I am a 52-Year-old man, relatively happily married with a son & daughter. I was having a relatively smooth life till a few days back when a sudden incident happened in my Life. Like a lot of people, I also have a past where in in the Prime Of my youth I had a very passionate love affair which resulted in a brief marriage some 25 Years back with someone whom I had grown up with. But due to certain differences with her Family it resulted in a very bad break up with a brief tussle in the court. The Incident had shaken me a great deal & with time I managed to shrug it off & move Forward. I had done relatively well in my life till now when suddenly I was taken aback when me ex called me up. We had a brief Interaction over phone & this is now persisting. Although the affair was long gone but somehow It was there in the back of my mind, I had an inclination someday she Might come back which has exactly happened. I am feeling guilty to my Spouse as she has stood with me thick & Thin but However, I tried hard I end up speaking with my ex every day. As far as I can gather is my ex is not happy with her Husband although she has exactly not spoken about her intention of such sudden turnaround. I am aghast at myself that I could Not put an end to the conversation & in fact I feel very happy speaking to her remembering my old days. Leaving my ex unilaterally is not an option as I have tried Many times but failed. please advise.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

Dear Akshay,

Stop letting this situation give you sleepless nights; I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Your wife knows about your past.

You were also upfront with her about the messages your ex sent you, and then when they crossed the line you blocked her.

You’ve made all the right moves in handling the issue, so stop worrying.

It sounds like your wife and you share a strong bond and you’re both honest with each other; have confidence in your relationship.

What could your ex possibly do to create trouble?

I think after you’ve blocked her she must have got the hint loud and clear that you’re not interested in any extramarital dalliance with her.

Dear K,

If your wife has felt snubbed and you feel that she is being unreasonable, what can you do if you wife isn’t willing to befriend M?

The more you fight this, the more your wife feels that there is something going on.

Doubts in the mind spread like slow fire consuming the mind and you are adding fuel to the fire by being adamant on maintaining the connection with M.

Now you wife is convinced that she must not have anything to do with her and you should not as well.

What do you want to do? Spoil the peace at home because of an external connection?

It may not seem fair to you, but there is a reason why your wife felt snubbed by M at that time.

She is unrelenting and does not want M in the equation. Why are you fighting this?

I am asking you choose between the peace within the marriage and an external connection.

There will be a point in time when your wife will be willing to look at this objectively and that is the time to talk to her about it.

Right now, it will be like forcing her, having fights over this and maintaining a connection with M within all of this/ Do you really feel that a connection is made suppressing another one?

Connections are made in complete peace and harmony with existing connections growing because of the new one.

What you have is the existing connection being threatened because of the other.

Be patient and reasonable and wait for the time to emerge for connections to co-exist and in the meantime, reassure your wife that your marriage means a lot to you.

May not sound fair, but it’s the only way to honour the marriage.

All the best!