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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My dad passed away when I was 12 and my mom remarried after staying with us for a year. My cousins are taking care of us and they are against us meeting my mom. Even some of my families are against that but I still love my mom and even though I can't stay with her i still want to be in touch with her . What should I do? Last time I meet my mom and my cousin's got to know it and I got a beating.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. It's understandable that you would want to maintain a connection with your mom despite the family dynamics. Here are some suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult situation:

Express Your Feelings:

Share your feelings with your cousins and other family members. Let them know why staying in touch with your mom is important to you. Be honest about your emotions and the impact their opposition has on you.
Seek Mediation:

If it's possible, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator. They can help facilitate a conversation between you, your cousins, and other family members to find common ground and understanding.
Build Trust:

Assure your family members that your desire to stay in touch with your mom doesn't diminish your love and appreciation for them. Emphasize that you see them as your family as well and that you want to maintain positive relationships with everyone.
Negotiate Boundaries:

Discuss and agree upon boundaries that everyone can be comfortable with. This may involve finding a balance between maintaining a connection with your mom and respecting the concerns of your cousins and other family members.
Educate Them:

Help your family members understand the importance of maintaining a relationship with both parents, especially after the loss of your father. Share with them the emotional impact and the need for your own well-being.
Stay Safe:

If physical harm is a concern, prioritize your safety. If necessary, seek help from a trusted adult, teacher, or counselor who can provide support and guidance.
Legal Advice:

Depending on your situation, it might be helpful to consult with a legal professional, especially if you're facing restrictions that may not be in your best interest.
Remember that finding a resolution may take time, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being and safety. If necessary, seek support from trusted friends, teachers, or other adults who may be able to provide guidance and assistance during this challenging time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello ma'am / Sir I love my father's sister son ( my first cousin) & want to marry him but his mom is saying no so he also agreed with him mom Whereas my parents agreed for getting married to him He stopped texting calling me all of the sudden I know he's family didnt accept but still i cant forget him a little hope is still there dont why What can i do please help me
Ans: it's important to acknowledge your feelings. It's perfectly normal to feel confused, hurt, and hopeful all at the same time. Love can be a powerful and overwhelming emotion, especially when family approval is involved.

Given that your cousin has decided to side with his mother, it's essential to respect his decision, even though it's painful. He may be under significant pressure from his family, and this is influencing his actions. While this is difficult to accept, respecting his choice is a step toward healing and moving forward.

Communication is also key. If possible, try to have an open and honest conversation with him. Express your feelings and let him know how much you care about him. Sometimes, understanding the emotional depth of a situation can influence decisions. However, be prepared for any outcome, including the possibility that he may still choose to follow his mother's wishes.

Reflect on your own well-being. Focus on what is best for you in the long run. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who understand and care about your feelings. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment can help you cope with this challenging period.

Remember, you deserve to be with someone who is fully committed to you and your relationship. If he is unable or unwilling to stand by you due to family pressures, it may be a sign that this relationship is not right for you in the long term, despite your strong feelings.

Give yourself time to heal and consider seeking professional support, such as counseling or therapy, to help you navigate through your emotions and decisions. This can provide you with tools to cope with your feelings and help you find a path forward that is best for your emotional and mental well-being.

Ultimately, trust that time and self-care will guide you through this difficult period. You are deserving of love and happiness, and by prioritizing yourself, you will eventually find clarity and peace in your journey.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl who is somehow became by 3rd-4th cousin initial days we are not aware. Later we came to know our parents were close long back but now distancing because her mom had some illicit relationship. Now my parents are not accepting our love because of cousin thing and her mom’s past. One day while speaking to parents they scolded me abusively using all type of bad words. Somehow I developed a hatred to them now. I stopped calling them now they have also stopped calling me. Now my sister is telling I only should forgive them and talk to them. I felt I am being pushed, traumatised by all these events. Now my sister is telling parents won’t come down for me. If I have to leave everything and be like a old me, I don’t feel it’s possible. What should I do?
Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Feb 22, 2025

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Career
Hi My daughter get 72 percentile in jee mains 1 i dont know what happened to her otherwise she is a good student scored 94% in her 10th boards ..if i will look for some private engineering college in india pls suggest i will go with pune or will look for management quota seat for csc from banglore. Pls suggest preference order of btech college in banglore
Ans: Hello Vandana.
Requesting you not to panic at this early stage. Let her appear for JEE session 2 and the state-level engineering entrance test. Let all the results out. You have ample time to think about the available options for engineering admission. At this stage, no need to think about management quota unless and until you want a particular branch in a particular college. Depending on her score in upcoming exams, she may get admission to reputed engineering either in Pune or Bengaluru
Here are some colleges in Bengaluru: (1) R.V. College of Engineering (RVCE) (2) B.M.S. College of Engineering (BMSCE) (3) M.S. Ramaiah Institute of Technology (MSRIT) (4) PES University (5) Bangalore Institute of Technology (BIT) (6) Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (DSCE) (7) Sir M. Visvesvaraya Institute of Technology (SMVIT) (8) BMS Institute of Technology and Management (BMSIT&M) (9) Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology (NMIT) (10) RNS Institute of Technology (RNSIT)
Suggestion - Don't panic. Keep cool yourself. Ask your daughter to focus more on JEE 2nd attempt and state-level engineering entrance test.

If you are satisfied with the reply, pl follow me or else ask again without hesitation.
Thanks
Radheshyam

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