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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2023Hindi
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We (wife and self) have 50 lakhs and want to invest same to give us the best quarterly income to live a comfortable life.We are 75 and 68 yrs old kindly advice us in what to invest(mutual funds,fiixed deposits company/bank) ...thank you.

Ans: Given your age and the desire for regular quarterly income to support a comfortable lifestyle, here's a suggestion on how you might invest your 50 lakhs:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS):
Consider investing a portion of your funds in the Senior Citizen Savings Scheme, a government-backed savings scheme specifically designed for senior citizens. SCSS offers quarterly interest payouts and has a tenure of 5 years, which can be extended for an additional 3 years. The interest rate is typically higher than that of regular fixed deposits.

Fixed Deposits:
You can allocate a portion of your funds to fixed deposits in banks or reputable non-banking financial companies (NBFCs) that offer quarterly interest payouts. Look for institutions offering competitive interest rates and ensure that the fixed deposits are insured under the Deposit Insurance and Credit Guarantee Corporation (DICGC) scheme.

Debt Mutual Funds:
Consider investing a portion of your funds in debt mutual funds, particularly those that focus on generating regular income. Look for funds with a track record of consistent returns and low volatility. Opt for funds that invest in high-quality fixed income securities such as government bonds, corporate bonds, and money market instruments.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):
If you're comfortable with some level of market risk, you can invest a portion of your funds in balanced mutual funds or conservative hybrid funds and set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). SWP allows you to receive regular payouts (quarterly in your case) by redeeming a specified amount of units from your mutual fund investment.

Immediate Annuity Plans:
Another option to consider is purchasing an immediate annuity plan from a reputable insurance company. With an immediate annuity, you can convert a lump sum amount into a stream of guaranteed income for life. You can choose the frequency of payouts, including quarterly payments.

Before making any investment decisions, it's crucial to assess your risk tolerance, liquidity needs, and income requirements. Consider consulting with a financial advisor who can help you design a customized investment plan tailored to your specific circumstances and goals.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

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My Name is Siddhartha & my age is 47year. I have Rs.50 lakh in hand where should I invest to get maximum monthly income for retirement? I am ready to freeze my amount for 5 to 8 year.
Ans: Hello Siddhartha,
It's great that you're planning for your retirement. Considering your age and investment horizon, here are some suggestions on how you could invest your ?50 lakh to generate maximum monthly income for your retirement:
1. Senior Citizen Saving Scheme (SCSS): SCSS is a government-backed savings scheme specifically designed for senior citizens. It offers attractive interest rates and regular quarterly payouts, making it a suitable option for generating monthly income during retirement.
2. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): POMIS is another government-backed savings scheme that provides a fixed monthly income. You can invest a lump sum amount and receive monthly interest payouts, providing a steady source of income.
3. Corporate Fixed Deposits: Consider investing a portion of your funds in corporate fixed deposits offered by reputed companies. These deposits typically offer higher interest rates compared to bank FDs and can provide a regular income stream.
4. Dividend-Paying Mutual Funds: Invest in dividend-paying mutual funds that focus on generating regular income. Opt for funds with a history of consistent dividend payouts and a track record of capital appreciation.
5. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Invest a portion of your funds in mutual funds or balanced funds and opt for a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount at regular intervals, providing you with a steady income stream while allowing your investment to grow.
6. Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs): If you're open to investing in real estate, you could explore Real Estate Investment Trusts (REITs). REITs invest in income-generating real estate properties and distribute rental income to investors in the form of dividends.
Before making any investment decisions, it's essential to assess your risk tolerance, investment objectives, and liquidity requirements. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

Money
Sir, my salary saving is Rs 5000 per month. My age is 34 years. Where should I invest to get an amount of 50 lakh at age of 60 years.
Ans: You aim to accumulate Rs 50 lakh by the time you turn 60. With a current age of 34, you have a 26-year investment horizon. Saving Rs 5000 per month is a commendable start towards achieving this goal.

A long investment horizon allows you to take advantage of compounding returns, and a disciplined savings approach sets a solid foundation for your financial future.

The Role of Equity Investments

Equity investments are critical for long-term wealth creation. They typically offer higher returns compared to fixed-income securities, especially over long periods. The volatility in equity markets can be a concern, but with a 26-year horizon, you can ride out market fluctuations and benefit from overall market growth.

Equity mutual funds are a suitable vehicle for your needs. They pool money from various investors to invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, managed by professional fund managers.

Diversifying Your Portfolio

Diversification is key to managing risk in your investment portfolio. By spreading your investments across various asset classes and sectors, you can reduce the impact of poor performance in any single area.

Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in well-established companies with a large market capitalization. They offer stability and steady returns, making them a reliable foundation for your portfolio.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: These funds focus on companies with medium to small market capitalization. While they come with higher risk, they also offer higher growth potential. Including these funds can boost your portfolio's overall returns.

Multi-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across various market capitalizations, providing flexibility to the fund manager to capitalize on market opportunities. This approach allows the portfolio to adapt to changing market conditions, potentially offering better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who actively select and manage the portfolio with the goal of outperforming the market index. These managers use research, market analysis, and their expertise to make investment decisions.

Advantages Over Index Funds: Index funds passively track a market index and aim to match its performance. They lack the flexibility to adapt to changing market conditions or capitalize on specific investment opportunities. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, can potentially deliver higher returns due to the fund manager's expertise and strategic decisions.

Importance of Professional Management: Professional management in actively managed funds helps in navigating market volatility and making informed investment choices. This guidance can be crucial for maximizing your returns over the long term.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Investing through a SIP is an excellent strategy for consistent investing. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions. SIPs help in averaging the purchase cost, known as rupee cost averaging, and reduce the impact of market volatility over time.

Consistency and Discipline: SIPs instill a habit of regular investing, which is essential for long-term wealth creation. By investing Rs 5000 per month, you ensure a disciplined approach to building your corpus.

The Power of Compounding

Compounding is the process where the returns on your investments generate additional returns. Over time, this leads to exponential growth of your investment corpus. Starting early and investing consistently maximizes the benefits of compounding, significantly increasing your chances of reaching your financial goal.

Long-Term Impact: With a 26-year investment horizon, the power of compounding can turn your regular savings into a substantial corpus. The longer your money remains invested, the greater the compounding effect, making time your greatest ally in wealth creation.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments

Regularly reviewing your portfolio ensures it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Market conditions and personal financial situations change, necessitating adjustments in your investment strategy.

Rebalancing: Periodically rebalancing your portfolio involves realigning the weightings of your assets to maintain your desired risk level. This might mean selling high-performing assets and buying underperforming ones to keep your portfolio balanced.

Consulting a CFP: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and professional advice. They can help you navigate market changes, adjust your strategy as needed, and ensure you stay on track to achieve your financial goals.

Benefits of Investing Through a CFP

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential offers several benefits. CFPs provide personalized financial planning and advice, helping you select the most suitable funds and investment strategies.

Professional Guidance: A CFP's expertise ensures that your investment choices are well-informed and aligned with your long-term objectives. This guidance can be crucial for optimizing your investment returns and managing risks effectively.

Regular Monitoring: A CFP can help you with regular portfolio reviews and rebalancing, ensuring your investments continue to meet your financial goals despite changing market conditions.

The Importance of Patience and Discipline

Long-term investing requires patience and discipline. Avoid reacting to short-term market fluctuations, which can lead to impulsive decisions and potential losses. Staying committed to your investment plan and maintaining a long-term perspective are key to achieving your financial objectives.

Avoiding Market Noise: Market volatility is inevitable, but maintaining a disciplined approach helps you stay focused on your long-term goals. Regular investing through SIPs and periodic portfolio reviews with a CFP can keep you on the right track.

Long-Term Commitment: Understanding that wealth creation takes time and persistence is crucial. By remaining patient and disciplined, you increase your chances of achieving your financial goal of Rs 50 lakh by age 60.

Conclusion

Your goal of accumulating Rs 50 lakh by the time you turn 60 is achievable with a disciplined investment approach. Equity mutual funds, diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap categories, can provide the growth needed to reach this target.

Starting a SIP of Rs 5000 per month in these funds and leveraging the power of compounding will significantly enhance your wealth creation journey. Regular portfolio reviews and adjustments, guided by a Certified Financial Planner, will ensure your investments stay aligned with your goals.

By staying committed, patient, and disciplined, you can successfully build a substantial corpus for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir i m 35 with net monthly income of 80k, previously my wife was also working but not now.we have combined 20 lakh in shares n 45 lakh in mf. I want to accumulate 5 cr in next 10 years. Where to invest as i can save 50k monthly
Ans: Achieving your goal of accumulating Rs 5 crores in the next 10 years is ambitious but attainable with disciplined saving and investing strategies. Your current financial position, with Rs 20 lakhs in shares and Rs 45 lakhs in mutual funds, provides a strong foundation. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to effectively invest your savings of Rs 50,000 monthly to reach your target.

Assessing Your Financial Situation

Your current net monthly income is Rs 80,000, and you have Rs 20 lakhs in shares and Rs 45 lakhs in mutual funds. Your wife is not currently working, which impacts your household income but does not preclude achieving your goal.

Setting Clear Financial Goals

It's important to set clear, measurable financial goals. Your target is to accumulate Rs 5 crores in 10 years. This requires a well-thought-out investment plan with a focus on both growth and risk management.

Understanding Investment Options

Investing in a mix of equity and mutual funds is essential for growth. Equity investments provide high returns but come with higher risk. Mutual funds offer diversification and professional management, which can balance risk and return effectively.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds simply mirror market indices and offer average market returns. They don’t exploit market inefficiencies or provide the potential for outperformance that actively managed funds do. Actively managed funds can offer better growth opportunities, making them more suitable for your aggressive target.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack professional guidance. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials provides personalized advice, aligning investments with your goals and optimizing returns.

Creating an Investment Strategy

Diversified Equity Portfolio: Invest in a diversified set of high-quality stocks across various sectors. This reduces risk while capturing growth from different parts of the economy. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help identify promising stocks.

Actively Managed Mutual Funds: Choose actively managed mutual funds that have a track record of outperforming the market. These funds leverage market insights to provide better returns than index funds.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Invest Rs 50,000 monthly through SIPs in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap mutual funds. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and reduces the impact of market volatility.

Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds that invest in both equity and debt instruments. These funds provide growth potential with reduced risk, making them a prudent choice for part of your portfolio.

Emergency Fund and Insurance

Ensure you maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, preferably kept in a savings account or a liquid fund. Additionally, have adequate life and health insurance to protect your family’s financial future against unforeseen events.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time, and periodic adjustments are necessary to stay on track. Consulting with a CFP will provide professional insights for these adjustments.

Tax Efficiency in Investments

Different investments have different tax implications. Equity mutual funds held for more than one year qualify for long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax, currently at 10% on gains exceeding Rs 1 lakh annually. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for LTCG tax at 20% with indexation benefits, significantly reducing taxable gains.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes

Emotional Decisions: Avoid making investment decisions based on emotions. Market fluctuations are normal, and disciplined investing will yield better results over time.

Lack of Diversification: Don't put all your money in one type of investment. Diversify across various asset classes to balance risk and return.

Neglecting Reinvestment: Reinvest dividends and interest to benefit from compounding. This can significantly enhance your portfolio’s growth over time.

Ignoring Professional Advice: Leverage the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner. Their guidance can help navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your investment strategy.

Long-Term Financial Planning

Retirement Planning: Continue to contribute towards your retirement corpus. Ensure you are on track to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Systematic investment in diversified equity and balanced funds can help grow your retirement corpus.

Children’s Education: If you have or plan to have children, start investing early for their education. Consider dedicated education funds or SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Estate Planning: Ensure you have a clear estate plan. Create a will to specify asset distribution and consider setting up trusts if necessary. Proper estate planning can prevent legal disputes and ensure a smooth transfer of assets to your heirs.

Achieving Your Rs 5 Crore Goal

To achieve your Rs 5 crore goal in 10 years, you need a strategic investment plan. Your current savings and monthly investment capacity are solid, but disciplined execution and professional guidance are crucial. Here are detailed steps to help you achieve this:

Calculate the Required Rate of Return: Determine the annual rate of return needed to grow your current investments and monthly contributions to Rs 5 crores in 10 years. This will help you understand the risk and return profile required for your investments.

Select High-Quality Mutual Funds: Choose mutual funds with a history of strong performance. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds to capture growth from various segments of the market.

Invest in High-Growth Stocks: Allocate a portion of your savings to high-growth stocks. These stocks offer higher returns but come with higher risk. Diversification and professional guidance can help manage this risk effectively.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments: Continuously monitor your investments and make necessary adjustments. Regular reviews with your CFP ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Leverage Tax Benefits: Utilize tax-saving investment options under sections 80C and 24(b) of the Income Tax Act. This can optimize your overall returns and reduce the tax burden.

Additional Considerations

Economic and Market Conditions: Stay informed about economic and market conditions. Understanding macroeconomic trends can help make informed investment decisions.

Inflation Impact: Consider the impact of inflation on your investment returns. Ensure your investments are growing at a rate that outpaces inflation to maintain purchasing power.

Debt Management: If you have any outstanding debts, plan for their timely repayment. High-interest debts can erode your savings and investment returns.

Financial Discipline: Maintain financial discipline by sticking to your investment plan. Avoid impulsive spending and prioritize your long-term financial goals.

Final Insights

Achieving a Rs 5 crore corpus in 10 years requires a strategic approach and disciplined execution. By investing in a diversified portfolio of high-quality mutual funds and equities, leveraging professional guidance, and maintaining financial discipline, you can reach your goal. Regular reviews and adjustments, combined with a clear understanding of your financial goals and market conditions, will ensure you stay on track. Stay committed to your investment plan, and with time and patience, you will achieve your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Sir, im 37 yrs old married man with two children. I have around 40 lakh which i would like to invest for better future of my children along with getting some fund for self & wife during oldage. Please guide.
Ans: You have Rs 40 lakh to invest. Your main goals are securing your children’s future and ensuring financial stability for yourself and your spouse during old age. This is a significant amount, and it’s crucial to allocate it wisely to achieve these goals.

Allocating Funds for Children’s Future
Education Fund: Invest a portion in child education-specific mutual funds. These funds are actively managed and can help in building a substantial corpus over time. Regularly review the fund’s performance with a Certified Financial Planner.

Long-Term Growth: Consider investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Equity funds, managed by professional fund managers, can potentially offer higher returns over time.

Securing Your Retirement
Retirement Corpus: Allocate a portion to retirement-focused mutual funds. These funds, actively managed, can help in growing your corpus while mitigating risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can opt for SWP from your accumulated corpus. SWP provides a regular income, which can be beneficial in managing expenses during retirement.

Balancing Safety and Growth
Debt Funds: For a balanced approach, invest in debt funds. These funds offer stable returns with lower risk, making them ideal for preserving capital.

Diversification: Ensure your investments are diversified across different asset classes. This reduces risk and increases the chances of achieving your financial goals.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Periodic Review: Regularly review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust the portfolio as needed based on market conditions and your changing financial needs.

Emergency Fund: Keep a portion of your funds liquid in case of emergencies. This ensures you are not forced to withdraw from your long-term investments.

Final Insights
Avoid ULIPs and Insurance-Based Investments: These often combine insurance with investment, leading to higher costs and lower returns. Instead, focus on pure investment products and separate term insurance for adequate coverage.

Active Management: Actively managed funds often outperform passive index funds, especially in the Indian market. Ensure your investments are in funds managed by experienced professionals.

Investing with a clear strategy can help you secure your children’s future and ensure a comfortable retirement for yourself and your spouse. Regular reviews and adjustments are essential for staying on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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