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Can I marry a divorced woman with a child and financial difficulties?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |677 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 26, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Expert, I am in a committed relationship with a divorced woman who has a 6-year-old daughter. We have known each other for six years and became deeply involved in relationship after her divorce, which was finalized a year ago. She is currently 23 years old and was married at the age of 14. She endured domestic harassment during her marriage, leading to a separation, and has been living apart from her ex-husband for the past four years before their legal divorce. Presently, she has no source of income and relies on her parents, who themselves face financial difficulties. Despite these challenges, we both wish to marry and build a life together. However, I am facing some concerns that I hope you can help me address: I am uncertain about how to approach my parents regarding our relationship, given her previous marriage, her young child, and her challenging circumstances. Her ex-husband is my colleague and is currently unaware of our relationship. I fear that he will react negatively, potentially tarnishing my and my family’s reputation among friends and relatives or even attempting to harass us in the future. I'm seeking your guidance on the following: 1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face? 2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation? 3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support? 4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

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Relationship
Hello, I am 45 yrs old, divorced , in love with 29 yrs old girl. We deeply are in love with each other, however Girl’s Parents are not agreeing to our marriage, citing age gap. It’s been 2.5 yrs, have met her Parents many times at their home. Her Parents consider me as a nice guy , but the age gap factor is not letting them to approve our relationship. Am seriously stressed and want to wary that girl only. Request you to kindly suggest 🙏
Ans: It can be challenging when families do not approve of a relationship due to age differences or other factors. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship and get married is a personal one that should be based on the feelings and desires of the two people involved.

It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend and her parents about your feelings and intentions. Try to listen to their concerns and address them in a respectful and thoughtful way. It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, who can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your girlfriend's parents.

However, it's also important to recognize that ultimately, you cannot control the decisions of others. If your girlfriend's parents continue to disapprove of the relationship, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is sustainable in the long term. It's important to consider not only your feelings for each other, but also the practical realities of your situation and whether you can build a fulfilling and happy life together despite any external challenges.

Ultimately, it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide what is best for your relationship and your future. It may be helpful to continue to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual support, regardless of the outcome with her parents.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |677 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello everyone who sees this post! I've a very unique dilemma to deal with, but I'm sure someone could help me! I (M23) am in a relationship with this girl(F23) for 5 years and in the first 3 months I've told both of our parents her and mine that we're in a relationship, but my parents won't agree for her and her parents wants me to marry her daughter immediately (meaning just after I told them we're in a relationship that was 4 years back and PS:- I'm not yet married) So yeah, I didn't want to upset either one (my parents/ her parents/ her) so I somehow found a middle ground and persuaded mine & her parents for an engagement and wait for marriage till I earn. But now my parents don't want us to meet till I get a decent career/job. (That too can be a hoax) And this action is making her/parents to conclude that they (my parents) want us to get separated. So now, I must either listen to my parents (who wants their sons best is what I believe) or her/parents (who wants the best for this relationship). I don't know what to do, and yeah this is a brief! If someone could advice me I'll tell all the details so it would be easy for gurus to sum up an advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This sounds like a challenging situation and I understand the pressure you must be feeling; being torn between the expectations of your parents and your partner is not a pleasant feeling.

Here are a few things you can consider doing-

• Talk to your parents. I am sure you have done it but this time, do it with an open mind and put in the effort to understand their perspective. As you mentioned, they must have the best of your intention in mind. Ask them why they are hesitant about the relationship and also give you a solution where you can keep both them and your partner happy. This conversation can make them feel valued and they will also know that you want to keep them in the loop.
• Do the same with your partner and her parents. Let them give you a solution too. Explain the pressure you are experiencing and explain how some of your parent's concerns are valid. We cannot really deny that being financially stable is very important before getting married.
• Based on the conversations, set realistic goals. It can be achieving some career milestone, saving a certain amount to get married, or a date before which you will try to be financially independent. This will show all parties involved that you are serious about your commitment.
• Of course, it is important to value everyone's feelings, but it is equally important to take yours into account. Communicating with everyone will allow you to look at the matter from different perspectives but the ultimate decision must be yours. While you respect everyone's wishes, you should also prioritize your own.

If you feel the stress is overwhelming, do not shy away from seeking help.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |677 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am writing to seek advice on a personal matter that has been weighing heavily on me. Several years ago, I became close to a neighbor who was in a very difficult situation. She was married at a very young age (around 14) and has a young child (now 6 years old). Her husband, who is much older (34 years old), was abusive, often drinking and mistreating her in front of others. She lost all her freedom and was unable to express her pain to him. As her neighbor, I witnessed these daily struggles and tried to support her whenever her husband was not around. Over time, we developed a deep connection, and she expressed that she wanted only two things in life: her child and me. We have been in a relationship for almost five years. To help her, I arranged for her to stay with her parents in a distant village, far from her husband. Despite the distance and the challenges, I supported her financially and emotionally. She eventually filed for divorce, and I assisted her throughout the legal process. After the divorce, she moved to a different location, and our communication ceased. I later learned that she was trying to enjoy the freedom she had missed, engaging in activities like visiting beauty parlors and socializing. Currently, she is not responding to my calls and has disconnected from me entirely. She is living with her child and relying on her parents for financial support. My attempts to meet or communicate with her have been unsuccessful, and I am deeply troubled by this situation. I am struggling with her memories and the sudden distance she has created between us. Now, I face pressure from my parents and relatives to get married, but I am conflicted. I care deeply for her and worry about her future, especially since she has no stable income. I am unsure how to proceed, as I do not want her to suffer, but I also cannot ignore my family's wishes. I am reaching out to you for guidance. How should I navigate this difficult situation? I want to make a decision that is best for both of us, but I am struggling to find the right path. Thank you for your time and understanding.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

First of all, I am so glad she found someone as amazing and supportive as you in her time of need. I understand that you are going through a difficult time and it is also understandable that the sudden distance between the two of you has taken a toll on you. From a general well-wisher’s perspective, I would say you did a great job but now, maybe, it is time for you to move on because she does not seem to want to pursue a relationship with you. Now, that is just a general well-wisher’s perspective. There might be a lot of things that we are missing. She might be interested but conflicted because of her child, because of where she is coming from, or she might be merely more in love with freedom than you. Each one of the reasons is completely valid. So instead of taking an emotional call, your best bet is to be logical and weigh the pros and cons-

1. Take some time to understand your feelings- do you want her to be with you or are you more concerned about her well-being? These two do not have to be mutually exclusive, but which is more important will guide you to make the right call.
2. I am sure you have tried to communicate with her, but try it once again and this time, instead of asking for an explanation or expressing how her absence is making you feel, tell her that you understand and wanted to let her know that you are happy that she is happy. Sometimes acceptance can do wonders.
3. Give her space. She has been in bounds for the longest time. How precious freedom is, only the ones who have been captive can understand. Understand that this is not about you; it is about her.
4. Now, if you have a family member you can trust, share your story with them. See how they react to it. You will get a rough idea of how the rest of the family will take the news of you wanting to commit to her. If it isn’t positive, it might not be a good idea to put her through it after all she suffered.
5. But even if you decide to respect your family’s wishes, you do not need to rush. Explain to them that you need time.
6. Don’t rush even if you get a positive response from both her and your family. Take the time to comprehend if a future with her will be aligned with your preferences, goals, and values.

Ultimately, the decision should be yours and yours only. It should be according to your values and not family or societal pressure.

Also, please feel free to consult a professional counselor who can help you in this situation in a more structured way.

Best Wishes.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10858 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2025Hindi
Career
Hello sir I have literally confused between which university to pick if not good marks in mht cet Like sit Pune or srm college or rvce or Bennett as I am planning to study here bachelors and masters in abroad so is it better to choose a government college which coep and them if I get them my home college which Kolhapur institute of technology what should I choose a good university? If yes than which
Ans: Based on my extensive research of official college websites, NIRF rankings, international recognition metrics, placement data, and masters abroad admission requirements, your choice between COEP Pune, RVCE Bangalore, SRM Chennai, Bennett University Delhi, and Kolhapur Institute of Technology (KIT) fundamentally depends on five critical institutional aspects essential for successful masters admission abroad: global research output and international collaborations, CGPA-based competitiveness (minimum 7.5-8.0 required for top international programs), faculty expertise in emerging technologies, international student exchange partnerships, and proven alumni track records at globally-ranked universities. COEP Pune ranks nationally at NIRF #90 Engineering with India Today #14 Government Category ranking, offering robust infrastructure and 11 academic departments with research centers in AI and renewable energy, though international research collaborations are moderate compared to IITs. RVCE Bangalore demonstrates strong national standing with consistent COMEDK admissions competitiveness, excellent placements averaging Rs.35 LPA with highest at Rs.92 LPA, and established international collaborations through Karnataka PGCET-based MTech programs, providing solid foundations for masters applications. SRM Chennai maintains extensive research partnerships with 100+ companies visiting campus, highest packages reaching Rs.65 LPA, and documented international research linkages through sponsored programs like Newton Bhaba funded projects, significantly strengthening masters abroad candidacy through diverse research exposure. Bennett University Delhi distinctly outperforms others in international institutional alignment, recording highest placements at Rs.137 LPA with average Rs.11.10 LPA, explicit academic collaborations with University of British Columbia Canada, Florida International University USA, University of Nebraska Omaha, University of Essex England, and King's University College Canada—these partnerships directly facilitate seamless masters transitions abroad and represent unparalleled institutional bridges to international graduate programs. KIT Kolhapur records respectable placements at Rs.41 LPA highest with average Rs.6.5 LPA, NAAC A+ accreditation, autonomous institutional status under Shivaji University, and 90%+ placement consistency across technical streams, though international research visibility and foreign university partnerships remain comparatively limited. For international masters admission success, universities globally prioritize bachelors institution reputation, minimum CGPA 7.5-8.0 (Bennett and SRM facilitate this through curriculum rigor), GRE/GATE scores (minimum 90 percentile), English proficiency (TOEFL ≥75 or IELTS ≥6.5), research output documentation, and faculty recommendation quality reflecting institution's research culture—criteria most strongly supported by Bennett's explicit international collaborations, SRM's documented research partnerships, and COEP's autonomous departmental research centers. Bennett simultaneously offers global pathway programs reducing masters abroad costs through articulation agreements and provides curriculum aligned internationally with partner institution standards, representing optimal intermediate bridge structure versus direct masters application. The cost-effectiveness and structured transition support through international partnerships, combined with demonstrated placement success and faculty research visibility, position these institutions distinctly above KIT Kolhapur for masters abroad aspirations. For your specific objective of pursuing masters abroad, prioritize Bennett University Delhi first—its explicit international university partnerships with Canadian, American, and European institutions, highest placement packages (Rs.137 LPA), and structured global pathway programs create seamless masters transitions with reduced costs. Second choice: SRM Chennai, offering extensive research collaborations, documented international linkages, and competitive placements (Rs.65 LPA highest) strengthening masters applications. Third: COEP Pune, delivering strong national standing and autonomous research infrastructure. Avoid RVCE and KIT due to limited international visibility and explicit foreign university partnerships compared to the above three institutions. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10894 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2025

Money
I have 450000 on hand, looking into my kids goingto university in 13 years
Ans: I truly appreciate your clear goal and long planning horizon.
Planning children’s education early shows care and responsibility.
Your patience of thirteen years is a strong advantage.
Having Rs. 4,50,000 ready gives a solid starting base.

» Understanding the Education Goal Clearly
University education costs rise faster than general inflation.
Professional courses usually cost much more.
Foreign education costs can rise even faster.
Thirteen years allows equity exposure with control.
Time gives scope to correct mistakes calmly.
Clarity today reduces stress later.

Education is a non-negotiable goal.
Money should be ready when needed.
Returns are important, but certainty matters more.
Risk must reduce as the goal nears.

» Time Horizon and Its Advantage
Thirteen years is a long investment window.
Long horizons help equity recover from volatility.
Short-term market noise becomes less relevant.
Compounding works better with patience.
This time allows phased asset changes.

Early years can take moderate growth risk.
Later years need capital protection.
This shift must be planned in advance.
Discipline matters more than market timing.

» Role of Rs. 4,50,000 Lump Sum
A lump sum gives immediate market participation.
It saves time compared to slow investing.
However, timing risk must be managed carefully.
Markets can be volatile in short periods.
Staggered deployment reduces regret risk.

This amount should not sit idle.
Inflation silently erodes unused money.
Cash gives comfort, but no growth.
Balanced deployment creates confidence.

» Asset Allocation Approach
Education goals need growth with safety.
Pure equity creates unnecessary stress.
Pure debt fails to beat education inflation.
A blended structure works best.

Equity provides long-term growth.
Debt gives stability and predictability.
Gold can add limited diversification.
Each asset has a specific role.

Allocation must change with time.
Static plans often fail near goals.
Dynamic rebalancing improves outcomes.

» Equity Exposure Assessment
Equity suits long-term education goals.
It handles inflation better than fixed returns.
Active management helps during market shifts.
Fund managers can adjust sector exposure.

Active strategies respond to changing economies.
They manage downside better than passive options.
They avoid blind market tracking.
Skill matters during volatile phases.

Equity volatility is emotional, not permanent.
Time reduces its impact significantly.
Regular reviews keep risks under control.

» Why Actively Managed Funds Matter
Education money cannot follow markets blindly.
Index-based investing copies market mistakes.
It cannot avoid overvalued sectors.
It lacks flexibility during crises.

Active funds can reduce exposure early.
They can increase cash when needed.
They can protect capital during downturns.
They aim for better risk-adjusted returns.

Education planning needs judgment, not automation.
Human decisions add value here.

» Debt Allocation and Stability
Debt balances equity volatility.
It provides visibility of future value.
It helps during market corrections.
It offers smoother return paths.

Debt is important as the goal nears.
It protects accumulated wealth.
It reduces last-minute shocks.
It supports planned withdrawals.

Debt returns may look modest.
But stability is its true benefit.
Peace of mind has real value.

» Role of Gold in Education Planning
Gold is not a growth asset.
It works as a hedge during stress.
It protects during global uncertainties.
It diversifies portfolio behaviour.

Gold allocation should remain limited.
Excess gold reduces long-term growth.
Its price movement is unpredictable.
Moderation is essential here.

» Phased Investment Strategy
Deploying lump sum gradually reduces timing risk.
It avoids emotional regret from market falls.
It allows participation across market levels.
This approach suits cautious planners.

Phasing also improves confidence.
Confidence helps stay invested long term.
Consistency beats perfect timing always.

» Ongoing Contributions Alongside Lump Sum
Education planning should not rely only on lump sum.
Regular investments add discipline.
They average market volatility.
They build habit-based wealth.

Future income growth can support step-ups.
Small increases matter over long periods.
Consistency outweighs size in investing.

» Risk Management Perspective
Risk is not market volatility alone.
Risk includes goal failure.
Risk includes panic withdrawals.
Risk includes poor planning.

Diversification reduces risk effectively.
Rebalancing controls excess exposure.
Regular reviews catch issues early.
Emotions need structured guardrails.

» Behavioural Discipline and Emotional Control
Markets test patience frequently.
Education goals demand calm decisions.
Fear and greed harm outcomes.
Plans fail due to emotions mostly.

Pre-decided strategies reduce mistakes.
Written plans improve commitment.
Periodic review gives reassurance.
Staying invested is crucial.

» Importance of Review and Monitoring
Thirteen years bring many changes.
Income levels may change.
Family needs may evolve.
Education preferences may shift.

Annual reviews keep plans relevant.
Asset allocation needs adjustment.
Performance must be evaluated objectively.
Corrections should be timely.

» Tax Efficiency Awareness
Tax impacts net education corpus.
Equity taxation applies during withdrawal.
Long-term gains get favourable rates.
Short-term exits cost more.

Debt taxation follows income slab rules.
Planning withdrawals reduces tax impact.
Staggered exits help manage tax burden.
Tax planning should align with goal timing.

Avoid frequent unnecessary churning.
Taxes quietly reduce returns.
Simplicity supports efficiency.

» Liquidity Planning Near Goal Year
Final three years need special care.
Market risk must reduce steadily.
Liquidity becomes priority over returns.
Funds should be easily accessible.

Avoid last-minute equity exposure.
Sudden crashes hurt planned education.
Gradual shift reduces anxiety.
Preparation avoids forced selling.

» Inflation Impact on Education Costs
Education inflation exceeds normal inflation.
Fees rise faster than salaries.
Accommodation costs also rise.
Foreign education adds currency risk.

Growth assets are essential initially.
Ignoring inflation leads to shortfall.
Planning must consider future realities.
Hope alone is not a strategy.

» Currency Risk Consideration
Overseas education includes currency exposure.
Rupee depreciation increases cost burden.
Diversification helps partially manage this.
Early planning reduces shock later.

This aspect needs periodic reassessment.
Flexibility helps adjust plans.
Preparation gives confidence.

» Emergency Fund and Education Goal
Education funds should not handle emergencies.
Separate emergency money is essential.
This avoids disturbing long-term plans.
Liquidity prevents panic selling.

Emergency planning supports education planning indirectly.
Stability improves decision quality.

» Insurance and Protection Perspective
Parent income supports education plans.
Adequate protection is important.
Unexpected events disrupt goals severely.
Risk cover ensures plan continuity.

Insurance supports planning discipline.
It protects dreams, not investments.
Coverage must match responsibilities.

» Avoiding Common Education Planning Mistakes
Starting too late increases pressure.
Taking excess equity near goal is risky.
Ignoring inflation leads to shortfall.
Reacting emotionally harms returns.

Chasing past performance disappoints.
Over-diversification reduces clarity.
Lack of review causes drift.
Simplicity works best.

» Role of Professional Guidance
Education planning needs structure.
Product selection is only one part.
Behaviour guidance adds real value.
Ongoing review ensures discipline.

A Certified Financial Planner adds perspective.
They align money with life goals.
They manage risks beyond returns.

» 360 Degree Integration
Education planning connects with retirement planning.
Cash flow planning supports investments.
Tax planning improves efficiency.
Risk planning ensures stability.

All areas must align together.
Isolated decisions create future stress.
Integrated thinking brings peace.

» Adapting to Life Changes
Career shifts may happen.
Income gaps may occur.
Expenses may increase unexpectedly.

Plans must remain flexible.
Flexibility prevents panic decisions.
Adjustments should be calm and timely.

» Final Insights
Your early start is a major strength.
Thirteen years provide meaningful flexibility.
Rs. 4,50,000 is a solid foundation.
Structured investing can multiply its value.

Balanced allocation with discipline works best.
Active management suits education goals well.
Regular review keeps risks controlled.
Emotional stability protects outcomes.

Stay patient and consistent.
Education planning rewards long-term commitment.
Clear goals reduce anxiety.
Prepared parents raise confident children.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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