I am in my 40s and trying to find love online. I notice that a lot of people online are not serious about relationships. How do I filter through profiles and find genuine ones? I am not looking for one night stands. Matrimony apps are usually monitored by parents. How do I filter these challenges and find someone I can spend my life with?

Ans:

I have a friend who's sailing in the same boat as you.

She's a newly single mom and was very worried during her divorce that she would never find love again. Her husband had already taken up with another woman before their paperwork was finalised.

So I'm going to give you the same advice I gave her -- stop looking.

She did and, a year later, she's in a new but happy relationship.

The guy she's with is someone she always knew as an acquaintance. Post her divorce, they became close and he is fond of the child as well.

There may be challenges ahead but the point is, as soon as she let life take over instead of this obsession to find someone else, a relationship came up unexpectedly and out of nowhere.

So breathe, recover from old wounds and let things happen as they must. Stop planning a second marriage right away. 

 

Ans: Dear A,

It is true that a small portion of deviants make it through the air-tight security that most dating apps provide, but it wouldn't be right to say that there are no genuine people who are interested in interacting or being friends. In fact, a large majority of our users are in the app seeking friendship.

Here and there, you might find some spammy profiles that got through, despite a dating app’s best efforts. Report any suspicious profile as soon as you recognize them as fake users; I assure you that most dating apps take prompt action after checking the genuinity of the report.

Here are some ways to identify a fake profile:

• While some people do not put up their own pictures due to privacy issues, there will be at least a picture of an animal, some random scenery, or wallpapers. But a profile that has a blank space for a display image is more likely a fake one.
• Beware of suspicious first messages with a user directly sharing their number.
• Let's say, you have been talking to someone. If you notice inconsistencies in their stories, it might be a fake profile. Even if they aren't one, it's best not to be in contact with people starting a relationship with lies.
• Financial talks- discussing money or asking for money- during the chatting phase is a big red flag.

Hope this helps.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I hear your concern but I don't think it has anything to do with the mode of dating. Online or IRL, rude people will continue to be rude everywhere. Also, not everyone with a stable career is arrogant and unruly, men and women alike.

Apart from dating apps, you can try finding love IRL. You can try going to clubs, cafes, or social gatherings to meet like-minded women. Or you can ask your friends to set you up with someone who matches your criteria. You can join some activity of your liking to find women who prefer the same things as you. Start with a HI and see where it goes.

You can find a decent human being even in a dating app. It is a matter of patience, a pinch of luck, and primarily a good amount of effort from your end. To get better results, try mentioning your intents in your bio; for instance, you want to date and then move on to marriage- mention the same in your bio to attract the right kind of people.


Best Wishes!