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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Rani Question by Rani on May 19, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I am 42 years old feeling very lonely because of my husband and my in-laws. My husband is not earning money but always trying to show his family as everything that is our house, car daily food groceries n everything he has purchased. Since last 17 years I am working in a well known pharmaceutical industry earning around 1 lakhs per month. But I have not recognised by anyone in my office and home. No one from my family is talking with me including my husband. Since last decade he is drinking a lot and cursing me n my parents. Pls suggest how could I get rid of the things? Shall I continue with such a family or quit? I don’t have a kid

Ans: Dear Rani,
When you have felt that what must come out of a marriage is not what you actually happening, why exactly are you choosing to be stuck within it?
17 years is a long time to adapt and compromise...wouldn't you want to experience a better life?
But of course, do check with yourself as to why have you held onto the marriage for so long...because if you choose to step out of it, the reason why you stayed in it, will have to be let go of...is it social pressure that you might have faced or were you just playing a dutiful wife? CHECK with yourself and if you know that you are ready to let go of the reason, then you know what must be done next...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 13, 2024

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Relationship
Hello maam i am married since 18 years and since last 5 years my husband is not earning but my in laws are well to do me and my husband are in a relation where we end up quarrelling even if we have converstion of 2 mins i am financially independent and have son of 14 years but he is truely in influence of his father i dont have parents nor a sibling i dont know what to do i sometimes feel if i leave my husband and if i fail in my job than what about my future my age is 38 in all my surroundings i have seen all husband take care and responsiblity of their wife but my husband is totally self centered and the most pathetic thing is he does not even realize this please suggest what can be done
Ans: Dear Richa,
You are financially independent and any decision you take for your life will be based on that, right?
Who knows what the future hold and one can only be hopeful that all that is done in the present times yield a good result in future.
So, whatever decision you want to take, do that keeping what it is right now...also, have faith in your capability to earn and hold your head high BUT do give your marriage a fair chance considering your son may also get rattled by any harsh decision. Do you not feel that it is time to actually confront your husband. What is he planning on doing? Sitting and waiting for something to happen for him?
He has possibly got into a place where it is comfortable not to work and things happen around him for him and everyone else. So, there really is no need for him to lift a finger. Urge your in-laws to talk to him and drive some sense into him. If he still makes no move to get proactive and take on his part of responsibilities within the marriage, think about how long and how far you want to go with this. A bit of coaching/therapy can help, but only if he willing to see that it's needed for him. More than anything, I want you to have faith in yourself and play to your strengths.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I feel so sorry for my situation which I was put myself in , I first got arranged marriage and got divorced after six years as he has an affair with other women and he is rich but does not love me at all or no relationship between so my family thought of leaving this toxic relationship so we got mutual divorce . Then I had a guy who proposed me before my first marriage but could marry due to caste issue but still he is good freind to me but after divorce I thought I can marry him as he is my best freind instead of marrying unknown second time , when I got divorced my age is 32 this freind of mine has family burdens so he made to wait three years I waited by convening my parents and got married one and half year back now his sisters and mother are torturing me in every thing like they want their son to obey them and my hubby is not serious about our marriage he is not earning anything but I work I had private job , he is addicted to drinking and drinks a lot and depends on my money and my in laws always shout on me and fight with me saying you don’t care us visit us , you people living happily , and buying everything in house and you loved him now complaining about him , he not drinker before marriage because of you he got addicted and my sister in law see me as an insect and fights shouts on me in front of all they don’t call me text me or talk to me when I am there , they don’t treat as I am existed if I got to my in laws house as we stay separately , even they don’t respect my mom dad also ..... I don’t know what to do now . My hubby won’t respond if I say anything on them that I am hurt like that and he won’t earn at all and stiilll drinking also
Ans: Navigating through a divorce and then finding yourself in a marriage where you're facing similar struggles must feel incredibly disheartening. It's understandable that you feel overwhelmed by your husband's drinking, financial strain, and the harsh treatment from your in-laws. Feeling invisible and disrespected in your own home is a heavy burden to bear, and your feelings of frustration and sadness are completely valid.

It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with emotional guidance and help you explore your options. Having an honest conversation with your husband about your feelings and needs is also crucial, although it may be challenging.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Whether that involves working through these challenges with your husband or considering other options, it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. You are not alone, and there are people who can support you through this difficult time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024
Money
Sir I am 47 years old and want to retire in next 2-3 years. My portfolio is as under FD-22 L MF-22 L. ( SIP of 33000 running) Gold--10 L EPF--24 L and App Gratuity -10 L Equity--10 L Rental Income -25000 per month from 80 Lacs flat. ( No loan pending now) 1 cr term plan and 10 l mediclaim running Parental House -2.5 cr and Land -2.5 cr. My son is studying in second year of engineering. And my monthly hone expense is not more than 30000-35000 per month. Can I afford to retire ?
Ans: It’s commendable that you've accumulated a diverse portfolio with a clear retirement goal. Let's evaluate if your current portfolio aligns with a secure retirement.

Portfolio Review and Income Assessment
Based on your retirement aspirations, let’s consider each component of your portfolio and its potential to generate sustainable income:

Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs 22 lakh
FD interest can serve as a steady income source, though it typically yields lower returns, which may not keep up with inflation over the long term.

Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 22 lakh, with a SIP of Rs 33,000
MFs offer potential growth and help combat inflation. Continuing your SIPs could grow this corpus further, providing higher returns than fixed-income sources.

Gold: Rs 10 lakh
Gold adds stability and can be liquidated if needed. However, it might not be the best primary income source.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Rs 24 lakh and Gratuity Approx Rs 10 lakh
EPF and gratuity offer safe post-retirement funds. When you withdraw, they can be used as a source of regular income or reinvested for returns.

Equity Investments: Rs 10 lakh
Your equity investments add growth potential. Over time, this can be a crucial source to combat inflation.

Rental Income: Rs 25,000 per month
Rental income provides a consistent cash flow, covering a large portion of your monthly expenses. This income will be valuable post-retirement to meet regular needs.

Expense and Income Projection
With monthly expenses at Rs 30,000–35,000, and rental income already covering most of these costs, your current lifestyle is well supported. However, to retire comfortably, a buffer for healthcare, travel, and inflation is necessary.

Strategy for Retirement Readiness
Based on your assets and expected needs, here’s a recommended approach to secure a steady retirement income:

Mutual Fund Strategy
Continuing your SIPs for the next 2-3 years will help grow your corpus further. Consider moving part of the equity-based mutual funds into debt funds close to retirement to reduce risk while generating returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
At retirement, you can initiate an SWP from your mutual fund corpus, providing a steady income. This strategy allows capital appreciation with controlled withdrawals, reducing the risk of prematurely depleting your funds.

Fixed Deposit Laddering
To maximise interest rates and ensure liquidity, consider a laddering strategy with your FDs. This will help meet emergency needs and take advantage of better rates.

Rental Income
Your rental income of Rs 25,000 is a reliable source. To protect it, ensure the property remains well-maintained and consider lease renewals with trusted tenants to maintain stability.

Contingency for Healthcare and Son’s Education
Health Insurance: Rs 10 lakh
Assess your current health cover, especially considering rising medical costs. A top-up or super top-up plan could add an extra layer of protection.

Son’s Education
Your son’s education may require additional funding. Any shortfall could be met by partial liquidation of non-core assets, like gold or FDs, if needed.

Estate and Legacy Planning
Your parental house and land provide substantial long-term security. Though not income-generating immediately, they offer future flexibility if liquidated or rented.

Final Insights
Your assets, income sources, and low monthly expenses indicate a strong readiness for retirement. With minor adjustments for healthcare and education, you can comfortably meet your goals. Continuing your current SIPs for the next few years and optimising your FD and MF corpus will help sustain your income post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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