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Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi

My brother had rough marriage since beginning. Last 14 yrs....gradually he became addicted to alcohol. Entire family tried to bridge the gap and tried to save him but we couldn't. After his demise we came to know he was being ill treated by his wife and mother-in-law who frequently visited them. Also his wife continued with her affair after marriage also, she aborted one child by taking pills within one year of marriage, that too without informing my brother. My brother was also exploited for his money by his wife and her brothers. Now that he is no more we have disowned her and broken all ties with her. I have so many evidences that shows she made my brother's life miserable and so he became addicted....I am not able to come out of this anger

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and under the circumstances that you have mentioned.
Your brother is gone and whatever you do, he isn't coming back. Maybe his wife and her family are to blame for what happened to him BUT holding onto that anger is only going to hurt you.
Your peace of mind which has already been disturbed will take a downturn with thoughts of what happened, how it happened and why it happened.

The past keeps us occupied and in this case even angry; what will you get by staying angry?
Once you know how detrimental anger is to you and how it impacts not only your health but also robs you of sane relationships with your near and dear.
If you are unable to come out of this grief and anger, do seek professional help as this is long journey where you might need some hand holding.
If you are not able to go to a professional, then simply:
- first decide that you are ready to release this anger
- next, write down exactly what causes this anger
- distract yourself through hobbies or do something that you love
- revive old happy memories with your brother and think of the happy times

Now, will this help in coming out of anger? Over time, YES but only if you have decided that you wish to come out of that anger...
The professional will guide you on the same lines, just that they will have the opportunity to work with you intensely. Let go of what hurts you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

Hi. Please keep my identity anonymous. My elder sister has been married for 20 years and she has had turbulent times with her husband. During the first few years of marriage, she did all she could to please him and get his attention. She went out of her way to keep him happy. But her husband always chided her for her looks. She was lean initially but put on weight after pregnancy. Unfortunately her husband had a playboy nature and she caught him red handed committing adultery thrice. Last time he went physical with his young cousin who was brought up in my sister's place as their own . She went into depression when she found out and was on the verge of committing suicide and killing her daughters but relented. Although she forgave him for the first two times, this time she could not control herself. We had to toil hard to counsel her not to take extreme measures. While this incident happened few years ago, from outside things appear to be normal as before. But deep within I feel she is leading a fake life. She says she has to put up a brave face for her daughters’ sake. I know that she has a lot of anger and frustration inside which can burst out any moment. She doesn't want to talk about the incident despite me advising her to seek psychiatric help. I want to seek your opinion on what I can do as a brother? I sometimes feel I am worthless seeing her suffer silently.

Dear S,

It’s unfortunate that relationships outside of marriage seem to be used as a way of escaping something that is deeper.

Your sister’s children I presume must be older where they understand what is happening to the mental health of their mother. It might be wise for your sister to relook at her life in a new light.

Children have grown up and now she can think for herself; even if she is financially not independent, things can be sorted out.

She needs to take the decision to what that change else as a brother no matter what you try, it will not work as your sister is used to living life as a victim and this possibly offers her a roof over her head and that of her children.

Also, it isn’t easy to live life as a single woman and hence she might have never allowed herself the thought of being independent.

Give her a lot of love and support her, but tell her that giving up on her life only will mean that her husband would have achieved a clear path to do more of what he already has.

Set up an environment for her to flourish, maybe she can study something or start working.

It will empower her to take strong decisions for herself and her children.

Enable her to do the right thing for herself.

Best wishes!

..Read more


Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 09, 2023Hindi
I have 28 + years of frustrated and abusive and absolutely unsatisfied marriage. It was arranged but involved bitterness from both sides. My father did my relationship because of temptation and so many false facts from the in -laws' side. I was not interested but due to family compulsions I couldn't resist. Somehow i feel sad that my father got trapped due to greed and always feel bad about him, my mother was illiterate and did not have much opinion on anything. It was full of falsehood and cheating. I am very simple and minimalist persons, just after marriage wife and inlaws started torturing me to breakaway from my parents, being alone son and with the help of sisters managed parents with lot of difficulties but thought time will heal. I was thinking of separation just after 6 months but somehow was in difficult shape, couldn't ask. Meanwhile Father in law died and i thought it's inhuman to give separation at this critical time and accepted my destiny, My wife was very clever and managed balanced relation till her brother and sister got settled and we decided to welcome kids and blessed with two sons but after all her responsibility over, she again showed same behavior rather more aggressive and color and i almost separated from parents. I am in Govt service and was threatened to file a false case, with all difficulties, managed with balancing, hiding something here and there. After the death of parents , things worsened and she is eying on all property of inheritance to be sold . I don't trust her at all , I want to give all to my sons and then quit. She always threatens , i want to be separated and live my old age peacefully alone without any property but all I want to give to my sons , not to her . Please suggest a way , I am afraid she can file a false domestic violence case or even to give me poison . I am very tense nowadays and my health is deteriorating.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Never live in fear because that can always be used by someone who is searching for an opportunity to meddle with your life.
Deal with this fear in two ways:
1. For fear of false case filing against you, kindly approach a lawyer who will guide you on how to protect your assets
2. For fear of the way your life is moving about in an unsettling manner, do work on it rather than fear it
- Separation or not, will have to be decided by you and your wife and make it as amicable as possible...
- If there are chances of reconciliation, do lay down some ground rules for both of you which includes deeper level of communication, deeper listening, trust building...

Most relationships sour over a period of time, because 'taking for granted' seeps in, there are unrealistic expectations for one another, children become an excuse for not spending enough time each other, family members somehow get into the equation which allows little room for the couple to understand one another...
the list goes on...
It simply means: Marriage is something that needs constant working on...it requires time, energy and effort...

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2023Hindi
Hello sir, I am 52 years handicapped with a good govt. job. I have been married for 27 years now. My son also married recently and he is in USA. I dont know where to start. Mine was arranged marriage. But my husband and his family cheated us regarding his job. He was jobless after our marriage. I had a son in the first year of our marriage. I stayed with him for only 2 months then I was send to my fathers house for delivery. He never visited me during this time nor he had called me. As he was jobless, I tried hard to build my carrier for sake of my son. I had managed all these years financially. I never received any financial support or emotional support from him past 27 years. We had fought badly accusing each. He will physically abuse me every time. He is addicted to alcohol and watching prone movies. My son once saw his mssg to call girls and other such women in his mobile. I was shocked too. Later I discovered he had many such connections. He had been spending his merger salary for all this self enjoyment and never shared anything for HL or son education. However, I had stayed with him for social security and status. Now I have completed all my duties. My son is safe and far from him. Even after my sons marriage, he behaved violently after consuming alcohol. I am really fed up with him. I have my income and properties. But I have no one to share my emotions as my son also has left and busy with his life in USA. I don't need any physical needs but need emotional support for rest of my life. I am in total depression for all I have undergone for 27 years. I currently having my father who is 80 years with me in the house. My husbands behaviour towards my father is very bad. Now my fathers health is getting affected because of my husbands shouting. I have no other friends or relations to relate to. My health also is getting slowly affected and I my mobility is very much restricted. Sometimes I was having succidal ideas. I have no life goals now. I have achieved all my goals. I have completed all my duties now. What should I do now?
Ans: Hats off to you my dear lady. You need to file for divorce and get this vile man out of your life and home once and for all. You have the means and the economic upper hand as well — consult a strong divorce lawyer and kick him to the curb! And there is life, love and companionship out there for you, so don’t give up on finding your own happiness — 52 is not old, you have a lot of years ahead with the potential to fulfill your happiness. Go for it!

..Read more


Anu Krishna  |1042 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 22, 2024Hindi
I am 50 years old lady. I have youger sister about 40+ age. she is very negative thinker from younger age. I dont have mother and father. i have younger brother. my younger sister was in depression at time lock down then after treatment she become nornal therefore we decided to do marriage as she is along and nobody is there to take care of her as I am also having family. I and my family did marriage of her without inform her depression condition to groom. now her husband telling we are cheated to him. toubling us what to do...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is your sister in a depressive phase yet again that her husband feels like he has been cheated? If she had fever after marriage, would he still have felt cheated by the fact that you didn't tell him about any fever before marriage?
Mental health issues are still not freely accepted in our part of the world as yet...given this, I am not surprised at the way your sister's husband and his family are behaving this way. The only way is to pacify them about it by giving them the facts as they are now.
Appeal to their wise side that it is possible to manage depressive phases and that the support of family is of utmost importance. Now winning this argument will depend on how forward thinking they are and whether they will be able to brush of the social stigma of depression. It's a nasty game but one that you all are already in...give it your best shot and talk about it openly at least now for your sister's sake. Hiding this has caused an unnecessary drama, so being frank is your only best option now...

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
Is unrated safe to invest Sbi advantage Icici pru opportunities????
Ans: Unrated funds, like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities, lack official ratings from agencies. This doesn't necessarily mean they are bad options. It simply means they haven't been evaluated by rating agencies yet. This could be due to the funds being relatively new or less popular.

Risks and Considerations
Higher Risk
Unrated funds come with higher uncertainty. They do not have a track record to assess their performance and risk profile. This makes it challenging to predict their future performance.

Potential Rewards
Despite the higher risk, unrated funds can offer potential rewards. New funds often aim to attract investors by performing well initially. However, this is not guaranteed and requires careful consideration.

Investing in Funds with Better Track Records
Proven Performance
It is advisable to invest in funds with a proven track record. These funds have historical data showing how they perform in different market conditions. This provides more confidence in their future performance.

Stability and Reliability
Funds with better track records have demonstrated their ability to manage market volatility. They offer more stability and reliability, which is crucial for long-term investment goals.

Active vs. Index Funds
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market. Skilled fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This can lead to higher returns, especially in volatile markets.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
Advantages of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides professional guidance. CFPs help with fund selection and portfolio management. This ensures your investments align with your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing in unrated funds like SBI Balanced Advantage and ICICI Pru Opportunities carries higher risk due to the lack of track record. It is generally safer to invest in funds with proven performance and a stable track record. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help you make informed decisions and build a diversified portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
I am 30, married 2 years back. I earn around 1.08 lacs and wife earns around 70k. House rent is 30k. Car rent is 18k pending for 4 years more.Have almost no savings just emergency fund of 3L. Invest only in MF 18k pm and LIC 5k per month. Give 30-40k to parents monthly. Possible to generate 2 cr in 15 years? If yes then pls suggest
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You and your wife have a combined monthly income of Rs. 1.78 lakhs. Your monthly expenses include house rent of Rs. 30,000 and car rent of Rs. 18,000 for the next four years. You have an emergency fund of Rs. 3 lakhs and invest Rs. 18,000 per month in mutual funds and Rs. 5,000 per month in LIC. Additionally, you provide Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000 to your parents monthly.

Goal Assessment

You aim to generate Rs. 2 crores in 15 years. This is achievable with disciplined savings and strategic investments.

Income and Expenses Analysis

Your combined income is Rs. 1.78 lakhs per month. After deducting rent (Rs. 48,000) and parental support (Rs. 30,000 to Rs. 40,000), you have around Rs. 1 lakh left for other expenses, savings, and investments.

Current Investments

Mutual Funds: Rs. 18,000 per month
LIC: Rs. 5,000 per month
Investment Strategy Recommendations

Increase Monthly Savings

Try to increase your savings rate. Even a small increase in monthly savings can significantly impact your long-term goals.

Maximise Mutual Fund Investments

Continue with your mutual fund investments. Consider increasing the amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, can offer higher returns over the long term.

Review LIC Policy

Review your LIC policy. If it is not yielding good returns, consider surrendering it. Reinvest the amount in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner before making any decisions.

Emergency Fund

Maintain your emergency fund. Ensure it covers 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid or easily accessible account.

Debt Management

Car rent will continue for four more years. Once completed, redirect this amount to your savings and investments. Reducing debt will free up more funds for investments.

Retirement and Contingency Planning

Consider investing in a mix of equity and debt funds for a balanced portfolio. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor this mix to your risk tolerance and goals.

Action Plan to Achieve Rs. 2 Crores

Increase Mutual Fund SIPs: Gradually increase your monthly SIPs in mutual funds. Aim to invest a higher portion of your surplus income.

Review Insurance Needs: Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Review and adjust your policies as needed.

Long-term Investments: Focus on long-term equity investments. These can provide higher returns compared to other instruments.

Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Lifestyle Adjustments

Control Discretionary Spending: Reduce unnecessary expenses. This will help you save more.

Joint Planning with Spouse: Work together with your spouse on financial planning. Joint efforts can amplify your savings and investments.

Final Insights

Achieving Rs. 2 crores in 15 years is possible. Increase your savings and strategic investments. Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2024Hindi
I am 41 years old , with In-hand salary of 1.26L , Wife salary 79K , Home loan remaining 22 Laks for 11 years , Started Saving recently in Mutual Funds with Target of 40-50K investment per month , Invested 40K in HDFC small cap fund direct , Quant Focused 30K , Quant infrastructure 35K , quant small cap 60K , 50K in Quant ELss. Please suggest the Investment proportion and suggestive investment amount for comfortable retirement and Child Higher education
Ans: Overview of Current Financial Situation
You are 41 years old with an in-hand salary of Rs. 1.26 lakhs and your wife earns Rs. 79,000. You have a home loan balance of Rs. 22 lakhs for 11 years. You have recently started investing in mutual funds with a target of Rs. 40-50k per month. Your current investments are:

Rs. 40k in a small cap fund
Rs. 30k in a focused fund
Rs. 35k in an infrastructure fund
Rs. 60k in a small cap fund
Rs. 50k in an ELSS fund
Investment Proportion Analysis
Your portfolio is heavily skewed towards small cap and sector-specific funds. This strategy can be risky. Diversification is essential to balance risks and returns. Consider a mix of large cap, mid cap, and hybrid funds. This approach provides stability and growth.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds. Fund managers use expertise to navigate market conditions. This advantage can outweigh the typically higher expense ratios.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) has benefits. CFPs offer professional advice, ongoing support, and portfolio adjustments. This guidance can help you achieve your financial goals effectively. Direct funds lack this personalized service and can be challenging to manage alone.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds provide stability. Allocate 25-30% of your monthly investment here. They are less volatile and offer steady returns over time.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. Allocate 20-25% here. They have the potential for higher growth compared to large caps.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds combine equity and debt. They provide a cushion against market volatility. Allocate 15-20% of your investments in hybrid funds.

Small Cap and Sectoral Funds
Limit your exposure to small cap and sectoral funds to 20-25%. They can be volatile and should be balanced with more stable investments.

ELSS Funds
ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. They also provide growth opportunities. Allocate 10-15% here, considering your tax-saving needs.

Monthly Investment Plan
Given your target of Rs. 40-50k per month, here is a suggested allocation:

Large Cap Funds: Rs. 10-12k
Mid Cap Funds: Rs. 8-10k
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Small Cap and Sectoral Funds: Rs. 8-10k
ELSS Funds: Rs. 6-8k
Planning for Retirement and Child's Education
Retirement Planning
Estimate your retirement corpus based on your current lifestyle. Aim for a corpus that can sustain you comfortably. Consider inflation and rising expenses. Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) in diversified funds. Regular reviews with a CFP can keep your plan on track.

Child's Higher Education
Calculate the future cost of education. Consider inflation and rising fees. Start an SIP in diversified funds focused on education goals. ULIPs or other insurance-linked investments may not be ideal. Mutual funds offer better returns and flexibility.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is aggressive. Balancing it with large cap and hybrid funds will reduce risk. Investing regularly and reviewing your portfolio periodically is crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice. This ensures your goals of comfortable retirement and child's education are met.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more


Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4992 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Hello Sir I am Naveen and i am 31 years old, I am planning to retire at the age of 50 with 5 Cr and monthly income 1 L My Investment is PPF 400000 ULIP 250000 FD 100000 EPF 300000 NPS 200000(every year 50000 ) Stock 800000 MF 700000 Child plan Own house, taken Health insurance 20 L and Term insurance 1 Cr . Please advise me how much i need to increase my investment for my better retirement
Ans: Assessment of Current Financial Situation

You have diversified your investments across various financial instruments. Your goal to retire at 50 with Rs. 5 crore and a monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh is achievable with proper planning.

Current Investments

PPF: Rs. 4,00,000
ULIP: Rs. 2,50,000
FD: Rs. 1,00,000
EPF: Rs. 3,00,000
NPS: Rs. 2,00,000 (Rs. 50,000 yearly)
Stock: Rs. 8,00,000
Mutual Funds: Rs. 7,00,000
Child Plan: Amount not specified
Own House
Health Insurance: Rs. 20 lakh
Term Insurance: Rs. 1 crore
Financial Goals Analysis

Your goal requires disciplined saving and strategic investments. Let’s evaluate each aspect:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a safe investment. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. However, its limit restricts the amount you can invest yearly.

Unit Linked Insurance Plan (ULIP)

ULIP combines insurance and investment. It may not be the best for high returns. Consider reviewing its performance and charges.

Fixed Deposit (FD)

FDs provide security but lower returns. Inflation can erode their value. Consider keeping only a portion in FDs.

Employees' Provident Fund (EPF)

EPF is a stable option for long-term savings. It provides decent returns and tax benefits. Continue contributing.

National Pension System (NPS)

NPS is beneficial for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and tax benefits. Your current contribution of Rs. 50,000 yearly is good.

Stock Market

Stocks can yield high returns but come with risks. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Diversify to mitigate risks.

Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are good for wealth creation. Choose funds based on your risk appetite. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for advice on fund selection.

Child Plan

Ensure the plan meets your child’s future education needs. Evaluate its performance and adjust if necessary.

Health and Term Insurance

You have sufficient coverage. Ensure to review and increase if needed with inflation.

Additional Investment Recommendations

To achieve your retirement goal, you need to increase investments. Here’s how:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Mutual funds offer potential for high returns. Increase SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to choose the best funds.

Review and Adjust ULIP

Evaluate the charges and performance of ULIPs. If returns are low, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for advice.

Maximize NPS Contributions

Increase your NPS contributions. It will enhance your retirement corpus and provide tax benefits.

Invest in Stocks Wisely

Continue investing in stocks. Diversify across sectors and regularly review. Stay updated with market trends.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund. Ensure it’s 6-12 months of your expenses. Park it in liquid funds for easy access.

Retirement Corpus Calculation

Without specific calculations, aim to increase your investments by 10-15% annually. This will help you reach your Rs. 5 crore goal.

Final Insights

Your current investment strategy is strong. However, regular review and adjustments are crucial. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. Stay disciplined and focused on your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,


...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.


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