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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 12, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Shammi Question by Shammi on Sep 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi My ex wife lives with me under live in relationship for last 7 years. But since last 8 months she refuse physical relationship. I do not understand what is her problem - mental or physical . At the time of our mutual divorce I pleaded with her to not to go for divorce but she did not listen. At that time I said to her that I will not take back again you in my life but for my son I agreed to take back at my home. His lover cheated with her and after one year of our divorce he left her. Now what I should do . Should I remarry with her . I need your suggestion

Ans: Here are some steps to consider:

Communication: It's crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your ex-wife about your concerns and feelings. Ask her about her reasons for refusing physical intimacy and if there are any underlying issues, whether mental or physical, that she is dealing with. Encourage her to share her perspective as well.

Seek Professional Help: If your ex-wife's refusal of physical intimacy is causing distress in your relationship, consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor or therapist. A professional can help both of you explore your feelings, communicate better, and work through any issues that may be affecting your relationship.

Consider Your Son: Since you mentioned that you agreed to have your ex-wife live with you primarily for the sake of your son, it's important to prioritize his well-being. Evaluate how your current living arrangement and relationship dynamics are affecting him. A stable and harmonious environment is typically beneficial for children.

Personal Happiness: Reflect on your own feelings and happiness. Are you content with the current living arrangement, even without physical intimacy, or do you desire a deeper romantic relationship? It's important to consider your own needs and happiness in this situation.

Legal and Financial Matters: If you decide to remarry or make significant changes to your living arrangement, consider consulting with a legal professional to understand any potential legal and financial implications.

Time and Patience: Relationships can be complex, and it may take time to resolve issues and understand each other's perspectives. Patience and understanding can be valuable during such times.

Ultimately, the decision to remarry or continue your current arrangement is a personal one that should be based on what you believe is best for you, your ex-wife, and your son. It may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor to help navigate these complex emotions and decisions.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 09, 2023

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Relationship
Hi , I m 44 yr old working professional. We live married life like just for responsibility. We stay separated side by side flat. We never stays together in 7 yrs or have social life. I stayed because of son. Now she diagnosed with cancer. But we have joint property now she taken another with her sister nd mother. I feel single even with marital status. Now it is not possible to be in relationship with her than son responsibility. Should I explore with outside marriage. She is not even giving divorced nd wanted just on paper
Ans: Dear Avinash,
If the two of you have come to a conclusion that there is no way that the marriage can be rebuilt, what's the point in staying together? It's better that your son sees two happy parents living separately rather than two unhappy parents living together.
What exactly do you mean when you ask: 'Explore with outside marriage?' Do you mean that explore a relationship while you are still married?
That is a personal choice that you must make as usually these concepts are almost always linked with values and morals. So, you need to ask yourself if you ready to explore outside of marriage and also deal with the emotions and situations that might arise from them?
First things first; (my suggestion)...Check where your marriage is and what you can do together to save it or let it go before complicating it with another relationship. You might just bite more than you can chew with a dual situation. Tread carefully and wisely to keep your mind sane and at peace.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2023

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir I am 37 years old male and married since 5 years and we had little girl of 4 years old. I need some advice for my relationship. We had problems in our relationship since the beginning of our engagement, as initially I was unaware of my wife's extra marital affairs when I come to know about it she told why she started to see other boy during engagement period also after our marriage as I wasn't upto her expectations, that was the time of 2019 . We had discussed about all each others expectations and solved the problem I tried to regain the confidence in our relationship but still somewhere we had fights every 5 to 6 months on different issues sometimes it's my parents sometimes it's me I dont give her time sometimes financially , in between she left my house and went to her father's home for 8 months after delivery of our baby girl, she told we are not made for each other I told her and explained all about consequences and convinced her to get her back. After that for again after 6 months we started fight with each other on different issues. But recently we fight and she lost control and slapped me and unfortunately in the vague of my anger I also slapped her and she again left me and went to her father house . It's been 1 month now we don't have contact each other because every time I only asked her for compromises and explain and convincing her to come back. This time I don't know what to do.thanks
Ans: Marriage counselling. Enlist at the earliest and see if you can fix matters, but you have to tackle one issue at a time. The infidelity, the inlaws, the lack of compatibility…there’s too many issues here.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1025 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
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Career
I'm 18 years old and currently preparing for neet as a dropper student. I'm from bihar but I live in haryana since my childhood. I have a boyfriend, he is doing btech and it has been 1.5 years since we are together we love each other he supports me in everything but the problem here is I lied him about my birthplace and told him that I belong to UP as UP is a bit better place than bihar. Idk i just feel ashamed to tell anyone that I'm from bihar so I just tell everyone that I'm from UP. Now I'm feeling very guilty in my own that I lied to him about such a basic and important thing and yesterday he Also mentioned that his mother never want a bihari girl, and he is a punjabi. I just don't know what should I do how will he react after knowing the truth and also I'm afraid that he will broke up with me.. I'm also having my neet exam in 6 months. I planned that i will tell him after my exam but I'm just feeling too guilty that I'm hiding this thing from him
Ans: Hello.
Keep mum for the next 6-7 months. Keep a safe distance from your boyfriend. Focus only on NEET preparation. Try to excel in NEET. Wait till the results are out. If you score well and get admitted to Govt Medical College, then open up in front of your boyfriend. He and his family members will accept you because you are becoming a doctor! But after taking the NEET examination, if you feel that you can't score as expected, then tell the truth to your boyfriend. If he loves you from the bottom of his heart, he will forgive you. But if not. then you assume that god has saved you from him!
Last but not least:- Dedicate your 24 hours only for NEET preparation. This time will never come in your life again. You can be a KING in just a few days with solid preparation and will get lifelong respect in society. The bright future is in your hands and not in the hands of your boyfriend.
Best of luck with your upcoming NEET Examination.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Career
my Son has done BTech in computer Science in 2023 from NIT Jalandhar and campus placed in Indian Fintech and earning 15CTC. He is gaining experience there for more than one year for now. What is advisable for future course go for Masters in USA or any other country or continue with job in India by switching companies. Due to job market crunch he is also preparing for upto Group B level Govt jobs as Plan B. What would be best advice for long term and settling after marriage.
Ans: Please have one directional goal. No dual policy. Let him go for MS from some good American University and after that he can get a good job in USA. No point in switching companies in India. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Forget about Govt. job in India. His talent won't be utilized and there will be routine transfers. So hit the bull's eye. Have a decent GRE and TOEFL score, have three good recommendation from his professors, one good SOP (statement of purpose) and after seeing the GRE score I will suggest the universities. Mostly in all the reputed universities of USA at least one student of mine is there sas a Professor and half of the year I stay in USA. No worries. I am there to counsel him. Only he must fix one aim. No ambiguity. Have unique aim, work hard with proper decision, rest the guidance will be given by me. Recommended more than hundred students to different reputed universities of US right from Princeton to Texas A&M, Clemson to Vermont. Never forget that I AM THERE BY THE SIDE OF YOUR SON LIKE AN INVISIBLE SHADOW TO PROTECT HIM AND GUIDE HIM.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6970 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 39 years old working professional with take home salary of Rs. 2.25 lacs/month. I have taken home loan in last month for Rs. 30 lacs with monthly EMI of Rs. 60k. My monthly House hold expenses are Rs. 50k. From 2022 I am investing Rs. 35k in MF via monthly SIP in ratio of 40:30:20:10 in Large:Mid:small:Debt. I have 2 Sons for 8 years and 3 years respectively. My Goal is to have sufficient corpus for their higher education and to achieve financial independence ASAP. Pl guide..
Ans: Your proactive approach towards securing financial independence and planning for your children’s education is commendable. At 39, you have a robust salary, structured expenses, and disciplined investments. Let's examine your financial standing, assess your goals, and outline strategies for optimal growth and security.

Current Financial Overview
Monthly Income: Rs 2.25 lakh

Home Loan EMI: Rs 60,000 (new loan of Rs 30 lakh)

Household Expenses: Rs 50,000

Monthly SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs 35,000 (split across large, mid, small-cap, and debt funds)

You have taken significant steps with a home purchase and ongoing SIPs. Let’s optimise these resources to achieve financial independence and build a corpus for your children’s education.

Goal-Based Financial Planning
1. Higher Education Corpus for Children
Education expenses rise significantly due to inflation, particularly for quality higher education.

With your sons aged 8 and 3, plan for their higher education in 10-15 years.

To achieve this, increase your SIPs in equity-focused funds. Equities provide inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Maintain a systematic approach, with SIPs focused on growth-oriented funds (large and mid-cap funds are ideal).

Regularly review this corpus every 2-3 years to ensure it aligns with educational costs.

2. Financial Independence
Early financial independence requires strategic savings and investment growth.

Aim to build a corpus that covers at least 25 times your annual expenses.

At present, Rs 50,000 monthly expenses indicate a future goal corpus of Rs 1.5-2 crore, adjusting for inflation.

Your current SIPs are a great start, but gradually increase SIPs to achieve a sizeable retirement fund.

Consider adding more equity exposure for growth and inflation protection, while adding debt as retirement nears.

Debt Management and EMI Strategy
Home loan EMI is Rs 60,000, a significant commitment for 20 years. This can limit cash flow for other investments.

Aim to prepay your loan when possible to reduce interest outflow and loan tenure.

You may consider setting aside a small portion of bonuses or salary hikes for periodic prepayments.

Reducing debt earlier will provide more cash flow to focus on investments.

Optimising Your SIP Strategy
Equity Allocation: Your SIP allocation is split 40:30:20:10 across large, mid, small, and debt categories.

Large-cap funds offer stability, while mid and small caps drive growth. The debt allocation provides balance but may be increased as you approach retirement.

Avoid Index Funds: Index funds, while popular, lack active management, which can be limiting. Actively managed funds adjust to market conditions, providing a higher potential for returns. Certified Financial Planners (CFP) can guide you on the best funds for your goals, particularly with growth in mind.

Consider Regular Funds Over Direct: Regular funds provide personalised guidance, performance reviews, and rebalancing through Certified Financial Planners, which direct funds lack. Regular investments managed by certified experts offer better long-term growth.

Building Contingency and Protection
1. Emergency Fund
Ensure an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses (about Rs 4-6 lakh), kept in easily accessible accounts like liquid funds.

This fund will protect your long-term investments in case of unexpected expenses.

2. Insurance Needs
Adequate life and health insurance are essential, especially with dependents and ongoing liabilities.

Life insurance should cover at least 10 times your annual income, which could be achieved with a simple term insurance policy.

Health insurance for the family is essential to avoid dipping into savings during medical emergencies. Ensure coverage is comprehensive to handle inflation in healthcare.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
New tax rules affect mutual fund capital gains. For equity funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab. Plan to withdraw strategically to minimise tax impact.

Periodic portfolio reviews and structured withdrawals can help reduce your tax liability.

Nurturing Long-Term Wealth Growth
PPF and Debt Instruments: PPF and debt mutual funds provide stability but may fall short on inflation-adjusted growth. Maintain debt instruments as a smaller part of your portfolio until retirement nears.

Equities for Wealth Accumulation: Equities remain ideal for long-term goals like retirement and education due to their inflation-beating growth.

Review your mutual fund choices periodically to ensure they are high-performing and aligned with your growth goals.

Final Insights
Achieving financial independence and funding your children’s education are achievable with disciplined investments, a focus on growth, and debt management. Regular monitoring, along with a Certified Financial Planner’s advice, will ensure you stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |5 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Career
I am a 29 year old completed her Masters in Psychology 5 years ago. Presently i am working, on a contractual basis ,as a Patient Counsellor for Oncology department in a local well reputed hospital and my work contract is coming to an end. I always aspire to make a mark in the field of Psychology and contribute in a better way for Indian space, bring awareness and popularity in India. My mind also goes to UGC NET or school counseling, plus I am yet to do any M. Phil or PhD yet however I am little unsure regarding my capacity. But I do want to go ahead in my career. I need your guidance regarding taking the next step for a better career. Please help me out.
Ans: I am really very happy to see the positive mind frame of yours. I do think teaching ( i.e. College Teaching) will be the best job for you. At a time you and teach and counsel. Please don't be unsure about your capacity, from your writing it is crystal clear that you do have the required capacity to do M.Phil and Ph.D. Only your age is a bit high, because if you do M.Phil and Ph.D then it will take at least six years time and by that time you will be 35. If you are ready you can apply to some Universities of Germany for doing Ph.D directly. There M.Phil is not required. In Germany for ladies education is free. Only you need to have knowledge of primary German language for a smooth sailing. In school there is little bit use of Psychology, because the subject of Psychology is not there.
Your next step will be having a permanent job. Unless the basic needs are assured you can't concentrate. In India very few persons get job satisfaction. So if you appear for the state PSC exam, you may crack it, but Psychology won't be there, you may be a Deputy Collector or Sales Tax Officer with periodic transfer and lot of respect cum status. But don't be morose. Even being in other job you can give free counselling of Psychology online free of cost just to pursue your hobby. My basic answer is that first grab a full time job and then pursue your passion. Right now don't go for M.Phil and Ph.D.Higher degrees and age are proportional to each other. In last five years you must have completed M.Phil and started Ph.D. But no point in lamenting over the spilt milk. So two option 1) Do Ph.D from Germany 2) Grab a Govt or Private job which is not contractual. Take proper decision. That is the most important thing in career building. Never go for split mind and never try for true option. Make your aim fix and target it and I am sure you will achieve it.
Now just procure a permanent job and pursue your hobby of Psychology.Best of Luck. Prof. Mukhopadhyay

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |173 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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