Divorced Dad (48) in Love with Married Woman (45): Can Their Affair Survive the Drama?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want a relationship and she obviously doesn't! Or at least it does not seem that she is in love with you like you are with her.
She possibly is not interested in tying herself down into a commitment which is a personal choice of hers. Of course, you can have an honest conversation with her about it and express your intentions on a future with her clearly. Set a time period by which she thinks and gets back to you on her decision otherwise you will be left waiting. After consideration if she still feels strongly about not moving on your proposal, you have two choices!
Either you accept that she will be in a connection with the other person and you OR you can choose to move on as accepting that situation may not be easy.
So, essentially what you are doing is expressing and allowing her the time needed for consideration. You will also feel better knowing that you have made an honest attempt.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Become real about this. Sometimes, realism saves us a lot of trouble that we face from riding emotions that sway us from one pole to the other.
You are in a dilemma as you have allowed yourself to have feelings for another person while you knew all along that you have a wife. Now, is it wrong to have feelings for someone else? NO, but you do not have to act on it. That is a choice that you make. Since, it has progressed into Love, you feel torn between both of them which is very straining.
Let the lady bounce back first...sort her life out...a divorce is not easy on a man or a woman...allow her time to become strong and do not allow her to lean onto for emotional support beyond what a friend will. This will give lead to her expecting more from you which you will not be able to fulfil as you mentioned: I can't leave my wife also.
Bring the relationship to a place where the two of you are friends who care and support one another without any expectations. This will be a healthy space to be in and allow her to explore her life after the divorce and also keep your family life intact. Difficult as it sounds, it is possible provided you make that choice...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your issues one by one
1. Is marrying her and embracing this responsibility a prudent decision, considering her past and the challenges we may face?
I can't tell if it is prudent but I don't see it to be a dangerous decision as well. Yes, I understand your concerns, but you have been with her for a long time now. You must have considered all of these concerns beforehand. But if you think you are not sure, I would suggest you don't keep her hanging with hope. Discuss the doubts and concerns directly with her.

2. How can I effectively address her ex-husband's behavior and protect our relationship and my and family's reputation?
Her previous marriage involved domestic harassment and that's how the relationship ended. You had no part in it. You came into the picture after their separation. Why should her husband have any say in her life after divorce? Be strict with him from the very beginning. As a part of courtesy, you can let him know that you are considering marrying his ex, but besides that, you owe him no explanation.

3. What strategies can I use to gain my parents' understanding, acceptance, and support?
Highlight the positives in your partner; let them know how happy she makes you and how much she means to you. Parents being unsupportive in such cases are very common, but with some persistent counseling from your end can make things work out in your favor.

4. How can we ensure a strong and healthy future together, considering the complexities of our situation?
The complexities of the situation don't necessarily have to play part in your future together. Let her move on from this past and if anything, you should help her move past this divorce and harassment instead of bringing that into the future. Yes, it is a part of who she is, but is so much more than just a divorcee and a very young mother; she is the person you fell for- there must be some solid reason for that. After all, you fell knowing all the complexities. That makes her even more special. All you have to do is remember those.

Hope this helps.