I am 49 year old and staying with mother 81 years old. My first marriage ended in mutual divorce within 1 month and second wife filed false allegations against me in 2016 and then went to her hometown. I am the sole bread earner. I have elder brother and his family who stay in different city. I am being managing job, mother and also fighting cases in her hometown and paying interim maintenance. Sometimes I get confused thinking what should I do in life at this stage once I come out clear from court. Please advise

Ans: Dear Sanju,
I can only imagine the unrest that you must be feeling right now.
Regarding your question on mental torture and harassment; I do understand how unnerving it must be for you to wake up every morning and stare at the harsh reality of what it is for you. Nevertheless, beaten down but not yet given up is something you must always remember.
It is natural to think that history repeats itself; but you cannot assume that the next person you meet will be the same. Do not enter into a relationship or marriage with this assumption; what might tend to happen is that you will hold yourself back and your partner will always feel that you are being distant from them.

Do understand that the context of marriage is the same, but the persons in question are different. It's like saying: I failed in Math, so Math is a bad subject and I will always fail! Get a hang of what I am referring to?

Take some time off to heal and be at peace and remind yourself that you deserve happiness and marriage form of a beautiful relationship that can make you happy. For now, tell 'everyone' who is asking you to start a new life to give you space to reflect on:
- What can I do different in the next relationship that I pursue?
- What more can I do for my partner that I didn't in the previous marriage?
- What are a few core values of mine that I want to see in my partner as well?

And no use starting a new life by thinking if your new life partner will harass you as well. Instead step in telling yourself: New relationship, new person, new thoughts, new life goals, new...The word NEW, should give your brain something NEW to chew on discarding the old.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Praveen,
It is unfortunate the way things have turned out in your life; but it does not mean that it has to be that way even now and in the future.
Brooding over what you don't have will only make you feel miserable. Rather than tell yourself that you don't want to be lonely, why don't you tell yourself that you want a life filled with people and interesting experiences. The brain then starts to search for ways to keep you with people and surround you with experiences.
Now all you have done is fill it with miserable thoughts of loneliness.
SNAP!
You are only as lonely as you think you are! This is a Digital age and you know this that you are connected with people from across the world in a moment's time.
What you have not chosen to see is: How can I make an effort to connect with people so that I feel a sense a belonging?
So, see this clearly and move to answer this question.
Hobbies within a circle, Trekking groups, Music groups, Social movement groups? Name it, it's there!
Pick what you can identify with the most and know that you can find like-minded people...
If there is a hobby that you had to leave mid-way, pursue that NOW!

So instead of anticipating the future and living there, come back to the NOW and focus on what you can do to feel happier with a sense of belonging.
Making sense?

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is unfortunate that you had to go through what you have.
It is also understandable why you would feel unsteady and unwilling to trust the process again...
But, let it not rob you of opportunities of exploring a new connection and this will be possible only if you allow yourself to trust...
Because if you don't, you will end up sinking into work to distract yourself. This is unhealthy as it will lead to loneliness and despair. You surely wouldn't want that, would you?
Allow yourself to Let Go...It takes a lot to do that but once you do, it will open your eyes to numerous possibilities. Having said that, do this when you ready...it maybe now, next year or whenever BUT tell yourself that someday you are willing to open your heart to a possibility of a connection. This thought will keep you feeling safe and happier. This will also help you face your job pressures better as all areas of our lives are all linked to one another.

All the best!