Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am a 52-Year-old man, relatively happily married with a son & daughter. I was having a relatively smooth life till a few days back when a sudden incident happened in my Life. Like a lot of people, I also have a past where in in the Prime Of my youth I had a very passionate love affair which resulted in a brief marriage some 25 Years back with someone whom I had grown up with. But due to certain differences with her Family it resulted in a very bad break up with a brief tussle in the court. The Incident had shaken me a great deal & with time I managed to shrug it off & move Forward. I had done relatively well in my life till now when suddenly I was taken aback when me ex called me up. We had a brief Interaction over phone & this is now persisting. Although the affair was long gone but somehow It was there in the back of my mind, I had an inclination someday she Might come back which has exactly happened. I am feeling guilty to my Spouse as she has stood with me thick & Thin but However, I tried hard I end up speaking with my ex every day. As far as I can gather is my ex is not happy with her Husband although she has exactly not spoken about her intention of such sudden turnaround. I am aghast at myself that I could Not put an end to the conversation & in fact I feel very happy speaking to her remembering my old days. Leaving my ex unilaterally is not an option as I have tried Many times but failed. please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you fine choosing to ruffle things in your marriage?
Because that's exactly what you might be leading into!

Love stories from the past belong there unless your current situation allows you freedom to invite it back. It surely has caused ripples in your heart which has possibly stirred you of the usual routine married life.

Will your spouse accept the situation as is?
How will you handle the complications that might arise?
What are the expectations of you from the lady from the past?
How will this impact the children?

For some reason, things had not worked in the past...it ended in a divorce. Maybe there's a lot of unspoken things. Then talk about it with her.
Remind yourself and her that you are in r=current relationships. Even if she does not share a great relationship with her husband, you are not obliged it responsible to be her knight in shining armour. You have a life and so does she...you owe a lot to the current relationships and the people in it.
Anything beyond this is a CHOICE that you will make and a lot of people will be hurt by it. Draw boundaries before you get drawn into it further!

If you really want to be in touch with her, ask yourself: Am I mature enough to handle a connection that has boundaries? Can we maintain a connection that is more based on friendship and support?

Only you know the answers to all the questions above and you will draw conclusions based on that. from what I know of people, no one likes ruffling feathers and no one wants a complications unless they specifically CHOOSE it!

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

Listen
Relationship
Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 13, 2021

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Listen
I'M 40 years old man, i have had troubled childhood. I faced abuse from my elder brother who later on developed mental health issues whiich broughg lot of stress to the family. I worked very hard to achieve reasonable professional success but my personal life has been very difficult. I got married with lot of difficulty despite being well placed professionally and decent looks. It was an arranged marriage but things went bad after a year. I caught my wife having an affair with her ex but i fogave her for the sake of myndaugher who was just 1 year old then. She keept on having flings with gym instructor and later on her colleagues which i dont have any proof of. She would humilate me in front of my maid driver and other people. But i wanted ti save my marriage for the sake of my daughter who was only 4-5 years old then. Finally she started asking me for divorce after every trivial fights. Fed up i finally agreed and we separated in 2021 November. During that time i came in contact with my school friend. She proposed to me during our school days but due to stress at home and other issues i said no but i always liked her. When we started talking around December 2021 and we realized we still love each other after 20 years. But problem was though i was divorced she was still married and she is from a different religion. She is trying hard to get separated from her husband but her family being very conservative is not allowing her to do so. I'm stuck with her emotionally. Now my ex-wife has started approaching me for reconciliation. Im totally confused now what should i do? Should i wait for my friend knowing that chances are very slim that her family would leave her. Or should i patch up with my exwife for the sake of my daughter. I dont feel any emotional connection with my exwife now as she was never nice to me. But my parents are telling me to go for patch up. They are nkt aware about my school friend and i doubt they would approve her due to religious beliefs. Pls guide me I'm totally confused. Thanks A confused Homo Sapiens
Ans: Dear Pratik,
At this point in time, choose neither. You need space to clear your head first.
Too many emotional situations to jump into one more...Give yourself time to figure out what is that you want out of life?
Do you want to get into another commitment in a short gap? It could be an attraction on a rebound as well; so take time to figure these things out well before you decide to patch up or wait for your friend.
You deserve this time off, to make sure that you not only heal from the marriage but also put things in perspective.
So no need to bring on a new confusion for the time being till you get strong enough in the mind to decide the next course of your life. Making a choice right now means you will be bringing in more confusions of either of the two women into your life as well. So, PAUSE and take this time...

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11063 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 15, 2026

Money
I'm 43 years old, a govt.employee ,want to invest Rs 20000/ which plan will be better
Ans: Your thought to invest Rs 20,000 every month at age 43 is very good. Many people delay investing, but you are taking action. As a government employee, you already have some stability in income and retirement benefits. So this monthly investment can become a strong wealth builder for your future goals.

Below is a simple and balanced way to think about it.

» Understand Your Investment Objective

Before choosing any plan, it is important to think about what this money is meant for.

– Retirement corpus building
– Children’s education or marriage
– Wealth creation for long-term security
– Financial independence after retirement

Since you are 43 years old, your investment horizon can still be 12–17 years comfortably. That is enough time for growth-oriented investments to work well.

» Why Monthly Investing Is a Good Strategy

Investing Rs 20,000 every month through a disciplined method is very powerful.

– It creates a habit of investing regularly
– It reduces risk of investing at the wrong time
– It allows you to accumulate more units when markets fall
– Over long periods, compounding works strongly

This approach is especially suitable for salaried people like government employees.

» Balanced Allocation for Rs 20,000 Monthly Investment

Instead of putting the full amount in one place, spreading it across different asset types helps reduce risk and improve stability.

A simple structure could be:

– Rs 12,000 in actively managed diversified equity mutual funds
– Rs 5,000 in a hybrid or balanced mutual fund
– Rs 3,000 in a short duration or conservative debt mutual fund

This combination creates both growth and stability.

Equity funds help in wealth creation over long periods. Debt-oriented funds provide balance and reduce volatility. Hybrid funds combine both.

» Why Actively Managed Mutual Funds Can Be Useful

Actively managed funds are handled by experienced fund managers who study companies and market trends.

Benefits include:

– Professional research and stock selection
– Flexibility to adjust portfolio when market conditions change
– Opportunity to generate better returns through active decisions

For investors who want expert management and structured investment discipline, these funds can be very useful.

» Importance of Investing Through Regular Plans

Investing through regular mutual fund plans via a Mutual Fund Distributor who works with a Certified Financial Planner provides important advantages.

– Continuous guidance during market ups and downs
– Help in rebalancing investments when required
– Support during goal planning and review
– Emotional discipline during market corrections

Many investors make mistakes when they invest without guidance. Proper advice and periodic review improve long-term results.

» Risk Management and Safety

Even though equity mutual funds can fluctuate in the short term, long-term investing reduces this risk significantly.

Some important practices:

– Stay invested during market corrections
– Review the portfolio once a year
– Increase the SIP amount when income increases
– Avoid frequent switching between funds

Patience and discipline create the real wealth.

» Tax Awareness

When you sell equity mutual funds:

– Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%
– Short-term gains are taxed at 20%

This makes long-term holding more efficient from a tax point of view.

» Finally

Your decision to invest Rs 20,000 monthly at age 43 is a strong financial step. With around 15 years of disciplined investing, this amount can grow into a meaningful corpus for your future.

A balanced combination of equity-oriented mutual funds, hybrid funds and some debt exposure can give growth with stability. Periodic review with a Certified Financial Planner can ensure the portfolio stays aligned with your life goals.

Consistency matters more than timing. Continue the investment even when markets move up or down.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6855 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Mar 15, 2026

Career
Pleasee help me I given class12 2025 but fail in maths then I given again as private class12 in 2026 but I not given one paper properly so I will fail and i absent in other exam as I was depressed and burnout but now I really want to check jee advance in 2027 pleasee tell me as I had register for nios stream 1 2026 october as fresher so am I eligible for jee advance and BITSAT in 2027. I am preparing for jee mains I am sure if I study well I can get 99.95 % but if you tell me I am ellagable for jee advance and BITSAT 2027 I give less Focus to jee mains and give jee advance pleasee tell true answer don,t guess pleaseee help me
Ans: (1) You are NOT eligible for JEE (Adv) 2027

(2) You WILL be eligible for BITSAT 2027 if you pass Class 12 (PCM) in 2026 through NIOS, because BITSAT allows current year and one previous year pass students.

Practical Advice- Instead of thinking about JEE (Adv), try to score more in the mains and your state-level engineering entrance examinations.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam
Asked on - Mar 15, 2026 | Answered on Mar 15, 2026
Thank you sir
Ans: Welcome. If satisfied, pl follow me.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11063 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 14, 2026

Money
I am 61, minimalist with no bad habits in the life style of NO PILL; NO ILL. Now, the market is down and NAV falls down. my investments are comfortably positive even in the negative market. becuase the investment started very early and unis purchased at very low price. Now, the question is should I withdraw the funds; a portion of profit and invest in the downward trend so that I will get more units and i will not loose the capital because I am planning to withdraw only the portion of the profits. Please guide me should I need to reshuffle by withdrawing and re investing ..!!
Ans: Your disciplined lifestyle and long investing journey are truly inspiring. Starting early and holding investments patiently has created a comfortable cushion for you. Even when the market is falling, your portfolio remains positive. That itself shows the power of long-term investing.

Now your question is about withdrawing profit and reinvesting during the market fall. Let us examine this carefully.

» Understanding What You Are Trying To Do

Your idea is:

– Withdraw only the profit portion
– Reinvest when NAV is lower
– Get more units
– Protect original capital

This approach looks logical on the surface. But in practice it becomes very difficult to execute consistently.

» The Challenge of Timing the Market

To succeed in this strategy two things must happen correctly.

– You must sell at the right time
– You must reinvest at the correct lower level

Predicting market movement precisely is extremely difficult. Even experienced investors struggle with this.

If markets suddenly recover after you redeem, you may lose the opportunity of further growth.

» Impact of Taxes on Withdrawal

Whenever you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%
– Short term capital gains are taxed at 20%

So withdrawing profit may trigger tax liability. This reduces the benefit of trying to buy more units.

Frequent reshuffling can quietly reduce long-term wealth.

» Your Age and Investment Objective

At 61, your goal should shift slightly.

Earlier the focus was:

– Maximum growth

Now the focus should be:

– Capital protection
– Controlled growth
– Income stability

So instead of frequent buying and selling, gradual portfolio balance is more suitable.

» A Better Approach for Your Situation

Rather than timing the market, consider this approach:

– Keep the core long-term equity investments untouched
– If equity allocation has grown very large, slowly shift small portion into safer assets
– Continue enjoying compounding from existing units purchased at low prices

This maintains growth while protecting accumulated wealth.

» Systematic Withdrawal Planning

If you need regular income later:

– You can withdraw small amounts periodically
– This reduces market timing risk
– Portfolio continues to grow while providing income

This is usually more comfortable for retired investors.

» Emotional Discipline

Your biggest strength so far has been patience.

The temptation to reshuffle during market movements often disturbs long-term success.

Many investors lose wealth not because of bad investments but because of unnecessary switching.

» Finally

Since your investments were made early and units were bought at very low prices, the best strategy is usually to stay invested and allow compounding to continue.

Avoid frequent profit booking and reinvestment based on market movements.

Instead:

– Maintain a balanced asset allocation
– Protect capital gradually
– Allow long-term equity investments to keep growing

Your disciplined journey has already created strong financial security. Preserving that strength is now more important than trying to capture short-term opportunities.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11063 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 14, 2026

Money
I am a retired doctor with 1lac pension kindly suggest to invest 30000per month
Ans: Your disciplined habit of investing even after retirement is very encouraging. With a pension of Rs 1 lakh per month, planning to invest Rs 30,000 shows that you are thinking about preserving and growing your wealth in a structured manner.

At this stage of life, the focus should be balanced between safety, regular growth, and liquidity.

» Understanding Your Financial Stage

You are a retired professional receiving steady pension income.

This means:

– Your regular expenses are already supported
– Investment goal is wealth preservation and moderate growth
– Liquidity for health and family needs is important

So the investment approach should be balanced and not aggressive.

» Emergency and Medical Reserve

Before starting monthly investment, ensure:

– At least 12 months of expenses kept in safe liquid instruments
– Adequate health insurance coverage

Medical expenses increase with age. Having a dedicated medical reserve prevents disturbance to investments.

» Balanced Investment Approach

For a retired person, full equity exposure is not suitable. But avoiding equity completely also reduces growth.

A balanced structure is ideal.

For the Rs 30,000 monthly investment:

– Around Rs 15,000 in actively managed diversified equity mutual funds
– Around Rs 10,000 in short duration or conservative debt mutual funds
– Around Rs 5,000 in gold allocation for diversification

This structure provides growth with stability.

» Importance of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed mutual funds are suitable because:

– Fund managers actively select strong companies
– They adjust portfolio when market conditions change
– Aim to generate better returns than the market

This professional management helps investors who prefer not to monitor markets regularly.

» Investment Horizon and Liquidity

Even after retirement, investments can continue for 10 to 15 years.

So:

– Continue SIP regularly
– Review portfolio once every year
– Keep sufficient liquidity for emergencies

Avoid locking large amounts into instruments with long lock-in periods.

» Tax Awareness

If you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Short term gains taxed at 20%

Debt mutual fund gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Planning withdrawals carefully can reduce tax impact.

» Finally

Your plan to invest Rs 30,000 monthly is a strong step toward maintaining financial independence.

A balanced portfolio with equity, debt, and gold can help:

– Preserve your wealth
– Provide moderate growth
– Maintain liquidity for future needs

Regular review with a Certified Financial Planner can ensure that your investments remain aligned with your lifestyle and health needs during retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x