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Financially betrayed by wife, 49 year old man seeks advice

Anu Krishna |1600 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi

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Hi Anu, I am a 49 year old male, married for 16 years with 2 kids, my son is in 10th standard and daughter in 7th std, I have problem with my wife who cheated me financially, she is a housewife but somehow through her parents/cousins made me take loan and give it to her indirectly to an extent of almost 25-30 lakhs, when i found out initially about this i fought with her, but she cooked up some story and convinced me that she did it because she had to and not to cheat me, we had a compromise because of kids, she did it again and she kept doing it again, i have totally lost my trust in her and no intension of living with her but just thinking about kids i have to go with it, feels very bad when a person staying with you under the same roof cheats and breaks your trust, how should i handle it now? should i just stay as usual and pretend that thinks are normal for the sake of kids or should i call off my marriage?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife needs to take responsibility for the fact of breaking trust within the marriage. If she continues what she is doing, it is only going to cause a further break in the marriage.
So, perhaps you need to tell her exactly how cheated you feel and that you are unhappy and disappointed in what she has been doing and continues to do so...
It seems like some sort of a compulsion to hide facts about money. Do let her know that you are unhappy to the point of moving out of the marriage; perhaps then she might know that you are serious about the way that you feel. If this still doesn't change things, you know what your limits are and how much you can take.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Question by Chandra - May 08, 2023Hindi

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Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.

Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
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Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

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Asked by Anonymous - Aug 23, 2023Hindi

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Hi, mine is an arrange marriage, my wife had previous affair before marriage and she did not open up when asked about her past relationship, which I understand as it does not matter after our marriage. We have two children. After almost 7 years I found her cheating with my best friend and caught her red handed. She confessed and felt sorry for betraying me and promised she will not repeat again ever. I forgive her because of my kids. However we our relation was never the same again with lots of fights and arguments. She is very sort tempered and fights with whole family now and then on small matters. We eventually separated, even her parents fought with her and are in no more talking terms with her. Now I found she is having an affaire with my business partners son. What should I do now?

Ans: Get a divorce. You’re already separated and that reality is something your children are unfortunately already living with. So spare them the rollercoaster of trying to make things work with her again, because it will continue to affect their lives. She obviously isn’t trustworthy.

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Dear LG, I m a 43 year old man who has a 37 year old wife and in relationship for 13 years. we have kids . Recently I caught my wife having physical relation with her 65 year old boss in my house. This after coming to know from one of staff leaking info to me and me keeping hidden camera to catch this in my house. Shocking part is she also had physical with her boss's son and my close friend. This happenings were common in her office also . I agree that my wife seeked solace outside since I became weak in satisfying her physically and also because she was getting enough salary hikes, costly gifts from her bosses. Change was visible in her style , dressing also . Now its obvious I have been cheated and don't want to continue this relation anymore but worried about my kids. So dont know what to do and every neighbour, office person look my wife in a different way post these incident.

Ans: Your wife’s behaviour is shocking. You have every reason to end the marriage, but first ascertain that you truly want to. And then go ahead; consult a divorce lawyer and a family therapist to help your children through this tumultuous time.

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