Good Day Hi its been around 10 years of Marriage . I do have a Son who is 5 years old and is slightly facing Autism issues we have consulted a Specialist for the same who has generally suggested a few therapies to follow which we are currently following. My Wife is some what upset since her belief was that this issue is related genetic and one of my sibling already had such abnormalities in their kid so that's the reason our kid is facing this. and she really regrets this marriage. Whenever there is any arguments at home she always keeps on repeatedly saying that she regrets this marriage since this problem within the child has arisen because of some genetic imbalance within my family . Also since my kid was born she always preferred to sleep separately, rather there has been no physical intimation since last 6 months when came to know abt my kids problem. Is it really advisable that if she is not happy with me rather part away so that she could stay happy with somebody else since i personally feel i myself i am responsible to be the unlucky one and the root cause of all the problems. So would happy to get some suggestion from your end.

Sex waning after having kids is something that many marriages go through, also the mother can be tired after caring for the home, work and the kids…sex is the last thing on her mind.

But, yes you do have a point when you mention that kids are still lurking in your bed which is not healthy for their development.

Just a thought, has your wife found this as a convenient option to avoid any intimacy with you?

If yes, what and why is she avoiding? These can be answered only when the two of you set aside your emotions aside and talk as civil adults.

If that isn’t a possibility, kindly take the help of a professional who will:

• Help your wife transition from mother to wife and ease her into both roles
• Bring to her notice that children need the love and care of both parents and that it is non-negotiable and a dampener for the kids to deny them the fathers’ support
• Guide both of you to bring spark back into your marriage
• Teach the family to discipline itself into conscious parenting that keeps the welfare of the children at the forefront

I would urge you to go down this path before thoughts of separation etc.

The kids can grow up in a loving environment; why not strive for that first?

Wishing you the best!

Dear S,

Your situation is a bit complicated as I don’t have enough information to build on.

• How do you know that she suffers from OCD? Has an expert diagnosed this?
• Is the trouble in your marriage because of your confused sexual orientation?
• Have you felt attracted to your wife at some point as well?

To me, it seems like both of you need to visit an expert who will not just help you deal with your marriage but also guide you to work on your sexual orientation which could also have led to matters going sour between you and your wife.

Like I said, things don’t add up much to me and I have tried to point you in a direction that might help you move into a solution space.

For more clarity, I do suggest getting in touch with an expert who can guide you ably and help get your life back on track.

All the best!

Dear SS,

Something has happened which you might not be aware of that has triggered this behaviour from her.

To not let you be with the child suggests that there is something else that is going on. It requires an intervention.

Speak with her parents who can talk to her sensibly about the requirement of the child being with both parents at this time.

It is highly likely that there have been some disagreements with your family that is preventing her from coming back.

So, you possibly have been naïve to believe that nothing happened. There is a reason for every action, so something so extreme from her certainly warrants a strong reason.

Why exactly did you wait for three years is something that I cannot understand as matters like these get worse with each passing day with room for disappointments.

Well, let’s keep the past right where it belongs in.

Initiate a conversation with her and take things slow and patient.

After three long years, much has changed and to expect things to be as they were is bordering on being very gullible.

State clearly what you expect within the marriage and please be an excellent listener as you encourage her to share her version of the story, her expectations, her complaints and so on…a patient, listening and compassionate ear can go a long way in rebuilding lost relationships only when you don’t go on the defense and she feels pushed again.

I do believe that it takes two people to create or destroy a relationship but since I heard from you, this is my suggestion to you.

Please be the bigger person and keep the larger picture in mind of the marriage and the child, and swallow pride and ego and simply focus on rebuilding if that is eventually a possibility.

All the best!