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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2021

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
K Question by K on Jun 09, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

I am going through a rough patch in my marriage and need an expert's advice badly since I do not have any elders or family members to help me out.

I am a Muslim lady. I had my first marriage to a Hindu guy going against my family, which did not work out and we got divorced mutually.

My family has since boycotted me and I am alone with a 14 year old daughter. (Mom stays with me but not much support)

I am a working woman, and don't have much issues financially. After a year or so of my divorce, I met a childhood friend of mine after long, we liked each other, we got close and decided to get married.

He was already married, but since in our religion, second marriage is legal and the second wife gets equal rights and respect as of first wife, I agreed for the marriage, which we solemnised secretly to not hurt his family (read his wife), but his dad supported us and agreed to our alliance too.

It is almost 8 years now since our marriage, my hubby is loving towards me and my daughter, but the problem is he rarely stays with us at nights, he will come in daytime, stay for 4-5 hours, have dinner and leave. Some weekends only, he will stay.

Initially I thought with time, it would change, but it's almost 8 years now, but nothing has changed and if I ask him, why he does not stay he says, 'office is far away; difficult to reach on time due to traffic and stuff.'

Now, his whole family also knows about his marriage, then also he hardly gives us time and no one from his family contacts me or keeps in touch with me.

Since I have been independent most of my life (I don't have a dad, bro or sis), I never asked for money since he also has a family to support. He will never give any on his own, even when I am short, he keeps saying he is in a financial crunch, once business picks up, he will take care of my expenses too.

Since I am an only child, I wanted a kid with him, but he kept procrastinating that too, saying condition (financial) is not good right now; additional responsibilities will be an added burden for both of us.

I live in a rented flat, while his family has his own (parents' home to be precise).

My daughter is now almost 15, and understands quite a lot of things and has started disliking him. I am also at my wit's end now.

I am tired and frustrated most of the time, feeling stuck. Any amount of talking and discussion only leads to arguments, and when he calms down, he would say he would try and change his ways but nothing changes.

Please suggest what I am supposed to do now. Talking to him is out of question, it’s absolutely no use.

I am even thinking of divorce now, (it's) better to live alone than with someone who makes you feel lonely. But I am afraid for my daughter, her marriage, the divorcee tag again and (she) being a laughing stock to society and family again, I do not know what to do. Please help me!

Ans: Dear K, well, I don’t want to be sounding judgmental here, but your husband seems to have it very conveniently laid out for him right now.

Two marriages; only one of which is out in the public and no kids from the second one. Nice arrangement, but one that makes you uncomfortable and now your daughter senses it too.

Ask yourself: what do I want from this relationship/marriage? Write it down clearly starting with the words: I want……… (Do not limit yourself or tell yourself what is possible or not; simply write everything that you want from it)

Once you have done that, go through it and check how many on the list seem like an absolute must have for you; those are some things that you value and cannot be compromised for anything. If you have already begun to compromise on them, then you have begun to devalue yourself and your future as well.

Stop right away and NOW. Anything or anybody who moves you away from what is important to you must absolutely not be given a place in your life.

Since, you mentioned talking to him is not an option, keep this list handy and picture what your life will be without him and check how it feels.

If it feels right moving on, just DO IT. Strength is in holding onto what you value and stand up for. But of course, if it helps, do try to have that discussion and iron things out.

Always remember: Value yourself and value what is important to you and let nothing or no one keep you away from that.

Wishing you a beautiful life!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 08, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu, 10+yrs of marriage with 9yr child. I am working and all financial burden is on me. I shifted separately from in-laws' house due to financial constraints and expectations. Though elder-in-law, my in-laws didn't try to stop our decision to move separately despite knowing that my hubby doesn't earn a single penny. They expected and I had to share financial expenses with my marginal income 10 years ago. After 5 years, we moved nearby and purchased our own house very little help from in-laws. I took loan and managed the rest with help from my family and friends. In between a lot happened. My father-in-law expired and my mother-in-law is a cancer patient. My mother-in-law started expecting from my hubby and me, probably because her younger son shifted with her family. She didn't want to live with them due to differences with her wife. She complained to my husband that we are not good enough to take care of her. I already had a lot of burden from office so I told my husband to take care of our child as well for sometime. He was quite depressed and frustrated with his inability to earn. Already lot of my hard-earned money has been put in his work n wasted.Now, the real problem during these difficult times began when we started fighting. I had lot of office stress and after mother in law complained, she shifted with her other son. At times, I got frustrated with my child also due to the whole mess, financial burden. I felt like all my hard earned money was wasted due to office stress and my hubby's irresponsible behaviour. He did not even take care of my child’s studies. He started watching porn... I saw him twice and even warned him. My husband started cheating on me with our maid. He did it when he was stressed because I was not able to give him time. I confronted him and since then it has been an emotional trauma. I am yet to accept it. 9 months have been passed. We decided on certain things but I couldn’t accept it.. Due to our emotional bond, I gave him another chance... During that time he accepted and was ready to leave everything and wanted me to be happy. He said he committed a big mistake but recently I found he called that b**ch later. When I confronted him he said he’d advised not to come home in front of his family members. I decided it would be best for him to move out and work from another place. My MIL was living with me but then I felt it too much at times.. now somewhat even my child has emotionally detached from him. It’s the same with him as we've been staying separately from 7 months. He visited 3 times during puja and other needs. I feel emotionally detached and I can’t digest the family situation.Sometimes I feel it's difficult to find the courage to avoid all and live alone. What's the point in living in a marriage for sake of it without having any emotional, physical, financial dependency or security?I am 39 and earn a decent salary at this moment. But I am not sure of my future as I work in a private firm. I am worried about my child’s education, old age, financial insecurity and burden. I haven’t been able to save much because of our financial liabilities and husband’s investments in businesses that never materialised.Before this incident, my husband supported me in my career and also to bring up our child. But what happened is too much and unexpected. Any suggestions?

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

Relationship
Hi Anu, Nice to contact you. I came across many of your conversations online and I would like to share my life situation. If you could help in any way it would be a great support. I am married since 4 and half years now but we have stayed together only for 1 and half years. Rest of it was purely long-distance relationship. It was an arranged marriage and I entered it with great hope and dreams. I still believe I have had only bare minimum expectations from my partner as that of any young woman. After the marriage got fixed I had to leave my job and stay at my hometown. He works in a distant state. We were all hoping that after marriage, I’d go and live with him so will search for a job later. Even during prewedding discussions the talk was that he will shift to a new home before marriage and after marriage he will take me along with him. But two weeks after our wedding he left to work leaving me at his home with his parents in our hometown. He didn’t explain or give any reasons. It broke me. Those 2 weeks were wonderful and the best time of our marriage life. He came after 2 months, rented a new house and took me with him. It was good although small and silly arguments would happen. He loved me and I stayed there for a month. We returned to hometown after a month. He left me there and returned to work in 1 week’s time. I stayed with his parents (in between his mother met with an accident and I stayed with her for like 2 months). He took me back to his place for 3 months. When financial circumstances got bad, he changed. He stopped expressing love in any form other than getting me variety of food items. There was no romance, small talks or travelling outside. He sent me back to my parents’ place for 7 months. It made me really mad and we started to fight over the phone making us more distant. He was facing financial crisis, I wanted to be supportive but he never shared his feelings or plans with me. I never felt involved. Without a job I went into depression. To sort things, I stayed with him for 9 months looking for a job. He never showed any interest. I stayed at home for all those months feeling depressive and insecure. There was no romance, emotional or physical.He is perfect in his words and promises but never in his actions. I believed and waited for 3 years. Then my in laws suggested a job but it was at my native place. As it suited my educational qualifications I showed interest and he said okay. I applied and got the job. Since then I have not visited him at his work place. It’s been 2 years now and I stay with his parents. Due to covid he didn’t come for home for a 1 and half. A few months ago he came and stayed for a week. When people see us it’s 4 and 1/2 years of marriage but for us it’s not. Since we don’t have kids people are suspecting a lot. I don’t blame them.Clearly not everything is alright.My husband is a lovely person and he cares so much but I feel he is controlling me. May be because of his lack of emotional availability. But many things have bothered me a lot since our wedding.My husband and I have never visited or travelled a place alone, ever. We never had a honeymoon.My husband has never introduced me to any of his friends.I know nothing of him through a third person, all I know is what he has told me.These days he hardly calls me. I tend to get more frustrated and cry sometimes by sharing my feelings with him if he called very late at night. So he stopped calling me. When I asked he replied “when I call at night you are complaining, fighting and crying so I don’t call” He is running away from situations. I replied to him “you know that I will cry and there is a reason for that. Instead to solving the situation and not to make me cry, you would rather prefer not to call”. He said “Yes”. So he refrains from anything that upsets him. Long time ago due to some misunderstandings I refused to be physically romantic with him and he did the same to me for months and years which is also why we don’t have kids. But I cant explain or share this with anyone. I doubt about my future as I am scared that I will never be blessed with a life with shared love and romance.I miss myself being in love and happy.I miss my own very smile.I don’t put all the blame on him because I know am not perfect. But am not that evil to be punished like this in my life. I do deserve some happiness. He hasn’t abused me but absence of abuse doesn’t mean a healthy relationship. I have always felt lonely. Rather than love I have felt more judged for my actions and thoughts.There is not a single day in life where I do not think about leaving this relationship but it has become very difficult to picture a happy healthy future with him.It has become hard to have a simple conversation with him now.I hope for a healthy relationship in which my partner and I could be vulnerable to one and other.Am I expecting too much from him? Is it that am not good enough for him?Will this too pass? I am worried.I would like to stay anonymous.
Ans:

Dear Anonymous,

These are your words that stood out for me.

‘I miss myself being in love and happy.

'I miss my own very smile.'

So, who is stopping you from these? Be in love, be happy, smile when you want.

You have tied these things to your marriage and have hoped that putting things together will bring a smile back on your face. As much as it’s true, it won’t be long lasting.

Now let’s focus on your marriage. What is this ‘being sent here, sent back there’?

What are you, some parcel/courier package to be sent here and there at will?

The first time that you felt that this being sent here and there was NOT OKAY, that would have been the time to voice it out.

Situations of a husband and wife being physically apart can come in anytime during a marriage. But this has to be handled with a lot of love and communication and not keeping silent and controlling it his way.

What has caused your hurt is the fact of non-communication from him, inability to validate your feelings, making you feel guilty for expressing your feelings and his unwillingness to work on this?

Request a person known to both of you to mediate to set up a meeting if both of you want to be in this marriage and live in peace and harmony. If you don’t step up now, things will be emotionally draining.

Also, as a woman, you don’t have to feel guilty for saying that something is not alright and that you want things to be different. You do not have to mask it with a statement that ‘he is a good man’ etc.

Be honest to yourself about what you feel and what you want. It helps putting things into perspective faster. STEP UP NOW and SPEAK.

Do that favour onto yourself please and also expect things to go the other way especially if he does not want to mutually set things right.

No matter what, know that strength from within is what will help you sort things for the better.

Be strong and value yourself. All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

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Relationship
Hello love guru. I wanted to know if I am wrong or right. As my husband has blocked me from phone by all means and do not even talk to me, so what should I do? I am working far from my Father in laws home where he stays with his brother (divorcee). He is not working and I am working and taking care of two daughters. Whenever he comes here, he fight a lot saying insane and sarcastic words to me. Since two and half months he stayed with us and left us (though he sometimes talk to my daughters only). I feel alone and nobody is there to support me or even talk to me for my emotional support. Now somebody has started talking to me and even I started, I really do not know what to do. Kindly guide. I told this to my husband also and he says whatever you wish you do.. I do not know why he says like this..He did not even tried to search a job where I am working, but when he went to inlaws there he started searching interestingly. If we do not talk then how  our relation will continue being husband. Also I found many times that he keep on searching call girls from his mobile phone search history and even his friends at inlaws told me that they saw girl accompanying him..but even I want to forget all these things as I found my daughters feel happy to talk to him..but what about my emotions and my physical needs..who will take care of if this keep on continued...as after marriage I found no happy-happy situations for me atleast..he says he lost all his jobs because of me..But all baseless objections...and blames me, harms me by beating also some times..I some times cry alone... but  this is not the life I expected after working so hard...I also used to pay him all money whatever he and whenever he demnaded.. I paid more than 10 lakhs of savings to him till date and did not even ever counted..he also stolen all gold from home without even asking me..I want to forgive him for all but when he is not interested in talking to me and just ignores me then how and why I should continue with him..just because he is my husband..or should I remarry to someone who is really willing to marry me...knowing all these things..or should I dont? As a mother of two daughters I sometimes think..that my only responsibility is to upbring my daughters...but then I also needs someone's emotional support...though economically independent..I also said to him to give me alimony as he does not pay anything to me and also file for divorce...as even I have a right to live happily...kab tak aise hi aansu bahau uske liye jisne mujhe block hi kar rakha hai from phone? I am confused please help me out!!
Ans: You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair. He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’. Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately. Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should cut him loose immediately.   

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |880 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2022

Relationship
 Hello mam,(I want to remain anonymous )I want to ask regarding my relationship with my husband.We got married in 2013 and after a month and so...He started saying I shouldn't mingle with Muslim friends who were my colleagues in my office. I told him they are good people and we've never had such kind of differences. But he got angry and from here one by one he started picking fights for each and everything. Since we are newly weds, I asked if we can explore new nearby(one day trip)places during the weekend, which he didn't do. My parents lived nearby and since we used to stay at home they'd call us on weekends for lunch or dinner. He started fighting for that also. He also started body shaming me saying I have gained weight (and everyone in his home are commenting about my weight). I had only gained 3 kgs after my marriage.He said I have relationships with colleagues even after my engagement, which was not the case. Later he said I shouldn't go out for lunch meetings arranged by the company for the whole team. He said I'm wasting time in the company and there is no bright future. I tried to find a job outside but I couldn't cope up with the demeaning and exhausting behaviour in the house and non-stop workload in the office. I agree I was a bit lazy to find a new job but I couldn't do it. In 2015 I left the job and was jobless for 2 months (this happened drastically after a big fight in his hometown that too for trivial reasons). During these two months he made my life a living hell. He would fight for the smallest of things. I had to take care of the house, his younger brother and sister. There were times when we fought because I took care more of his siblings and not him (I used to wonder why he is being hostile when taking care of his family).In 2016 we started our family planning and by God's grace we had baby in 2017. Even when I was pregnant he used to pressurize me to ask my mom to come and take care of me but my mom used to work in a different city and I was thoroughly taken care by my granny and my father. He had problems with that as well. When he started fighting for this matter, I asked him to bring his mother (I knew it was not possible because it's difficult to leave the home and come take care of me) but he kept on saying weird things and insulting my mother saying she is dominating, irresponsible.After having the baby he left me in his hometown for 1 whole year saying that till I prepare myself for the interview and find a new job he will not live with me. I kept begging him, fought with him and even tried to commit suicide because I didn't want to live there anymore after 8 months. I just wanted to come back and have my family which he denied saying he has financial problems. Ultimately I had to pressurise my parents to intervene and take me and my child to their home.Whenever he felt like seeing his daughter he used to come. Otherwise he totally ignored us. My parents and I begged him to come home and stay but he refused (we had a tight financial situation so we couldn't afford a house). My father arranged a small home without any amenities to keep his house's unwanted things. My husband said he will stay there and not in my parents’ house for which I objected. Yet he stayed there for almost 6 months. Later I found a job and moved to a new house.When the pandemic hit I lost my beloved father and my job. I could have saved him but my husband did not allow me to go to my parents place even after explaining to him the situation that my parents are facing. My father did not die of Covid but due to medical negligence. He wanted me to cook and take care of his family in his hometown.He suggested my mother and brother to take leave of two months and sort out all the legal activities which they couldn't. My brother had to leave for his job overseas and mother back to her job. She used to come every three weeks and ask for my help to get things done. He got angry for that and kept on blaming me that I only take care of my family and not him. After my father's death he started insulting my mother. He even made his father to call my mom and talk cheap with her and my brother.Fast forward to now, we have been fighting non-stop and every week there will be a fight, name calling, vulgar words exchanged. He stops talking to me for months together and there has hardly been any physical or emotional intimacy. Even after I confess, cajole and plead with him to sort out our family, he agrees momentarily and again within a week there will be a new topic to fight on in such a way it goes to extremes.This roller coaster ride -- the fights in our relationship -- has affected my child immensely and sometimes for the sake of the child we plan not to divorce each other. But I'm guilty that I'm not providing my child a healthy environment. That I'm not a good wife. I'm confused whether I should continue in this relationship or quit it for the betterment of the three of us because I cannot take this emotional abuse and have my child watching me cry non-stop. Please guide me if my husband will change in future. Should I try counselling or do I divorce him? Because whenever I keep my hopes positive, he goes back to his old ways.
Ans:

Dear VS,

You are married to a man who gets his self-esteem and validation by showing you in poor light, exercises control by telling you who your professional/social circle should be, makes you weak by detaching you from your parents and those who are your support system.

Does this put things into perspective for you as to where you are in within your marriage?

Once you fulfil the above, he might be willing to somewhat accept you, but there will be constant new demands to keep his self-esteem high. It’s all about him, him, and him.

Does he need to visit a professional who can guide him to a better way of thinking? Yes, but that will happen only when he acknowledges his false sense of existence and flushed ego.

If that is possible, do visit a professional who can help him ably and then he might be able to see the marriage in a new light and his contribution towards it.

Till then, this seems to be a battle with a child who is adamant about getting one candy and then another and yet another and then crying out loud when denied.

The child is absolutely growing up in an emotionally challenging environment and this will obviously affect his growth, both physically and emotionally.

I am glad you have been thinking about what to do and now you know what an absolute must-have for the marriage is, to continue.

He must change the way he thinks and acts and treats you like his partner and not someone who was married to him for his sense of validation and self-esteem.

Be wise, watch and decide!

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Hi I am a 65 year old house wife looking for investment options to take care of myself. Income sources : Son gives 10000 and husband gives 3000 per month. I have an existing FD of 2 lakh rupees. Where all I can invest and I don't have a health insurance, any suggestions to plan my investment as well as health policy
Ans: It's wonderful that you're thinking about your financial security. Here are some ideas to consider:

Understanding Your Income:

Combined Income: You have a combined monthly income of Rs. 13,000 (Rs. 10,000 from son + Rs. 3,000 from husband).

Financial Goals: Consider your financial goals. Are you looking for regular income, to grow your savings, or both?

Investment Options:

FD Reinvestment: Consider reinvesting your existing FD or its interest to earn compound interest.

Debt Funds: Debt funds offer stability and regular income, potentially suitable for your situation.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): This government scheme offers attractive interest rates for senior citizens.

Importance of Health Insurance:

Medical Expenses: Medical emergencies can be expensive. Health insurance can help manage these costs.

Senior Citizen Plans: Many insurance companies offer health insurance plans specifically designed for senior citizens.

Benefits of a CFP:

Personalized Plan: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is recommended. They can assess your needs, risk tolerance, and suggest suitable investment options and health insurance plans.
Here's a simplified example (not a recommendation):

Invest Rs. 50,000 in Debt Funds (SIP): Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in debt funds for regular income.

Invest Remaining in SCSS: Invest the remaining amount in SCSS for a good interest rate and safety.

Get a Senior Citizen Health Insurance Plan: Choose a health insurance plan that covers your needs and budget.

Remember:

Review Regularly: Review your investments and health insurance plan (at least annually) with your CFP to ensure they remain aligned with your needs.

Start Investing Early: Even a small amount invested regularly can grow significantly over time.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund with 3-6 months of living expenses for unexpected situations.

By taking charge of your finances and getting proper health coverage, you can secure a brighter future for yourself!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am 37 and have wife and a son of age 7 years. I am not yet invested in markets and a corpus of around 30 lacs is invested in various FDs .However I would like to make a lump sum investment of around 23 lakhs in markets through various instruments out of these FDs as I understand these are not optimal enough and additionally start some SIPs. I am an executive in a PSU for last 14 years and wish take aim at two goals: a)Gathering a sufficient corpus for my son's education at the end of eleven years from now and b) Having a decent amount to retire with at an age of sixty .My in hand salary is around 1.25 lacs/month .Kindly suggest a plan as to diversification of these monetary assets for these goals.
Ans: Building Wealth for Your Family's Future: A Smart Move!
Congratulations on taking charge of your family's financial future! Moving Rs. 23 lakh from FDs to markets for your son's education and retirement is a wise decision. Here's a roadmap to consider:

Financial Goals:

Child's Education (11 Years): You need a corpus in 11 years for your son's education.

Retirement (23 Years): You aim to retire comfortably at 60 (23 years from now).

Investment Strategy:

Diversification is Key: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread your Rs. 23 lakh investment across different asset classes to manage risk.

Consider a CFP: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is recommended. They can assess your risk tolerance, income, and create a personalized plan.

Potential Asset Allocation:

Equity Funds (SIPs & Lump Sum): Invest a portion in diversified equity mutual funds (SIPs and lump sum) for potentially higher growth over the long term. Actively managed funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Debt Funds (SIPs): Invest another portion in debt funds (SIPs) for stability and regular income. This could help meet your son's education needs closer to the time.

Gold (Small Portion): Consider a small allocation to gold for portfolio diversification.

Benefits of SIPs:

Rupee-Cost Averaging: SIPs help you invest regularly and benefit from rupee-cost averaging, potentially reducing the impact of market volatility.
Here's a simplified example (not a recommendation):

Equity Funds (60%): Invest 60% in a mix of Large-Cap and Multi-Cap equity funds (SIPs and lump sum).

Debt Funds (30%): Invest 30% in debt funds (SIPs) with a maturity horizon aligned with your son's education goal.

Gold (10%): Invest 10% in gold ETFs or Gold Savings Funds.

Remember:

Review Regularly: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with your CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving goals.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund with 3-6 months of living expenses in easily accessible savings.

Long-Term View: Focus on the long term for your goals. Equity markets can be volatile in the short term.

By consulting a CFP and implementing a diversified investment strategy, you can increase your chances of achieving your financial goals for your son's education and a comfortable retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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I am 55 years of age and have 10 lakh in equity 2lakh in nifty and mf and 2 crore in pf. I want 2lakh post retirement
Ans: Planning for Your Retirement: Reaching Your Rs. 2 Lakh Monthly Goal
That's a fantastic question! Having Rs. 2 crore in your PF puts you in a good position for retirement. Here's how to potentially achieve your Rs. 2 lakh monthly goal:

Current Portfolio:

Strong PF Corpus: Your Rs. 2 crore PF corpus is a great foundation for retirement income.

Equity Investments: Your investments in equity and Nifty mutual funds have growth potential but also come with risk.

Estimating Retirement Income:

PF Pension: You can expect a monthly pension from your PF contributions. A CFP can help estimate the amount.

Investment Income: Your equity investments could generate income through dividends or capital appreciation. However, returns cannot be guaranteed.

Reaching the Rs. 2 Lakh Goal:

Bridging the Gap: There might be a gap between your estimated retirement income and your Rs. 2 lakh monthly goal.

Planning & Professional Guidance: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is recommended. They can assess your situation and suggest strategies to bridge the gap.

Potential Strategies:

Retirement Planning Tools: CFPs can use retirement planning tools to estimate your future income needs and suggest how to reach your Rs. 2 lakh goal.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): A CFP can recommend creating an SWP from your existing investments to generate a regular income stream.

Additional Investments: They might suggest investing a portion of your equity corpus into debt funds for stability and regular income.

Remember:

Investment Horizon: Consider how long you plan to invest before needing the income. A longer horizon allows for potentially higher returns but also comes with higher risk.

Review and Adjust: Your retirement plan needs to be reviewed and adjusted periodically (at least annually) to reflect changes in your life and market conditions.

By consulting a CFP, you can create a personalized retirement plan that increases your chances of achieving your Rs. 2 lakh monthly goal!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I get long term benefit of Rs 1.46 lakh and short term benefit of Rs 48000/-.can I over Rs 50000/- in ELSS mutual fund to save long term capital gain tax in long term benefit of profit?
Ans: Looking to save tax on your long-term capital gains is a smart financial decision! Here's how ELSS (Equity Linked Saving Scheme) funds can help:

ELSS and Long-Term Capital Gains:

Tax Exemption: ELSS investments offer tax exemption up to Rs. 1.5 lakh under Section 80C.

Long-Term Benefit: If you hold your ELSS units for over one year, gains exceeding Rs. 1 lakh are taxed at a concessional rate of 10%.

Your Scenario:

Long-Term Gain: Your Rs. 1.46 lakh long-term gain can potentially be exempt from tax if invested in ELSS before the end of the financial year.
Using ELSS to Offset Gains:

Amount to Invest: While you can invest any amount in ELSS, to offset your entire gain, you'd need to invest an amount that after considering expense ratio (fund fee) leaves you with Rs. 1.46 lakh. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help calculate the exact amount.
Important Reminders:

Lock-in Period: ELSS comes with a 3-year lock-in period. You cannot withdraw your money before that.

Market Volatility: Equity markets are volatile. Invest for the long term (5+ years) to ride out market fluctuations.

Benefits of Consulting a CFP:

Investment Strategy: A CFP can assess your risk tolerance and financial goals and suggest a suitable ELSS fund or a combination of funds for your investment.

Portfolio Review: They can review your existing investments and recommend how ELSS can fit within your overall portfolio strategy.

ELSS is a great tax-saving tool, but remember, it's also an equity investment. Consider consulting a CFP to ensure it aligns with your financial goals!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I want 1 crore for corpus. I invest monthly SIP 30000/- . Pls suggest best fund.
Ans: the best fund for you depends on several factors, including:

Investment Horizon: How long do you plan to invest until you need the Rs. 1 crore? A longer timeframe allows for more aggressive investments with higher growth potential but also higher risk.
Risk Tolerance: How comfortable are you with potential losses? Lower risk tolerance suggests a more conservative portfolio with a larger debt allocation.
Financial Goals: Is this Rs. 1 crore for retirement, a child's education, or another goal? Your goals will influence your investment strategy.
Here's what I can recommend:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP): A CFP can consider your unique circumstances and create a personalized investment plan to achieve your Rs. 1 crore goal.

Consider a Diversified Portfolio: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. A diversified portfolio with a mix of asset classes (equity, debt, etc.) can help manage risk. Actively managed funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Start an SIP in Equity Funds: If you have a long investment horizon and a moderate risk tolerance, consider a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in diversified equity mutual funds. SIPs help you invest regularly and benefit from rupee-cost averaging.

Here's an example (not a recommendation):

Invest in a Multi-Cap Fund (SIP): A Multi-Cap Fund invests across market capitalizations (large, mid, small).

Invest in a Flexi-Cap Fund (SIP): A Flexi-Cap Fund allows the fund manager more flexibility in choosing companies across market capitalizations.

Invest in a Debt Fund (SIP): A Debt Fund provides stability and regular income.

Remember:

There's no guaranteed path to Rs. 1 crore. Investment markets are volatile, and returns cannot be guaranteed.

Review Regularly: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with your CFP to ensure it remains on track.

By consulting a CFP and building a diversified portfolio, you can increase your chances of achieving your Rs. 1 crore goal!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I am 61 years retired person, majority of retirement funds invested in FDs and have MF investment in few funds. Iam getting pension required for maintenance as of now. Parakh Parikh Flexi Fund (Balance Rs.3 lakh with monthly SIP of Rs 2500/-, other than this, I have SBIMF Small Cap Rs.5 lakh, SBI Bluechip 3.50 lakh, Sundaram Midcap 2 lakh, Nipon India Largecap Rs. 2 lakh, ICICI Prudential Infrastructure Rs. 2 lakh, Bandhan Infrastructure Rs. 2 lakh. Contrubuting Rs. 50,000/- pa in NPS for tax purpose. Please guide
Ans: That's a great question, sir! You've made smart choices by investing in FDs for safety and some MFs for growth. Here's a breakdown of your portfolio and some suggestions:

Current Portfolio Mix:

Large Focus: A significant portion is in large-cap funds (SBI Bluechip, Nippon India Largecap) offering stability but potentially lower growth.

Small & Mid-Cap Exposure: You have exposure to small-cap (SBI Small Cap) and mid-cap funds (Sundaram Midcap) which can offer higher growth potential but also come with higher risk.

Infrastructure Focus: Investments in ICICI Prudential Infrastructure and Bandhan Infrastructure provide exposure to a specific sector.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Parag Parikh Flexi Cap offers diversification across market capitalizations.

Potential for Improvement:

Review Asset Allocation: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to assess your risk tolerance and adjust your asset allocation (mix of investments) if needed. They can help ensure a balance between stability (debt) and growth (equity).

Sector Concentration: Consider reducing your exposure to the infrastructure sector if a large part of your portfolio is already there. Diversification helps manage risk.

Review Fund Performance: Review the performance of your existing funds. A CFP can help analyze their performance and suggest replacements if necessary.

Benefits of a CFP:

Personalized Plan: A CFP can create a personalized investment plan considering your retirement goals, risk tolerance, and existing investments.

Ongoing Monitoring: They can monitor your portfolio and recommend adjustments as your needs evolve.

Your NPS contribution is commendable! It provides tax benefits and some retirement income.

Remember:

Risk Tolerance: As a retiree, your risk tolerance might be lower. A CFP can help adjust your portfolio accordingly.

Regular Review: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with a CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your goals.

By consulting a CFP, you can potentially optimize your portfolio for stability, growth, and income needs during your retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Quant value fund or quant infrastructure fund advisable to invest war time
Ans: Wartime can be a challenging time for investors. Here's a breakdown of Quant Value Fund and Quant Infrastructure Fund to help you decide which might be more suitable:

Understanding the Options:

Quant Value Fund: This fund focuses on undervalued stocks, aiming to buy them at a discount and potentially benefit when their prices rise.

Quant Infrastructure Fund: This fund invests in companies related to infrastructure development (roads, bridges, etc.). Infrastructure projects might be less affected by war compared to other sectors.

Wartime Considerations:

Market Volatility: Stock markets can be very volatile during wartime. Both Quant Value and Quant Infrastructure Funds could experience price fluctuations.

Economic Uncertainty: Wars can create economic uncertainty, impacting both stock and infrastructure sectors.

Potential Advantages of Quant Value Fund:

Long-Term Growth: Value investing focuses on long-term potential. If the war resolves and the economy recovers, undervalued stocks could see significant growth.
Potential Advantages of Quant Infrastructure Fund:

Defensive Investment: Infrastructure projects are often considered essential and might be less impacted by short-term disruptions.
Important Note:

No Guarantee of Performance: Past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results. Both funds could experience losses during wartime.
Recommendation:

Seek Professional Guidance: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is highly recommended. They can assess your risk tolerance, investment goals, and existing portfolio to suggest the most suitable option during wartime.
Additional Considerations:

Diversification: Consider diversifying your investments beyond just Quant funds. This can help mitigate risk during volatile times.

Long-Term Focus: Maintain a long-term perspective. While wartime can create short-term challenges, markets tend to recover over time.

Remember:

Wartime is unpredictable. Investing during such periods comes with inherent risks.

Professional guidance is valuable. A CFP can help you navigate these uncertainties and create a sound investment strategy.

By seeking professional advice and potentially diversifying your portfolio, you can potentially make informed investment decisions during this challenging time!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I have invested rs 5 lac in axis tax saver direct growth on 10th april.is it a good fund and can i tansfer to direct IDCW plan.
Ans: That's a great question! Investing Rs. 5 lakh in Axis Tax Saver Direct Growth on April 10th shows initiative. Here's a breakdown of your current fund and the pros and cons of Direct vs. Regular Mutual Fund investment plans:

Axis Tax Saver Direct Growth:

Reputable Fund House: Axis Mutual Fund is a well-established fund house.

Tax Benefits: ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds offer tax deductions under Section 80C.

Direct Plan: You've chosen a Direct Plan, which has a lower expense ratio (fee) compared to a Regular Plan. However, there are some trade-offs to consider:

Disadvantages of Direct Plans:

No Advisor Guidance: Direct plans don't involve a distributor or advisor. You'll need to do your own research and choose funds.

Limited Support: There might be limited hand-holding or investment guidance compared to a Regular Plan.

Portfolio Management: The responsibility of monitoring your portfolio and making adjustments falls on you.

Benefits of Regular Plans (through a Mutual Fund Distributor - MFD):

Personalized Advice: An MFD can assess your risk tolerance and goals, recommending suitable funds.

Ongoing Support: They can provide ongoing support, answer your questions, and help navigate market fluctuations.

Convenience: They handle paperwork, account opening, and transactions, saving you time.

MFD with CFP Qualification:

Expert Guidance: Consider an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) qualification. They have advanced financial planning knowledge and can create a personalized investment plan for you.
Considering Transfer to IDCW Plan:

Exit Load: Check if Axis Tax Saver Direct Growth has an exit load (fee for exiting within a specific period).

Similar Investment Style? Ensure the IDCW plan has a similar investment style and tax benefits as your current fund.

Review Both Funds: Research both Axis Tax Saver Direct Growth and the IDCW plan to compare their performance and investment strategies.

Remember:

Long-Term View: Focus on your long-term investment goals. Equity markets can be volatile in the short term.

Diversification Matters: Consider if this ELSS fund fits with your overall asset allocation (mix of investments).

By potentially consulting an MFD-CFP, you can gain valuable guidance and build a portfolio aligned with your goals, even if you decide to stick with your Direct Plan!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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I am 32 and wants to initiate SIP amounting INR 15000-20000 per month . Can you guide me how to initiate this , it will be for long term min. next 10-15 year . My goal is to have decent savings and funds for my just born baby future
Ans: Starting SIPs for You & Your Little One: A Smart Move!
Congratulations on becoming a parent and thinking about your future! Starting a SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) of Rs. 15,000-20,000 per month is a fantastic decision for your long-term goals (10-15 years). Here's how to get started and some tips:

Choosing a Platform:

Multiple Options: You can invest in SIPs through various platforms:
Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP: Get personalized advice and invest through their platform.
Online Investment Platforms: Invest directly on user-friendly platforms.
Benefits of Each Platform:

MFD-CFP: They assess your risk tolerance, goals, and recommend suitable funds. They can also help choose an online platform.
Online Platforms: Convenient and offer a variety of investment options.
Initiating Your SIP:

Simple Process: Once you choose a platform and funds, setting up an SIP is straightforward.

Automated Investment: SIPs automatically deduct a fixed amount from your bank account every month, ensuring disciplined investing.

Investing for Your Child:

Separate SIP: Consider a separate SIP for your child's future goals (education, etc.). A CFP can help choose child-specific plans.
Remember:

Start Early: The power of compounding can significantly grow your investments over time. 10-15 years is a great investment horizon.

Diversification is Key: Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds to balance growth potential with stability. Actively managed funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Review Regularly: Review your SIPs (at least annually) with your MFD-CFP to ensure they remain aligned with your evolving goals.

Congrats on taking charge of your finances! SIPs are a powerful tool to build wealth for you and your child's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |2609 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am just start sip UTI NIFTY F 50 3500 UTI NEXT 50 2500 PARAG PARAGH FELXI CAP 4000 NAVI MIDCAP 150 2500 QUANTH SMALL 2000 ITS GOOD SIR
Ans: Let's analyze your chosen SIP portfolio and discuss some potential adjustments:

Current Portfolio Breakdown:

Focus on Large & Mid-Cap: UTI Nifty 50 and UTI Next 50 focus on large and mid-cap companies, offering good growth potential but also some risk.

Two Mid-Cap Funds: Having Navi Midcap 150 and another mid-cap fund (Quant Small) might have some overlap in holdings.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Parag Parikh Flexi Cap offers diversification across market capitalizations, which is a positive.

Potential for Improvement:

Reduce Overlap: Consider consolidating your mid-cap allocation by potentially choosing just one well-diversified mid-cap fund.

Review Actively Managed vs. Passively Managed: UTI Nifty 50 and UTI Next 50 are actively managed funds, which involve higher fees. Research passively managed index funds to understand their cost structure.

Here's a Suggestion (but consult a CFP for a personalized plan):

Large & Mid-Cap (40%): Invest in a diversified large & mid-cap fund (like a Nifty 50 Index Fund).

Multi-Cap (30%): Consider a Multi-cap fund that invests across market capitalizations.

Flexi-Cap (30%): Maintain your investment in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap for diversification.

Remember:

Risk Tolerance: This is just a suggestion. Adjust the allocation based on your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Review Regularly: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to ensure it remains aligned with your goals.

Professional Guidance: A CFP can analyze your risk profile, financial goals, and existing investments to create a personalized SIP plan.

Overall, your chosen funds are from reputable AMCs. However, some adjustments can potentially improve diversification and potentially reduce costs!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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