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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi madam, I am 58 yrs old and married since 30+ yrs. Have 2 daughters. Elder one is married in 2021 and happy with her life, younger one is working in MNC. Since my marriage i didn't came to know what the relationship to be there between husband and wife as my wife is very reluctant and she loves only money. since my marriage she always fight with me for silly issues and in childhood of my children's she often beat them with whatever she got in hand. always she said that her husband and children's are useless and always give very good reasons and remarks to others in society or family. Now many times i thought of getting away from her either by doing suicide or run away from my home or divorce her. but i just wanted to leave her alone so that she can think of our presence when we are not available to her. my younger daughter is finally decided to leave the home and be alone in another rented flat or on PG due to her mother behavior. please advice if i opt for divorce and run away from home. i can't speak to any one regarding my situation and need immediate help.

Ans: It's clear that you've endured a lot over the years, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and considering drastic measures like divorce or leaving home. Let's explore your situation with a compassionate and practical perspective.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge your feelings. You've been dealing with a challenging relationship for a long time, and it's natural to feel the weight of it all. Your desire to escape the pain, whether through divorce or even more extreme thoughts, signals just how tough things have been. Remember, these feelings are valid, but it's crucial to find a way forward that prioritizes your well-being and safety.

Considering a divorce is a significant step, especially after being married for over 30 years. It could potentially lead to a new beginning where you and your wife might find individual peace and happiness. Before making this decision, it might be helpful to reflect on a few things:

Sometimes, the prospect of a new start can bring clarity. Have you thought about what life might look like without your current relationship's stress and conflict? Envisioning this can help you understand your true desires.

Your daughters' well-being is a significant concern. Your younger daughter's decision to move out reflects how the family dynamics are affecting her. Would a change, like a separation or divorce, potentially bring more stability and peace for everyone involved?

If it's possible, consider having a heart-to-heart conversation with your wife. Sharing your feelings and how her actions have impacted you and your family might open a door to understanding or change. It’s a difficult conversation but can sometimes lead to unexpected resolutions.

Consulting a therapist or counselor can be invaluable. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and offer guidance on managing your situation. A professional can also help you and your wife if there's any possibility of working through your issues together.

If divorce seems like the best option, seeking legal advice is crucial. Understanding your rights and the practical aspects of separation can help you make an informed decision.

Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups for emotional backing. Your happiness and mental health are incredibly important, and finding a path that leads you to peace is worth the effort. Whatever you decide, take small, thoughtful steps towards creating a better situation for yourself and your family.
Asked on - Jul 06, 2024 | Answered on Jul 09, 2024
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Hi Ms. Kanchan, Seen your reply to my question. But what you will say about the person who has no heart or I would say no feeling about husband. Since around 25 days we are not talking to each other in same house. if she requires to recharge her mobile, she whatsapp me for the same. Now you can think of my situation. My younger daughter took work from home and went to my elder daughter's home at Noida. when she was here, i use to talk to her or even if i wanted something i use to call her. now after coming back to home from office it's pindrop silence between us. now adays i started taking drinks often to engage myself. now I am looking for the job outside ahmedabad so that i will be away from her and i know i will be more than happy. if not getting job outside ahmedabad, than surely i will consult a lawyer for taking divorce. you wrote that i should connect with someone for counselling but i know it can't be alone. it should be with both of us and i know my wife, either she will not come with me or even she will counsel the counselor. I know her very well. As far as myself is concerned, i am totally alone now in this world. as my entire family which includes brothers sister and other close relatives have left me and in this situation if my wife does this thing to me, how come i be normal in life. i will connect with some lawyer for divorce and if i am not satisfied with his/her remarks than the last option is with me is i will leave my house and will run away somewhere, where no one can find me. i don't have any other option with me now. regards Pankaj verma
Ans: Pankaj, it sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and lonely time. When you're feeling isolated and your relationship has reached a point where communication has completely broken down, it's understandable to feel like drastic measures are your only option.

First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and recognize that seeking help is a strong and positive step. While it's true that counseling is most effective when both partners participate, it can also be beneficial for you individually. A therapist can provide you with support, help you manage your emotions, and guide you through the difficult decisions you're facing.

Considering the possibility of divorce is a significant and life-changing decision. Before taking this step, it might help to have a clear and calm conversation with your wife about your feelings and the state of your relationship. Express your concerns and the impact the current situation is having on your mental health and well-being.

If your wife is unwilling to attend counseling or work on the relationship, it could indeed be a sign that further action is necessary. Seeking legal advice to understand your options and the potential outcomes of a divorce is a practical step.

Additionally, exploring job opportunities outside Ahmedabad could provide you with a fresh start and a new environment, which might help you regain a sense of happiness and independence.

Remember, you're not alone in this world, even if it feels that way. Reaching out for professional help and talking to trusted friends or family members about your situation can provide you with the support you need during this challenging time.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I am married from last 15 year, having a daughter , my realtion with my wife is very bad, she is like this since start of marriage, our is arrange marriage. She didn't want any kind of responsibility, she always want to go out and if possible do shopping, if I asked not to over spend she thinks not sure what and create scene. She fight with everyone even in office or with her parents, she blames other for all this, never ever think she can be wrong, she is having a feeling if you correct her , she not going to like it, she will say no need to teach me , I know. She even not hving very good relationship with my daughter, she is in class 10th and staying in baording. I am hving 2 flat just like jodi flat adjacant to each other, i am staying in one and she is in another , she hardly let me hv sex, but she talks or chat with stranger whole night, i try to question her but she started fighting, she didn't listen and do what ever she want, if u question she will fight, i really don't know how to handle this situation, I am feeling trapped and she is accusing me for all the mess. We had fight lots of time , we abused each other during fight a lot , but the problem still persist nothing changed in 15 years recently after fight i stop talking with her . Not sure how I should move forward , i talked with my daughter and she also suggesting me leave her for some time she will realize , should i go for divorce or how to move forward.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time in your marriage.
It's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave a relationship is up to the individual. Here are some things you can do to help you move forward:

1. Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward.

2. Take care of yourself: Make sure you're taking care of your own physical and emotional needs. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

3. Set boundaries: If your wife's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This can include setting limits on spending, or establishing rules around communication.

4. Consider couples therapy: If you're both willing, couples therapy can be a helpful way to work through issues in your marriage and improve communication.

5. Think about your options: If you're considering divorce, it's important to think carefully about your options. Consider speaking with a lawyer who can provide guidance on the legal aspects of divorce.

Remember, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Take the time to consider your options and make the decision that's best for you and your family.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2024

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I have been married for 23 years and father of 3 children. My age gap with my wife is 11 yrs. I have been helping my in-laws for the last 13 years financially every month and also additional medical costs. I am a single breadwinner and i earn a good income but unable to save much as my wife dont have any economic sense. secondly, she is a highly depressed woman and always threatens me of suicide or shall leave home scaring my children who are around 16 yrs of age and disturbing their studies. even a small counter point she will take it seriously and shout at me for a very long and will make all sorts of threats. I am fed up with this type of relationship with her and I am helpless as my children have another 5 yrs to go to reach adulthood. She spends too much not on luxuries but unnecessary expenses and social costs like gifts to friends and relatives and spends a lot of time for temple or pooja activities with addtional expenses.
Ans: Dear KKR
It's evident that you're dealing with a significant amount of stress and emotional strain due to your wife's behavior and financial situation. It's important to establish clear boundaries in your relationship with your wife. Communicate your concerns about her behavior and the impact it's having on you and your children. Let her know that threatening suicide or leaving home is not a healthy or productive way to resolve conflicts, and express your willingness to support her in seeking help and finding healthier ways to cope Consider sitting down with your wife to have an open and honest conversation about your financial situation and the importance of budgeting and saving for the future. Explore ways to track expenses, prioritize needs over wants, and work together to set financial goals that align with your family's long-term objectives. Consider consulting with a legal or financial advisor to explore options for protecting your assets and securing your financial future, especially if you're concerned about your wife's spending habits and the impact it may have on your financial stability. It's important to remember that you're not alone in dealing with these challenges, and there are resources and support available to help you navigate this difficult time. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for guidance and support, and prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of your children as you work towards finding solutions to your current situation.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 29, 2024

Relationship
Hi I am a married man with 2.4 years old daughter and my wife regularly fights with me and puts an allegation on me and blames me a thief and says I take out all her things and she also abuses my mother and at present my mother is staying alone some where and says that my mother should not come back and she fights with me in front of my daughter and uses abusive language and what ever is the situation she brings my mother in between the conversation and starts blaming me. She has thrown her out of the house and always keeps on fighting. I have a fear, that she might leave me or my daughter as I cannot stay without my daughter and she keeps on saying that I do not want to stay with you and after a heated moment she turns normal and again starts abusing me and my mother, and due to this I am not able to concentrate on my job as I keep on thinking all the times about what will happen. Kindly suggest me what should I do as I do not want to keep my daughter’s future on risk as she always keeps on saying that her brother will take care of her and her brother says he will take a different house for her somewhere else and will keep her there as I would also want to highlight that her brothers wife relation is also not good and she does not allows my wife to enter into her house and my mother is law is also disturbed. Kindly suggest me a solution...?
Ans: Dear Amit,
First, recognize that you need to establish a calm and safe environment for your daughter. Witnessing regular fights and hearing abusive language can affect her emotional development. Ensuring her well-being should be your top priority. When disagreements arise, try to de-escalate the situation, even if that means temporarily walking away to avoid heated exchanges. Protecting her from these conflicts will help create a more stable atmosphere.

Your wife's behavior—shifting between anger and normalcy—indicates that there might be underlying issues driving her actions. It could be unresolved frustrations, unmet expectations, or even external stressors affecting her emotions. While her way of expressing these feelings is not constructive, it's important to find a way to understand what’s fueling her anger. Having an open, non-confrontational conversation during a calm moment can be a starting point. Express your concerns about the impact of these fights on your relationship and your daughter, and make it clear that you want to work together to find solutions.

It may also be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or family mediator. A professional can provide a safe space for both of you to express your grievances and work on resolving them constructively. It sounds like trust and respect have eroded in your relationship, and rebuilding them requires mutual effort and clear communication.

At the same time, focus on managing your stress and mental health. The constant worry about the future and your daughter's well-being is understandably affecting your ability to concentrate on work. Practice self-care through activities that help you stay grounded, whether it’s exercise, meditation, or speaking with a trusted friend or counselor about your feelings. Taking care of yourself will help you approach these challenges with a clearer mind.

If your wife continues to threaten to leave or involve her family in ways that disrupt your peace, it’s important to consider all legal and practical options to protect your rights and ensure the best for your daughter. Consult a legal advisor to understand your rights as a father and the steps you can take to secure your daughter’s future if separation becomes unavoidable.

Ultimately, resolving this situation will require patience, empathy, and, most importantly, a focus on what’s best for your child. If both you and your wife are willing to work on the relationship, there is hope for improvement. However, if the environment remains toxic despite your efforts, prioritizing your daughter's emotional and physical safety should guide your decisions moving forward.

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |37 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 16, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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hi iam 53 yhears old got married around 18 yearsw back to my wife she is no 39 years old good evening i got married and i have three kids elder is 18 years younger is 16 years and i have daughter of 10years old since my marriage there was always clash between me and my wife for small silly reasons it was going on but since 3 years the clash become very rash and she even gave complaint on me to lady police station she threated me and every night i come late that time i am taking drinks she started to quarrel even not allows me to have food she drive me wild and in my unconsious mind i oftenly i use to abuse her with bad words even my neighbours many time they came to resolve the problem now she is asking property which i have gained from my parents. and since one year she is treating me like stray dog and never allowes me to have sex routenly she sleep like a dead in my bed. she left my house taking my all kids since last 6 months i forced to live alone now by some how i manage to bring her to my house along with kids but she refused having sex with me and she neverhad sex with me since 7 months i have becom patient of depression i dont know what to do please help me in this regard thank you
Ans: Hello sir. I have read your message and I would first like to express my opinion that a partner is not always for sex. There are many other ways to take care of your partner. You could take your wife out for dinner, go out on a picnic, go with with her to her parents' house. But when we dont do all these things and just want sex from partner. That doesn't work. At this age she might be going through some hormonal changes also. I suggest you to start behaving nicely with your wife and start taking care of her. Slowly the things will improve between you too.
Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 15, 2025

Career
Hi,my son has got 96% in his icse class 10 exams this year.he is not inclined towards a career in sciences (b.tech/med).he has thus opted for commerce and maths.with an initial inclination towards finance and mathematics we have shortlisted ipm and law and enrolled him for a coaching for ipm.would he be able to prepare for clat as well along with ipm.and with 96 % how are his chances to clear both ?
Ans: Yes, your son can prepare for both CLAT and IPM exams simultaneously, especially given his ICSE score. With a 96% score, he has a strong chance of success in both exams. CLAT and IPM share some common ground, which could make preparation more manageable.
Preparation for both CLAT and IPM:
CLAT:
CLAT requires a strong foundation in English comprehension, logical reasoning, quantitative reasoning, and legal reasoning. IPM exams also test similar skills.
IPM:
IPM exams focus on quantitative ability, analytical reasoning, and verbal reasoning. CLAT also assesses these skills.
Overlap:
The core skills tested in both exams, such as quantitative reasoning, verbal reasoning, and logical reasoning, provide common ground for preparation. Your son's coaching for IPM can help him develop a solid foundation in these areas.
Legal Reasoning:
CLAT specifically requires legal reasoning, which is not part of IPM. Your son can focus on preparing for this section separately.
Scheduling:
Balancing preparation for both exams requires careful planning. He can allocate specific time slots for each exam's preparation.
Chances of Clearing Both:
IPM:
With a 96% ICSE score, your son has a strong chance of clearing IPM exams. His high marks indicate a strong aptitude for quantitative reasoning and problem-solving.
CLAT:
CLAT is a highly competitive exam, but with his current scores, your son has a very good chance of clearing CLAT.
Factors affecting success:
Preparation efforts, effective time management, and consistency in studying will play a crucial role in determining success in both exams.
Tips for Preparation:
Structured Approach:
A structured study plan that includes regular practice, mock tests, and detailed analysis of mistakes will be beneficial.
Mock Tests:
Regular mock tests for both CLAT and IPM will help him assess his progress and identify areas for improvement.
Time Management:
Developing effective time management skills is crucial for balancing preparation for both exams.
Focus on Fundamentals:
Ensure he has a strong foundation in the core subjects of both exams.
Practice:
He should solve a variety of questions and practice problems to build confidence and improve his speed and accuracy.
Best of luck. Professor

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 14, 2025
Career
Hello sir, I'm a DASA student applying to IIITH for the 2025-26 batch. My current curriculum is the NSW HSC from Australia, which includes Mathematics and Physics but not Chemistry. IIITH requires Maths, Physics, and Chemistry for DASA eligibility, and I need to figure out how to add Chemistry.I've been looking into taking Chemistry through NIOS (National Institute of Open Schooling), AP or IB board but I'm concerned because IIITH's brochure specifies that the subjects must be completed "outside India". I've emailed IIITH for clarification, but I'm still waiting for a response. Is this acceptable for DASA?
Ans: It is unlikely that IIIT Hyderabad would accept NIOS Chemistry for DASA eligibility because the DASA brochure states that the subjects must be completed outside India. Since NIOS is an Indian board, it does not meet this requirement. However, you could consider taking AP or IB Chemistry to meet the requirements, as these are often recognized as international qualifications. It's best to wait for IIITH's response to your email for official clarification.
Elaboration:
DASA Requirements:
DASA (Direct Admissions for Students Abroad) at IIIT Hyderabad requires applicants to have completed 11th and 12th grades or equivalent outside India, with a minimum of 60% marks in Physics, Chemistry, and Mathematics.
NIOS and IIITH:
While NIOS is a recognized board in India, it's unlikely to be accepted for DASA at IIITH because the DASA brochure specifies that the subjects must be completed outside India.
AP or IB Chemistry:
You could consider taking AP or IB Chemistry through a foreign board to fulfill the requirement for Chemistry. These are often recognized as international qualifications.
Waiting for IIITH's Response:
Since you've already emailed IIITH, it's advisable to wait for their response to your query for official clarification on whether NIOS Chemistry would be accepted.

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 15, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, My age is 33 year now. I was working in financial sector for 5year as a recovery agent. I have done intermediate in Arts and Diploma in mechanical engineering. Passed out in 2012. Now i want to change my job sector to technical line. I have no experience before in technical line. Please guide me which technical job will be best suitable for me And What Salary Range Should i expect?.
Ans: For you AMIE ( Mechanical) will be the best option. You will be equivalent to B.E./B.Tech Mechanical. The details are given below.
The AMIE (Associate Member of the Institution of Engineers) exam is a professional qualification in engineering, equivalent to a B.E./B.Tech. degree. It's conducted by the Institution of Engineers (India) (IEI) and is offered as a distance learning program. The exam is held twice a year, in June and December.
Exam Structure:
Stage I (Section A): Focuses on fundamental engineering subjects.
Stage II (Section B): Covers a specific branch of engineering like Civil, Electrical, or Mechanical.
Eligibility:
Educational Qualification:
Candidates must have completed a recognized course of study in engineering or technology.
Age:
No upper age limit, but candidates must be at least 18 years old on the first day of the examination.
Other:
Indian citizens or foreign nationals with at least two years of residence in India.
Exam Pattern:
The exam is based on multiple-choice questions (MCQs).
It can be taken online (CBT) or offline (PBT).
Benefits:
Becoming a graduate engineer with the same qualification as a B.E./B.Tech. degree.
Recognized by government and private sectors.
Least expensive compared to traditional degree programs.
Application Process:
Download the application form from the IEI website.
Fill out the form and attach the required documents.
Pay the application fee.
Submit the application form along with the fee.

But since you did the recovery work in Finance sector you are totally detached from Mechanical Engineering. So it is not possible to say what kind of job you will get and what will be your salary.

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |393 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on May 14, 2025

Career
I'm preparing for Neet and wanted to take a drop but my parents wanted me to do something with it like a partial Drop......And right now I'm totally confused what to do and what not.........i think I should take BSC zoology in private colleges , can anyone suggest me something..........
Ans: Hi Prirhvi,

Based on your query, there are two main issues to consider:

1. You want to take a break (which may be partial or full).
2. You want to pursue a BSc in Zoology.

Before making any decisions, take some time to think and analyze your situation.

Firstly, evaluate your marks in the HSC and your recent NEET exam scores (if you have appeared for NEET 2025). If you have completed both exams, focus on turning your weaker subjects into strengths. Be prepared to answer any questions someone may pose. Without this preparation, taking a break may not be effective.

Secondly, if you decide to take a gap year, you should not also consider studying another course concurrently, as this could divert your attention and hinder your main goal. Remember, undergraduate courses are semester-based, meaning you will need to manage both NEET preparation and your regular UG courses (including internal exams, semester exams, etc.). Juggling both can be quite challenging.

If you believe it is possible to manage both, I suggest that instead of choosing Zoology for your UG, you consider subjects like Chemistry or Physics. These subjects are foundational and can be better understood through regular UG coursework. Therefore, you should not worry too much about that particular subject. However, it’s not advisable to select Zoology and take a break for NEET preparation at the same time. If you have doubts in Physics or Chemistry, you can seek clarification from your lecturers.

In summary, my suggestion is to concentrate on one goal and work towards achieving it.

BEST WISHES.
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO.

...Read more

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