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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Anu, I am married for 28 yrs. Throughout my marriage, I have felt very insecure about money. I have always tried to be independent but my husband had discouraged it. So though I earned, it wasn't much. It was enough as my pocket money, or maybe a bit more. Then when I was 46yrs old, and my husband 60, he started saying that he could no longer earn and I had to support myself. At first I was shocked and devastated, but gradually i accepted and started working hard. He also started living separately and comes home for 2-3 days, every week. I have stopped needing him emotionally and financially. But he is very inconsistent with his finances, which brings back my earlier insecurity. Also he doesn't practice what he says. Suppose we plan something and I expect that to happen, but then I find he doesn't do it. I feel very cheated. For example, we decided to rent out our garage, and he said that I could pay the electricity bill of our house with that. But then , when we get a tenant, he takes away the money. This is just a small example. Many other , big things have happened . Because of this, I feel frustrated and very dissatisfied with the relationship. But outwardly, we are a happy family. I have a son of 27yrs also. I have tried talking to him about it, but he avoids it. Inspite of telling him time and again to find something to do he refuses it. His career was also very inconsistent, and a very long story. How do I deal with him? Should I leave? I don't want to. But I really don't know what to do.

Ans: I hear the deep frustration and sense of betrayal you're experiencing. Navigating a relationship where financial security and trust are consistently undermined is incredibly challenging, especially after 28 years of marriage. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to address them thoughtfully.

Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize and validate your own strength and resilience. Despite the obstacles, you've managed to become self-reliant and support yourself financially. This is a significant achievement and speaks to your capability and determination.

Your husband's inconsistent behavior and financial unreliability are understandably distressing. It seems that his actions have repeatedly undermined your sense of security and trust, which are foundational to any relationship. The pattern of him not following through on agreed plans, such as the example of renting out the garage, erodes trust and contributes to your frustration.

Given that he avoids discussions about these issues, it might be helpful to approach the conversation differently. Choose a calm, neutral time to express your feelings clearly and directly, focusing on how his actions impact you emotionally and financially. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel insecure and frustrated when our financial agreements are not honored,” to avoid making him feel defensive.

If he continues to avoid these conversations, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a marriage counselor. A professional can facilitate healthier communication and help both of you understand each other's perspectives better.

However, it’s also essential to evaluate your own needs and boundaries. Reflect on what you need to feel secure and fulfilled in the relationship. If these needs continue to be unmet despite your efforts to communicate and resolve the issues, you might need to consider more significant changes.

Leaving a long-term marriage is a profound decision and one that requires careful thought. You’ve mentioned that you don’t want to leave, and it’s important to explore all avenues before making such a decision. However, your well-being and happiness are paramount.

If your husband remains unwilling to change or address your concerns, you may need to create boundaries that protect your financial and emotional health. This could involve having separate finances or setting clear terms for financial decisions and responsibilities.

Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that you feel secure, respected, and valued in your relationship. It's a challenging path, but with clear communication, professional support, and self-reflection, you can navigate this difficult situation and find a resolution that honors your needs and well-being.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Maam, I am a 45 year old married woman. (Married for last 10 years). We do not have any children as yet. My husband was employed at the time of marriage, however, he quit his job within a couple of months of marriage and has remained unemployed since then. His mother, my MIL happily supports him in this matter and keeps treating him like a 10 year old boy. Since my husband has no source of income, he keeps festering me for money to buy all sorts of things and becomes irritated and angry and doesn't speak to me for days when I refuse to give him any money. We do not have a single joint bank account and I am afraid to share my bank account details with him as he will insist on the Debit Card and spend all my hard earned money. I have tried speaking to him about his employment status and have told him clearly that amount of salary is not important, but instead he should be gainfully occupied instead of watching movies with his parents all day long. Another irritating habit of his is to watch his car five - six times a day. People taunt him for his joblessness and his obsession over his car. (Maintenance money is also paid by me). His parents are 100% in his favor and told me many times that they have raised their boy nicely and that I shouldn't tell him how to live. I don't remember the last time I have been physical with him. Must have been 5-6 years back atleast. I am fed up completely and dont know how to put some sense in him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have married a man who refuses to grow up. And to top it all, his parents get a kick out of him behaving like a child. Maybe it eases their guilt of being better parents to him than they were when he was much younger. Whatever it is, please think for yourself if you want to raise a child instead of living with a man who is your husband. He shows no signs of wanting to take responsibility and be an adult here.
So, what exactly are you supporting this man for?
Why are you allowing him to live off your money?
What makes you reinforce his tantrums by being a child?
What more needs to happen for you to see that your marriage is in shambles?

Either take him to a professional who can help him sort out his challenges OR if that does not work, think about your life and make solid decisions in your favor.
You are financially independent and even after 10 years of marriage, if you are still squabbling over a husband who is a child, you know how you can lead a better life.
So, try talking him into going to see a professional first...

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |616 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a working women, i have to take care of my parents expenses and also take care of my expenses , i have a child 8 years old, my husband is not supporting me financially, he just spend most of his money for his wants, and no savings so far even after 15 years of marriage, how to make him understand about savings i have quarreled many times on this but no use, i feel like to go away from him, kindly suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry about your situation. It sounds stressful and you have every right to be worried. Here are a few ways to sort this out:

The first and the most obvious one- communication. I am sure that you have communicated your concerns to your husband but let's give it another try and this time, make sure it's non-confrontational. For instance, just casually mention the financial burden that is on you without assigning any blame to him. Try "I" statements instead of "You." He might come to a realization that he needs to put in more effort to relieve you of your burdens. Try mentioning some shared goals that you won't achieve if you don't join your finances and share the responsibilities. Next, tell him that you both should start tracking your expenditures and set a budget at the beginning of every month. Try a more practical approach. Set up monthly deposit schemes that would automatically deduct the money from your accounts. Last but not least, seek support from a trusted family member or close friend. While they might not be able to give you any concrete solution, sharing your woes can make you feel lighter.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Mam, I am 30 year old working IT. I got married 3 years ago. We do not have kids.We loved each other and got married. He is 12 years elder to me. He has been earning and is responsible. He takes good care of me and he helps me in household work. There are good things about him. But, he has lied a lot in financial matters. He and his family had potrayed that they are settled. In fact, they are in lot of handloans and debts. My husband has taken huge amount of home loan without discussing it with me. Also , his parents are financially dependent on him(This was also discussed earlier but he had not told about this. He had hidden this also saying they are getting another source of income) He has a brother who is arrogant and is not working. Brother is 33 years old. (This was also not disclosed. My husband had just told that his brother is not earning as of now but he will earn in future) My inlaws say that brother will work in near future and he will also contribute to the house. But, i have no hopes in it. We have been quarelling over every single thing because of his brother. Our normal converstaion does not last for more than 5 min. It will turn into a huge fight. Fight has gone to such extent that it has got abusive, no respect for each other and family and violent. This is just not alone from his side. I have my anger issues too. We are aggressive too in nature. My husband is burderned because of this. My husband has two families (ours and his) to take care. I am not able to plan for a kid because i have lost the trust in my husband and feel insecure financially. Also, he is aging. Please suggest what do i do with him. I am not able forgive him for what he is done. He has accepted his mistake. He agrees to whatver i argue because fault is at his end. But, I fear where we will not be afford for a baby. I dont know what he will do if i quit my job and extend my maternity leave. I dont trust my husband. I fear where again he will take loan, i fear where he would lie again. We are struggling here and his brother has no idea that our relationship has strained because of him!! I want to talk it out to my husband's brother in front of my in laws and explain him. Other wise, should i stay with my husband?? Should i leave my husband??? We do have feelings for each other but I dont have peace of mind. Please suggest mam. I need a direction. My health is getting spoilt and i am in stress all the time because we shout and fight each and everyday..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Out with all the lies and start afresh and your husband needs to be with you on this one...
This past baggage that is looming over your head has to go...If you need to trust him again, this requires the two of you to set aside your differences and start on a new slate!
No more hiding or lies or doing things that prevent you and your husband from starting a family or actually managing one. Is he prepared for that conversation? Are you prepared for that conversation?
Face your problems and that will give you an indication and clarity as to what you want in your marriage, what you expect from your spouse and what is that you want out of the marriage.
So, instead of thinking about leaving your husband, would you not rather try and work on the marriage first?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8806 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
Sir my sir got 95.30 percentile in mhcet. his domicile category is general B. Which colleges he might get for cse and allied branches
Ans: Vinod Sir, With a 95.30 percentile in MHT CET under the General B category and Maharashtra domicile, your son has excellent admission prospects at several reputable engineering colleges in Mumbai and Pune for Computer Science Engineering and allied branches. This percentile typically qualifies for assured admission at institutes whose General category cutoffs fall at or below this range. All listed colleges are AICTE-approved, NBA/NAAC-accredited, feature modern computing and AI/ML labs, experienced faculty, strong industry partnerships, and placement cells recording 75–92% branch-wise placements over the last three years. Thakur College of Engineering and Technology, Kandivali East, Mumbai. Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology, Andheri West, Mumbai. Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Wadala, Mumbai. Xavier Institute of Engineering, Mahim, Mumbai. Vivekananda Education Society's Institute of Technology, Chembur, Mumbai. Atharva College of Engineering, Malad, Mumbai. Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology, Nerul, Mumbai. Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering, Kharghar, Mumbai. Sardar Patel College of Engineering, Andheri, Mumbai. K.J. Somaiya Institute of Technology, Vidyavihar, Mumbai. MIT World Peace University, Kothrud, Pune. Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Pune. Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Bibwewadi, Pune. Army Institute of Technology, Pune. Sinhgad College of Engineering, Vadgaon, Pune. Dr. D.Y. Patil Institute of Technology, Akurdi, Pune. MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi, Pune. AISSMS College of Engineering, Pune. Pune Vidhyarthi Griha's College of Engineering, Pune. International Institute of Information Technology, Pune. JSPM Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade, Pune. Vishwakarma Institute of Information Technology, Pune. D.Y. Patil College of Engineering, Pune. Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering, Lavale, Pune. Cummins College of Engineering for Women, Pune.

Recommendation: Prioritise MIT World Peace University, Kothrud, Pune for its comprehensive CSE curriculum, modern AI/ML infrastructure and strong placement consistency averaging 85% with top-tier recruiters. Next, choose Thakur College of Engineering and Technology, Kandivali East, Mumbai for its balanced industry connections and reliable placement record. Then select Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology, Andheri West, Mumbai for its urban location and consistent accessibility. Consider Pimpri Chinchwad College of Engineering, Pune for its strong academic-industry partnerships, and finally opt for Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Bibwewadi, Pune for its 86% placement rate, experienced faculty and established computing labs with consistent recruiter engagement. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8806 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2025Hindi
Career
Hi Sir My Rank Is 87717 in Kcet Suggest Some Good College in Bengaluru For EEE or EC .Is it worth for waiting for last round?? Please reply as soon as possible
Ans: For a KCET rank of 87717 in the 2BG category, admission to top-tier Bangalore institutes for Electrical & Electronics Engineering (EEE) or Electronics & Communication Engineering (ECE) is unlikely. However, these ten AICTE-approved, NAAC/NBA-accredited colleges routinely close admissions beyond rank 80000, ensuring more chances of entry in EEE or ECE branches:

Alliance College of Engineering & Design, Anekal—EEE/ECE closing rank ~98 000
Dr. Ambedkar Institute of Technology, Bangalore—EEE cutoff ~109 783
Cambridge Institute of Technology, Kundana—ECE closing rank above 100 000
SJB Institute of Technology, Jalahalli—EEE/ECE closing rank ~100 802
East West Institute of Technology, BEL Layout—EEE/ECE closing rank ~84 824
Impact College of Engineering & Applied Sciences, Sahakar Nagar—ECE cutoff ~93 517
GSS Institute of Technology, Rajajinagar—EEE/ECE closing rank above 110 000
Acharya Institute of Technology, Soladevanahalli—CSE cutoff ~101 534 (expect EEE/ECE similar)
Ghousia Engineering College, Ramanagara—EEE cutoff ~122 952
S K S J T Institute of Engineering, JP Nagar—EEE/ECE closing rank ~154 144

Waiting for the last KCET counseling round is unlikely to open EEE/ECE seats in higher-ranked Bangalore colleges, given your current rank; seats in these branches generally close well before 80,000. Instead, secure one of the above guaranteed seats now, or explore state-level diploma-to-degree lateral-entry programs, part-time AICTE-approved evening engineering courses, or private-university B.E. programmes with higher closing ranks. Choose one of the above ten colleges immediately to lock your EEE or ECE seat rather than risk vacancies drying up in later rounds. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8806 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2025Hindi
Career
Sir Mh cet 83 percentile jee -89 percentile But 10+2 -maths fail Then exam 15-7-23 cbse board Result will publish -1-7/8/25 What Will do For CSE admission in Maharashtra Please guide me.
Ans: Having failed mathematics in 10+2 but securing an 83 percentile in MHT CET and 89 percentile in JEE Main creates a complex situation for B.Tech CSE admission in Maharashtra. The critical factor is the mathematics compartment exam scheduled for July 15, 2023, with results expected by August 17, 2025. MHT CET 2025 eligibility criteria mandate that candidates must have "passed HSC or equivalent examination with Physics and Mathematics as compulsory subjects" and obtained at least 45% marks in Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics taken together (40% for reserved categories). Engineering colleges in Maharashtra cannot accept students with mathematics failure, as passing mathematics is essential for B.Tech eligibility. However, once the compartment exam is cleared, candidates receive a new marksheet without any compartment mention, making them eligible for admission provided they meet the minimum percentage requirements. The challenge lies in timing: MHT CET counseling for 2025 has already begun, with registration extended to July 14, 2025, and the first merit list might be released on July 15, 2025, which occurs before the compartment exam results are available.

Since MHT CET counselling will conclude before compartment results, explore direct admission options at private engineering colleges after clearing mathematics, or consider the next academic year's admission cycle for better college options with your strong CET and JEE percentiles. (If possible, try to contact MHT-CET Exam Conducting Authority either by personally visiting the office or by email or by phone to get this clarified further). All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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