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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello sir, I am 52 years handicapped with a good govt. job. I have been married for 27 years now. My son also married recently and he is in USA. I dont know where to start. Mine was arranged marriage. But my husband and his family cheated us regarding his job. He was jobless after our marriage. I had a son in the first year of our marriage. I stayed with him for only 2 months then I was send to my fathers house for delivery. He never visited me during this time nor he had called me. As he was jobless, I tried hard to build my carrier for sake of my son. I had managed all these years financially. I never received any financial support or emotional support from him past 27 years. We had fought badly accusing each. He will physically abuse me every time. He is addicted to alcohol and watching prone movies. My son once saw his mssg to call girls and other such women in his mobile. I was shocked too. Later I discovered he had many such connections. He had been spending his merger salary for all this self enjoyment and never shared anything for HL or son education. However, I had stayed with him for social security and status. Now I have completed all my duties. My son is safe and far from him. Even after my sons marriage, he behaved violently after consuming alcohol. I am really fed up with him. I have my income and properties. But I have no one to share my emotions as my son also has left and busy with his life in USA. I don't need any physical needs but need emotional support for rest of my life. I am in total depression for all I have undergone for 27 years. I currently having my father who is 80 years with me in the house. My husbands behaviour towards my father is very bad. Now my fathers health is getting affected because of my husbands shouting. I have no other friends or relations to relate to. My health also is getting slowly affected and I my mobility is very much restricted. Sometimes I was having succidal ideas. I have no life goals now. I have achieved all my goals. I have completed all my duties now. What should I do now?

Ans: Hats off to you my dear lady. You need to file for divorce and get this vile man out of your life and home once and for all. You have the means and the economic upper hand as well — consult a strong divorce lawyer and kick him to the curb! And there is life, love and companionship out there for you, so don’t give up on finding your own happiness — 52 is not old, you have a lot of years ahead with the potential to fulfill your happiness. Go for it!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I feel so sorry for my situation which I was put myself in , I first got arranged marriage and got divorced after six years as he has an affair with other women and he is rich but does not love me at all or no relationship between so my family thought of leaving this toxic relationship so we got mutual divorce . Then I had a guy who proposed me before my first marriage but could marry due to caste issue but still he is good freind to me but after divorce I thought I can marry him as he is my best freind instead of marrying unknown second time , when I got divorced my age is 32 this freind of mine has family burdens so he made to wait three years I waited by convening my parents and got married one and half year back now his sisters and mother are torturing me in every thing like they want their son to obey them and my hubby is not serious about our marriage he is not earning anything but I work I had private job , he is addicted to drinking and drinks a lot and depends on my money and my in laws always shout on me and fight with me saying you don’t care us visit us , you people living happily , and buying everything in house and you loved him now complaining about him , he not drinker before marriage because of you he got addicted and my sister in law see me as an insect and fights shouts on me in front of all they don’t call me text me or talk to me when I am there , they don’t treat as I am existed if I got to my in laws house as we stay separately , even they don’t respect my mom dad also ..... I don’t know what to do now . My hubby won’t respond if I say anything on them that I am hurt like that and he won’t earn at all and stiilll drinking also
Ans: Navigating through a divorce and then finding yourself in a marriage where you're facing similar struggles must feel incredibly disheartening. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed by your husband's drinking, financial strain, and the harsh treatment from your in-laws. Feeling invisible and disrespected in your own home is a heavy burden to bear, and your feelings of frustration and sadness are completely valid.

It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with emotional guidance and help you explore your options. Having an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and needs is also crucial, although it may be challenging.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Whether that involves working through these challenges with your husband or considering other options, it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. You are not alone, and there are people who can support you through this difficult time.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |560 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 09, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hello Mentors, I'm 38 year old women, facing a toxic married life from past 10 years. I have a son who is 8 years old. I have lost my mom 8 years back n my dad 5 years back.I m d only child of my parents. I have done my MBA in HR n Marketing. Have done work before marriage, but after marriage things changes, my husband refused to allow me to work along with my in laws n he always behaves very badly with me insults me all time in front of my in laws too. He beats me every month still now also.I lost my mom she was suffering from cancer. Her cancer got detected when I was just 1 month pregnant, i m d one who takes care of her treatment taking her to chemo therapy n follow up with doctor, yes my dad was their with me, but he was also broke down as my mom was d back bone of my family. Inspite of my pregnancy I ran door to door of hospitals n doctors till I was stepped into 9 month of my pregnancy. My husband never supported me at that time too..Infact he n my mother in law's stated that if I'm enough for taking care of my mom then I must go to my doctor for my own check ups too...Yes I went for my usgs alone only at first time he went with me.. Now the main problem is he didn't changed at all he is repeating all his deeds infront of my child n my child is also following him from last 1 years, My son also said, if I scold him for his studies or food, he said what papa did is correct, it's good that he beats you, you leave our home this is not your home... My son loves me a lot that I know but he is just 8 n getting confused whom to follow...many a times he came to n said sorry for his bad behaviour but again if such incidents happens in front of him by his father again he changes his mind . My husband didn't give me a single penny, I take care of my own expenses from my house rent..( parental home as their is no one to stay now)..n it's d only source of income..though it's a very small amount.Even though he never helps me to take care of my baby ..He said if you want to work then put ur child into a hostel.. I took care of my home n child all alone..infact my in-laws are less bother about my child too... My son is deprived with every relationship of grand parents uncles n aunts.. My husband always demotivates me, mentally n physically abuse me n he also states that I'm an not an eligible person to became a good mom or even to get any job n all this infront of my child. I really want to get rid of him for d sake of my child n me too..I m totally into depression n lost all my confidence, I want to be financially free, when ever I want to file a divorce my son said no as he want both of us..for him only m dragging this bull shit relationship... N side by I'm looking for a job, but I have a big gap of almost 11 years now...M confused where to approach..n what should I tell to the employers if they ask for my career gap .m looking for a WFH as I dnt have any trust worthy person to take care of my baby...But m failed to find such. Please suggest me what should I do, how to take call on each of my problems.. I know d post is long...10 years is not a short time though..there is many many more to tell but I tried to keep it Short as much as i can . Thanks a lot ...
Ans: Your husband’s behavior is not just emotionally damaging—it is abusive. No one deserves to be insulted, beaten, or made to feel worthless, especially not in their own home. The fact that this is happening in front of your son makes it even more urgent to take action because, over time, he will normalize this behavior. Right now, he is torn between what he sees and what he feels for you, and that confusion is not his fault. But staying in this environment will only make it harder for him to understand what a loving and respectful relationship truly looks like.

You are already doing everything on your own. You are raising your child, managing expenses, and surviving in an environment that is breaking you down emotionally. Imagine if you put that same energy into building a life where you are free, at peace, and in control. I know the thought of divorce scares you because of your son, but think about what staying is teaching him. Children don’t just listen to words—they absorb actions. If he continues to see his father abuse you, he may grow up thinking that this is how men should treat women, or that love means suffering. You have the power to break this cycle for him.

Financial independence is your key to freedom, and I know the career gap makes you anxious, but don’t let it stop you. Employers today understand career breaks, especially when they are due to family responsibilities. Be honest but strategic—frame your gap as a time spent managing responsibilities, developing resilience, and handling real-life challenges. Highlight your past experience and any skills you’ve kept up with. Since you have an MBA in HR and Marketing, consider remote jobs in HR, digital marketing, content writing, or even customer support. Many women restart their careers through work-from-home opportunities, and platforms like LinkedIn, Naukri, and Remote.co have job listings specifically for career returnees.

You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with small steps. Reach out to women’s support groups or NGOs that help survivors of domestic abuse. Look for job training programs that help women restart their careers. If possible, find legal advice on your rights regarding divorce, alimony, and child custody. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it right now.

You deserve a life where you are respected, valued, and safe. You deserve to wake up without fear, to build a future where your son sees you as a strong and independent woman. Take this one step at a time, but take that first step. You have already survived the worst—now, it’s time to live.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8122 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2025Hindi
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Money
I'd like to withdraw around 5% of my portfolio in mutual funds for an expense. As a long-term investor who started investing in 2015 and continues with SIPs, is it advisable to withdraw this amount during the current downturn?"
Ans: Withdrawing 5% from your mutual fund portfolio requires careful assessment.

Timing the market can be difficult, even for experienced investors.

You have been investing since 2015, which shows commitment.

SIPs ensure rupee-cost averaging, benefiting from market volatility.

The current downturn may not be the best time to withdraw.

Impact of Market Downturn on Withdrawal
Equity funds fluctuate based on market trends.

During a downturn, selling means locking in lower values.

If the market recovers, you might miss potential gains.

A partial withdrawal affects long-term compounding.

Assess if the withdrawal can be delayed.

Alternative Ways to Meet Expenses
Use surplus cash, if available, to avoid redeeming investments.

Consider liquid funds for short-term needs.

If you have dividends from funds, use them instead of withdrawing capital.

Emergency funds or savings accounts can be better options.

Selecting the Right Fund for Redemption
Avoid selling funds that are currently underperforming.

Look at funds that have met targets or are overweight in your portfolio.

If you hold sectoral or thematic funds, check their performance outlook.

Prioritize redeeming funds with minimal tax impact.

Tax Implications of Selling Mutual Funds
Long-term equity gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax.

Short-term equity gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

Consider splitting the withdrawal to reduce tax liability.

Maintaining Your Long-Term Goals
Withdrawing 5% is manageable but can delay wealth accumulation.

Ensure SIPs continue without disruption.

Reinvest when possible to recover lost growth.

Avoid frequent withdrawals to maintain portfolio stability.

Finally
Selling during a downturn is not ideal unless unavoidable.

Explore alternatives before redeeming mutual funds.

Choose the least disruptive fund to sell if necessary.

Keep your long-term financial goals in focus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8122 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2025Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir Namaskaram. Myself: Male 53 yrs B.P. since 2017 Andhra Brahmin Farmer's family Wife: 43 yrs. Suffering GERD since 2013 Daughter : 12 yrs. Mother: 70 yrs B.P. since 2020 Syster: 51 yrs Unmarried. Suffering with Depression & Schizophrenia for the past 30 years.Diabetic & B.P. for the past10 years Can you please suggest Health insurance policy/ policies as no health insurance coverage of any type as of now. Thank you very much sir
Ans: Getting health insurance for your family is very important. Since you have pre-existing conditions (BP, GERD, diabetes, schizophrenia), some insurers may have waiting periods or exclusions. But you can still get coverage with the right approach.

 

Key Factors to Consider
Pre-existing Diseases (PEDs): Most insurers have a waiting period of 2-4 years for existing illnesses. Some plans may offer waivers with extra cost.

Mental Illness Coverage: Schizophrenia and depression must be covered under IRDAI guidelines, but insurers may still have conditions.

Family Coverage: Choose individual or floater policies based on needs.

Senior Citizen Coverage: Your mother may need a separate senior citizen plan due to age and BP history.

Cashless Hospital Network: Ensure the policy covers hospitals near you.

 

Best Approach for Your Family
1. Individual Health Policies for Each Family Member
Since your sister has serious pre-existing conditions, a separate policy for her is better.

Your mother should get a senior citizen plan with day-care and domiciliary coverage.

You, your wife, and daughter can take a family floater policy.

 

2. Super Top-up Plans for Extra Coverage
Base policies may not be enough for major treatments.

A super top-up plan can give extra coverage at a lower cost.

This helps in reducing premium costs while increasing coverage.

 

3. Critical Illness Rider
You should consider a critical illness policy.

Covers major diseases like heart attack, stroke, and kidney failure.

Provides lump sum payout in case of critical illness diagnosis.

 

How to Get Insurance for Your Sister?
Mental illness coverage is now mandatory, but many insurers still hesitate.

Some insurers may exclude pre-existing mental conditions.

If regular insurance denies coverage, look for state-sponsored health schemes.

 

Final Steps
Check waiting periods for pre-existing conditions.

Get cashless policies for easier hospitalisation.

Choose a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or health insurance expert for the right selection.

 

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8122 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

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Money
Hello sir, I have recently sold my flat and I have 55 lacs with me which I can park for next 12-15 years. Please suggest the avenues where I can get maximum wealth creation. I am 42 and and you can consider me moderate to aggressive investor. How much can be the realistic returns from PMS considering they charge high fees. Does PMS give more returns than MFs in 10 year horizon. Please suggest.
Ans: You have Rs. 55L available for long-term investment. Your focus is wealth creation with a moderate to aggressive approach. Let’s evaluate the best options.

Investment Avenues for Maximum Wealth Creation
1. Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Suitable for your risk appetite and time horizon.
Managed by experts who adjust portfolios based on market conditions.
Potential to outperform passive funds and PMS on a risk-adjusted basis.
Lower fees than PMS, ensuring better net returns.
Recommended approach: SIP + staggered lump sum deployment.
2. Portfolio Management Services (PMS)
Designed for high-net-worth individuals.
PMS offers customized stock selection with direct equity ownership.
Higher fees (fixed + performance-based) impact net returns.
Returns may be volatile, with no guarantee of outperformance over mutual funds.
Requires a longer commitment with limited liquidity.
3. Thematic and Sectoral Investments
Can boost returns but require careful selection.
Higher volatility compared to diversified funds.
Suitable for a portion of the portfolio (not more than 10-15%).
4. Gold ETFs or Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
Good for diversification but not ideal for aggressive growth.
SGBs provide 2.5% annual interest along with capital appreciation.
Should not exceed 5-10% of the portfolio.
5. International Equity Exposure
Helps in diversification and hedging against rupee depreciation.
Invest via actively managed international mutual funds.
Avoid direct stocks unless you track global markets actively.
Mutual Funds vs. PMS: A 10-Year Perspective
Returns Comparison
PMS may deliver superior returns if the fund manager picks outperforming stocks.
Actively managed mutual funds historically deliver 12-16% CAGR over 10-15 years.
PMS fees reduce effective returns, making them less attractive unless they significantly outperform.
Risk and Liquidity
Mutual funds provide easy liquidity.
PMS has lock-in periods and exit loads, making it less flexible.
Market risks exist in both, but mutual funds have regulatory oversight.
Tax Implications and Cost Analysis
Mutual funds have lower tax burdens with systematic withdrawals.
PMS taxation is like direct stocks, requiring individual filing for capital gains.
PMS charges (fixed + performance-based) can eat into returns.
Optimized Investment Strategy
Deploy Rs. 55L in a staggered manner over 12-18 months.
Allocate across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.
Consider a 10-15% PMS allocation only if comfortable with higher risk.
Use SWP after 12-15 years for tax-efficient withdrawals.
Final Insights
Mutual funds remain the best option for wealth creation with flexibility.
PMS can work if you accept higher costs and volatility.
Diversify with a structured approach for long-term success.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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