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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Rani Question by Rani on May 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 42 years old feeling very lonely because of my husband and my in-laws. My husband is not earning money but always trying to show his family as everything that is our house, car daily food groceries n everything he has purchased. Since last 17 years I am working in a well known pharmaceutical industry earning around 1 lakhs per month. But I have not recognised by anyone in my office and home. No one from my family is talking with me including my husband. Since last decade he is drinking a lot and cursing me n my parents. Pls suggest how could I get rid of the things? Shall I continue with such a family or quit? I don’t have a kid

Ans: Dear Rani,
When you have felt that what must come out of a marriage is not what you actually happening, why exactly are you choosing to be stuck within it?
17 years is a long time to adapt and compromise...wouldn't you want to experience a better life?
But of course, do check with yourself as to why have you held onto the marriage for so long...because if you choose to step out of it, the reason why you stayed in it, will have to be let go of...is it social pressure that you might have faced or were you just playing a dutiful wife? CHECK with yourself and if you know that you are ready to let go of the reason, then you know what must be done next...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I have been married for 3 years. Everything is going well with my husband except there is one problem. If there is anything wrong done by his parents, he never takes a stand or protests.My in-laws are not very friendly people.After our marriage they have never tried to keep in touch with my parents or at least have the courtesy to invite once to their house. My parents have frequently tried to invite them and also tried to keep contact but nothing is achieved if it's one-sided. I told my husband about all this but he never ever tried to explain or correct them of their wrong doings.My mother-in-law had also insulted me few times raising questions on how I was brought up within the first year of our marriage. And later as well. I work and sometimes due to prolong working hours I am not able to contribute to household work. My mother-in-law started asking if at all I do any household work or whether I am always busy with my office work. She already knew that I would be working after marriage and was fine with it.Because of the lockdown we are staying with them for a long period and I am embarrassed to tell this but every day is killing me. When I stay with them I have to be a totally different person. I have to live their lifestyle which is totally opposite to how I used to live with my husband alone.Because of all the above circumstances, I am not keen on staying with them. I don't see a future where I can stay with them. I am ready to take care of them but can't stay under one roof. My husband is well aware of my feelings. But never does anything about it. Every time I tell him, he blames me that I don't want him to stay with his parents. Else he takes good care of me and is a good person. My parents also like him except this one complaint.I am totally clueless now how to make him understand because we end up fighting rather than discussing. In the long run I can't stay with my in-laws because our lifestyle doesn't match and of course the hurtful things they have done. They are not even ready to adjust rather would expect me to completely change for them. And that's what dreads me.I can't live in this way for long. It is causing me a lot of mental stress.Please provide your valuable suggestions.
Ans:

Dear SN,

Hasn’t the lockdown ended for a while now?

Why are you still with them?

What was the initial reason of moving in with them?

Does that reason still exist?

Being part of a joint/extended family system isn’t a cake walk; each person is unique and so are their thoughts and experiences and they will want the other person to live by their experiences and rules. But of course, an emotionally mature person would believe in giving space for another person grow and evolve and swim around the family dynamics. Well, it isn't the case here.

Why don’t you drop down a pros and cons list for When I move out and for When I stay here.

Weigh it down to its granular detail. Also, try and figure out why your husband is so against talking to them.

Sometimes, it maybe a minor adjustment that everyone needs to go through, but our movies and sitcoms have done enough damage to our minds where the drama looks never ending and where one party is to blame. Usually, the adjustment has to happen from both ends.

Bring this to a place where everyone gains, and everyone is happy. Maybe moving out is an option that you seek but will this go well with your husband and remember, he might do this for you, and in the long run in might end up blaming you for it. It’s complicated.

So, take time and work on the pros and cons, why your husband is against talking to them about this and also ask yourself: Have I done everything that I can to live joyfully under one roof?
You will have a path to your solution soon.

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I had late marraige . My husband was very keen to marry. In fact my family was not very keen. i was the only child and my mom passed away early. After my marraige my husband family behave differently. My mom-in law never allowed our normal relationship. My husband was not financially stable. However his mother used to fulfill all his wishes as she was in job. Now she is retired. I had a steady job and academic background. So I remained financially stable. But I never got any opportunity to lead a normal conjugal life. She constantly created psychological pressure so that I stay away from my husband. My husband also was unable to protest. He was more frank in absence of mother. This strange situation forced me to stay away from my inlaws place. I started living separately. My mom-in law was cooperative as long as Im away from them. Now if my husband is sick, he is informing me, taking financial help, but not allowing me to accompany him to doctor . Its a strange situation. Now My husband is in mental problem with no financial stability and normal peace of mind. How should I tackle this situation?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time in your marriage. It sounds like there are multiple issues at play here, including strained relationships with your in-laws, financial instability, and your husband's mental health. Here are some steps you can take to tackle this situation:

Seek counseling: It's important for you and your husband to get professional counseling to address the issues you're facing. A counselor can provide guidance on how to manage difficult family relationships, financial stress, and mental health issues.

Set boundaries: It's important to establish clear boundaries with your in-laws. Communicate your needs and expectations with your husband and his family. This may include spending less time with them or limiting interactions with them.

Seek financial stability: If your husband is unable to contribute financially, it may be important for you to take charge of managing the household finances. This can help alleviate some of the stress and uncertainty around money.

Support your husband's mental health: Encourage your husband to seek professional help for his mental health issues. You can also offer emotional support and be there for him during this difficult time.

Focus on your own well-being: It's important for you to take care of yourself during this time. Make time for self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends and family.

Remember, these issues may take time to resolve, but with patience, understanding, and professional help, you and your husband can work through them and find a path forward.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, I am 52 years handicapped with a good govt. job. I have been married for 27 years now. My son also married recently and he is in USA. I dont know where to start. Mine was arranged marriage. But my husband and his family cheated us regarding his job. He was jobless after our marriage. I had a son in the first year of our marriage. I stayed with him for only 2 months then I was send to my fathers house for delivery. He never visited me during this time nor he had called me. As he was jobless, I tried hard to build my carrier for sake of my son. I had managed all these years financially. I never received any financial support or emotional support from him past 27 years. We had fought badly accusing each. He will physically abuse me every time. He is addicted to alcohol and watching prone movies. My son once saw his mssg to call girls and other such women in his mobile. I was shocked too. Later I discovered he had many such connections. He had been spending his merger salary for all this self enjoyment and never shared anything for HL or son education. However, I had stayed with him for social security and status. Now I have completed all my duties. My son is safe and far from him. Even after my sons marriage, he behaved violently after consuming alcohol. I am really fed up with him. I have my income and properties. But I have no one to share my emotions as my son also has left and busy with his life in USA. I don't need any physical needs but need emotional support for rest of my life. I am in total depression for all I have undergone for 27 years. I currently having my father who is 80 years with me in the house. My husbands behaviour towards my father is very bad. Now my fathers health is getting affected because of my husbands shouting. I have no other friends or relations to relate to. My health also is getting slowly affected and I my mobility is very much restricted. Sometimes I was having succidal ideas. I have no life goals now. I have achieved all my goals. I have completed all my duties now. What should I do now?
Ans: Hats off to you my dear lady. You need to file for divorce and get this vile man out of your life and home once and for all. You have the means and the economic upper hand as well — consult a strong divorce lawyer and kick him to the curb! And there is life, love and companionship out there for you, so don’t give up on finding your own happiness — 52 is not old, you have a lot of years ahead with the potential to fulfill your happiness. Go for it!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 24, 2024

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |182 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir , i am 21 year old graduated ,How to make gf ?? As in college everytime i talk to girl she make me friend as i get into friendzoned...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you are finding it difficult to meet girls IRL, why don't you try out dating apps? It can be perfect for you. First of all, the chances of getting friend-zoned on a dating app are comparatively lower because it is a dating app and most users are using it to find a date. Yes, some people look for friends too but they will either mention it on their Bio or match with people who mentioned the same on their Bio.

I suggest you research a bit and find a dating app that fits your requirements. For instance, some apps cater to people looking for serious commitment and some others are solely for casual relationships. You pick a dating app based on your preference. Next step- build an interesting profile. Put a display image that helps you put your best foot forward. Something recent, clear, and impressive. Do not overedit; it's not appealing. Write a clear and concise bio that gives a glimpse of who you are, what you want in a relationship, and what you can offer. This way, you will attract the right type of matches. Make it clear that you want a romantic relationship to avoid getting friend-zoned. Finally, once you match, spend some time chatting and getting to know each other. A match is not a commitment. If it doesn't go well, you can always tell them that it's not working out and unmatch.

It's the best way to meet a potential partner without leaving room for misunderstanding and ending up being friend-zoned.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 year old. I have 1 cr in mutual fund. It’s been 7 years I started doing sip with 50000. Which I have increased With time now I have sip of 80000 per month. I need to know how much will have when I reach age 50. In my account
Ans: As you stand at the midpoint of your journey, it's natural to pause and ponder the fruits of your labor. Seven years ago, you embarked on a path of financial discipline, nurturing your wealth through systematic investments in mutual funds. With each passing month, you've diligently contributed to your SIP, nurturing your financial garden with care and foresight.

Magnitude of Investment:
Your commitment to growth shines through as you reflect on your journey. Starting with a SIP of Rs 50,000 per month and gradually increasing it to Rs 80,000 per month showcases your dedication to nurturing your financial future. Each increment, no matter how small, represents a step towards building a solid foundation for your later years.

The Power of Compound Interest:
As the years pass, the magic of compound interest works silently in the background, multiplying your investments manifold. With each SIP, you're not just investing money; you're investing in your dreams, your aspirations, and your future. The power of compounding rewards patience and consistency, amplifying the impact of your contributions over time.

Envisioning the Future:
As you cast your gaze towards the horizon, you can't help but wonder: what lies ahead? At age 50, where will your financial journey have led you? Will you find yourself basking in the glow of a well-nurtured nest egg, ready to embark on new adventures and pursue passions long deferred?

The Path Forward:
As a Certified Financial Planner, I invite you to envision your future with clarity and purpose. While I cannot predict the exact value of your investments at age 50 without specific calculations, I can offer guidance on how to nurture and safeguard your wealth as you continue along your journey.

Embracing Uncertainty:
Life is a tapestry woven with threads of uncertainty and possibility. While we cannot control every twist and turn along the way, we can arm ourselves with the tools and knowledge needed to navigate the unknown with confidence. As you journey towards age 50, remember that the true measure of wealth lies not just in monetary value but in the richness of experiences and the depth of relationships.

Conclusion:
As you stand at the crossroads of past and future, take a moment to appreciate how far you've come. Your journey is a testament to your resilience, your determination, and your unwavering commitment to financial well-being. As you continue along your path, may you find solace in the journey itself, knowing that every step forward brings you closer to the life you envision for yourself and your loved ones.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Money
Hi I am 37 years old and my Husband is 40 years old. Our annual salary in hand at our home is up to 20,64,000. My Yearly Saving is Rs 6 lakhs (mutual fund, LIC policy, Endowment plan, century plan, Post office schemes). My Expense like medical insurance, term insurance, car insurance is RS 50,000. My living expense per year is Rs 6,00,000. My loan is for Rs17,24,112 (including interests) for which I am paying every year up to Rs 4,31,000 till Feb'28. Also next year we have to purchase car because our car is getting expire. So up- to 14-15 lakh car we will purchase on loan. My child is currently in 6th grade and we both are working. So for happy life after retirement and save future, how much I need to save and in which plans. Please suggest. Till now beyond my savings written above I don't have bank balance which I can use as a emergency funds.
Ans: Navigating the complex landscape of finances, especially with looming expenses and future uncertainties, can feel like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. It's a challenge many of us face, and it's understandable to seek guidance on charting a path towards financial security and peace of mind.

1. Current Financial Snapshot:
You and your husband are in your late 30s and early 40s, respectively, with a combined annual income of Rs 20,64,000. Here's a breakdown of your financial standing:

Income and Savings:
Annual savings of Rs 6 lakhs allocated towards various financial instruments such as mutual funds, insurance policies, and savings schemes.

Annual expenses totaling Rs 50,000 for essential insurances (medical, term, car) and Rs 6,00,000 for day-to-day living expenses.
Loan Obligations:

Existing loan of Rs 17,24,112, including interests, being paid annually up to Rs 4,31,000 until Feb'28.
Planning to purchase a new car next year, expected cost up to Rs 14-15 lakhs, which will likely require additional financing.

2. Planning for Retirement and Future Security:
With retirement on the horizon and the desire to secure your future, it's essential to map out a robust savings strategy:

Retirement Goals:
Discuss and define your retirement aspirations with your husband, envisioning your desired lifestyle and financial needs during retirement.

Savings Strategy:
Determine an ideal savings rate that balances current expenses with long-term goals, including retirement, your child's education, and potential healthcare costs.

Investment Mix:
Explore a diversified portfolio comprising mutual funds, insurance policies, and government-backed savings schemes, tailored to your risk tolerance and time horizon.

3. Addressing the Car Purchase:
The decision to replace your expiring car involves careful consideration, especially given your existing financial commitments:

Financial Implications:
Evaluate all options for financing the new car, considering potential down payments and minimizing loan burden to maintain financial flexibility.

Alternative Solutions:
Explore alternative transportation options or delaying the purchase until you've built more financial reserves to lessen the impact on your budget.

4. Building an Emergency Fund:
Establishing an emergency fund is crucial for weathering unexpected financial challenges:

Setting Savings Goals:
Determine specific savings goals for your emergency fund, considering factors like living expenses, loan obligations, and potential emergencies.

Automating Contributions:
Consider automating contributions to your emergency fund to make saving more manageable and ensure consistent progress towards your goal.

Conclusion:
While navigating the complexities of financial planning can be daunting, remember that you're not alone on this journey. By carefully managing your income, expenses, and savings, and seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, you're taking proactive steps towards securing your future and achieving your long-term goals. Keep focusing on your priorities, stay adaptable to change, and trust in the process as you work towards financial freedom and peace of mind.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1323 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam 40yrs old with 1.6lakhs take home with house wife and 3 yr old baby girl. Below is my current financial condition: 1. Taken Home loan for 35 lakhs for apartment worth of 55lakhs in 2022 with emi requirement of 41k for 11yrs (iam paying monthly 45k and one extra 45k emi yearly) 2. Took Gold loan of 11lakhs in 2022(paying from mar2024 onwards monthly 35k) for apartment purpose 3. Holding 2440 sqft land costs 25lakhs in 2021 now it is 35lakhs planned for baby girl marriage 4. 5lakhs emergency fund in FD 5. 6 lakhs FD for SBI life smart wealthbuilder plan purpose for next 6yrly premium payment, 6. Equity 5lakhs invested now mkt value 8lakhs, 7. Mf 8lakhs now 11lakhs (monthly 20k for 10 different funds with 1k stepup yearly) 8. EPF 20lakhs not withdrawn from beginning for retirement plan 9. Ssy 1.2lakhs for baby girl education (monthly 6k) 10. Ppf 50k for baby girl education (monthly 3k) 11. Nps 4.9lakhs now 6lakhs (monthly 12k from company deduction and 50k annually from my side) 12. Holding agriculture land 1acre 7lakhs near hometown purchased in 2018 now it is same price no increase... Holding bcoz I like to have agriculture land... 13. Holding Gold coins 50gms purchasing when there is Amazon offers.. for baby girl ornaments purpose 14. Term insurance 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife purchased in 2022 15. Health insurance 20lakhs with premium 60k for 3yrs purchase in 2022... Monthly 1.6lakhs take home spending as below: 1. 45k home loan emi (annually 45k as one extra emi) 2. 30k mf sip ( 3k each for 10 funds - quant infra, quant smallcap, quant elss, 360 one focused, canara robeco smallcap, canara robeco emerging, mirae largecap, pgim flexicap, parag elss, ICICI prudential technology fund) 3. 35k gold loan prepayment 4. 35k home maintenance expenses 5. 10k ssy and ppf 6. 5k apartment maintenance 7. 45k LIc premium annual requirement 8. 40k term loan premium annual requirement taken 1crore for me and 50lakhs for my wife total to 40k premium 9. 30k annually for bike insurance, services and other maintenance 10. 1.3lakhs for baby girl school fees from this year 50% already paid 50% to be paid in oct 2024 11. 60k premium for health insurance once for 3 years purchased in 2022... I have few ask sir: 1. Want to buy 13 to 15Lakhs car.. when to buy with my financial condition and I have no down payment free cash now 2. Should I change my financial saving/investment please suggest as I am not having any free cashflow post the monthly commitment 3. Want to generate 2nd source of income suggest plz which is good to have it 4. Want to become financial freedom by next 10years so what I need to do for it and plan better. 5. Any changes in the current plan suggestion
Ans: It sounds like you're juggling a lot, but you've got a solid foundation laid out. It's admirable how you're balancing your responsibilities towards your family's present needs and future goals. Let's address your concerns and aspirations one by one.

1. Car Purchase Consideration:
You're eyeing a new car, a shiny symbol of comfort and convenience. However, before diving in, let's assess if it aligns with your current financial trajectory:

Timing and Need:
Do you have an immediate need for the car, or is it more of a desire?
Can you postpone the purchase until you've accumulated a down payment or have more breathing room in your budget?
2. Reviewing Savings and Investments:
Your portfolio is diverse, spanning various assets from real estate to mutual funds. Let's evaluate if each piece is still working optimally for you:

Portfolio Alignment:
Are all your investments aligned with your long-term goals and risk tolerance?
Can you streamline or consolidate any holdings to reduce costs or enhance performance?
3. Exploring Additional Income Streams:
You're eager to bolster your financial stability by exploring secondary income sources. Let's brainstorm some viable options:

Leveraging Skills and Passions:
What skills or hobbies do you possess that could be monetized?
Are there freelancing opportunities or consulting gigs in your field of expertise?
4. Planning for Financial Freedom:
Your aspiration to achieve financial independence within a decade is ambitious yet attainable. Let's outline a roadmap to realize this vision:

Defining Financial Freedom:
What does financial freedom mean to you personally?
Is it early retirement, pursuing passion projects, or having more flexibility in your lifestyle?
Strategic Steps:
How can you increase your savings rate to accelerate progress towards your goals?
Are there opportunities to optimize investments or explore alternative income streams?
5. Optimizing Current Financial Plan:
Let's explore potential adjustments to your existing financial strategy to enhance its effectiveness:

Reallocating Resources:
Can you reallocate funds towards higher-performing investments or areas with greater potential?
Are there opportunities to automate savings or investment contributions for greater consistency?
Conclusion:
Your commitment to securing your family's financial future is commendable. By carefully considering each aspect of your financial situation, from major purchases to investment strategies, you're laying a strong foundation for long-term success. Remember, financial planning is a journey, and with patience, diligence, and the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you're well-positioned to achieve the freedom and security you desire.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn’t have any savings. His parent are also divorced and father has a second marriage. The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother. He is 5 year younger than me. My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day. To borrow some time i am just refusing the proposal my giving some excuses but now they know that i am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled. Kindly let me know how can i convince my family to accept my relationship. My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave? Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions? Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.

At the same time, I do get your frustration. What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him. Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure. Instead be supportive and at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.

Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.

All the best!

...Read more

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