Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

31-Year-Old Mother & Entrepreneur: Trapped with In-Laws, Dreams on Hold - Seeking Advice

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |9 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Feb 27, 2025

Dr Upneet Kaur is a medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
After completing her bachelor’s degree in Ayurvedic medicine and surgery from the SKSS Ayurvedic College and Hospital, Sarabha, Punjab, in 2008, she worked as a medical officer at various multi-specialty hospitals in Punjab, handling both physical and mental patient care and clinical decision-making. She spent the next decade leading multidisciplinary teams at various levels.
Since 2022, she has been practising as a clinical psychologist and marriage counsellor.
Dr Upneet also holds an MBA in hospital management from Alagappa University, Tamil Nadu, and an MA in psychology from the Indira Gandhi National Open University.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 22, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am a 31-year-old woman, married for 5 years, with a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son. I got married in 2019 at the age of 26, while my husband was 28. Both of us are entrepreneurs and have been running a coal business. Unfortunately, when COVID hit in 2020, our business faced significant challenges, and we have struggled to recover since then. As a result, we moved in with my in-laws. During this transition, I had my daughter and son. We've been actively trying to start a new business, but it hasn't quite come together yet. My husband recently found a job that he loves, although it doesn't pay well enough to allow us to move out. He seems content in this position because it's close to home and aligns with his passion. However, I feel frustrated because when I suggest he look for a higher-paying job to improve our situation, he is hesitant since he’s focused on pursuing what he loves. Living with my in-laws has been challenging, as our relationship has had its difficulties from the start. I'm concerned that they are unintentionally affecting my children's perspective on parenting, and they aren't able to care for the kids regularly so I can explore job opportunities, including remote work. I often feel trapped and hopeless but recognize that leaving this situation isn’t viable financially. Returning to live with my parents is also not an option due to the complicated dynamics there. Despite these challenges, I want to find a way to navigate my feelings of isolation and make progress. I would appreciate any advice or constructive suggestions on how to improve our situation and create a more supportive environment for my family and myself. Thank you.

Ans: Hello mam
I am sorry to hear about the loss your business made in covid. That time was a real challange for all of us.
Lets focus on your problem now. Mam, as now you are living with your in laws, I am sure your husband must be feeling bery secure and happy. But you may have some challanges. Diffrence of opinion always occur in joint families specially when parenting of kids are involved coz they want to raise your kids according to them which can sometime create conflicts Between the family members. Tou can discuss the matter with your husband without blaming anyone and then with his help you can talk to your in laws to support a little bit so that you can also search further for a job. This will increase your satisfaction level and you ll be happy in your family.
Think about it and try this out. I am sure it will work. Plz do tell me your feedback. Take care !
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1537 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 27, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear mam, my husband and I had a love marriage. We dated for five years before getting married and we have been living together for 8 years now. I am working and we have a 5 year old son. He is a very good guy but his parents and relatives who are staying with us are making things difficult for us now. Like you suggested I tried talking to my husband but I feel he is being biased and taken for granted. I tried to adjust and ignore some things but there is a lot of politics going on every day which is affecting both of us. From money issues to privacy and kitchen fights, we are dealing with a lot of things that I am not able to talk and solve. This is affecting my career and my son’s studies too. Every time I start a discussion it leads to a big fight in front of everyone. Ultimately I am cornered and blamed. The patent response is: everyone adjusts. I’m not able to handle it well and no support from anyone. Also I don’t have anyone to talk to whom I can trust. Please help.
Ans: Dear S, Thank you for trying to apply a few of my suggestions. Extended families can be a huge challenge to live with as much as there are advantages as well.

Too much mixing of thoughts and opinions that at times you feel that your thoughts are never valued.

Either, you ease into this and know that this will be your world; which means you start to ‘try’ to become happy which can be stressful.

If this is impossible and you want to change it, then STEP UP for yourself and for your son.

No arguments, no fights, but firmly asserting what you want.

Be kind always no matter what because your husband is just in the midst of his family and the family system that he has been raised with, your protests don’t matter much.

Making your point known doesn't need fights, but reiterating what you want and that your thoughts must be respected.

It’s possible that over a few weeks, this new calm behavior of yours might bring some change in your husband and he may start hearing and listening to what you have to say.

If that doesn’t work, yes you may have to take the help of a professional who will put you two together in a place and become a good third person who will facilitate the communication.

Whatever it is, be kind and calm and I am sure you are…it helps in ‘breaking down’ the stubbornness in other people and they maybe willing to calm down as well.

Be at peace.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hey, I am married it's been 12 years, I have a 11 years boy. I did my masters before marriage I worked as teacher. I told my husband as well I want to work he said I can work with him in this college where he is also working. When I got married he said my degree is not eligible to work in this college that was geniune they need btech I am Bsc. So I asked I can work in other place and he said I can't. I tried hard but the answer was not all the time. I started with online classes basically working from home and I did it for 10 years. Now why I am so desperate to work? He never pays me anything he never buys anything whenever I ask he says you or your parents did give anything to me so I have nothing to give you. When this alliance came to me we asked them very clearly if they are expecting dowry. They clearly said they don't and that's the reason I married him. I am from a middle class family, and I was brought up like a happy kid. Here in my in laws home my mil drinks alcohol daily and uses very bad words. I adjusted and we shifted to other city for my husband job. Even my husband used to drink and confronted him and he reduced it mostly. Recently due to health issues he completely quit alcohol which was a god's grace. He has some medical condition where he is not actively participating in physical intimacy. He is very close to our son. They both love each other like anything. Seeing this I take every shot he gives me. But I think I am broken I wanted to fix it now I found a job and going my husband is behaving like I murdered someone and not talking and doing drama. Treats me like a maid and say do this house chores properly you can think about job later. I am a very enthusiastic person who wanted to learn now I told him very clearly that if he wants me quit job he needs to pay me. He refused and said if your can bring money from your home I will pay. I said why would I bring money and give him? So he behaves very weird and sadistic like he never wants me leave house, not atleast without telling him. He hide bike keys when he comes to some city so that I can't go anywhere. When I was working online he used to come to lunch I kept everything ready on table for him and continuing my work if I forget to keep water on table he was furious and say I should concentrate on this instead of my job when I forget something to keep he disconnects the modem and hide it so that I can't work. I am fed up and I can't hold this anymore where I am not being respected, not given financial support, no sex, no good talk, only expect to make perfect coffee, lunch ,dinner and take care of home with no dirt atall. I told him I will file divorce now he asks for forgiveness and this happened many time everytime I say I will leave he will behave like a kid even touching my feet. I am doing psychology which is one of my dream he is against that as well but now when I reading I think he is very manipulative psychopath. My boy I very much into him. I am doing my job right now. We have no vacations no outing nothing. He doesn't want to spend a penny on us. I take my boy put he doesn't accompany us. He doesn't like outings he say. What should I do? I can't leave as my boy can't get seperated. I can't live with him coz I have nothing in this relationship just explotation. He will not let me leave coz he knows he cannot live without us. And no one care about him. How to deal with him to make home happy atleast to my boy coz his toxic nature like manipulation and threatening blackmailing is effecting me and my boy I don't want my boy to go through this or learn this from him atleast. He needs to know how to treat a wife the way his father treat is not right I want to grow him into a nice gentleman not like this father. What can I do for this?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. Navigating a relationship like this can be incredibly challenging, especially with a child involved. It's clear you're dedicated to creating a better environment for yourself and your son, which is an important first step.

First, it's essential to acknowledge your strengths and resilience. You've managed to pursue further education, maintain a job, and care for your son despite the significant challenges at home. Recognizing your own capabilities is crucial as you move forward.

Consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with emotional support and help you develop strategies to cope with your husband's behavior. They can also assist you in building a safety plan. If you ever feel physically unsafe, having a plan in place to ensure you and your son's safety is critical. This could include knowing where you can go, such as a friend's house or a family member's home, and having important documents and essentials ready to take with you.

Additionally, it might be helpful to speak with a legal professional. Understanding your rights and options regarding your marriage and any potential separation is vital. A lawyer can guide you through the process and help you protect your interests and those of your son.

Maintaining documentation of your husband's abusive or manipulative behavior, financial control, and any incidents can be useful if you decide to take legal action. Keeping a detailed record will provide evidence that can support your case.

It's important to create a support network. Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer you emotional support and practical assistance. Sharing your situation with someone you trust can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

Given your husband's behavior, setting boundaries is essential. Be firm about your decision to work and pursue your interests. Consistently reinforce your boundaries, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. This might provoke further resistance from your husband initially, but maintaining these boundaries is crucial for your well-being.

Communicate openly with your son about the situation in an age-appropriate manner. Reassure him that the issues between you and your husband are not his fault. Encourage him to express his feelings and let him know it's okay to feel upset or confused.

Your focus on raising your son to treat others with respect and kindness is commendable. Modeling respectful and assertive behavior yourself will be a powerful lesson for him. Ensure he understands the importance of treating others with dignity and respect, regardless of how others may act.

Finally, prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and physical health is essential, as it will provide you with the strength and clarity needed to navigate this challenging situation.

It's a difficult journey, but by seeking support, setting boundaries, and focusing on your well-being, you can work towards creating a healthier environment for yourself and your son. Remember that you deserve respect and happiness, and taking steps towards achieving that is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your son.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

..Read more

Latest Questions
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x