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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 05, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

i am 32 year old guy still virgin ..marraige isgeeting delayed ,few years back i had friend who is helping me ( Only Oral ) but now she is no more with me , iam kind of feeling depressed for not getting married tell me what to do ?

Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge and understand your feelings. Feeling down about your current situation and the delayed path to marriage is natural. These emotions are valid, and recognizing them is the first step towards addressing them. It's okay to feel disappointed or anxious, and it’s essential to approach these feelings with compassion for yourself.

Take some time to reflect on your expectations around marriage and intimacy. Often, societal pressures set specific timelines and standards that don’t align with everyone’s unique journey. Consider whether the pressure you're feeling is coming from external sources or your own expectations. Understanding this can help you set more personalized and realistic goals that align with your true desires.

Focusing on personal growth and self-care can be incredibly rewarding during this period. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, building new skills, and nurturing your mental and physical health can boost your confidence and overall well-being. This personal development often attracts new opportunities, including potential relationships, by making you feel more fulfilled and self-assured.

Expanding your social circles is another step that can open up new possibilities. Consider joining clubs, attending social events, or participating in online communities that match your interests. These activities can help you connect with like-minded individuals and build meaningful relationships, which could potentially lead to finding a partner.

Seeking professional support can provide valuable guidance and perspective. Talking to a therapist or counselor can help you navigate your feelings of depression, explore underlying issues, and develop strategies to manage your emotions and expectations. Therapy can also help you build confidence and improve your approach to relationships, making you feel more equipped to handle the dating world.

Reflect on how you’re approaching dating and relationships. If marriage is a priority for you, it’s worth considering how you're searching for a partner. Are you clear about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a relationship? You might find it helpful to adjust your approach, whether it’s trying different dating platforms, being more open to meeting people through friends, or exploring matchmaking services.

It’s also important to be patient and open to different possibilities. Relationships often develop when you least expect them, and being patient with the process can alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling. Trust that your journey to finding a partner is unique and unfolding at its own pace, even if it doesn't follow the timeline you had envisioned.

Embrace your past experiences, including those with your friend. They are part of your personal story and contribute to who you are today. These experiences don’t define your future relationships or your worth. Instead, view them as learning opportunities that have helped shape you and prepare you for future connections.

Remember that your value and happiness are not solely tied to being in a relationship or getting married. Focus on building a fulfilling life for yourself, and be open to the relationships that come along the way. Your path to finding a partner is unique, and it’s important to remain hopeful and proactive in creating the life you desire.

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Dear Mr Pradeep, how does one deal with workplace burnout? A young CA working for EY recently succumbed due to work pressure and no one from the office attended her funeral. Is this normal? What are your thoughts? What should one do in a situation like this? What is your advice to young professionals
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You have raised a valid point which most of the young professionals are passing through. What a paradox in Indian context , at one hand,. public sector companies do have quite liberal working conditions and virtually No direct accountability to push your to the stress level to that high of opting for ending life. whereas in most private or proprietorship companies , right from reaching office in time to achieving the set objectives days after days , months after months keep on increasing. There is limit of tolerance of abusive behaviur or working styles , hence many find ways to move to other comanpies, some quite the job , some move out to other industries . There are many companies , why only talk about EY or IT sector companies ,I can give true exampples of BFSI/NBFCs/Telecom/ Industrial products companies / Real Estate cos/ FMCG/FMCD/Pharma cos where many avoid to opt for even when they are offered high packages , Reason, - High work pressure , abusive work conditions , Job Uncertainity , worst approach of top management . You are treated like slaves .
However taking own life as the CA at EY did was really heartwrenching . More so the approach of the management , After all a young talented girl . lost her life due to work pressure as mentiioned in her notes. To be honest , no one attending funeral from management side is not normal . In most cases some one represents management . May be, due to legal complications, Sr managers avoided attending the funeral . As far as my advice to young professionals is concerned , Be bold , take challenges as part of your life and when you feel . it is crossing your limits , You must expose the truth to top management as many a times , putting so much pressure on young professionals are the handiworks of Line managers or HR manager , which top management might not be aware about . She being a CA should not have any issues in finding another good paying job or even joining any CA firm as Sr manager taxation or in auditing. She should have fought back. You must have seen many army /police /CISF or Bank professionals commit suicide under work pressure which is really painful . One should fight back or find better options available than ending own life.

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