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Is it Okay to Develop Feelings for a Female Colleague at 50 with a Loving Family?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Rupannita Question by Rupannita on Nov 25, 2024Hindi
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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. Now we both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,

Ans: The first step in addressing this is to recognize that feelings, while they can be powerful, do not define actions. You’ve already demonstrated a strong commitment to your family by maintaining boundaries and shifting your relationship with your colleague to a purely professional one. This shows a conscious effort to align your actions with your values, which is an important foundation.

It’s also important to reflect on what might have contributed to these feelings. They may not solely be about your colleague as a person but could also reflect unmet emotional needs, stress, or the appeal of a connection that feels easy and understanding during a challenging time in your life. Identifying these underlying factors can help you understand yourself better and redirect your energy toward strengthening your emotional connection with your family.

Managing the proximity with your colleague at work is understandably challenging. To maintain your professional relationship while protecting your personal boundaries, consider setting clear mental and emotional limits. Focus conversations strictly on work-related topics, avoid situations that might blur boundaries, and remind yourself regularly of your commitment to your family and the life you’ve built with them.

It might also help to channel the emotional energy you’ve felt toward this colleague into enhancing your relationship with your spouse. Reinvesting in your marriage—through shared activities, open communication, or even small gestures of affection—can help renew your bond and remind you of what is truly meaningful in your life.

If these feelings continue to linger and cause distress, speaking with a therapist or counselor could provide a safe space to process your emotions and explore strategies to cope. They can help you navigate this situation in a way that aligns with your values and preserves your emotional well-being.

The fact that you are seeking advice and prioritizing your family shows that you are deeply committed to doing the right thing. With time, effort, and self-awareness, you can navigate these emotions and maintain integrity in both your personal and professional life.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 years old married who is woking at an establishment of a Public Sector company. I am holding a senior position. I have one female colleague who is of my age and married. She very frequently comes to my cabin and sits with me. She sits very close to me almost touching my body. She is very frank with me and discuss very personal things with me. She adores me a lot. Since last couple of days, I have started missing her when she is not around. I don't know how to overcome this situation. I think she also has liking for me. Please advise what to do
Ans: If you choose to go ahead, then let her know and take things forward with her. Its clear you are attracted to her.

If you are attracted to your colleague and you believe that she is interested in you, then you may want to consider pursuing a relationship with her. However, it is important to be aware of the potential risks and consequences of doing so.

If you don't want to proceed with her, then start focusing on your hobbies, works, other interests.

If you are not interested in pursuing a relationship with your colleague, then it is important to set clear boundaries and focus on other aspects of your life. This may include spending more time with your family and friends, pursuing your hobbies, or focusing on your career.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pursue a relationship with your colleague is up to you. However, it is important to weigh the potential risks and benefits before making a decision.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024
Relationship
I recently joined a new organisation and had developed a friendship with a new woman colleague who has joined new.Offlate I see her where she has huge crush on me.Iam married with 2 kids and she has got late marriage with 1 kid.I pick her and drop her often.I could sense she is mad and possessive on me and offlate I also intend in having crush on her and I couldn't live without seeing or speaking with her.We never opened out but I could sense from both of us feelings.We both have not opened up but not told in open but she always says you r so handsome etc.But tell me how to deal with this.I feel couldn't live without her.. Please suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are two issues I would like to address- first, you both are married. Second, you are assuming she has a crush on you. I do not know how you want to approach this 'crush' when you are in a legally committed relationship. In normal circumstances, I would've suggested getting verbal confirmation of your coworker's feelings first and then pursuing her, but in your case, how she feels does not even matter because you are not single; neither is she. The right course of action would be to reflect on your feelings and get to the root of them- why are you seeking these feelings outside of your marriage and what is lacking in it? Then have an open discussion with your wife and take it from there- you will have two options: work on your marriage, or opt for separation and then pursue any crush you want to. But before that, I cannot offer you any other advice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1520 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,
Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
Feelings cannot be deleted as you said BUT whether you want to act on those feelings is a choice that you must make. See where your life moves hanging onto a parallel life!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |528 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025
Relationship
Hi i am a married woman aged 45 years, i am happily married and have a loving husband. My husband travels a lot due to work and my son is studying in college in Pune. Everything was going fine in my life, but few months back a MBA graduate boy 23 years joined our office in my team. He had to report to me, and our company send us for sales corporatemeetings to Mumbai and other cities often. Gradually we became close and he confessed he had a crush on me. I was falttered but told him i am much older and married. Although i was very flattered that he found me attractive. I am tall 5ft 7 inches and kept myself very fit and always men keep hitting on me but i always ignore them. On our last trip together we went for a meal and had a few drinks together. Then i told him i was sleepy and needed to go to my room. He accompanied to my room and had a coffee. I had a bavk ache and he said he can massage me for 5 mins. I hesitantly agreed during the massage one thing led to another and we had sex and since then we have started having sex whenever we travel togther often. He says he truly loves me but for next 5 years he cannot marry anyone. I have now started loving him a lot i often fight with my husband. I want to continue this affair but am afraid if my husband finds out or if people in office come to know. Strangely another young man in office has starterd showing interest in me and asked me out for a coffee. He also says he likes me a lot anf is caring, I am confused shall i also go for a simple coffee. what if my husband or younger boyfriend find out. Is what i am doing wrong, i just want to live my life fully am i wrong ???
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you do not have an open marriage, then what you are doing is certainly wrong. When has cheating ever been right? Especially when you did not mention anything wrong with your husband. I am not judging you; but I would suggest that if you want to keep this up, you either come clean to your husband or let him go. This isn't fair. You living your life to the fullest should not harm or hurt others.
Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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I am selling my 3bhk flat around 6000000 is it compulsory to invest that money in other property? if i want to invest it what is the best options available to avoid tax?
Ans: Selling a property attracts capital gains tax. Since your flat is a long-term capital asset (held for more than 2 years), the Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) tax rate is 20% with indexation.

LTCG Calculation = Sale Price - Indexed Cost of Acquisition
Tax Payable = 20% on the LTCG amount
However, you can avoid paying tax by reinvesting the capital gains under certain sections of the Income Tax Act.

Ways to Save Capital Gains Tax
1. Reinvest in Another Residential Property (Section 54)
If you buy another residential property within 2 years or construct within 3 years, you get an exemption on the LTCG amount.
The new property must be in India and should be held for at least 3 years.
If you sell it before 3 years, the exemption is reversed.
? Best for: Those who want to own another property.

2. Invest in Capital Gains Bonds (Section 54EC)
You can invest up to Rs 50 lakhs in NHAI or REC capital gains bonds within 6 months of sale.
The lock-in period is 5 years.
Interest is taxable but the capital gains are exempt.
? Best for: Those who want a risk-free investment with tax savings.

3. Deposit in Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS)
If you haven’t decided where to invest, deposit the LTCG in a Capital Gains Account Scheme (CGAS) before the IT return filing deadline.
This gives you time to buy property or construct a house.
The funds must be used within 3 years, or they become taxable.
? Best for: Those who need time before investing in real estate.

Other Investment Options (But No Tax Exemption)
If you don’t reinvest in property or bonds, the LTCG amount will be taxed at 20%. You can still invest the remaining amount in:

Mutual Funds – Equity funds for long-term growth
Fixed Deposits – Safe returns but fully taxable
Stock Market – High risk, high return potential
These options do not offer tax exemption but help grow wealth.

Final Insights
If you want tax-free gains, reinvest in property or capital gains bonds.
If you don’t want to lock funds, pay LTCG tax and invest in other assets.
Use the Capital Gains Account Scheme if you need time to decide.
Plan based on your financial goals and liquidity needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Dear Sir, i'm 27 years old and wish to retire by 50. I live in my own home and investing 50k monthly sip to below funds from past 1 year. 20k tata small cap/ 10k parag parekh flexi cap/ 20k motilal oswal mid cap. Could you please guide me in long term if this would be sustainable or require some adjustments in funds or distribution? I'm hoping for higher returns to have enough big corpse at the time of retirement so not included large cap funds.
Ans: You are investing early, which is a great decision. Your goal of retiring at 50 is ambitious. A strong investment strategy will help achieve it.

Current Investment Overview
SIP Contribution – Rs 50,000 per month
Fund Allocation
Small Cap – Rs 20,000
Mid Cap – Rs 20,000
Flexi Cap – Rs 10,000
Investment Duration – 1 year completed
Key Observations
1. High Risk Allocation – Need for Balance
Your portfolio is heavily tilted toward small and mid caps.
These funds offer high returns but come with volatility.
A more balanced allocation will reduce risk.
2. Absence of Large Cap Exposure
Large caps provide stability in market downturns.
A portion of the portfolio should be in large-cap funds.
This will reduce portfolio fluctuations over time.
3. Flexi Cap Fund – Good Choice for Diversification
This fund type adjusts between market caps.
It provides flexibility based on market conditions.
Retain this fund for better risk management.
Recommended Adjustments
1. Optimizing Fund Distribution
Reduce small-cap allocation from Rs 20,000 to Rs 15,000.
Reduce mid-cap allocation from Rs 20,000 to Rs 15,000.
Add a large-cap fund with Rs 10,000 allocation.
Increase flexi-cap allocation from Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000.
2. Adding Debt for Stability
As you get closer to retirement, reduce equity exposure.
Start a small allocation in debt funds after 40.
This will ensure capital protection.
3. Tax Planning Considerations
Capital gains tax will apply when you redeem funds.
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Plan withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner.
Final Insights
Continue SIPs with a more balanced allocation.
Add large-cap funds for stability.
Include debt funds closer to retirement.
Plan tax-efficient withdrawals in the future.
This strategy will ensure a strong retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Hi ... I have been very bad a financial planning and have been living the good life without really bothering about the future. I am 48 and work with a MNC and make around 4.5L per month after taxes. I am married with a 17 yr old son who's in 11th. I currently have savings in my bank and equity to the tune of 35L. I have been investing around 80K per month in SIP's for the last 3 years. I have an apartment which is worth around 4cr now and I have a home loan of around 1cr remaining on it. In addition, I have a personal loan of around 40L taken for home interiors (4 more years pending on it). I feel I am not really set up well for my retirement. What would you suggest? My monthly expenses after all this do not have any room for savings.
Ans: You have a strong income and investments. But high loans are affecting savings. You need a structured plan to reduce debt and secure retirement.

Current Financial Overview
Income

Rs 4.5 lakh per month after taxes
Investments & Savings

Rs 35 lakh in bank and equity
Rs 80,000 SIP per month (3 years)
Assets

Apartment worth Rs 4 crore
Loans

Home loan: Rs 1 crore remaining
Personal loan: Rs 40 lakh (4 years left)
Expenses

No room for additional savings after all expenses
Key Financial Concerns
1. Home Loan & Personal Loan – Priority on Repayment
Loan EMIs are affecting savings.
Reduce home loan tenure by increasing EMI, if possible.
Try to prepay the personal loan first. It has a higher interest rate.
Avoid taking more loans until these are cleared.
2. Retirement Planning – Building a Strong Corpus
Your current savings are low for retirement. You need a better plan.

Increase SIPs when personal loan is cleared.
Allocate funds across equity and debt for long-term growth.
Consider PPF, EPF, and debt funds for stability.
Gradually move funds to safer investments as retirement nears.
3. Son’s Higher Education – Plan Early
Your son will enter college in two years. You need a dedicated fund.

Start a separate SIP to cover education costs.
Use debt funds for short-term needs.
Avoid withdrawing from retirement savings for education.
4. Insurance – Protect Your Finances
Ensure you have term insurance of at least Rs 1.5 crore.
Maintain health insurance for family with a high cover.
Avoid traditional insurance plans with low returns.
Final Insights
Focus on repaying personal loan first.
Prepay the home loan gradually for financial freedom.
Increase SIPs once debt reduces.
Start a dedicated education fund for your son.
Build a diversified retirement corpus with equity and debt.
A disciplined approach will secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8001 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

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Hello Sir, I am 49 Yrs of Age and working in Private Firm in Mid Management. Today my monthly expenditure is around 40000 and wants to retire at the age of 59-60. But my daughter is of 4 yrs only . As on date I invest on SIP - Monthly 40K and Equity - 1.5 Lks.. Portfolio of around 19 Lks. I have purchased two Flats -01 is free debt and on another Housing Loan of 21lks is upto 2032. FD is of around 35Lkhs. PF balance is of now- 22lkhs and PPF of Rs 6 lkh . Mediclaim for family of 50lkhs per year. Under 80 C - monthly premium of around 25 K along with terms plan of 50Lkhs. I want to purchase open plot in Nagpur for investment and future planning, Funds i will use from FD of around 25 Lks..is this wise decision? Also I have 35 lks parental Property but it will transfer to me after 10 Yrs .....Pls advise how to secure my daughter future and his education and also post retirement my expenditure.
Ans: You have a well-structured portfolio with SIPs, equity investments, FDs, and real estate. Your focus on retirement at 59-60 and securing your daughter’s future is crucial. Let’s assess your financial standing and guide you towards a more structured approach.

Current Financial Overview
Investments

SIP: Rs 40,000 per month
Equity: Rs 1.5 lakh lump sum investment
Total Portfolio: Rs 19 lakh
Real Estate

One flat is debt-free
Second flat has a Rs 21 lakh home loan till 2032
Fixed Deposits

Rs 35 lakh in FD
Provident Fund & PPF

PF Balance: Rs 22 lakh
PPF: Rs 6 lakh
Insurance & Tax Savings

Mediclaim: Rs 50 lakh per year
Life Insurance: Rs 50 lakh term plan
Monthly insurance premium under 80C: Rs 25,000
Future Real Estate Plan

Planning to invest Rs 25 lakh in an open plot in Nagpur
Parental Property

Rs 35 lakh property expected to be transferred in 10 years
Key Financial Considerations
1. Should You Invest Rs 25 Lakh in an Open Plot?
Real estate is not liquid, making it difficult to use in emergencies.
Selling at the right price may take years.
Property maintenance and legal issues can add costs.
Instead, consider investing in equity or mutual funds for higher flexibility.
It’s better to keep Rs 25 lakh diversified in liquid investments rather than real estate.

2. Retirement Planning – Securing Post-Retirement Expenses
Your current monthly expense is Rs 40,000. This will rise due to inflation. You need a solid retirement corpus.

Continue SIPs and Increase Contribution Yearly

Rs 40,000 SIPs are good, but increase them by 10% yearly.
This ensures long-term wealth creation.
Allocate FD Funds Wisely

FD returns are low and taxable.
Shift a portion to equity and hybrid funds for better growth.
Utilise PF and PPF Efficiently

PF will grow by retirement but won’t be enough alone.
Continue PPF for stable, tax-free returns.
Debt Fund Investments for Stability

Gradually move funds to debt funds five years before retirement.
This protects against market volatility.
Health Insurance is Well-Planned

Rs 50 lakh mediclaim is a strong financial shield.
Ensure coverage continues post-retirement.
3. Planning for Your Daughter’s Future
Your daughter is just four years old. You need a structured education and marriage fund.

Start a Separate SIP for Her Education

Allocate at least Rs 15,000 per month in equity funds.
Increase by 10% annually to cover rising education costs.
Use Debt Funds for Short-Term Needs

For school fees or immediate expenses, use debt funds.
These are safer than FDs and provide better returns.
Avoid Child ULIPs or Traditional Insurance Plans

These give low returns with high charges.
Instead, use mutual funds for higher growth.
Consider a Sukanya Samriddhi Account

This provides tax-free returns and stability for long-term goals.
Invest a small portion to diversify savings.
Final Insights
Avoid investing Rs 25 lakh in an open plot.
Increase SIPs yearly and allocate part of FD funds to mutual funds.
Start a dedicated education fund for your daughter.
Focus on equity growth while gradually securing assets in debt before retirement.
With structured planning, you can achieve financial security for yourself and your daughter.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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