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Kanchan Rai |615 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 22, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025

I had engagement with girl in arrange marriage setup...all was good between us but after 4 months I discovered that she as also talking with her bf( 6 yr relationship )& met him once after engagement ..I read all chats & it seems that she had feelings for him. I confronted her now she say sorry, asked me to forgive & she is craving hard for me.I am not able to decide what should I do ....should I continue or break engagement

Ans: You entered this engagement with trust and the expectation of exclusivity, only to discover that she was still emotionally invested in someone else. That kind of betrayal can shake the foundation of any relationship, making you question not only her intentions but also your own ability to trust her moving forward.

Now, she is apologizing and asking for forgiveness, which means she acknowledges her mistake. But the real question is—do you believe that her regret comes from true self-realization, or is it because she got caught? People can crave security and stability, especially when they feel they are about to lose something, but that does not necessarily mean they have resolved their internal conflicts.

For you, moving forward requires clarity. Can you genuinely rebuild trust with her, knowing she had unresolved feelings for her ex even after committing to you? Can you let go of this hurt and believe that she will prioritize your relationship moving forward? More importantly, do you feel safe and respected in this relationship, or are you staying because of external pressures or emotional attachment?

Forgiveness is always possible, but reconciliation is a choice that depends on whether you see a future where this does not haunt you. If you decide to continue, she must show consistent effort, complete transparency, and a willingness to rebuild what was broken. If you feel this breach has damaged the foundation beyond repair, then stepping away might be the healthier choice. There is no right or wrong answer—only what aligns with your emotional well-being and long-term happiness.

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Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2022

Question by Mahesh - Jan 27, 2022Hindi

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I am Mahesh and I am in relationship from last 4 years and we were planning to get married. But all of a sudden things changed. My girlfriend started working and during that period she met with a guy and she said the person is her friend and she get good vibes while talking to him. I stated that you should limit your friendly behaviour with everyone and asked not to hang out with that person. Instead of taking thing into positive way she started disclosing the things and a day I saw her taking lift with that person. When I asked about that thing she said I didn't wanted to hurt you that's why I didn't told you anything about it because you will react badly. After that things have changed and we both are not having good relationship. Should I just end or should wait for some time?Thanks and regards,MB

Ans:

Dear MB,

Time to bring in that wise conversation, that will be open, vocal and honest.

Tell her how you feel; wait for her to respond without judging or demanding.

Also, ask yourself if you are being possessive and jealous and if your imagination is leading you to be insecure!

Whatever it is, do sit down and have that frank discussion with her before you decide one way or the other. Communication does solve a lot of things; so please use it wisely.

All the best!

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Anu Krishna |1639 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

Question by T - Oct 19, 2022Hindi

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Hi Anu, I am 35, male. We had a love marriage seven years ago after being together for eight years in friendship. During our courtship, she was in other city in India for three years her higher education.There she befriended a guy, her college mate and eventually we broke up. I was hurt badly. In 2013 she messaged me and asked to marry her but I didn't respond on social media. She would message me every 5-6 months initiating a talk but I never responded. She was in a relationship with the guy while she was messaging me (I read her messages post marriage hence I know).She also had one or two guys interested in her where she had casual talk relationship also while she was not interested in marriage with the first guy from her college. Meanwhile she kept messaging me also between 2013 and 2014.Somehow we met in 2015 and got married. Lately I happened to read messages somewhere on social media about her intimate relationship with the first person (the reason we broke up ) and I was devastated to know that as she had promised she didn't have any relationship with the particular person as it was the first condition for marrying her.Recently I read her messages again with some old friend of her where she approached him and instantly got into intimate chat with him to the extent that she said she loves him and plans to go on a trip with him citing official trip since she works. I am stunned since then. She claims to love me and plans our future and everything but somewhere I sense something is fishy.My queries Should I trust her?Should I confront her?What to do if she plans to go on trip with him while lying to me and I know about it? Should I confront her before she goes on trip?If she says sorry after confronting how can I trust?

Ans:

Dear T,

The very fact that you have approached me, a total stranger on the topic of whether you can trust your spouse or not, simply means that somewhere you have lost trust in her.

The timelines are a little confusing to me and hence what I would say to you is that: Past is the past and what happens there and what people do is what they can in the best possible manner. So, do not bring the past into a present decision.

But if there are any parallel relationships brewing now that are threatening your mind and the marriage, kindly confront her calmly and with ample evidence in your kitty to produce in case she denies them. But make sure that the evidence that you have is all real with time stamps on it.

Do make sure that the confrontation is not for you to prove a point and score high but it comes from a place where you want to know where this marriage is headed.

This helps avoid unnecessary arguments and will help you both be in a solution space.

If she says sorry, you need to ask yourself, if you can move ahead placing trust on her again.

What must she do to gain your trust? State this clearly to her. Move on this quickly before it eats your peace of mind.
All the best!

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