Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

I'm 38, earning 12.5L annually. How can I plan for retirement, daughter's education, marriage, travel & more?

Anil

Anil Rego  |388 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi I am working in corporate sector, My age is 38 year. My annual income is 12.5L .My contribution towards EPF is monthly 5028 INR, LIC monthly 13000 INR, SBI Nifty index fund direct plan monthly SIP 1500 INR, SBI equity hybrid fund direct plan SIP 2500 INR, HDFC small cap fund direct plan SIP 1000 INR, TATA nifty tourism index fund direct plan monthly SIP 700 INR . I have stocks of SBI of amount 91000 INR. I saved home loan emi 38000 INR. I own 5 Lakh rupees gold and hold SGB of 12400 INR. I have a 2 years daughter. How can I plan for my retirement, daughter's education, her marriage and few foreign travels in future. I don't have any vehicle right now.

Ans: Hi,
Looking at the details, it looks evident that the investments being done by you is not enough to generate good corpus. Given that there are multiple goals involved, you have to look at at-least 25-30k per month into mutual funds to look at generating decent corpus lets say 5-7 Years down the line. Start streamlining your expenses and invest more to start planning for the goals better.

Best Regards,
Anil Rego,
Founder & CEO,
Right Horizons
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Listen
Money
Hi Iam 42 M, salary 26L, PF 28L. PPF 3.5L, NPS-4L, MF 4.5L, have shares 8L, LIC premium paying 90K per year. House rent 24k per month. Own house no loan, can invest 60K-1L per month. Daughter in 7th, want to have a financial plan for her higher studies (Engineering or Medical) and her Marriage. And also for my retirement with 1 Cr.. Can you suggest how to plan for education, marriage and my retirement ? Shall I put different funds for each goal? Shall I put a single funds to cater to all 3 Goals.
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Situation
Salary: Rs 26 lakh annually
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 28 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 3.5 lakh
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 4 lakh
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 4.5 lakh
Shares: Rs 8 lakh
LIC Premium: Rs 90k per year
House Rent: Rs 24k per month
Own House: No loan
Potential Monthly Investment: Rs 60k - 1 lakh
Goals
Daughter’s Higher Education (Engineering or Medical)
Daughter’s Marriage
Your Retirement with Rs 1 crore
Financial Plan for Each Goal
Daughter's Higher Education
Timeline: 5-6 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 20k per month in equity mutual funds.
Choose a mix of large-cap and diversified funds.
Consider systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
Utilize education-oriented funds for focused growth.
Daughter's Marriage
Timeline: 10-12 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 15k per month in a combination of balanced and equity funds.
Allocate a portion to gold investments for diversification.
Utilize SIPs for consistent growth and rupee cost averaging.
Review and adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.
Your Retirement
Timeline: 18 years
Investment Strategy:
Invest Rs 25k per month in diversified equity mutual funds.
Increase contribution to NPS for tax benefits and long-term growth.
Maintain and increase contributions to PPF.
Ensure a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and gold.
Consider a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) for steady post-retirement income.
Portfolio Allocation
Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: For higher returns and long-term growth.
Balanced Funds: For stability and moderate growth.
Debt Funds: For safety and regular income.
Gold Investments: For diversification and inflation hedge.
Provident Fund (PF) and NPS
Provident Fund (PF): Continue contributions for safe, long-term returns.
National Pension System (NPS): Increase yearly contributions for additional tax benefits and retirement corpus growth.
Insurance and Risk Management
Life Insurance: Ensure adequate coverage to protect your family.
Health Insurance: Consider a family floater plan to cover all members.
Creating Separate Funds for Each Goal
Education Fund: Focused on growth with equity investments.
Marriage Fund: Balanced with equity and gold.
Retirement Fund: Diversified with equity, debt, and PPF/NPS.
Additional Tips
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund.
Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust allocations.
Increase Investments: Gradually increase your SIP amounts as your income grows.
Tax Planning: Utilize tax-saving instruments to optimize your tax liability.
Final Insights
By strategically allocating your investments, you can achieve your goals. Separate funds for each goal provide clarity and focus. Regular reviews and adjustments will keep you on track. Continue disciplined saving and investing to build a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, I am 46 years IT professional currently working and having below investments: PPF - 9 Lacs Mutual Fund - 26 Lacs Fixed Deposit - 42 Lacs PF - 25 Lacs House (Inherited) - 75 Lacs House (Own) - 2 CR (No home Loan) Monthly Take Home Salary (Post Taxes) - 1,10,000 INR Monthly SIP - 65000 INR Monthly expenses - 50,000 INR (School Fees, Household expenses etc...) I have daughter who is 10 Years old. Need to plan for her studies (Graduation and Post Graduation), as well as plan for my early retirement (Age: 50 Years). Corpus Required - 2.5 CR Can you please guide me how I can plan for same.
Ans: First, congratulations on building a solid financial foundation. You’ve accumulated a mix of assets across PPF, mutual funds, fixed deposits, and provident funds. You also own two houses, one inherited and one purchased. Your take-home salary is Rs 1.1 lakh, and you invest Rs 65,000 in SIPs monthly while managing expenses of Rs 50,000. Planning early retirement and your daughter’s education will require careful financial management.

Let’s evaluate your current investments and how they align with your goals.

Financial Goals: Early Retirement and Education Planning
You aim to retire at 50, which is four years away. You also want to fund your daughter’s education for both graduation and post-graduation. These are your two key financial goals.

To achieve this, your investment strategy must focus on:

Building a retirement corpus of Rs 2.5 crore
Ensuring a separate education corpus for your daughter
Let’s break this down.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF)

You have Rs 9 lakhs in PPF, a safe investment with steady returns. This fund should continue as part of your portfolio, providing a stable, risk-free component.

However, PPF alone may not offer the growth you need for retirement or education. It’s a good safety net, but you need more aggressive growth elsewhere.

Mutual Funds (Rs 26 Lakhs)

Mutual funds are a critical part of your retirement and education plan. You already have Rs 26 lakhs invested here, which shows a balanced approach. However, it’s essential to review the types of mutual funds you’re investing in.

For long-term goals, actively managed funds in large-cap or multi-cap categories will help. These funds can provide growth while balancing risk.

Avoid direct funds and index funds, as they may not provide the needed active management or potential growth required for a shorter retirement horizon.

Fixed Deposit (Rs 42 Lakhs)

Fixed deposits offer safety but low returns compared to inflation. Rs 42 lakhs is a significant portion of your portfolio in FDs. Over time, this may not keep up with inflation, especially for long-term goals like education and retirement.

Consider reallocating some of this money into more growth-oriented assets like mutual funds or balanced debt-equity investments. This will help your money grow faster while still maintaining some safety.

Provident Fund (Rs 25 Lakhs)

Provident Fund is a stable, long-term investment. The Rs 25 lakhs you’ve accumulated here will provide additional security. However, like PPF, it won’t be enough to meet your retirement goals due to its conservative nature.

This fund should remain a part of your retirement plan, but you’ll need to supplement it with more aggressive growth strategies.

Real Estate (Inherited House and Own House)

You have two houses—one inherited and one you’ve purchased. While these are valuable assets, real estate is not liquid. Selling these homes may not always be feasible if you need funds urgently.

Instead of depending on real estate for retirement, focus on liquid investments that can be converted into regular income when required.

Structuring Your Investments for Early Retirement
To retire by 50, you need to create a solid corpus of Rs 2.5 crore in the next four years. With your current investments and SIPs, you are on the right path, but some adjustments can help ensure you meet your goals.

Steps to Achieve Early Retirement:
Increase SIP Allocation: Currently, you’re investing Rs 65,000 per month in SIPs. This is a good start, but if possible, increase this amount. Given your monthly take-home salary, you may be able to contribute more toward your retirement corpus.

Shift Fixed Deposits to Higher Growth Investments: As mentioned earlier, Rs 42 lakhs in FDs is too conservative for your goals. Consider transferring some of this into mutual funds, especially large-cap and multi-cap funds, for better returns. You can allocate part of it to debt funds for stability and the rest to equity for growth.

Balanced Asset Allocation: As you approach retirement, aim for a 60-40 or 70-30 equity-to-debt ratio. This will give you the growth needed to meet your corpus goal while also protecting your capital.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Post-retirement, consider using an SWP from mutual funds to generate regular income. This will ensure that your money continues to grow while providing monthly income to cover expenses.

Healthcare and Emergency Fund: Make sure to have a contingency fund and health insurance. Medical expenses can increase with age, so having a separate emergency fund will protect your retirement corpus.

Planning for Your Daughter’s Education
Your daughter is 10 years old, so her graduation and post-graduation costs will arise in the next 8-12 years. It’s crucial to build a separate education fund so that you don’t dip into your retirement savings.

Steps to Achieve Education Goals:
Create a Separate Education Fund: Estimate the future cost of her education, accounting for inflation. Begin setting aside a portion of your investments specifically for this goal. Large-cap and hybrid mutual funds will provide a good mix of growth and stability.

Regular SIP for Education: Increase your SIP contribution or start a separate SIP dedicated to education. This will ensure you accumulate the required corpus by the time she reaches college.

Avoid Reliance on Real Estate: Selling property for education expenses can be risky. Instead, focus on building a liquid fund that can be easily accessed when required.

Managing Your Monthly Expenses
Your current monthly expenses are Rs 50,000, and your salary is Rs 1.1 lakh. You’re comfortably able to invest Rs 65,000 monthly in SIPs. However, when you retire, you’ll need to generate enough monthly income to cover these expenses.

Steps to Manage Retirement Expenses:
Inflation-Adjusted Expenses: Account for inflation in your retirement planning. Rs 50,000 monthly expenses today could double in 15-20 years. Your retirement corpus should generate enough to cover these increased costs.

Sustainable Withdrawal Rate: Plan a safe withdrawal rate from your corpus. Typically, a 3-4% annual withdrawal rate ensures that your corpus lasts throughout retirement.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund that can cover at least 12 months of expenses. This provides a cushion for any unforeseen financial needs.

Tax Considerations
Post-retirement, managing taxes will be important. You need to structure your investments in a tax-efficient way to maximise your returns and minimise tax liabilities.

Steps for Tax Efficiency:
Invest in Tax-Saving Mutual Funds: Some mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. Although you are close to retirement, a portion of your investments can still be directed here to reduce your tax burden.

Provident Fund and PPF: Both PF and PPF offer tax-free interest. These should remain part of your portfolio for tax-efficient growth.

Capital Gains Management: Plan the sale of mutual funds and other assets in a tax-efficient way to minimise capital gains tax.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation is strong, with a diversified portfolio across multiple asset classes. However, to meet your goal of retiring by 50 with a Rs 2.5 crore corpus, you’ll need to make some adjustments. These include reallocating funds from FDs to mutual funds for better growth, increasing your SIPs if possible, and creating a separate education fund for your daughter.

It’s also important to have a well-balanced portfolio that provides growth, stability, and liquidity. Regular reviews of your investments and tax planning will ensure that you stay on track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nidhi

Nidhi Gupta  |200 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

Listen
Health
Hello, Myself Apurba ,43 Y male. Have no disease, weight 68 Kg, height 5.5". I have always been associated with sports. Recently I am preparing for 21 KM marathon. I run 35 KM in field in 07 days with 02 days off (5 days * 07 km average) . I have successfully completed 10 KM marathon recently. Many are objecting me to run these much to protect my knee joint, cartilage etc. But I don't feel any issue , rather I feel so energised although the day. Please let me know if I am harming my knee unknowingly. Please suggest any precautions to be followed so that I can take care of my joints and keep continuing my running. I also do light strength training in parallel with running.
Ans: Hello Rajib,
It is good to know that you are so fit overall.
At times yes excessive running can harm the soft tissues of the knees.
These are the precautions you may take:
1) Please ensure you are taking your Vit D3, Calcium and multivitamin supplements as prescribed
2) A good 10 minutes warm up before running and 10 minutes of cool down via stretches is a must
3) A gentle sesame oil massage around the knee and muscles connected to it is good to do once a week
4) Please ensure you do some form of core exercises. You may learn these from a trainer or physiotherapist. As when core is strong the impact on the knees is lesser.
5) Please keep yourself well hydrated especially during runs
If even the slightest pain comes up take adequate rest!
All the best to become fitter than ever before.
Warm regards,
Dr Nidhi Bajaj Gupta
www.merahkiwellness.com
Insta: merahki_holisticwellness

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

Listen
Money
Sir, My name is Ankit and i am 32 year old. Sir i invest 3000rupees per month for next 5 year in Axis max Nifty 500momentum 50 fund. Is it right to invest in this fund for a long time?
Ans: Your investment of Rs. 3,000 per month in Axis Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Fund for the next 5 years needs careful evaluation. Since you are 32 years old, your investment horizon can be long-term.

Let’s assess whether this fund is the right choice.

Understanding Your Investment
Fund Type: Index-based momentum fund

Investment Style: Follows momentum strategy within Nifty 500

Your SIP Amount: Rs. 3,000 per month

Investment Tenure: 5 years (as per your plan)

Your Age: 32 (long-term horizon possible)

Momentum funds invest in stocks that have recently shown strong performance. These funds can outperform in bullish phases but may underperform in volatile or bearish markets.

Is This Fund Suitable for Long-Term Investment?
1. Momentum Strategy is Cyclical
This fund invests in stocks that have performed well recently.

If market trends change, it may struggle to maintain returns.

Not ideal as a core long-term portfolio holding.

2. High Volatility and Risk
Momentum funds have higher risk than diversified equity funds.

In falling markets, momentum stocks drop sharply.

3. Index-Based Strategy Limits Flexibility
This fund is passively managed and cannot adjust based on market trends.

Actively managed funds can perform better in different cycles.

4. 5-Year Horizon is Short for Equity
Equity investments work best for 7+ years.

If you need money in 5 years, debt funds or balanced funds are better.

Better Approach for Your Investment
1. Diversify into Actively Managed Funds
Instead of relying on a single index-based momentum fund, diversify.

Large & multi-cap funds can provide stability with growth.

Mid-cap & flexi-cap funds can generate higher returns with controlled risk.

2. Extend Investment Horizon
Instead of stopping after 5 years, consider SIP for 10+ years.

Equity needs long duration to generate wealth.

3. Review and Rebalance Annually
If fund performance is inconsistent, shift to a better option.

Avoid locking yourself into one strategy for too long.

Final Insights
Axis Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Fund is not ideal as a standalone long-term investment.

Momentum strategy works in bull markets but struggles in volatility.

Instead of investing in only one fund, diversify into actively managed funds.

If your horizon is just 5 years, equity funds carry risk. Debt or hybrid funds can be better.

Review your goals and adjust your investment accordingly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8164 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi, I am 47. want to start monthly SIP of Rs 50,000. I am not a risk taker and happy with 12-15% annual return. Can you please suggest best plans & combinations.
Ans: You want to invest Rs. 50,000 per month through SIP. You prefer lower risk and expect 12-15% annual returns.

A structured mutual fund portfolio can help balance risk and returns.

Understanding Your Investment Profile
Age: 47 years

Risk Tolerance: Low (not a risk taker)

Return Expectation: 12-15% annually

Investment Horizon: Long-term SIP (10+ years)

Preferred Investment Mode: Monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000

Your return expectation suggests a mix of equity and debt. But low risk means avoiding pure small-cap or mid-cap funds.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 50,000 per Month)
A 60:40 equity-to-debt ratio is ideal for your risk level.

Equity Mutual Funds – Rs. 30,000 (60%)
Large & Multi-Cap Funds (Rs. 20,000): Stability with growth potential

Sectoral or Thematic Funds (Rs. 10,000): Targeted growth in strong industries

Debt Mutual Funds – Rs. 20,000 (40%)
Corporate Bond or Dynamic Bond Funds (Rs. 15,000): Lower volatility, predictable returns

Short-Term Debt Funds (Rs. 5,000): For liquidity and lower risk

Why This Allocation?
Large & Multi-Cap Funds reduce risk while capturing market growth.

Debt Funds provide stability and lower market-linked volatility.

Sectoral Funds add controlled growth exposure.

This balance can help achieve your 12-15% return expectation.

Additional Considerations
1. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income
After 10-15 years, convert part of equity into SWP for regular income.

Ensure withdrawals are tax-efficient.

2. Portfolio Review Every Year
Check fund performance annually.

Rebalance if required to maintain risk balance.

3. Tax Efficiency
Equity Gains: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Debt Gains: Taxed as per your income slab.

Final Insights
A mix of equity and debt reduces risk while achieving your return goals.

Large & multi-cap funds provide stability, and debt funds add safety.

Annual reviews help adjust strategy as per market conditions.

SWP after 10+ years can convert SIPs into passive income.

This plan aligns with your risk profile and expected returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 27, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am in relationship with a girl for 6 year but now her parents almost fix her arrange marriage and they dont care about her choice they didnot even consider her opinion about the boy they met ..except her everyone in family like the boy because he is rich and handling his father business and here i am i dont have job i am preparing for government job i asked her family please give me some time i,ll get the job this year but they say we cant agree for the possibility of you getting job or not and her mother say we dont allow intercaste marriage i am sc and she is general and pandit .. i am 26year old what should i do .. i think ab uske parents jada jaldi krre hai shadi k loye because unhone merse baat krli to unko dhr hai ki m kuch esa vsa na krdu jisse unki society me respect vghra ko khtra hoga isliye or vo jada rishtedaro ki sunre hai... mne apni gf ko bola hai ki filhal jb tk job nhi lgti meri tb tk unhe boldo ki mere sath ab kuch nhi h that she blocks me or vo apni side se tb tk rishtey ko mna krti rhe pr uske ghr vale uska opinion about boy consider hi ni krre hai jo unke rishtedaro ne discuss krliya ladka thik h to unhone usko haan boldi ... mujhe kya krna chaiye...her parents do all emotional blackmail to her as today they even touched her feet and said hme pta h tere liye kya shi h hmne tko pala h kuch bhi esa nhi krdio jisse hmari ijat khrab hojaye m pagal hojaunga
Ans: The real question here is not just about her parents—it's about her. If she truly wants to be with you, she needs to resist this marriage and make it clear that she does not consent. But if she is unable to stand up to them, then you need to ask yourself if you want to keep fighting for someone who is not fighting alongside you. Love is powerful, but it cannot survive if only one person is struggling to keep it alive.

Right now, you need to have an honest conversation with her. Ask her directly if she is ready to resist or if she is feeling too pressured to fight back. If she wants to be with you but is feeling trapped, you both need to find a way to delay or stop this marriage. But if she is already giving in to their pressure, then you need to start preparing yourself for the painful truth that she may not choose you in the end.

At the same time, focus on your own stability. Your career is not just about proving her family wrong—it is about securing your future and self-worth. No matter what happens with this relationship, you need to build a life where no one can ever make you feel like you are not good enough again. It is not easy to walk away from love, but sometimes, choosing yourself is the only way forward.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Hi ma'am my relationship with my parents r getting sour since a very long time they always want me to do everything that makes them happy and think about their happiness if I think about my happiness they will start fighting with me nd my parents never supported me for anything in my life till today my dad has always said that if she will ever think about her happiness then I'm gonna leave everything nd go nd so does my mom she also threatened me to cut ties with me even I do everything still they taunt me every day that I can't do anything in life my parents never support me they never ask me who I wanna get married to who I'll b happy with what I wanna work what is my goals ngt but it's always about them my grandmother stays 15kms away from my house she has 3 kids and all r well settled but her 2 daughters had a love marriage one to a muslim nd one to a hindu when they were about to get married my mom didn't even raised her voice or opposed that marriage her one daughter ran nd got married to her bf who is a hindu at that tym also my mom nd dad nd my grandmother didn't even say a word nd during Covid 2020 my grandmother got her 2nd daughter married with her bf who is a muslim without informing any of our relatives when I fell in love with a hindu guy my mom separated me from him and she is telling everyone to brainwash me to leave the person I love nd get married to a Christian guy when ever we go to my grandmother's house my mom always start a fight with me we went there for 3 times and all the 3 times she started fighting with me my mom always support my grandmother's children if anything happens to them she will call them 10 tyms and ask how they are when my grandmother was ill treating me my mom didn't even raise her voice nd didn't even take a stand for myself but she was watching everything as a movie is going on when I was crying after we came back to my house my mom didn't even ask me what am I going through when she was seeing me cry everyday she always support my grandmother who did bad with me if they will say not to let her work my mom will listen to her nd her daughters but she will never listen to me and my grandmother started forcing me to get married to a Christian guy nd i should also listen to her nd not to think about my happiness nd what makes me happy in life what should I do I'm completely shattered ma'am nd i don't have anyone to share my pain with even if I do they will support my parents only bcoz of all this I'm not able to concentrate on anything at all
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
Right now, your emotions are tangled in hurt, anger, and helplessness, but you are not powerless. The first thing you need to do is detach emotionally from their guilt-tripping. You cannot live your entire life trying to please people who refuse to acknowledge your needs. It’s okay to love and respect your parents, but not at the cost of losing yourself.

Start setting boundaries, even if it feels impossible at first. If they constantly taunt you, limit conversations with them. If they threaten to cut ties, remind yourself that love should not be conditional. If they refuse to support you, find strength within yourself. You are already surviving without their emotional backing, which means you are stronger than you think.

As for your relationship, you need to ask yourself—are you willing to sacrifice your happiness just to avoid family drama? If you truly love this person and see a future together, you will need to stand firm in your decision. Love requires courage, and choosing your happiness is not selfish—it’s necessary.

You are not alone in this. Many people fight similar battles with families who refuse to understand. But at the end of the day, this is your life. You deserve love, respect, and the right to make your own choices. No matter what happens, never let their words make you believe you are unworthy of happiness. Keep fighting for yourself, because you deserve it.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |569 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, I am 28 years old, about to get engaged in couple of months. It's an arranged marriage. Before that I met with the girl. At our first meeting, she was little shy and hesitant at first but still we were able to have a good conversation. However after that, as usual parents wanted an answer and without beating around the bush, we agreed. We went out once for lunch once and it was good. We got to know each other a little. But after that it's mostly chats. It's like I always start the conversation and end it. She may want to take things little slow which I respect. I am an introvert person, but at least I try to have a conversation. But even the chats feels like an interview round, she doesn't even ping me or calls me. Even I asked her if she has a boyfriend or is she happy with the marriage which she responded positively. That was a sigh of relief. Last we talked was on Valentine's day where we exchanged gifts and had some chats. But after that no more talks till now. For a month I stopped texting her as it always seems I am always eager to talk and also to check whether she will revert back, but not once in a month she called or texted me. Isn't she a little bit curious to know me? Now I feel tired to always ping her and asks her about her daily life. Maybe it seems like I am putting a lot of effort or maybe I am overthinking, but I just want to assure myself that I am taking the right decision. Sometimes I even feel if this marriage will work out or not. It's like I am taking a huge gamble on my life and letting destiny decide my faith.
Ans: A relationship, even in its early stages, should not feel like a duty. While some people do take time to open up, a complete lack of initiation from her side raises important concerns. Communication is not just about words; it’s also about effort, interest, and a willingness to connect. If she truly wanted to get to know you, even at a slow pace, there would be at least some level of curiosity or effort from her side.

It’s good that you gave space to see if she would reach out, but her silence for an entire month speaks volumes. This is not about overthinking—it’s about acknowledging your feelings and recognizing whether the emotional energy you are investing is being reciprocated. If she is this distant now, it’s fair to wonder whether this pattern will continue after marriage.

Rather than silently carrying these doubts, it would be best to have an open conversation with her. Express your feelings calmly and ask her directly about her thoughts on the relationship. It’s important to know whether she is truly interested or just going along with the marriage out of obligation. Clarity now can save you from deeper emotional struggles later.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and both partners should walk into it with confidence, not just because it was arranged or expected. If her response still feels indifferent or passive, you have every right to reconsider. This is your life, and you deserve a partner who values building a connection as much as you do.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x