My boyfriend cheated on me so I broke up with him. Instead of apologising or offering an explanation, he deleted my number. I feel so wronged. I need some closure. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, no problem is worth ending your life. Let's work together to find a solution to this. While infidelity is unacceptable, it is a good sign that you are feeling guilty- it shows that your moral compass isn't broken after all. Now, I don't know if you have disclosed the matter to your partner but if you haven't, just take a beat and figure out why you want to tell him- to ease your guilt or because you think he deserves to know and make an informed decision about this relationship. In case, he decides to break up with you, all you can do is apologize and do so genuinely. If he still doesn't want to stay, I know it will hurt, but don't force him. Bad things happen sometimes for no good reason, but it's not the end of life. You will move on and you will never repeat the same mistake again. That is growth.

But before we jump to moving on, let's work on apologizing and making up for the mistake. I hope things get better.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Your partner crossed the line - he crossed the boundary. Whilst we are in a relationship, we all are individuals looking out for ourselves. What you did is seeking help to learn about yourself - which was not wrong. The partner you were/are with is not a grown up :( over reacted which was not required.