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Legally Separated After 48 Years of Marriage: Seeking Advice for a New Relationship

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I'm legally seperated my wife 48 years of married life. I had given almost all of my own hard earned money to her and only son. I depend on my ancestral property and my stock business I'm staying in an old age home. There I got a very ordinary looking old woman as friend We share our sorrows and sometimes go out to enjoy very limited intimacy. My ex wife troubles me even for this smal happiness I have in my utter failure life I'm retired medical college Professor with M. D., Ph. D. qualified. What action I can take as a legally separated man. Hope you will have some solution Many gurus don't respond even

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ignore your ex-wife...she will stop bothering you when she realizes that what she does, does not bother you and that you don't get provoked by it.
Until she harasses you like threatens your mental and physical space, you cannot take legal recourse. Which means that you need to manage this by completely ignoring all the funny things she does to trouble you. Become silent to her taunts and provocations; she will slowly ease herself out of your life.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2023

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Hi Anu, I am 44 years old man and I have unsuccessful married life as my wife didn't like be in the relationship with me within 7 months of our marriage. We married in the year 2013 and she annulled me in the year 2014. She is hyper sentimental and egoistic. She only loves money and her parents. We had exchanged some words (just like it happens in every married life). I tried to make her understand that if she don't get a job I will support her so that she can get a job. But she didn't pay attention to my request. She filed Mat suite for divorce with false allegations and I have filed a restitution of conjugal right case . She lost her divorce case and I won the RCR case. But despite magistrate order and my request she didn't turn up and filed 498A, DV Act and 125 CrPC tagging most my relatives with false evidences two years back. I fought all cases and during this time I lost my father. However again she lost DV case and Supreme Court ordered lower court to discharge everyone if they do not found us guilty as we have sufficient proof. Her lawyer started taking tricks by requesting for short span for each hearing date. As my mother's health is not well and I leave in South India, it was difficult for me to attend every hearing date. So, I decided to give up and signed the divorce petition on mutual consent. I tried my best to bring her back, but I failed. Everyone is asking to start the life in new way, but I am really shocked and in trauma of the mental torture and harassment. I am thinking that is it good start the life again in this age ? Will the new life partner take similar steps to harass me again ? Please advice.
Ans: Dear Sanju,
I can only imagine the unrest that you must be feeling right now.
Regarding your question on mental torture and harassment; I do understand how unnerving it must be for you to wake up every morning and stare at the harsh reality of what it is for you. Nevertheless, beaten down but not yet given up is something you must always remember.
It is natural to think that history repeats itself; but you cannot assume that the next person you meet will be the same. Do not enter into a relationship or marriage with this assumption; what might tend to happen is that you will hold yourself back and your partner will always feel that you are being distant from them.

Do understand that the context of marriage is the same, but the persons in question are different. It's like saying: I failed in Math, so Math is a bad subject and I will always fail! Get a hang of what I am referring to?

Take some time off to heal and be at peace and remind yourself that you deserve happiness and marriage form of a beautiful relationship that can make you happy. For now, tell 'everyone' who is asking you to start a new life to give you space to reflect on:
- What can I do different in the next relationship that I pursue?
- What more can I do for my partner that I didn't in the previous marriage?
- What are a few core values of mine that I want to see in my partner as well?

And no use starting a new life by thinking if your new life partner will harass you as well. Instead step in telling yourself: New relationship, new person, new thoughts, new life goals, new...The word NEW, should give your brain something NEW to chew on discarding the old.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1612 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
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My wife aged 40 years left me after 20 years of marriage. We had one son aged 19 years also. She is citing mental torture by me as the main reason for her decision. She is never allowing to negotiate on the separation issue and is refusing to attend meetings with parents, elders, relationship counceller etc. She only tells that she had suffered a lot till now and will never stay with me in future. She insists for settlement of a house or equivalent money in cash and divorce. I insisted that the past disputes were minor in nature and not sufficient ground for divorce/separation and assured that I will be more careful in future and will never make her sad. Still she is reluctant and avoids any thing that brings reunion possible. She is not having any crush on another person but intends to live a solitude life. She found a job and is living independently without my son. Pl guide me what to do TSR
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems clear that your wife does not want a reconciliation. If that is the case, it's better to engage a lawyer that can clearly state the terms of divorce settlement. If mutual consent does not work, this might not be very amicable...hence the lawyer drawing up the terms is a wise option.
I understand that you might want to give the marriage another chance, but if she is unwilling, what can you do? Try and request her for one conversation and express your desire to reconcile...but if she is firm...don't push the agony anymore...find a capable lawyer who knows how to draft a clear agreement of what you want to retain and what is fair for her. Also, if she isn't taking care of the child, then it becomes evident that you are responsible solely for him.
Think quickly and wisely and do the right thing...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |597 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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My and my wife separate since 1 year due to misunderstanding and now she is not in vontact with nor giving me divorce and she is living separately from her family and i am.worry about her i tried to contact her and her family but not getting answer. She was always blame for her mistake to me. Apart from this she has long trauma issue with her father which is unresolved. I am emotionaly drained as she is not coming back nor giving me divorce.
Ans: It’s also clear that her unresolved trauma with her father may have influenced the dynamics of your relationship, perhaps creating barriers to open communication or trust. While her past is something she ultimately has to face and heal from, it’s not something you can resolve for her, no matter how much you may wish to.

It's important to acknowledge your own emotional wellbeing right now. It seems like you're carrying the weight of her pain as well as your own. This might be the time to step back and focus on finding some clarity and balance for yourself. Working with a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and better navigate the uncertainty of this situation. Emotional exhaustion can cloud decision-making and pull you into cycles of self-blame or frustration, and having professional support might give you the tools to handle these emotions in a healthier way.

You’ve made efforts to reconnect and seek closure, which shows your commitment. However, if she is unwilling or unable to engage right now, this could mean shifting your focus toward what you can control: your healing, your boundaries, and your future. Remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to find peace, even if her choices leave things unresolved for now.

Finding closure within yourself might not come easily, but it is possible. Take it step by step, allowing yourself time to grieve the relationship and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. This isn’t just about moving on; it’s about rediscovering your sense of stability and strength, regardless of her decisions. You're navigating this with care, and that shows your integrity and depth of character. Keep reminding yourself that your wellbeing matters, too.

..Read more

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