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Arranged Marriage Advice: How to Talk to Boys & Convince Parents (30-Year-Old Female)

Anu Krishna |1465 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 07, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hai. Anu ji. I am at 30 and my parents want arranged marrg for me. I am ok with that. But how do I take my own decisions regarding boys whom I talk. I am intrested in a match where boy is 6 months younger to me and my parents don't want to marry me for a younger guy . They r stuck with old traditions. And how can we convince parents... Also while having discussion with boys how to belive what they say is true. How to decide which guy suits me .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Compatibility in terms of values and mind is something that you must look for.
Looks are a part of liking or not liking someone, I agree BUT do draw focus to whether your value systems on family, money, career, children, food etc match...
This is not about being choosy BUT about gathering necessary information before making a decision. These values are the ones that later go on either to cement the bond or create issues within the marriage. This is a way that you can decide whether a particular boy can be a life partner for you.
As far as convincing parents, in many of my responses I have mentioned: convincing someone against their wishes is a short-live phenomenon. Sooner than later, your parents will end up finding faults and making it harder for you and the boy.
Instead you and your partner attempt to gain your parents' favor by actually showing them why he is the right match for you.
It's easy to talk and convince, but when you actually need to demonstrate it, there's a chance of a WIN.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by keerthana - Apr 29, 2024Hindi

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Hi Mam, Actually I am self independent girl. I am not financially dependent on anyone. I am good in my career. I have a boyfriend the relationship is been 10 years. lastyear when i told my parents i wanted to get married to him, my parents opposed it . now they have fixed my marriage with someone else , i tried to tell the person who is going to get married to me that i am in relationship and i am not able to overcome with that. i am not interested in this marriage. The boy who is going to get married to me told all the details what i have informed to him regrading my relationship to my parents . and also he is saying me that he is going to give me a good life he wanted to marry me only. what should i do now even my parents wanted me to get married to the person who they have arranged wedding .But i am really not interested.

Ans: You are financially Independent. So how can he give you a good life? Your good life depends on you, not that guy. Go where your heart feels better.

Anu Krishna |1465 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi there, I have many things going in my life right now and I’m confused what to do, first thing I’m in a relationship with a man who’s 7 years older than me and is also not earning much, we are from different religions. Now as I’m 25 my parents are asking me to get married but some how I’m avoiding it, I’m currently living with them and I’m constant with growth in my career so they also want me to look for better opportunities. The thing is my boyfriend is also in the same city and I’m sad about going far away. He’s very supportive and motivates me to look further opportunities. But again my parents want an answer from me about marriage. And I discussed with my boyfriend as well and he understands that too but he doesn’t want to marry me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When he does not want to marry you, then what makes you waste so much time on him?
Move on with your life; it's not about getting married like the way your parents intend BUT more a signal to yourself to stop in your tracks and focus on what's important to you; your life...

He can be a good friend still supporting you (If the two of you can find that maturity) and you will both be able to walk on your own paths which isn't happening now. When he is clear that he is not going to commit to it, it should be enough data for you to look into yourself and know that you are trying hard to make something happen that does not want to happen. Making sense here?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1465 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hie I need an advice about marriage, I am 28 years old and wants to marry a guy who is younger than me, however earns good salary. Also we are from different caste. I am afraid of having conversation about this with my parents and also I am confused that how to have this conversation with my parents. He loves me a lot and always support me. Also i got engaged with different person (arranged marriage), however that person broke the engagement and now I wont be able to trust and give chance to a new person to come into my life.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why exactly did you get engaged with someone else when you say that you are in love with another person?
I don't get this...Have the conversation with you parents stating clearly what you want. Yes, your parents will and might oppose it for whatever reason, but if you and the boy are serious, then pursue it...
Then where is the question of a new person coming and your trusting etc. From your email/letter, one thing is clear to me is that: you have no idea what you want. You love someone and say that you want to marry him and then you go and get engaged to someone else and now you are wondering if you can trust someone new.
What is going on? What happens to your 'guy'? Are you serious about that relationship at all?
I think you really need to first sit and have a conversation with yourself and then talk to your parents, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Anu Krishna |1465 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Madam i am 31 yrs old female, I love my college mate he is of my age. We both love each other and he is of another faith. His parents are accept whatever he says, but my parents are not accepting. Since 4 years i am trying to convince them but they are not at all even trying to understand inspite they are trying to convince me to marry someone with in our caste. My boyfriend also spoke with my father but he is very stubborn about his decision. My boyfriend is asking me to take a decision to either choose him or my parents, i know he loves me a lot but he also concerns about our age. He said its already latr, if we marry now also we will be starting our life very late. What should i do my parents are very sensitive to the judgememnts of the society. If i choose him, i dont know how they gonna handle. But also i dont want to loose him. He dont want to wait now.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your boyfriend is right; make a decision and you are old enough to run your life the way that you want.
Someone is going to get hurt when you make a decision; you take that call...
You are telling me: I want to marry my boyfriend but my parents won't agree but I don't want to lose my boyfriend but I don't want to hurt my parents...
So many BUTs will just confuse matters. Make a decision, stick with it...things will fall in place.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025Hindi

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Im afarid to express my love to a women. She is very good looking and much more than that she had a good character. But the main problem arises is she is 171cm and I'm 165cm. I'm afraid may be I will get rejected. I love her so much. Should i I leave her and move on. And one thing also i don't even talk to her, I'm afraid to talk. Can you give some tips to talking also

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concern but how will you know whether height is an issue for her until you go ahead and speak to her? If you are worried about confessing your feelings for her directly, it's best you take things slow. Anyways, people are more likely to take such confessions on a positive note if they know the person.

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Best Wishes.

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