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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 10, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
. Question by . on Jun 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Health Guru, Due to frequent uncalled for arguments and unnecessary pinching comments and not-likeable behaviour with myself,I started avoiding talking with elder sister on phone and visiting her place.I feel better without interaction and avoiding meeting her.This is not liked by my father to whom she complained about my not talking to her.As a result,he bullied me which really was upsetting.Recently,my sister visited us and she told me in a dictating voice that I am depressed that's why I don't talk to her.I felt so bad hearing her comment because I told her clearly many times that I don't like her way of treating me and her negative way of behaviour doesn't go well with me so I don't like to listen to her talks. My query--Should I please myself by avoiding interactions with her or should I please sister and father who label me depressed just because I dont like to involve in drama of sister? Please advise regarding my peculiar situation.Thanks for your response in advance.

Ans: Dear Anonymous.
Core relationships within the family are important and necessary for us to lead a happy life. We feel our sense of belonging within our core relationships.
Avoiding these relationships is not the way to cope with them as it will eat into your mind which is what is happening with you. Also understand that at times core relationships may not be very fulfilling and kind like the way you would want them to be.

So, expectations v/s reality...In reality, you do not share a very cordial connection with your sister and your father disapproves of it which makes you feel unloved. But that is the reality for now; what you can do is ignore the drama your sister is pulling you into...sometimes ignoring (not avoiding) teaches the other person how to behave with you in future. And if your father acts immature about it, politely tell him to stay out of it and that it is between you and your sister. Reclaim you place by increasing your worth in your eyes; that will help you navigate through difficulties in relationships. Things will begin to change either for the better or it will be at a neutral place where there is not much affection but there will be no anger between you and your sister.
Accept what it leads you to and be graceful about it. Difficult to do, but that's the only way you will be peaceful. Do remember, you always have a choice in whether you want to be in the drama created by someone else. Make that wise choice.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 03, 2023Hindi
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Hello Anu, I am from Lucknow, with a pregnant wife and a son. I moved out of Lucknow after 2006 and since then I have never lived with them. But since Covid, I suffered a few setbacks in career and had to move back to Lucknow to live with my parents. It was a move out of force. Now, I am kind of doing ok in my career but feel like stuck at home. I don't get respect from my parents, there's absolutely no communication. My father is borderline narcissist and alpha male - everything has to happen the way he wants. His behavior changes drastically if we do anything without asking him or his consent. My mother and wife are not in best terms though I cannot say they are enemies. My mother has a super soft spot for my sister who lives in another city, she seems the pain even for my lady cook but not for my pregnant wife. Some times I have seen things in front of my eyes and I didn't like how my wife was treated. I feel no one deserves this - I would not have tolerated it myself so I cannot expect her. Now the thing is I want to move out of my parents place but without hurting their feelings. They are attached to their grandson and I feel I will be called out as the bad guy here if I try to move out. I feel that some distance will actually mend things as things were not this bad when I was living in another city. I don't know how to put up this conversation since it will mostly be striked out in the first place, I am scared of their reaction as they don't really support me or my concerns most of the time. I feel stuck every day and want to live life on my own, want to do things on my own. Make mistakes, but my mistakes. Also if I start this conversation, there's a chance that my parents might feel that this is because of my wife! Though that's not the case, it's me. If you can provide me any inputs or help, that would be great.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Move out and be unapologetic about it.
Initially expect a lot of tantrums that will make you feel guilty as though you have abandoned your parents. But remember as you have said that some distance will mend the relationship even if it means people feel hurt in the short term. Long term you will succeed in putting a system in place where healthy boundaries are put.
Your growing family will have a good physical and emotional space to thrive.
Now will your parents blame this decision on your wife? Highly possible, but when you know the intent behind this decision is noble, ignore the taunts and kindly ask your wife to become resilient to all this.
Think of WHY you had to take this decision which will not just help your family but also your parents and the relationship between the two sides.
A bit of inconvenience for a better larger term picture.

All the best to you!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 48 year old woman married for last 23 years. I live in a joint family with in laws and a unmarried sister in law of my age. I have two children, daughter aged 19 and son 16. My in laws did have cordial relationship among them and always lived in separate room. My sister in law also has severe depression and due that she is unmarried. Husband had a good job before pandemic but is not willing to work from last four years and is sitting at home. I don't have good relationship with my sister in law from day one without any reason. She finds faults with me. My in laws do not admit that sister in law has any depression. We don't have any social life. My in law does not let any one come in the house. This has taken a toll on my daughter who does enjoy social and avoids any interaction. My sister in law keeps on playing with strays dogs bringing them in the house and so my daughter. I am a working woman. I am very worried concerned and worried about my daughter although I have sent her in the hostel. The son is much affected and concentrating on his studies. Please help me.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your family. It seems like you're dealing with multiple challenges, including a strained relationship with your sister-in-law, your husband's unemployment, your in-laws' unwillingness to acknowledge your sister-in-law's depression, and the impact all of this is having on your children.

here are some suggestions that might help improve the situation:

Communication: Try to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and the impact his unemployment is having on the family. Express your feelings and discuss possible solutions together.
Seek professional help: Encourage your sister-in-law to seek professional help for her depression. Offer your support and understanding, and let her know that you care about her well-being. If she is unwilling to seek help, you may want to consider talking to a mental health professional yourself for guidance on how to deal with the situation.
Family meeting: Arrange a family meeting involving your husband, in-laws, and possibly your sister-in-law (if she is willing). Share your concerns about the strained relationships and the negative impact on your children. Try to find common ground and work together to establish healthier dynamics within the family.
Establish boundaries: Talk to your husband and in-laws about the need for personal space and privacy. Explain how it's affecting your daughter's social life and well-being. Encourage them to be more open to allowing visitors and social interactions within reasonable limits.
Support for your children: Continue supporting your daughter and son by providing a nurturing and understanding environment. Encourage your daughter to explore her interests and engage in social activities outside of the family. Consider involving them in extracurricular activities, clubs, or organizations that align with their interests to help them build a supportive social network.
Seek external support: If the situation doesn't improve, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support to you and your family members. They can help you navigate through the challenges and offer strategies for coping with the situation.
Remember that it may take time to resolve these complex issues, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being as well. Take care of yourself and seek support from friends or other family members who can provide a listening ear and advice during this difficult time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu...I dont want to be named but want to share my issues here with you to guidance. Im married and live with my wife and 2 year old son in Noida and my parents lives in some village in UP approx 500 Kms afar. My initial upbriging was done by my Grandparants at separate place till age of 10 so never got any chance to get along with my poarants very well as lived with them for only 4 years then shifted Noida. now the issue issus is my sister who is 5-6 years younger than me has been living with paranets since birth and became very arrogant and irresponsible in life as my parants never tried to correct her instead they always push me to get along citing Im older..she never even accepted my wife and even tried to conspire against my baby boy by filing my mothers mind for years. my parents married her 4 years ago but she dont spend even a month continuously at her inlawa and dont get along with them...she want to sta with my paranets as nobody bothers her in what she wants to do... when anybody try to make her realise that she is wrong she start threating them by saying that she will harm herself...actually she never does. My parents are getting older and dont want to see them suffer mentally and financially anymore but them cant come with me as they have take care of my Great Grandparents..she is too proud to say sorry to me for things she has done but my parents emotionally blackmailing to to talk to her....what should I do...
Ans: Dear R,
Obviously your parents have no clue that their over indulgence in your sister and her life is causing her misery. Their relationship is unhealthy and they are unaware of it...things are sure to go downhill until one of them pulls back...in this case, the ideal thing would be for your parents to pull back and cut financial and emotional support till she starts behaving like an adult and become accountable for herself and her life.
Some people just don't want to grow up...and that is because they have parents or parent figures who fill in their every need and fulfil their every want.
This becomes a habit and when they don't get what they want, they will threaten just like your sister does...she basically likes playing the 'child' and hence your parents are never out of their responsibility of parenting...make them aware that it is enough and a tough stance will set her right and help her build her life.
A grown up must be one and just keep the child alive in them...but here your sister just wants to be the child and keep happily playing thar role as the parents are allowing it...kindly intervene and help your parents understand and do the right thing for their daughter...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.
Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 30 years old, F, married (no kids yet) earning 1.3L/m. Currently I have 4 lakh in FD and a RD of 25K/m earning 7.1% interest. I have been doing SIP of 17.5K(and increase in SIP by 25% yearly). Also, I have an emergency fund of 4 Lakh in savings account. I don't have any knowledge of investment and not sure I am ready to take risk. Please suggest me how to asses risk and what are the best savings option for next 10-12 years.
Ans: It's great that you're taking steps towards financial planning and building wealth for your future. Assessing your risk tolerance is an important first step in determining your investment strategy. Here's a tailored approach to help you assess risk and explore suitable savings options for the next 10-12 years:

Risk Assessment:
Start by understanding your financial goals, time horizon, and comfort level with investment risk.
Consider factors such as your age, income stability, financial obligations, and future aspirations when evaluating risk tolerance.
Reflect on how you would react to market fluctuations and potential losses in your investment portfolio.
Investment Options:
Given your risk aversion, focus on low to moderate-risk investment options that offer stability and steady returns over time.
Explore fixed-income instruments such as Fixed Deposits (FDs), Recurring Deposits (RDs), and Debt Mutual Funds, which provide capital preservation and predictable returns.
Diversification:
While prioritizing safety and stability, consider diversifying your investment portfolio across different asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds or index funds with a conservative approach to benefit from potential long-term growth while minimizing volatility.
Savings Goals:
Identify your financial goals for the next 10-12 years, such as buying a home, starting a family, or saving for retirement.
Prioritize your savings goals based on their importance and urgency, and allocate your investments accordingly.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Periodically review your investment portfolio and reassess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and market conditions.
Adjust your investment strategy as needed to stay aligned with your objectives and adapt to changes in your financial situation or life circumstances.
Financial Education:
Invest time in learning about different investment options, risk management strategies, and personal finance principles.
Consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing.
Remember, while it's important to prioritize safety and stability, being overly conservative with your investments may hinder your ability to achieve long-term financial growth. Find a balance between risk and reward that aligns with your goals and comfort level. With careful planning and informed decision-making, you can build a strong financial foundation and work towards achieving your aspirations over the next decade.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir am 35yrs old , and i don't have any savings till now. I am planning to do SIP now onwards 30k per month and mai aim is to I need to achieve 1cr till 45yrs. Kindly suggest me some funds were can I invest.
Ans: Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a great step towards building wealth for your future goals. Given your goal of reaching 1 crore by the age of 45, it's essential to choose mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives. Here are some suggestions for mutual funds to consider for your SIP:

Diversified Equity Funds:
Look for funds that invest across various sectors and market capitalizations to spread risk.
Consider funds with a proven track record of consistent performance and experienced fund managers.
Large Cap Funds:
Large-cap funds invest in established and well-known companies with a track record of stable earnings.
These funds offer relatively lower risk compared to mid and small-cap funds, making them suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Mid and Small Cap Funds:
Mid and small-cap funds have the potential for higher growth but come with higher volatility.
Invest in these funds if you have a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon to ride out market fluctuations.
Balanced Funds:
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments.
These funds provide a balance between growth and stability, making them suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with potential for capital appreciation.
Index Funds:
Index funds replicate the performance of a specific market index, such as the Nifty or Sensex.
These funds offer low expense ratios and are ideal for investors looking for passive investment options with diversified exposure to the equity market.
Tax-saving ELSS Funds:
Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to benefit from tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
ELSS funds have a lock-in period of three years and invest primarily in equities, offering the potential for higher returns over the long term.
International Funds:
Explore international funds that invest in global markets to diversify your portfolio and access opportunities beyond domestic markets.
These funds provide exposure to sectors and companies not available in the Indian market and can offer diversification benefits.
Before investing, assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your needs and objectives. Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your goal of 1 crore by the age of 45. Remember, disciplined investing over time can help you achieve your financial aspirations.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

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Money
What should be the investment even after retirement and in which fund
Ans: Post-retirement, it's crucial to maintain a well-balanced investment strategy that aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and income needs. Here's a tailored approach to consider:

Investment Objectives:
Focus on preserving capital, generating regular income, and managing inflation risk to sustain your lifestyle in retirement.
Prioritize investments that offer stability, liquidity, and moderate growth potential to meet your income requirements.
Asset Allocation:
Allocate a portion of your retirement corpus to fixed-income investments such as bonds, debt funds, and Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) to provide a steady stream of income and capital preservation.
Maintain exposure to equity through balanced funds or conservative equity funds to benefit from potential capital appreciation while managing volatility.
Regular Income Generation:
Consider investing in dividend-paying mutual funds or systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) to generate a regular income stream from your investment portfolio.
Opt for funds with a history of consistent dividends or reliable income distributions to support your post-retirement expenses.
Risk Management:
Prioritize investments with lower volatility and downside protection to safeguard your retirement savings from market fluctuations.
Diversify across asset classes and investment vehicles to mitigate risk and enhance portfolio resilience.
Tax Efficiency:
Choose tax-efficient investment options such as tax-free bonds, dividend-paying funds, or capital gains tax-exempt instruments to optimize your post-retirement income.
Leverage tax-saving opportunities available to retirees, such as Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY), to maximize tax benefits.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Continuously monitor your investment portfolio and adjust your asset allocation and investment strategy based on changing market conditions, income requirements, and personal circumstances.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to ensure your investment plan remains aligned with your post-retirement goals and objectives.
Overall, maintain a balanced approach to post-retirement investing, focusing on income generation, capital preservation, and risk management. By diversifying across asset classes, prioritizing stability, and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can build a resilient portfolio that supports your financial well-being throughout retirement.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I started investing in MFs since 2007. These are the schemes where I am investing currently. Do I need to make any changes to my portfolio? I am planning to invest Rs 50,000 per month for a period of 20 years. I want a corpus of Rs 5 cr after 20 years. Do I need to add any new schemes to reach my target? * Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund G * Motilal Oswal NASDAQ 100 ETF * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Mfg Equity Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Tax Relief 96 * 360 One Focused Equity Fund - Growth * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Growth * Quant Tax Plan * Axis Bluechip fund * Canara Robeco Emerging Equities * Canara Robeco Equity Tax Saver * HDFC Gold Trader Fund Growth - Direct * HDFC Tax saver ICICI Prudential Technology Fund – Growth
Ans: You've built a diversified portfolio over the years, showcasing a thoughtful approach to long-term wealth creation. It's commendable how you've spread your investments across different market segments and themes.

To reach your target corpus of Rs 5 crore in 20 years with a monthly investment of Rs 50,000, it's essential to periodically review and adjust your portfolio. Consider rebalancing to ensure alignment with your goals and market conditions.

While your current portfolio includes a mix of equity, tax-saving, and thematic funds, consider adding diversified options to enhance portfolio resilience. Focus on funds with strong track records, experienced fund managers, and consistent performance.

As market dynamics evolve, keep an eye on new investment opportunities and emerging sectors. Stay informed and open to adjustments to optimize your portfolio for long-term growth and stability.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to stay patient, disciplined, and focused on your goals. With prudent planning and regular review, you're well-positioned to achieve your financial aspirations. Keep up the good work!

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |497 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Career
My daughter wants to pursue MBBS ,how can I get admission in AFMC pune
Ans: Hello Sir/Madam
Age: Candidates must be at least 17 years old and not more than 24 years old as of 31st December of the year of admission.

NEET UG Examination: Admission to AFMC Pune is through the NEET UG (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test for Undergraduate) examination conducted by the National Testing Agency (NTA). Candidates must appear for NEET UG and qualify with the minimum required percentile.

Online Registration: After the NEET UG results are declared, candidates who have qualified for NEET UG and meet the eligibility criteria for AFMC Pune need to register online on the official website of AFMC.

Screening Process: Shortlisted candidates are called for a screening process at AFMC Pune, which includes a written test, aptitude test, and interview. The written test assesses the candidate's scientific knowledge, the aptitude test evaluates the candidate's officer-like qualities, and the interview assesses the candidate's personality and suitability for a career in the Armed Forces.

Final Merit List: Based on the performance in the NEET UG examination, screening process, and other criteria, a final merit list is prepared for admission to AFMC Pune.

Medical Examination: Candidates who are selected based on the final merit list undergo a medical examination to ensure they meet the medical standards required by the Armed Forces.

Admission and Training: Selected candidates are admitted to AFMC Pune for the MBBS program and undergo training to become medical officers in the Armed Forces.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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