Dear Health Guru, Due to frequent uncalled for arguments and unnecessary pinching comments and not-likeable behaviour with myself,I started avoiding talking with elder sister on phone and visiting her place.I feel better without interaction and avoiding meeting her.This is not liked by my father to whom she complained about my not talking to her.As a result,he bullied me which really was upsetting.Recently,my sister visited us and she told me in a dictating voice that I am depressed that's why I don't talk to her.I felt so bad hearing her comment because I told her clearly many times that I don't like her way of treating me and her negative way of behaviour doesn't go well with me so I don't like to listen to her talks. My query--Should I please myself by avoiding interactions with her or should I please sister and father who label me depressed just because I dont like to involve in drama of sister? Please advise regarding my peculiar situation.Thanks for your response in advance.

Ans: Dear Anonymous.
Core relationships within the family are important and necessary for us to lead a happy life. We feel our sense of belonging within our core relationships.
Avoiding these relationships is not the way to cope with them as it will eat into your mind which is what is happening with you. Also understand that at times core relationships may not be very fulfilling and kind like the way you would want them to be.

So, expectations v/s reality...In reality, you do not share a very cordial connection with your sister and your father disapproves of it which makes you feel unloved. But that is the reality for now; what you can do is ignore the drama your sister is pulling you into...sometimes ignoring (not avoiding) teaches the other person how to behave with you in future. And if your father acts immature about it, politely tell him to stay out of it and that it is between you and your sister. Reclaim you place by increasing your worth in your eyes; that will help you navigate through difficulties in relationships. Things will begin to change either for the better or it will be at a neutral place where there is not much affection but there will be no anger between you and your sister.
Accept what it leads you to and be graceful about it. Difficult to do, but that's the only way you will be peaceful. Do remember, you always have a choice in whether you want to be in the drama created by someone else. Make that wise choice.

All the best!