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Divorced Dad: Estranged Ex-Wife Hinders Son's Visits - What Options Do I Have?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Abhijeet Question by Abhijeet on Aug 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am a divorcee, my ex wife took custody of my son. as per our mutual consent, i have a weekly visiting access to my son. but my ex wife is frequently changes her address and not in contact, i am unable to meet my son from last 18 months. he is saying Daddy to her brother. kindly give any solution. i dont want to go court again where i already loose my 6/7 years.

Ans: Dear Abhijeet,
From what I have understood, people skirt around the Court's orders where it concerns visitation rights. Sadly, you have to go back to the Court as your wife thinks she can go on with this game forever. Find a good lawyer and go ahead on his/her advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

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My wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage. That's ok to me as she was a torture to my parents and me all the time. The problem is she poisoned my 12 year old son and also emotionally blackmails my son because of which now my son hates me to make his mom happy. He very rarely answers my calls and never reverts to my messages. They contact me only when school and class fee are to be paid. Otherwise, I have no whereabouts of my son or what's going on in his life.Pls advise. I don't wish to get my wife back.
Ans:

Dear TP,

It is unfortunate that the child is caught in this crossfire which never should be the case in the first place.

It is a difficult task to rework the relationship between you and your son as he is more inclined to believe his primary caregiver; which is his mother.

But of course, nothing is impossible. I might want to suggest that you approach a family member who can play a neutral role in bringing your wife to a place where she realises that the role of a father is necessary for the child other than just the financial support.

Also, what made you feel that your son hates you? What gives you an indication to that? But since there is no information on that, I will go by what you have shared.

He must be doing this not just to keep his Mom happy but also he must know that she is his only source of emotional support and that he might lose that if he aligns with you.

You can only try and keep trying that someday he will respond to your calls or texts. Also, a legal separation might assure you visitation rights if you go down that path.

But that’s always the last option as it takes a moment to break a relationship and a lifetime to build one.

So salvage what you have and appeal to someone close to the family to step in and save the day.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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I got married in 2008. Our son was born in 2013. My wife was doing PhD at that time and we both took good care of him as we were staying in an academic campus. Upon completion, my wife moved away from our place with her job in 2018. Initial one year, everything was fine. I used to visit them once in a month as the place was far away. Later in 2019, she moved to a better job location with our son. This place was also far from my workplace. Due to some reasons, she started avoiding me and I could hardly meet them especially my son. I could talk to my son only once/twice every month and see him on average of every 4 months. She does not allow me talk to him over video call as well. My parents who had a great memory with their grandson also cannot talk to him, except after several persuasions by me, she visits my paternal home once or twice in a year. She takes our son to my parents house for an hour and never allows to stay with them. This is happening for the last 5 years. I am clueless as any movement to court might lead us filing a divorce, which will grossly hurt my parents. Sometimes I feel that I should wait for my son until he becomes 18 (he is 11 now) and see him once he goes out of his mom's house. Requesting for your suggestion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I truly believe that distance can drive a huge gap between two people in a relationship. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone and if someone is into something like this, they would have or must have an honest chat about it.
Not being able to be in the company of one another, not being able to share their day with the other, not being able to communicate as often as they want can lead them to become their own person and highly independent not really missing their partner. It can also lead them to find other pair/pairs of ears almost replacing their partner at that moment. Repeating this over time can lead to romantic associations outside of the relationship as well.

Now, what could have caused your wife to take a step to be isolated from you, only you will know...and what has made you wait for 5 years to actually realize that something must be done about this?

Anyway, talk to your wife...I mean, how long can she avoid you? Meet her at a common place, like at your parents' place so that it does not flare up into a big thing. Take the opportunity to try and win your family back. Maybe it was a simple misunderstanding that caused all of this. Only when you try to find out, will you know, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
No Liabilities: This is a strong advantage for financial freedom.
Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
5. Tax Efficiency in Retirement
Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
7. Estate and Legacy Planning
Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
Finally
Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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My sister is recently diagnosed with second stage of breast cancer. She is always emotional and moody. Can I introduce her to yoga or meditation? Can yoga help her cope with the fear and uncertainty?
Ans: I'm very sorry to hear about your sister’s diagnosis. This is a challenging time, and emotional support is just as important as medical treatment. Yes, yoga and meditation can help her cope with fear, stress, and uncertainty by bringing mental peace, emotional strength, and relaxation.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Anxiety & Fear: Gentle yoga and deep breathing activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps in relaxation and emotional balance.
Improves Sleep: Many cancer patients struggle with sleep. Yoga Nidra and slow breathing exercises can promote restful sleep.
Boosts Positivity: Meditation and mindfulness help shift focus from fear to inner peace.
Strengthens the Body: Light yoga can help reduce fatigue and improve overall well-being during treatment.
Recommended Practices for Your Sister:
Breathing (Pranayama): Anulom Vilom (Alternate Nostril Breathing) and Bhramari (Humming Bee Breath) calm the mind.
Gentle Yoga Poses: Child’s Pose, Butterfly Pose, and Legs-Up-The-Wall Pose promote relaxation.
Meditation & Yoga Nidra: Guided meditation can help ease emotional distress and bring hope.
Encourage her to consult a yoga coach for personalized support. With the right guidance, yoga can become a healing companion in her journey.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |49 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 04, 2025Hindi
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Health
Mam, can yoga help prevent cancer in women? Please advice
Ans: Yoga cannot guarantee the prevention of cancer, but it can play a supportive role in maintaining overall health, reducing risk factors, and improving well-being. Many studies suggest that regular yoga practice helps reduce stress, improve immunity, balance hormones, and promote detoxification—all of which may lower the risk of cancer in women.

How Yoga Can Help:
Reduces Stress: Chronic stress weakens the immune system and increases inflammation, which can contribute to disease. Practicing meditation, breathing exercises, and relaxation techniques keeps the body in balance.
Boosts Immunity: Gentle yoga poses improve blood circulation and support the lymphatic system, which helps remove toxins from the body.
Balances Hormones: Hormonal imbalances may increase the risk of conditions like breast and ovarian cancer. Regular yoga helps maintain a healthy endocrine system.
Supports Detoxification: Twisting poses and deep breathing help the body eliminate waste and toxins.
Recommended Practices:
Pranayama (Breathwork): Anulom Vilom and Bhramari help calm the nervous system.
Yoga Poses: Cobra Pose, Twists, and Forward Bends improve digestion and circulation.
Meditation & Relaxation: Yoga Nidra and mindfulness reduce stress and promote healing.
For personalized guidance, consult a yoga coach who can create a practice suited to your health needs.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Get me some clearity on HDFC BALANCED ADVANTAGE FUND as from last few days my portfolio is going in negative
Ans: Understanding Balanced Advantage Funds

Balanced Advantage Funds invest in both equity and debt. They adjust their investments based on market conditions. This flexibility helps manage risk and aim for steady returns.

Recent Performance Insights

It's natural to feel concerned when your portfolio shows negative returns. Remember, short-term declines are common in investments. Balanced Advantage Funds aim to reduce risk by adjusting their investments. This strategy helps manage market ups and downs.

Factors Influencing Performance

Several elements can affect your fund's performance:

Market Volatility: Changes in the market can impact returns.

Asset Allocation: The mix of equity and debt plays a role.

Interest Rate Changes: Fluctuations can influence debt investments.

Economic Indicators: Factors like inflation and GDP growth are important.

Evaluating Fund Performance

To assess your fund's performance:

Compare with Benchmarks: See how it measures up against standard indices.

Review Historical Returns: Look at past performance over different periods.

Consider Risk-Adjusted Returns: Evaluate returns in relation to the risk taken.

Staying the Course

It's commendable to stay focused on your long-term goals. Short-term market changes shouldn't deter your investment strategy. Maintaining discipline is key to achieving financial objectives.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner

For personalized advice, consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide guidance tailored to your financial situation.

Final Thoughts

Market fluctuations are a part of investing. Balanced Advantage Funds are designed to manage these ups and downs. Staying informed and patient can help you reach your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7838 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Hello, my mother is 62 year old pensioner. She has invested funds in government securities and postal schemes. Despite submitting 15H form and filing ITR (as a senior citizen person), her tax is getting deducted. Can you kindly explain why this is happening?
Ans: There are a few possible reasons why TDS (Tax Deducted at Source) is being deducted from your mother's investments, despite submitting Form 15H and filing ITR.

1. Incorrect or Late Submission of Form 15H
Form 15H must be submitted at the start of the financial year to all institutions where she has investments.
If submitted after TDS is deducted, it won’t apply retrospectively to recover the deducted tax.
Ensure the form is submitted separately to each bank, post office, or financial institution.
2. Exceeding the Basic Exemption Limit
For senior citizens (60+ years), income up to Rs. 3 lakhs is tax-free.
If her total taxable income (pension + interest from investments) exceeds Rs. 3 lakhs, TDS will still apply.
Even if TDS is deducted, she can claim a refund while filing her ITR if her total tax liability is zero.
3. Form 15H Validity Rules
Form 15H is only valid if total taxable income is below the exemption limit.
If her total income is more than Rs. 3 lakhs, banks and post offices will ignore Form 15H and deduct TDS.
4. Different TDS Thresholds for Investments
Banks deduct TDS on FD interest if it exceeds Rs. 50,000 per year for senior citizens.
Post Office schemes (like SCSS) deduct TDS if interest crosses Rs. 50,000 per year.
Government securities may also have TDS rules based on the issuing authority.
5. PAN Not Updated with the Bank/Post Office
If PAN is not linked to the investment accounts, higher TDS at 20% is deducted.
Ensure all investments have PAN updated to avoid excess TDS.
6. Errors in Tax Deduction System
Sometimes, banks deduct TDS even if Form 15H is submitted correctly.
In such cases, she can file an ITR and claim a refund from the Income Tax Department.
What to Do Now?
Check total taxable income to confirm if she qualifies for Form 15H.
Verify all Form 15H submissions with banks and post offices.
Ensure PAN is updated in all financial institutions.
If TDS is wrongly deducted, file an ITR and claim a refund.
Would you like help with checking if she is eligible for a refund?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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