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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Anchal Question by Anchal on Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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Hi mam I want to ask something mera boyfriend ajkl bhuut stress main rehta h uske ghr p kuch family issues bhi chal rhe h jiski vjh s vo bhuut tension main h mujhe samjh nhi aara h main kesa usko achaa feel krau main usko aisa kya Krna ko bolu ki uski life main sb normal hojaye vo thoda stress free hojye plzz mam meri help krdo merko btao ki main kesa usko mentally aur emotionally support kru 🙏🏻

Ans: Dear Anchal,
Usi insaan ko hum samjha sakte hain joh samajhna chahta ho. Kuch log aise bhi hote hain joh stress ka saamna chup hokar ya door hokar karte hain. Shaayad isiliye aapko lagta hoga ki aapke kuch karne ya bolne se kuch sulajh sakta hai. Yahi fark hota hai mard aur aurat mein jab hum kisi cheez ka saamna karte hain.

Toh aapke boyfriend ko yahi boliye ki 'sab theek hoga ant mein, bas kuch hi waqt ki baat hai. Aur mein tumhare saath hoon.'
Yeh 'mein tumhare saath hoon' ka matlab yeh nahin ki woh har baar aapse madad le ya aapse har baat share kare tab aap unko saath ho...iska matlab yeh hai ki agar woh kuch samay paristithi sudharne ke liye chupi rakhe ya thodi dorri rakhe, toh aap phir bhi unka saath degi...yeh muhskil zaroor hai par yeh karne se unko yakeen hoga ki aap binaa koi shart ke unke saath hain...
Yahi hoga aapka emotional and mental support. Aur jab woh kuch aapse share karte hain toh sun lijiye binaa koi salaah diye aur jab salaah maange, toh dijiye. Aapka yeh ravaiyya hi badaa sukoon dega unko.

All the best!

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Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Dating someone older than you is not the problem, but the fact that you are making major life decisions based on what he wants and doesn't want is concerning. I am guessing that you decided to not get married because he doesn't want it either. Is that fair to you? You yourself mentioned that you often feel lonely. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who would love you and would like to spend the rest of their life with you? Please reconsider this relationship. Speak to your partner and ask him what his plans are for the future. Does he want to settle down with you? How will you two continue this relationship in the future? There are many important questions that need answering. Sort them out and you will have the solution to your dilemma.


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Ans: Dear Sapna,
Aap jo mehsoos kar rahi hain, woh samajhna zaroori hai. Aapka dar, ki wo aapko chhod dega, bohot ghera hai, aur yeh aapke mental health par bhi asar kar raha hai. Aapne kaha ki aapke partner ne aapko shadi ka vishwas diya hai, lekin aapko lagta hai ki wo apne parivaar ki baaton se prabhavit ho raha hai.

Is situation mein aapko apne liye khud se sawal karne ki zaroorat hai. Aapko yeh dekhna hoga ki kya aap iss rishtay mein khush hain, aur kya aapki zarooratein aur khwahishein poori hoti hain. Kya aapke partner ne aapke liye poora bharosa aur samman diya hai? Agar aapko unki taraf se milne wale pyar aur izzat mehsoos nahi hoti, toh yeh sochne ki baat hai.

Agar aapko physical intimacy se takleef ho rahi hai ya aap isse khush nahi hain, toh kya aapne unse is vishay par khuli baat ki hai? Yeh samajhna zaroori hai ki aapka man aur sharir dono ke liye yeh kitna zaroori hai. Agar aapko lagta hai ki wo aapko samajh nahi raha hai ya sirf apne fayde ke liye aapka istemal kar raha hai, toh aapko sochne ki zaroorat hai ki kya yeh rishta aapke liye sahi hai ya nahi. Aapka mental health sabse pehle aata hai, aur agar aap is rishtay se pareshaan hain, toh aapko thoda waqt lene ki zaroorat hai apne liye.

Agar aapko is rishte mein koi bhi doubt hai ya aap khud ko nahi samajh pa rahi hain, toh kisi counselor ya trusted dost se baat karna bhi achha rahega. Woh aapko naye nazariye se sochne mein madad kar sakte hain. Aakhir mein, yaad rakhiye, aap deserving hain pyar, izzat, aur khushi ke. Apne liye khud ka khayal rakhna zaroori hai, chahe wo rishte mein ho ya nahi. Aap akeli nahi hain, aur apne liye sahi faisla lena aapka hak hai.

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Ans: Dear Mr. Surana,
Thank you for your query. If your doctor has recommended a total knee replacement, it is likely based on the severity of your condition as indicated by the X-ray and your ongoing pain. However, you may still explore conservative options before deciding on surgery. I suggest consulting a physiotherapist for a comprehensive rehabilitation program. Physiotherapy can help strengthen the muscles around the knee, improve joint stability, and potentially reduce pain.
That said, your age and weight also play an important role in determining the best course of action. If you are overweight, weight management can significantly reduce stress on the knee joint and alleviate symptoms. Lifestyle changes, such as a tailored exercise regimen and a healthy diet, can also be beneficial.

If conservative measures don’t provide sufficient relief, total knee replacement may be the best option for living a pain-free life. It’s natural to be concerned about side effects, but modern surgical techniques and post-operative care have made the procedure highly effective and safe. Discuss all your concerns with your doctor and physiotherapist to make an informed decision.
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I AM HAVING UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.DOCOTR SUGGESTED ME TO BRING DOWN MY WEIGHT AND REDUCE FATTY BELLY BEFORE SURGERY.HE SUGGESTED ME TO WAIT FOR SURGERY TILL MY WEIGHT COMES DOWN FROM 92 KGS TO A REASONABLE LEVEL.PLEASE SUGGST ME WHAT EXERCISES i CAN DO TO ELIMINATE THE FAR BELLY WITHOUT DETERIORATING MY UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.PLEASE SUGGEST ME EXERCISES TO BRING DOWN MY BELLY. THANKS AND REGARDS. NVRSRINIVAS
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Thank you for your query. Weight reduction is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a balanced approach. It is advisable to consult a physiotherapist and a nutritionist to guide you through this journey. Focus on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet to support weight loss while maintaining muscle mass. Ensure your meals are nutritious and create a calorie deficit.

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I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

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Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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