Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Anu Krishna |1621 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 22, 2024Hindi

Listen

Hi I have a friend who is married and they are in mid 30's and the main problem is regarding baby my friend have seen other women in past and level of physical satisfaction he had is his past relationships he seeks the same physical satisfaction with his wife too (things like oral sex etc.) But his wife is reluctant for that type of sex and because of that their sex life has taken toll and they hardly have any physical relation between them.......please suggest how can they cope up with situation because to have baby physical intimacy is required.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Oh, now your friend is indulging in the game of comparing who gave him better sex? Wow! And what if his wife does the same and then concludes that she is not satisfied with what your friend does for her in bed? Is he going to learn all the new tricks to perform for her in bed so that she is satisfied?
This kind of comparison and expectation is what is killing their intimate moments. Your friend certainly cannot compare his past experiences with his current one and each partner have a different level of comfort with what they want in bed and what they want to do in bed.
Not every person likes to explore and experiment with different shades of sex. And even is your friend wants his wife to explore it, it's not by insistence or force but by making her comfortable with the idea and slowly introducing newer shades. If she still is not okay, kindly tell your friend to drop his plan as it will only upset their married life.
Marriage isn't about searching outside for what you don't have BUT learning to together as a couple grow that within the marriage and also respect if that is not either of the partners want.
As for having the baby, no special tricks or out of the ordinary sexual act is necessary...it's a natural and beautiful process that is not hampered by stress or unnecessary expectations.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

RelationshipReply

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu Krishna |1621 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2021

Question by A - Jul 15, 2021Hindi

Listen

Hi Anu,I am a regular rediff news reader.I went through some of you post and I felt I can surely request you to help me in my situation.We are married since February 2017. We had a pretty good life in terms of physical and emotional as well.In Dec 2018 we had a child but after that there is a change in my wife's sexual behaviour.She is willing to have sex; we do get involved as well also. We become passionate in kissing and all but unfortunately she doesn't get wet.It's very difficult for me to keep my focus and I lose my erection.Just want to ask you is this because of change in hormonal issue due to birth of child or is this something we need to seek a professional to help us.She is really loving, caring and even she is disappointed with this.We even had a conversation over this. I asked her if she is no more interested in sex or if she doesn't find (me) attractive. Her answer was 'nothing like that'. She is very happy with me as a husband.

Ans: Dear A, being a mother is a big blessing for a woman.

She transitions into a beautiful phase of her life. But with this comes the responsibility of caring for a new-born or in your case a toddle round the clock.

She hardly has the time to focus on being a wife with the constant feeding and changing of nappies.

Added to that is she’s working, then there’s additional office work besides also taking care of the household chores.

Also, a woman goes through a lot of changes in her body after the delivery and for a few women sex is off the cards for a while after that.

This could be because some women feel that their body is not what their husbands will love anymore and also her focus has shifted on to her baby who needs her love, care and support 24/7.

There is a bond between the mother and the child that at times can irk a few husbands who can translate that as feeling ignored and angry.

This is the time the new father can also spring into action and come together for his lady and his child.

Support your wife unconditionally and love her without any expectations in return

Offer to care for the baby so that she can take some time-off to rejuvenate herself

Encourage her to indulge in a hobby that she might have stopped because of the baby; this will help her be in a happy space

Compliment her and engage in a little off-the-bedroom intimacy like hugging, kissing and holding hands

Watch movies together and do a couple of things that bonded you as a couple before the baby arrived

Smile at her warmly and reassure her that no matter what nothing has changed and that she is still the woman that you loved and married

Does this work? Yes, it does…Love and reassurance can cause a lot of calmness in her and arouse her better in bed.

And if there’s something still amiss, then maybe you could talk to a gynecologist who can guide both of you on the next steps and rule out any medical challenges. All is well.

Simply be in Love. Wishing you and your family a beautiful life!

Relationship