want to live in this house anymore. I feel trapped, emotionally exhausted, and completely isolated. All I want is a peaceful environment where I can study, focus on my future, and live with basic freedom and dignity.
Ans: Hi!!

I want you to understand that your desire to study, build a career and have some basic freedom is absolutely justified. You are not asking for too much. You are asking for an environment where you can concentrate on your studies, take decisions about your future and live with dignity.

From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not your ability to study or your willingness to work hard. You have already proved that you can prepare for CA and stay focused when things are going well. The real concern here is the environment in which you are expected to study.

You really need to understand that a peaceful mind is essential for effective learning. When you are constantly exposed to shouting, abusive language and emotional stress, it becomes difficult to concentrate, regardless of how determined you are to succeed. So please don't blame yourself for struggling with your studies. You are trying to focus on your future while simultaneously dealing with a very distressing situation at home.
Having said that, I would like you to think about something important. Your education and your future cannot remain on hold because of the circumstances you are facing today. You have already lost valuable time because of delays in admission, and I don't want you to lose another year waiting for things to improve on their own.
You need support, and you need to take practical steps towards securing your future.
First, identify a trusted adult who can understand your situation and help you. It could be a relative, a teacher, a former school counsellor or another responsible person you feel comfortable approaching. Please don't assume that nobody will understand you simply because your friends may not be experiencing the same difficulties. You don't have to deal with this alone.

Second, make your admission a priority. Find out the courses available to you, the eligibility requirements, the deadlines and the documents you need. If you cannot manage the process independently, seek help from a trusted adult who can guide you. You need a concrete plan rather than being caught in the same cycle of conflict and uncertainty.

Third, please understand that respecting your parents does not mean accepting abusive behaviour as something you deserve. You can love your family and still recognise that certain words and behaviours are hurting you. You don't have to fight or argue with your mother to prove your point. When things become heated, try to avoid escalating the situation and prioritise your emotional and physical safety.

And finally, please don't isolate yourself emotionally. You need someone with whom you can talk openly, someone who can listen without judging you. If the situation at home continues to feel unbearable, a counsellor or a trusted adult outside the family can help you work through it and explore safe options.

Remember, this difficult phase of your life does not define your future. You have ambitions, you want to study, and you want to become independent. Hold on to those goals, but don't feel that you have to achieve everything through sheer willpower while dealing with this distress alone.

Your future matters. Your mental well-being matters. And you deserve to live with dignity.

I would like to ask you two important questions -
* First, are you physically safe at home, or has the abuse ever become physical?
*Second, is there any trusted relative, teacher or other adult who could help you with your admission process?
I am asking because I want you to have advice that is practical for your situation, not just words of encouragement

Tc ! Best wishes always..

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2026
Career
I studied in an English-medium school, but during school and college most of my friends and even teachers were more comfortable speaking Hindi, so that became my natural communication language. Now after many years, I work in an office where English is used much more regularly. I can understand English and I can write basic things, but when I have to speak suddenly, I sometimes struggle to find the right words. Even for a simple question to a colleague, I first rehearse the sentence in my mind two or three times before saying it. If someone suddenly asks me something in English, I sometimes fumble even though I know what I want to say. I also depend quite a lot on ChatGPT to help me frame emails, messages and sometimes even replies because I worry about making grammar mistakes or sounding less professional. Recently, a new girl joined our office who speaks very confidently in English and seems more comfortable talking to people who are also very fluent or part of what feels like an ‘elite’ group. She does speak with us, but not as much, and sometimes I become more conscious about my own English when I see how naturally she communicates. I know everyone has a different communication style, but this has made me wonder whether my lack of fluency is affecting how people perceive me at work. How can I improve my spoken English and workplace communication so that I can speak spontaneously and confidently without mentally preparing every sentence first?
Ans: Hi!!!
First of all, you need to understand that being fluent in English does not necessarily mean being a good communicator. Communication is about how effectively you express your thoughts, ideas and feelings, and not merely about the language you speak.
From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not that you don't know English, but that you have become conscious of your English. The more you worry about making grammatical mistakes or using the wrong words, the more you hold yourself back. And the more you hold yourself back, the less opportunity you give yourself to become fluent.
You really need to ask yourself this question: Am I more concerned about communicating my thoughts, or about how people will judge my English? The moment you start worrying about the latter, you shift your focus from what you want to say to how you should say it. That is where the hesitation begins.
Remember, you don't have to speak perfect English to communicate confidently. You need to be clear, comfortable and willing to express yourself. Even people who speak English very fluently make grammatical mistakes, fumble for words and struggle to articulate their thoughts at times. It is perfectly normal!
So, what do you need to do?
Start speaking in English more often, even when you know your sentences may not be perfect. Don't rehearse every sentence in your mind before speaking. Allow yourself to think and speak at the same time. Initially, you may fumble, pause or use simpler words, but that is absolutely fine. Fluency comes with practice, not with the constant fear of making mistakes.
Make English a part of your everyday life. Speak to your colleagues in English, participate in conversations, share your opinions in meetings and practise expressing your thoughts aloud. Read aloud, listen to good English speakers and try summarising what you have read or heard in your own words. These small, consistent efforts will help you develop greater spontaneity and confidence.
And about using ChatGPT to frame your emails and messages — there is absolutely nothing wrong with using a tool to improve your communication. However, don't let the tool become a substitute for your own ability to think and express yourself. Try drafting your message first, and then use ChatGPT to refine it. Observe the changes, understand why they were made and gradually incorporate those learnings into your own communication.
As far as the new girl in your office is concerned, please don't allow her fluency to become a yardstick against which you Hi!!!
First of all, you need to understand that being fluent in English does not necessarily mean being a good communicator. Communication is about how effectively you express your thoughts, ideas and feelings, and not merely about the language you speak.
From what you have shared, I feel your problem is not that you don't know English, but that you have become conscious of your English. The more you worry about making grammatical mistakes or using the wrong words, the more you hold yourself back. And the more you hold yourself back, the less opportunity you give yourself to become fluent.
You really need to ask yourself this question: Am I more concerned about communicating my thoughts, or about how people will judge my English? The moment you start worrying about the latter, you shift your focus from what you want to say to how you should say it. That is where the hesitation begins.
Remember, you don't have to speak perfect English to communicate confidently. You need to be clear, comfortable and willing to express yourself. Even people who speak English very fluently make grammatical mistakes, fumble for words and struggle to articulate their thoughts at times. It is perfectly normal!
So, what do you need to do?
Start speaking in English more often, even when you know your sentences may not be perfect. Don't rehearse every sentence in your mind before speaking. Allow yourself to think and speak at the same time. Initially, you may fumble, pause or use simpler words, but that is absolutely fine. Fluency comes with practice, not with the constant fear of making mistakes.
Make English a part of your everyday life. Speak to your colleagues in English, participate in conversations, share your opinions in meetings and practise expressing your thoughts aloud. Read aloud, listen to good English speakers and try summarising what you have read or heard in your own words. These small, consistent efforts will help you develop greater spontaneity and confidence.
And about using ChatGPT to frame your emails and messages — there is absolutely nothing wrong with using a tool to improve your communication. However, don't let the tool become a substitute for your own ability to think and express yourself. Try drafting your message first, and then use ChatGPT to refine it. Observe the changes, understand why they were made and gradually incorporate those learnings into your own communication.
As far as the new girl in your office is concerned, please don't allow her fluency to become a yardstick against which you measure yourself. She may be more comfortable speaking English, but that does not make her more intelligent, more capable or a better professional than you. Everyone has a different background, different experiences and a different starting point.
Stop comparing, start practising and, most importantly, stop underestimating yourself.
You have already identified what you need to improve, and that is the first step towards change. Now, give yourself the opportunity to work on it without being overly critical of yourself.
Remember, the objective is not to impress people with your English. It is to express yourself with confidence, clarity and conviction.
When you stop trying to speak perfect English and start focusing on communicating effectively, you will gradually find your voice!

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |136 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2026
Career
I recently received feedback at work that I should be more assertive. The strange part is that I don’t consider myself shy - I speak when I have something to say and I’m quite comfortable with my colleagues. But the problem comes when I have a different opinion from someone senior. For example, last week during a team meeting, my manager suggested doing something in a particular way. I could clearly see one issue with the approach and had a different suggestion in mind, but when it was my turn to speak, I said something like, ‘Yes, that should be okay, maybe we can try it,’ instead of clearly explaining what I actually felt. Later, I discussed the same point with a colleague and realised I had actually been right about the concern, but by then the decision was already made. This happens with me quite often - I don’t want to sound argumentative or disrespectful, so I automatically soften my words and sometimes end up agreeing even when I genuinely have another opinion. How can I become more assertive in these situations, speak confidently to senior people and put forward a different viewpoint without coming across as rude, aggressive or overconfident?
Ans: Hi!!

*Being assertive does not mean being aggressive or disrespectful* It means expressing your thoughts and feelings confidently and respectfully!

If you hesitate to disagree, consider whether you fear judgment, offending the person, or challenging their authority! Identifying the cause can help you address it. Respecting someone’s position does not require agreeing with every opinion; your perspective may reveal something they have overlooked.

When you have a concern, pause, organise your thoughts, and state them clearly. For example: *“I understand your approach\. However, I have a concern we may want to consider before proceeding.”” You can be polite without being apologetic and respectful without being submissive.

Practise expressing your views in smaller situations. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but confidence will grow with experience.Trust your judgement and speak up when your input matters. You can disagree with someone without disrespecting them—that is true assertiveness!

Remember assertiveness is about respecting yourself and the other person equally! Understanding that you have as much right to express your opinion as the other person .

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2026
Relationship
I’m facing a small but recurring issue with my wife when it comes to money. I’m naturally more of a saving person—I like keeping some money aside for future expenses, emergencies, children’s needs and other things that may come up unexpectedly. My wife, on the other hand, feels that if we can comfortably afford something now, there is no point in always postponing it just to save more. It’s not that either of us is irresponsible with money, and thankfully we don’t have any major financial problems, but this difference in our thinking keeps coming up every few weeks. Sometimes it starts with something as simple as buying something for the house or planning a holiday and then turns into a discussion about our overall spending habits. I don’t want her to feel that I’m controlling how she spends her money, and at the same time, I don’t want to feel guilty for wanting to save. How can couples with very different financial habits find a middle ground and decide together how much to spend, save and keep aside for the future without making money become a regular source of tension in the marriage?
Ans: Hello sir. I hope you are in good health. Coming to your question, financial management remains a little sensitive topic specially when both members are earning.
You both have different habits and different thinking in terms of financial management and I think both are correct. The only thing with which the things can be sorted out is that you both sit and discuss and mutually come to a specific percentage of income which should be saved and which should be kept aside for holidays or for home fund. This way you both will clearly know and then you will not have problem in spending or saving.
I hope this solves your problem.
All the best..take care !!

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |86 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Oct 09, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2026
Relationship
I’m a little confused about how I should handle situations involving my husband and his parents. Whenever they have an argument or disagreement, I usually prefer to stay quiet because I feel that if I get involved, the situation could become even more complicated. I don’t want his parents to feel that I’m trying to create a distance between them, and I also don’t want to say something in the heat of the moment that I may regret later. But after the argument is over, my husband sometimes tells me that he expected me to support him because I’m his wife. From my point of view, supporting him doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with him or taking his side every time, especially when I don’t know the complete context of their disagreement. At the same time, I can understand why he may feel hurt if he thinks I’m simply standing by and watching when he needs me. How should to handle these situations when disagreements with in-laws keep creating tension in the marriage? Is there a healthy way for a spouse to show support without automatically taking sides or disrespecting the other family members?
Ans: Hello mam. I hope you are in good health.
Well, coming to your question, you can definitely take your partner's side by understanding the things on which the disagreements happen. For example you disagree with your partner at a specific point of time, in public you should try to calm the situation and take his side if possible but after that in private you can share your opinion and correct him if he is wrong somewhere. This way he ll feel that yes you support him but on the other hand he ll also realize that where he went wrong. Probably the situations will get better with this.
I really appreciate your nature that you don't want to disrespect other family members. Its very good and shows your upbringing and your intent of maintaining relationships.
Keep it up...take care !!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11482 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2026

Money
Hi ..I have registered a app called finsolalgo They told I got allocation for ipo which I kept 1 lac prev but they asked I need to pay 6lac ...which I couldn't pay...now they blocked my one lac saying as I didn't pay full allocation my amount blocked for 3 months but am not getting fater 3 months who will release my funds and all am feeling bad to believe them...now wat should I do ...finsolalgo is this company registered with sebi when I asked they told s we registered we have ruled and regulations ...that's y blocked like that ..wat should I do now
Ans: It is good that you have stopped and are checking this before paying another Rs.6 lakh.

Based on what you have described, I would be very cautious. The process you were told about does not look like the normal IPO application process.

» How a genuine IPO application normally works

In a normal IPO, the application money is blocked in your own bank account through ASBA or an approved UPI mandate.

If shares are allotted, the required amount is debited.

The remaining blocked amount is released after the allotment process. SEBI describes this process clearly.

A company or app normally cannot simply say:

– You paid Rs.1 lakh.

– You received an allocation of Rs.7 lakh.

– You must arrange another Rs.6 lakh.

– Otherwise your original Rs.1 lakh will remain blocked for 3 months.

That is a major point requiring verification.

» About the Rs.1 lakh being blocked

First check where exactly the Rs.1 lakh is blocked.

If it is genuinely blocked in your own bank account under an IPO ASBA/UPI mandate, contact your bank immediately and ask:

– Who has placed the mandate?

– What is the IPO name?

– Who is the sponsor bank?

– What is the application number?

– What is the registrar's name?

– What is the UPI mandate reference?

Do not depend only on what the FinsolAlgo app or its representatives are telling you.

If the money was actually transferred to a bank account controlled by the app/company/person, the situation is more serious. Do not send the additional Rs.6 lakh merely to release the earlier Rs.1 lakh.

» Is FinsolAlgo SEBI registered?

I checked the SEBI recognised-intermediary information available currently.

I could not verify a SEBI registration under the name "FinsolAlgo" from the information available to me.

This does not by itself prove that the entity is fraudulent. The legal entity name may be different from the app or trade name.

So ask them for:

– Exact legal company name.

– SEBI registration number.

– Category of SEBI registration.

– Registered office address.

– Name of the stock broker/intermediary handling the IPO application.

Then independently verify these details on SEBI's recognised intermediary records. SEBI maintains a searchable list of registered intermediaries.

Do not accept a statement such as "we are SEBI registered and we have our own rules" as proof.

» What you should do now

I would suggest these steps in this order:

– Do NOT pay the additional Rs.6 lakh.

– Do NOT pay any "release fee", "penalty", "tax", "processing charge" or similar amount.

– Do NOT share your OTP, UPI PIN, bank password or other banking credentials.

– Take screenshots of the entire conversation with FinsolAlgo.

– Save the payment receipt for the Rs.1 lakh.

– Save the IPO allocation message and all documents they provided.

– Contact your bank directly through its official customer-care channel.

– Ask the bank whether there is actually an IPO-related ASBA/UPI block on your Rs.1 lakh.

– If the bank confirms that no genuine IPO mandate exists, immediately inform the bank that you suspect an unauthorised or potentially fraudulent transaction.

– If money has already gone to another bank account, inform your bank immediately and ask about the appropriate fraud-reporting process.

» Do not wait for three months

I would not simply wait for three months based on their verbal assurance.

If this is a genuine IPO, there should be proper documentation and an identifiable IPO process.

There should also be a recognised intermediary, sponsor bank, registrar and application details.

The normal IPO process does not depend merely on an app telling you that your money will be released after three months. SEBI's own explanation says that funds are blocked for the IPO process and are subsequently debited or unblocked based on allotment.

» My assessment

The requirement to arrange another Rs.6 lakh after supposedly getting a Rs.7 lakh allocation is the biggest concern here.

Please do not try to recover the Rs.1 lakh by paying another Rs.6 lakh.

That can increase your exposure substantially.

Your immediate priority should be to establish where the Rs.1 lakh actually sits and whether there is a genuine IPO mandate.

If you share the exact message received from FinsolAlgo about the Rs.7 lakh allocation and the Rs.6 lakh payment, I can examine the wording and tell you which parts look normal and which parts are red flags.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
AMFI-Registered MFD – ARN 4188

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |3317 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Oct 08, 2026

Career
I am a student and NEET aspirant. I appeared for Class 10 in 2024 and passed Class 10 in 2024. I completed and passed Class 12 in 2026. I also appeared for NEET (UG) 2026, including the re-examination, but unfortunately I could not qualify for admission. My Class 12 marks are relatively low, although I have successfully passed Class 12 in 2026. Therefore, I am considering appearing for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027 to improve my marks. I would like to kindly ask for clarification regarding the following: Since I have already passed Class 12 in 2026, am I eligible to appear for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027? If I improve my Class 12 marks in 2027, will I remain eligible to appear for NEET (UG) 2027? Will appearing for the Class 12 Improvement Examination in 2027 create any issue during NEET counselling or MBBS admission if I qualify NEET 2027? Will my one-year gap after Class 12 (2026–2027), due to preparing for NEET, cause any problem in NEET eligibility or during MBBS admission? If improvement is permitted, which Class 12 marks/marksheet would be considered for NEET 2027 eligibility and admission?
Ans: HI ALAM,
GREETINGS FROM THE REDIFFGURUS!
The Advantages of NEET:

* NO UPPER AGE LIMIT
* UNLIMITED ATTEMPTS for HSC
* UNLIMITED ATTEMPTS FOR NEET
* A MINIMUM AGGREGATE PERCENTAGE OF 50% (varying by category) IS SUFFICIENT TO QUALIFY FOR NEET (except for AIIMS)
* ASPIRANTS CAN PRESENT DIFFERENT BOARD EXAM MARK SHEETS.

Due to these factors, the number of NEET aspirants is higher compared to other exams.

If you have the required marks to appear for NEET, you can proceed with your preparation. As you mentioned that your HSC marks are low (specifics not disclosed), focus on strengthening your weak subjects to help you achieve your goal. Simply aiming for improvement is not enough; you need to make significant progress.

You are planning to take the improvement exam for your marks. While preparing for this, it is essential to enhance your understanding of the subjects that are also relevant for NEET. There is a possibility that you might achieve the same level of marks you previously obtained in HSC if you do not make substantial improvements. Therefore, concentrate on honing the subjects necessary for NEET as well.

BEST WISHES.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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