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Divorced Dad: Estranged Ex-Wife Hinders Son's Visits - What Options Do I Have?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 02, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Abhijeet Question by Abhijeet on Aug 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am a divorcee, my ex wife took custody of my son. as per our mutual consent, i have a weekly visiting access to my son. but my ex wife is frequently changes her address and not in contact, i am unable to meet my son from last 18 months. he is saying Daddy to her brother. kindly give any solution. i dont want to go court again where i already loose my 6/7 years.

Ans: Dear Abhijeet,
From what I have understood, people skirt around the Court's orders where it concerns visitation rights. Sadly, you have to go back to the Court as your wife thinks she can go on with this game forever. Find a good lawyer and go ahead on his/her advice.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 14, 2022

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Relationship
My wife abandoned me after 14 years of marriage. That's ok to me as she was a torture to my parents and me all the time. The problem is she poisoned my 12 year old son and also emotionally blackmails my son because of which now my son hates me to make his mom happy. He very rarely answers my calls and never reverts to my messages. They contact me only when school and class fee are to be paid. Otherwise, I have no whereabouts of my son or what's going on in his life.Pls advise. I don't wish to get my wife back.
Ans:

Dear TP,

It is unfortunate that the child is caught in this crossfire which never should be the case in the first place.

It is a difficult task to rework the relationship between you and your son as he is more inclined to believe his primary caregiver; which is his mother.

But of course, nothing is impossible. I might want to suggest that you approach a family member who can play a neutral role in bringing your wife to a place where she realises that the role of a father is necessary for the child other than just the financial support.

Also, what made you feel that your son hates you? What gives you an indication to that? But since there is no information on that, I will go by what you have shared.

He must be doing this not just to keep his Mom happy but also he must know that she is his only source of emotional support and that he might lose that if he aligns with you.

You can only try and keep trying that someday he will respond to your calls or texts. Also, a legal separation might assure you visitation rights if you go down that path.

But that’s always the last option as it takes a moment to break a relationship and a lifetime to build one.

So salvage what you have and appeal to someone close to the family to step in and save the day.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 21, 2024Hindi
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I got married in 2008. Our son was born in 2013. My wife was doing PhD at that time and we both took good care of him as we were staying in an academic campus. Upon completion, my wife moved away from our place with her job in 2018. Initial one year, everything was fine. I used to visit them once in a month as the place was far away. Later in 2019, she moved to a better job location with our son. This place was also far from my workplace. Due to some reasons, she started avoiding me and I could hardly meet them especially my son. I could talk to my son only once/twice every month and see him on average of every 4 months. She does not allow me talk to him over video call as well. My parents who had a great memory with their grandson also cannot talk to him, except after several persuasions by me, she visits my paternal home once or twice in a year. She takes our son to my parents house for an hour and never allows to stay with them. This is happening for the last 5 years. I am clueless as any movement to court might lead us filing a divorce, which will grossly hurt my parents. Sometimes I feel that I should wait for my son until he becomes 18 (he is 11 now) and see him once he goes out of his mom's house. Requesting for your suggestion.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I truly believe that distance can drive a huge gap between two people in a relationship. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are not for everyone and if someone is into something like this, they would have or must have an honest chat about it.
Not being able to be in the company of one another, not being able to share their day with the other, not being able to communicate as often as they want can lead them to become their own person and highly independent not really missing their partner. It can also lead them to find other pair/pairs of ears almost replacing their partner at that moment. Repeating this over time can lead to romantic associations outside of the relationship as well.

Now, what could have caused your wife to take a step to be isolated from you, only you will know...and what has made you wait for 5 years to actually realize that something must be done about this?

Anyway, talk to your wife...I mean, how long can she avoid you? Meet her at a common place, like at your parents' place so that it does not flare up into a big thing. Take the opportunity to try and win your family back. Maybe it was a simple misunderstanding that caused all of this. Only when you try to find out, will you know, yeah?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1757 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu ji, I am 42 yr old single parent. I have a 10 yr old son living with me. My wife and I were separated when our son was 3 yr old and we recently settled our divorce. Immediately after our divorce, my ex-wife got re-married. Her husband isn’t willing to take my son in and hence she handed over his legal custody to me. She has moved on with her life and my son doesn’t feature in her list of priorities. I am more than happy to have him. During the last 7 years of separation, she did not allow me or my parents to meet my son, so we could not build a strong bond together. Now, it has been 6 months since my son has moved in with me. Its only me and him living together ATM. My parents stay in our ancestral village and are unable to stay with me. Though its challenging for both of us to discover and understand each other, it must be tougher for my son. He understands the fact that his parents aren’t together and hence he has to stay with either of us at a time. Sometimes, he does get emotional about this situation not being normal compared to his friends / cartoons / movies etc. He also misses his mother and often keeps quoting that “My mother does it this way...”, “Me and my mum used to do this / that” etc etc and I appreciate that. I am fine with him talking to his mother through WhatsApp and meeting her whenever they wish to. He is also close to his other maternal family members, and I do not have any issues with him maintaining that bond. Now the challenge is, my ex-wife and her family abuses and shoos me away every time I try to ask them about my son such as his eating habits, likes, dislikes, vacation plans etc etc. They also bad mouth me whenever they speak to my son. That poor little soul gets influenced and feels that its punishment for him to live with me. And I feel betrayed as I too have made sacrifices / adjustments in my career, relationships etc to be able to take care of my son. I feel like stopping his communication with his mum and maternal family, but worried if that would adversely affect him. Now I have also started to get angry whenever he speaks to his mum or maternal family and try not to vent out at him, but I sometimes I do. Please guide me to navigate this delicate situation and what should I look forward to in my life.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, stop going back to your ex-wife for things that concern your son.
You have taken the responsibility of raising him, then you can surely figure out his likes and dislikes over time. Spend time bonding with him and be very patient with the outcome. Overnight, you son isn't going to love and fuss over you. So, keep raising him with a lot of love and a very supportive environment. At times, you will see him angry or stubborn bringing reference to the way his mother raised him; that is not the time to be angry but to hear him out and actually agree with him. He is a child, why are you being one? Surely, you understand that this is a very confusing and challenging time for him...why not spend time finding ways to bond rather than get angry when he speaks to his mother? That is their unique relationship; don't stand in the way as your son as he grows older will hold you responsible for keeping him away from her.
Focus on building a connection with him...and if for some reason things get distressing and even more challenging, please take the help of a professional to help the family tide over this phase...
In the meantime, let your focus be on your son, his needs, his joys and sorrows and more...let his know and feel that you as a father will protect him and be there for him at all times...that will change a lot of things for him...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |440 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 24, 2025

Money
Hello Vivek Sir, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi Sanjay,

It is great that you are investing since 2017. Long investments and patience always gives results.
You can easily achieve your goal corpus by the time you turn 58, if investment done correctly.
The funds you mentioned have so much overlapping and scattered. It needs rework and complete reallocation. Maximum of 5 funds should be there. Take the help of a professional to align your portfolio with your goal and customized profile.
A random portfolio like yours can create an opposite impact.
Also try to increase the monthly SIP by 10% each year. This will take care of inflation power.

Hence do consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10925 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 24, 2025

Money
Hello sir , I am 62 yrs and now have 25 lakh surplus money , where to invest if mutual fuds please recommend the good funds to me with %.thanks
Ans: Your discipline in building surplus funds deserves genuine appreciation.
Reaching this stage reflects patience, planning, and financial maturity.
At 62, your focus rightly shifts toward stability and steady income.
At the same time, growth must continue to fight inflation.
A balanced approach is therefore very important now.

» Age, Life Stage, and Investment Context
You are in the early retirement transition phase.
Capital protection becomes more important than aggressive growth.
Regular income matters more than high returns now.
Volatility should be controlled carefully.
Liquidity should be available for emergencies.
Tax efficiency must be managed smartly.

Mutual funds still suit this phase well.
They offer flexibility, transparency, and diversification.
They also allow gradual withdrawals when needed.

» Core Investment Philosophy at 62
Your money must work without stressing you.
Every rupee should have a clear purpose.
Risk should be measured and intentional.
Returns should be reasonable and repeatable.
Cash flow should feel predictable.

Avoid chasing market highs at this age.
Avoid locking funds for very long periods.
Avoid complicated structures and opaque products.

» Recommended Asset Allocation for Rs.25 Lakh
This allocation balances safety, income, and growth.
It also manages market ups and downs.

– Equity-oriented mutual funds: 35%
– Debt-oriented mutual funds: 55%
– Hybrid-oriented mutual funds: 10%

This structure keeps volatility under control.
It also allows reasonable growth over time.

» Role of Equity Mutual Funds at Your Age
Equity is still necessary even after 60.
Inflation reduces purchasing power every year.
Medical costs rise faster than general inflation.
Equity helps your money stay relevant.

However, equity exposure must be limited.
It must also be diversified and disciplined.

» Equity Mutual Fund Allocation – 35%
This equals around Rs.8.75 lakh.

Suggested internal split is as follows.

– Large, established companies focused funds: 25%
– Flexibly managed equity strategies: 10%

Large company exposure provides stability.
Business models are proven and resilient.
Earnings visibility is generally better.

Flexible equity strategies add adaptability.
Fund managers adjust based on market conditions.
This reduces risk during market corrections.

Avoid aggressive mid and small company focus now.
They bring sharp volatility and emotional stress.

» Why Actively Managed Equity Funds Matter
Markets are not always efficient in India.
Corporate governance quality varies widely.
Sector cycles change unpredictably.

Active managers can avoid weak businesses.
They can reduce exposure during excess valuations.
They can increase quality bias during uncertainty.

This flexibility matters more after retirement.

» Debt Mutual Funds as the Stability Anchor
Debt funds will form your portfolio backbone.
They provide stability and predictable behaviour.
They also support regular income planning.

At 62, debt allocation should dominate.
It protects capital during equity market falls.

» Debt Mutual Fund Allocation – 55%
This equals around Rs.13.75 lakh.

Suggested internal structure is below.

– Short maturity focused debt strategies: 25%
– Medium duration debt strategies: 15%
– Conservative income-oriented debt strategies: 15%

Short maturity funds reduce interest rate risk.
They are suitable for near-term needs.
They offer better predictability.

Medium duration funds balance return and risk.
They work well for three to five years horizon.

Income-oriented debt strategies support steady cash flow.
They also smooth overall portfolio returns.

Avoid credit risk heavy strategies at this stage.
Chasing extra yield can damage capital.

» Tax View on Debt Mutual Funds
Debt fund gains are taxed at slab rates.
This applies to both short and long holding periods.
Plan withdrawals in lower income years.
This improves post-tax outcomes.

» Hybrid Mutual Funds – Limited but Useful
Hybrid funds combine equity and debt exposure.
They reduce volatility through internal balancing.
They simplify allocation management.

However, allocation must remain limited.

» Hybrid Mutual Fund Allocation – 10%
This equals around Rs.2.5 lakh.

Choose conservative hybrid orientation only.
Debt portion should dominate clearly.
Equity portion should be controlled.

This segment acts as a shock absorber.
It also supports smoother returns.

» Liquidity and Emergency Planning
Always keep liquid access available.
Unexpected medical or family needs can arise.

Ensure at least twelve months expenses remain accessible.
This can be through savings or liquid-oriented funds.
Do not invest entire surplus tightly.

» Withdrawal Strategy Planning
Investment is only half the journey.
Withdrawal planning matters equally now.

Use a staggered withdrawal approach.
Avoid redeeming equity during market downturns.
Withdraw debt portion first during volatility.

This protects long-term growth potential.

» Market Volatility and Emotional Comfort
Market corrections are unavoidable.
Your portfolio must allow peaceful sleep.

The suggested allocation reduces panic risk.
It avoids sharp portfolio swings.

Emotional comfort is a hidden return.
It matters greatly after retirement.

» Rebalancing Discipline
Portfolio balance will change over time.
Equity may grow faster in bull markets.

Review allocation once every year.
Shift excess equity gains into debt.
This protects accumulated profits.

Do not rebalance too frequently.
Avoid reacting to short-term noise.

» Inflation Protection Over Retirement Years
Inflation silently erodes fixed incomes.
Medical inflation is especially dangerous.

Equity exposure counters this risk.
Active management further improves protection.

Without equity, retirement corpus shrinks in real terms.

» Estate and Nomination Discipline
Ensure nominations are updated everywhere.
This includes mutual funds and bank accounts.

Create a clear will if absent.
This avoids future family disputes.

Review beneficiaries regularly.

» What Not to Do at This Stage
Avoid chasing high return promises.
Avoid locking funds into illiquid structures.
Avoid concentration in single themes.
Avoid frequent portfolio tinkering.

Simplicity supports longevity planning.

» Monitoring and Review Framework
Review portfolio annually, not daily.
Track alignment with life needs.
Adjust only if life circumstances change.

Market noise should not guide actions.

» Final Insights
You have reached a position of strength.
Your surplus reflects years of discipline.
The goal now is sustainability, not speed.

A balanced mutual fund approach fits well.
It offers growth, income, and flexibility.
It respects your age and responsibilities.

With proper allocation and patience,
your money can support you comfortably.

Stay invested with clarity and confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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