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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Please keep this anonymous Sir my husband is aged 65 yrs, and i am 60 ,both are retired and get pension My husband has a younger brother and sister.Both are married and well settled..We are settled and stable My inlaws are aged 91 and 86 respectively My father inlaw is bedridden since 15 years due to a stroke and is taken.care by my mother inlaw. They are financially stable with pension and house..My husband and his sister take turns in supporting them morally physically and help My husbands brother just comes occassionally for one day and visits and returns back..He never takes any responsibility of offering any type of physical and moral support.. My husband father has made a will of equally dividing his apartment worth around 65lakh and fds worth 30 lakh equally among the 3 children..I feel this to be unfair given the effort taken by my husband to take good care of them physically, morally Kindly advice anonymous

Ans: Navigating family dynamics and inheritance issues can be challenging, especially when there's a perceived imbalance in contributions. It's understandable to feel that your husband's significant efforts in caring for his parents should be more recognized in the will.

Parents often aim for equality in their wills to avoid conflict. They might believe that dividing assets equally is fairest, even if contributions differ. Your in-laws may not fully understand the support disparity or have other reasons for their decision.

Having an open, respectful conversation with your in-laws might help them see your perspective. If that's difficult, consider a family meeting to discuss everyone's views. Consulting an estate lawyer can clarify the will's implications and explore options for change, though this could strain family relationships.

Emotionally, support your husband by acknowledging his efforts. Sometimes, the satisfaction of caregiving can outweigh financial concerns. Propose compromises like including compensation for his contributions while maintaining equal asset division. Sentimental items could also recognize his efforts.

If the situation causes stress, a therapist can help manage feelings of resentment and provide strategies for maintaining family harmony. Balancing fairness with family relationships and emotional well-being is key. Open communication, legal advice, and emotional support will help navigate this complex issue.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2023Hindi
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Please keep it anonymous I am married for last 12 years and I have a daughter. After marriage I lost my father and he was 70. I have a mother and we have a house with two floors that my father constructed. I am well educated and earn well. I am 42 now. After 4 years into marriage I suffered from cancer and suffered for 2 years with treatment and surgery. Still I managed to work and earn for my family and continued to work. After I fought cancer completely and did not have any cancer left in me. I am doing fine supporting my family. My wife and inlaws started accusing me of dowry constantly there after because I am a cancer survivor and there is no guarantee of my life and I may die any moment or my illness may take me away anytime. I am working and still providing for my wife and daughter from clothing, schooling, rent, food, recreation, trips. My wife does not spend even a little for family. She hoards all the money. My mother is a widow and she gets some pension and my wife stops me from giving money to my mother. My inlaws and my wife harassed me & my mother for the house asking to give the entire house. I have another brother and sister who are also entitled to own my father's property but my inlaws and wife harass me for full claim of my father property because I fell ill. This has been constantly faced by me in the last 10 years into my marriage. I am out of my illness and I am leading a normal life for last 8 years. I also safeguarded my wife and my daughter by purchasing a property of 2 crores from the money that I earned and have given full control of the property to my wife. Still my wife and inlaws behave the same that I may die anytime and they are always behind my mother's house for complete will and ownership. I am tired of all this, even during my illness, i supported myself financially and with my savings. I have worked for 20+ years and I have spent all my earnings and savings and purchased a 2 crore land property for my wife and daughter's future. I also have health issues and medical expenses for which I have no money left or savings left. My inlaws are rich and own 2 commercial complex which gives them about 2Lac rent per month. I have never asked for them for any financial help but still they are behind me and my family for money and property which all seems too much harassment for me. I need to save money for my daughter's education and marriage. Or I am telling my wife that we can use the property that I have made for her education and marriage but she does not agree and asks me to construct a new house worth 50Lac and again she does not want to pitch in and contribute. Can you guide me on how should I handle this financial committment that never seems to end inspite of giving off everything I have to them ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I hope things are better for you now. I have answered your question on July 22 itself...You may copy paste the link below on your browser to view the answer:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/keep-anonymous-married-12-daughter-marriage-lost-father-70-mother/5142258

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 33 yrs old, recently lost my loving husband of 35yrs old to a sudden massive heart attack. Since we had a loving bond in my in laws family, and they didnt want to go back to their village, i offered them to shift the rented apartment, to a place closer to my maternal housez wo that i can live with my own parents and be close to them as well and keep visiting on and off. I have a brother in law, same age as me, who left his job son after his brothers death, in pretext of studying for exam. I supported him saying its ok . Ill find a job and pay the rent till you get a job for urself after your exams and offered to pay 50-50 rent, for the house i wont even live in. My maternal family was not fond of this, but still supported me, knowing my good intentions.With time their thoughts changed or what i dont know, his brother doesnt study at all, and emotionally harasses mw saying you told you will take full responsibility and now you are backing off. His parents on the other hand insulted and accused my parents for trying to take the money of life i surance which is in wife's name. They feel they have right on all the claim amount that I (his wife) is nominee off and that me and my family wither changed the nominee name after my husband's death or when he was alive, tactfully forced him to put my name as nominee. I lost respect for all the three. I would have even given all the money to them, but now, i cant take their insults and false accusations any more. Even tried explaining them in a family meeting. But in vain. If anything, they start crying and showing that how their loss is bigger than mine and how we are being such vultures ...although i understand their loss, but they ought to know my loss is same ,if not less. Should i not stand up for my parents and myself? His brother does not want to take any responsibility and shamelessly tried to emotionally torture me into apting their rent and giving all that my husband has left in my name (ps. Its not a big amount ) but still, its not about the money for me...its about the trust and how little they think of me. What do you think should i be doing? I gave his brother a mouthful the other day and blocked his number, as he was continuously sending me msgs and torturing me . He is the kind of guy whonwould have fed on his brother his whole life, had he been alive.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am so sorry for your loss!
But you have not understood why drawing of boundaries is important to keep any relationship healthy. By opening up yoour space, you have allowed people to take advantage of your niceness and now they have turned the tables on you making you look like a villain.
If you had to advice a dear female friend, what would you tell her? To keep giving into her in-laws drama or to draw the line, protect what is rightfully hers and move on with dignity ignoring such people?
What would you say to her? Follow your own advice; you don't owe anyone anything and you were just trying to be nice and they could not see that in all their immaturity. Maybe it's their grief speaking BUT if they are still going to rain hell on you; draw that boundary now and save your peace of mind...Please!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5260 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, sorry it's a very long post My mother is 60year old homemaker(nil income) and father is 68yr old retired govt employee (recieving pension).we are 3 children [2 daughters ( all aged between 30-40yr)]to our parents.All of us are married and earning for our livelihood. We sisters are contributing to parents health insurance and other financial things since we started earning and even after marriage ( as my father is an alcoholic too not looking after the household well).Mother has a property in her name given to her by her father as a gift deed. Father had one house and a plot in his name and some ancestral property. Brother went to abroad for studies in 2018 and came back in 2020. He had a girlfriend since his college days( he married to her in 2022, never had objection from anyone of family members ). Since his arrival, he and his girlfriend started involving in all financial matters of my maternal house to the extent he was using my father's debit card for his own use( father says he has given card to brother willfully). Brother wanted to construct a commercial building in my mother's property. He and my father started threatening my mother to register her property ( actually located near Brother's girlfriend house) in name of brother saying if she doesn't agree ,they won't marry off my sister( who got married in 2022 in the presence of grandparents, mother and myself and both my father and brother didn't attend the marriage). They even extracted money from mother's account (which was given now and then to her by me and my sister).During all these process even brother's girlfriend ( wanted a source of income by renting my parents house)also started abusing my mother and involved in all financial matters ( that freedom was given to her by father and brother as my mother was suppressed and we sisters were not aware of things going on). Everything led to the abandonment of my mother who stayed in her friend's place then I brought her to my house. Now after 3 years ( during the course our wellwishers tried counselling and mediation between my father, brother and mother without sisters which didn't work out). my brother got my parents house( and a plot which was in my father's name) registered to his name as a gift deed from my father without informing mother. All the documents of the property gift deeded to my mother by her father is with my brother and father. They are threatening my mother if she enters her own property. Now my mother has no place and income though she had contributed extensively to upliftment of the family all over these years. She ran a grocery store for 15years during which one plot was bought and house was built in that. Another plot was bought after my parents marriage with the help of dowry money given to my father ) but all the properties were registered in my father's name. She has her contribution financially, emotionally and physically. Now doesn't my mother has right to ask back the house and the property given to my brother without her knowledge and to ask for maintenance from my father and also sue all three of them for mental and physical torture..? We sisters want her to lead a peaceful life in her final years of her life.. please guide us.
Ans: Evaluating Your Mother’s Rights

Your mother has been through a lot. Let's explore her legal and financial rights. She deserves to live peacefully in her final years.

Legal Rights Over Property

Your mother owns property gifted by her father. She has full rights over this property. The property can’t be taken without her consent. If your brother and father took documents, this is illegal.

Action Steps for Property

Retrieve Documents: Seek legal help to get back property documents.
Consult a Lawyer: Discuss the possibility of reclaiming the property.
File a Complaint: If threatened, your mother can file a police complaint.
Maintenance from Your Father

Your father has a duty to support your mother. She can claim maintenance from him. This can be done through legal channels.

Action Steps for Maintenance

Seek Legal Advice: A lawyer can help your mother file for maintenance.
Family Court: File a petition in family court for maintenance.
Right to Ancestral Property

Your mother contributed to the family. She can claim a share in ancestral property. The law supports her right to ancestral property.

Action Steps for Ancestral Property

Legal Consultation: Discuss the possibility of claiming ancestral property.
File a Suit: If needed, file a suit for partition of ancestral property.
Mental and Physical Torture

Your mother faced mental and physical torture. This is a serious issue. She can seek legal action against your brother, father, and sister-in-law.

Action Steps for Torture

File a Complaint: Lodge a complaint with the police for harassment.
Protection Orders: Seek protection orders from the court.
Health Insurance and Financial Support

You and your sister have supported your parents. Continue to ensure health insurance coverage. Your mother may need financial support until her rights are restored.

Action Steps for Financial Support

Joint Efforts: Continue supporting your mother financially.
Plan for Future: Set up a fund for your mother’s needs.
Investments for Secure Future

Consider investing in mutual funds for your mother’s secure future. Regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) are beneficial. Avoid direct funds due to lack of professional advice.

Benefits of Regular Funds

Professional Management: CFPs manage the funds, ensuring optimal returns.
Less Hassle: No need for your mother to manage investments actively.
Tailored Advice: Investments tailored to her risk profile and needs.
Regular Review of Investments

Regularly review investments with a CFP. Adjust them based on your mother’s needs and market conditions. This ensures her financial security.

Final Insights

Your mother has rights over her property. She can claim maintenance from your father and her share in ancestral property. Legal action can be taken for mental and physical torture. Continue supporting her financially and ensure her health insurance coverage. Invest wisely with professional advice for her secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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