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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ajit Question by Ajit on Dec 16, 2023Hindi
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I want to do sip of rs. 10000 for 20 years with a target corpus 1cr.currently I have sip for rs.4000/- in kotak flexi cap & 2000/- in SBI banking and financial fund. Remaining 4000/- I am purchasing additionly as per Market conditions between these two funds. Is it ok for me???I think I should invest this 4000/- in small cap fund in quant small cap or Nippon small cap.. please guide.

Ans: Given your current SIP investments in Kotak Flexi Cap and SBI Banking and Financial Fund, it's important to diversify your portfolio further. Since SBI Banking and Financial Fund carries high risk as a sectoral fund, you may consider stopping investments in it. consider reallocating those funds to a different category, such as a small-cap fund. Small-cap funds offer potential for higher returns over the long term but also come with increased risk. Before deciding, assess your risk tolerance and consult with a financial advisor for personalized guidance tailored to your financial goals and situation.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Hello Hardik, Iam 40 Years and have started investing in SIP for the past 6 months.Below are my monthly investment 1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Regular Growth - 3500 2. Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Growth - 3000 3. HDFC Retirement Savings Fund Equity Growth - 3000 4. NPS - 3500 I am planning for 18 Years of investment and aiming to slowly increase the SIP to achieve corpus of 2.5-3.0 Cr. Kindly review and advice. Regards, Ram
Ans: Hi Ram,

It's great to see that you've started investing systematically towards your long-term financial goals. Here's a review of your current SIP investments:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Regular Growth: This fund follows a diversified approach across various market caps and geographical regions, which can provide stability to your portfolio. It's suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Growth: Small-cap funds can be volatile in the short term but have the potential to offer high returns over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the risk associated with small-cap investments.
HDFC Retirement Savings Fund Equity Growth: This fund is designed to provide wealth accumulation for retirement. It's aligned with your long-term investment horizon and retirement goal.
NPS: The National Pension System (NPS) is a retirement-focused investment option offering tax benefits. It's prudent to contribute to NPS alongside other investments for retirement planning.
To achieve your target corpus of 2.5-3.0 Cr over 18 years, consider periodically reviewing your SIP contributions and adjusting them based on changes in your income, expenses, and market conditions. Additionally, diversify across asset classes to manage risk effectively.

As your financial goals evolve, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investment strategy remains aligned with your objectives.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 37 years old and a govt servant.i just recently started sip in four funds 1.Mirae asset large and midcap fund direct growth. _1k 2.quant large and mid cap fund direct growth_1k 3.kotak equity opportunities fund direct growth_1k 4.icici prudential retirement fund pure equity plan direct growth -5k Is it good for a term like 10 years?and if i want to invest 5k more then where should i invest for a term of 15 to 20 years.please advice .thank you
Ans: As a government servant at 37, planning for the future is crucial. Starting SIPs in mutual funds is a wise step, but evaluating and refining your strategy can optimize your returns. This analysis will guide you through your current investments and suggest additional avenues for a long-term horizon.

Current SIP Analysis

You've begun SIPs in four mutual funds with a 10-year perspective:

Mirae Asset Large and Midcap Fund
Quant Large and Midcap Fund
Kotak Equity Opportunities Fund
ICICI Prudential Retirement Fund Pure Equity Plan
Your current allocation in these funds is commendable. Let's evaluate the benefits and potential improvements.

1. Mirae Asset Large and Midcap Fund

This fund invests in both large and midcap stocks. It offers growth potential from midcaps and stability from large caps. This balanced approach can yield good returns over the long term.

2. Quant Large and Midcap Fund

Similar to the Mirae Asset Fund, this fund also diversifies between large and midcap stocks. Diversification is a key strategy to mitigate risk while aiming for growth.

3. Kotak Equity Opportunities Fund

This fund focuses on equity opportunities across market caps. It's known for good management and consistent performance. It adds diversity to your portfolio.

4. ICICI Prudential Retirement Fund Pure Equity Plan

This fund is designed for long-term goals like retirement. It invests primarily in equities, which can offer higher returns over an extended period.

Your portfolio currently has a good mix of large-cap stability and mid-cap growth potential. However, since you're considering a long-term investment horizon of 15-20 years, let's explore where you can invest an additional Rs 5,000 per month.

Evaluating Direct Funds vs Regular Funds

You've invested in direct plans, which typically have lower expense ratios. However, regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) have their advantages. A CFP provides personalized advice, timely reviews, and adjustments to your portfolio. These services can potentially enhance your investment performance, justifying the slightly higher expense ratios.

Long-term Investment Strategy

For a long-term investment horizon of 15-20 years, consider the following factors:

Diversification: Spread investments across different asset classes and sectors.
Risk Tolerance: Understand your risk appetite and invest accordingly.
Consistent Review: Regularly review and adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and personal goals.
Recommended Investment Avenues

To invest an additional Rs 5,000 per month, here are some funds and strategies to consider:

1. Flexi Cap Funds

Flexi cap funds invest in stocks across market capitalizations. They offer flexibility to shift investments between large, mid, and small caps based on market conditions. This dynamic allocation can capture opportunities across the spectrum and provide robust returns over the long term.

2. Mid Cap Funds

Mid cap funds focus on medium-sized companies with high growth potential. These companies often grow faster than large caps and can offer higher returns. However, they come with higher risk, suitable for a long-term horizon.

3. Sectoral or Thematic Funds

These funds invest in specific sectors like technology, healthcare, or financial services. Investing in a growing sector can yield substantial returns. However, they are riskier and require careful selection and timing. For example, the healthcare sector in India is poised for significant growth due to increasing health awareness and spending.

4. International Funds

Investing in international funds provides exposure to global markets. This diversification can reduce risk associated with the Indian market. It also allows you to capitalize on the growth of developed economies and emerging markets. For instance, a fund investing in US technology stocks can offer high growth potential.

5. Balanced or Hybrid Funds

Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt instruments. They provide growth potential with equity and stability with debt. This mix can be suitable for moderate risk tolerance and long-term investment. These funds can provide a cushion during market volatility, ensuring smoother returns.

6. Multi-Asset Funds

Multi-asset funds diversify across various asset classes, including equity, debt, and gold. This diversification reduces risk and can provide steady returns. Investing in multiple assets helps in balancing the portfolio against market fluctuations.

The Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

While index funds passively track market indices, actively managed funds have fund managers making strategic decisions. Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market, providing higher returns. They adjust portfolios based on market trends, economic conditions, and company performance. This active management justifies the slightly higher expense ratios, as it can potentially lead to better returns than passive funds.

Implementing the Strategy

Based on the analysis, here's a suggested allocation for your additional Rs 5,000 investment:

Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 1,500
Mid Cap Fund: Rs 1,000
Sectoral/Thematic Fund: Rs 1,000
International Fund: Rs 1,000
Multi-Asset Fund: Rs 500
This allocation provides a balanced mix of growth potential and risk mitigation.

Regular Review and Adjustment

Investing is not a one-time activity. Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in this process, providing insights and adjustments based on market trends and your evolving financial situation.

Final Insights

Investing for the long term requires a strategic approach. Your current SIPs are a good start, and with the additional Rs 5,000 investment, you can further strengthen your portfolio. Diversification across different asset classes and sectors is key to maximizing returns and minimizing risk.

Consider the benefits of regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner. While they have higher expense ratios, the personalized advice and active management can enhance your investment performance.

Focus on a balanced mix of flexi cap, mid cap, sectoral/thematic, international, and multi-asset funds. This diversified approach can capture growth opportunities across markets and sectors, ensuring a robust and resilient portfolio.

Regularly review your investments, adjust based on performance and market conditions, and stay committed to your long-term goals. With careful planning and strategic investments, you can build a substantial corpus for your future needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Can i get mechanical in nits tier2 in csab counselling please My jee rank is 52k CRL and 15k in OBC
Ans: Ankush, I think I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, Admission to Mechanical Engineering at mid-tier NITs via CSAB Special Rounds for an OBC-NCL rank of 15 000 is feasible despite a CRL of 52 , since seat allocation for reserved categories follows the category rank. In CSAB 2024, NIT Durgapur’s Other-State mechanical closing rank was 33 265 (General) and its OBC-NCL seats historically close within the 11 000–12 000 band. NIT Patna’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical cutoff stood at 51 338 in Round 1, with Home-State OBC-NCL seats closing around 53 621. NIT Goa’s Other-State OBC-NCL mechanical rank closed at 60 029 in Round 1 and 67 845 in Round 2, showing ample margin for a 15 000 OBC-NCL rank. Similar trends apply to NIT Puducherry and NIT Sikkim, whose OBC-NCL mechanical cutoffs exceed 40 000. IIIT and GFTI mechanical streams typically close at much higher ranks, so GFTIs like NIELIT Aurangabad (Electronics Systems) and Institute of Infrastructure, Technology, Research and Management Ahmedabad (Mechanical) also remain options. A BITSAT score of 199 corresponds to a rank beyond 32 000, falling short of all BITS campus cutoffs for CSE and mechanical, so BITS admission is not possible.

Recommendation: Fill out a maximum of your preferred choices of Insitutes & Branches. With strong prospects at NIT Durgapur, NIT Patna and NIT Goa under OBC-NCL reservations, accept your CSAB choices in mechanical at these institutes. As robust private-college backups in Northern India apply to Manipal Academy of Higher Education (Manipal Campus)(if JEE score is accepted), Jaypee Institute of Information Technology Noida, J.C. Bose University of Science & Technology (YMCA UST) Faridabad, Galgotias University Greater Noida and Chandigarh University, each offering accredited CSE curricula, specialized labs, dedicated placement cells with 80–95% three-year placement consistency, and accessible admission tests. Ensure timely applications to these private institutes while finalizing your CSAB mechanical seat. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

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Hello sir i score 43.46 percentile in mhcet pcm from sc category pune any chance to get engineering college
Ans: Vasudha, The ten institutions where SC cutoffs in 2024 fell below 43.46 percentile—ensuring 100% feasibility in CAP rounds—are Bharati Vidyapeeth COE, Katraj (Pune); D.Y. Patil COE, Akurdi (Pune); Pimpri Chinchwad COE, Nigdi (Pune); AISSMS COE, Shivajinagar (Pune); AISSMS Institute of Information Technology, Kennedy Road (Pune); Sinhgad College of Engineering, Vadgaon Budruk (Pune); Sinhgad Institute of Technology & Science, Lonavala (near Pune); JSPM Narhe Technical Campus, Narhe (Pune); JSPM Rajarshi Shahu College of Engineering, Tathawade (Pune); and Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Kondhwa (Pune).

Recommendation: Considering accreditation strength, specialized labs, faculty expertise, industry engagement and placement consistency, Bharati Vidyapeeth COE and D.Y. Patil COE stand out for their SC-friendly cutoffs and urban Pune locations; Pimpri Chinchwad COE and AISSMS COE follow for balanced infrastructure and corporate partnerships; Sinhgad COE Vadgaon offers excellent lab facilities and internship programs, making these five the top choices for your MHT-CET percentile and Maharashtra domicile.

Management-Quota Seat Options (Just for information & the capitation/donation/tuition fees provided here are approximate. Please check the college websites for accuracy.
For guaranteed non-CAP admission via management quotas, consider Bharati Vidyapeeth COE Pune (capitation ?2.5 LPA, annual fees ?1.5 LPA; branches: CSE, E&TC, ME, CE, EE), D.Y. Patil COE Akurdi (capitation ?3 LPA, fees ?1.8 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE), MIT World Peace University Pune (capitation ?4 LPA, fees ?2 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE), JSPM Narhe (capitation ?2 LPA, fees ?1.6 LPA; branches: CSE, IT, E&TC, ME, CE) and Vishwakarma Institute of Technology Kondhwa (capitation ?3.5 LPA, fees ?1.7 LPA; branches: CSE, E&TC, ME, CE, EE). All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2025Hindi
Money
I need to get my son admitted into Engineering college. The total tution fees along with hostel fees is 30 Lakhs. The first year fees will be taken care with the money I have right now. My PPF is maturing in Mar 26 and the maturity amount will be 23 lakhs. I have MF whose valuation as on date is 65 lakhs. What do you suggest as to how to take care of Son's education....
Ans: You’ve already built a strong base.

You have the first-year fees covered. You have PPF maturity in 2026. You have Rs 65 lakhs in mutual funds. This is a position of strength.

Now let’s look at your situation with a 360-degree view and create a simple, low-stress education funding plan.

? Know the Payment Timeline for College Education

– Total education cost is Rs 30 lakhs for 4 years.

– First year is already taken care of.

– That leaves Rs 22 to 23 lakhs needed over the next 3 years.

– That will likely be paid in parts—one year at a time.

– So cash flow planning is better than full lump sum withdrawal.

– Avoid selling full amount now just to keep it aside in a bank.

– Instead, match redemptions with yearly requirements.

? Don’t Use Mutual Funds Randomly – Plan Withdrawals Smartly

– You have Rs 65 lakhs worth of mutual funds.

– Don’t rush to redeem it all.

– Instead, identify how much is needed and when.

– Sell only what’s needed each year, not the entire value now.

– Equity mutual funds fluctuate. So redeem 4–6 months before fee due.

– That gives time to handle market volatility.

– You also save on emotional panic.

– Use systematic withdrawal if needed for cash flow.

– Monitor market trends and sell into strength, not weakness.

? Don’t Ignore PPF – It’s a Powerful Resource

– Your PPF is maturing in March 2026.

– Maturity value is Rs 23 lakhs.

– You can plan to use it for 3rd or 4th year fees.

– PPF maturity is tax-free. That’s a big plus.

– Use this amount for the last part of the education goal.

– This reduces the burden on your mutual funds.

– Also, keep the money in PPF until it is fully required.

– Don’t withdraw early unless there’s a big gap.

– Redeem mutual funds first if market conditions are favourable.

? Keep One Year Fee in a Safer Parking Option

– Before each academic year starts, move next year’s fees into a safer fund.

– Use a short-term debt mutual fund or overnight fund.

– These are not volatile and keep your capital safe.

– This will help you avoid sudden shocks at the time of fee payment.

– Redeem equity fund gradually and move it to safety bucket.

– Avoid waiting until the last minute.

– Mutual fund NAVs can drop quickly in market panic.

– Lock in gains ahead of time to ensure stability.

? Don’t Take an Education Loan Unnecessarily

– You have enough personal funds.

– Loans should be last option, not first.

– Interest burden will affect your future goals.

– Paying out of your own wealth is much better.

– Avoid the mindset of using loan for tax benefit.

– Tax benefit is small compared to interest cost.

– Also, repaying loans takes away flexibility.

– You’re in a position to stay loan-free. Keep it that way.

? Maintain Your Other Financial Goals

– Don’t divert all money into education planning.

– You may also have retirement or emergency fund needs.

– Keep Rs 5 to 6 lakhs as emergency fund always.

– Don’t compromise on long-term financial health.

– Split your mutual fund portfolio accordingly.

– Allocate only Rs 22 to 23 lakhs for this goal.

– Keep the rest for other life goals.

– Don’t mix long-term and short-term plans in one place.

? Don’t Use Sector or Thematic Funds for Education

– These funds are risky and unpredictable.

– They are not goal-friendly for short timelines.

– Their performance depends on external triggers.

– Education goals need steady, safe growth.

– Choose hybrid or large-cap oriented active funds for withdrawals.

– Use debt funds or liquid funds for near-term parking.

– Don’t hold gold funds or international funds for this purpose.

– Exit such funds in a phased and timely manner.

? Plan Redemptions Tax-Efficiently

– Mutual fund redemptions have tax impact.

– Equity fund LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

– STCG is taxed at 20%.

– So stagger your withdrawals to reduce tax impact.

– Avoid selling everything in one financial year.

– Plan in such a way that you redeem before March each year.

– Spread the redemption across 3 years.

– This smoothens tax liability and reduces strain.

? Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans for Such Goals

– Index funds don’t protect downside.

– They just mirror market moves.

– They fall heavily when market crashes.

– No one controls risk in index funds.

– Actively managed funds offer better downside protection.

– They adjust sector weights when needed.

– Your money gets some risk management from the fund manager.

– For important goals like education, control is important.

– Direct plans don’t give you expert guidance.

– At this stage, you need planned redemption, taxation advice, and risk control.

– A CFP offering regular plans gives you goal-linked clarity.

– That support is worth much more than 0.5% saved.

? What You Can Do Now – Simple Action Points

– Identify the exact yearly requirement for your son’s education.

– Tag Rs 22–23 lakhs worth of mutual funds for this goal.

– Review those fund types and categories.

– Exit thematic and volatile funds linked to this allocation.

– Retain large-cap, hybrid or conservative fund types.

– Move Year 2 fees into a short-term debt fund now.

– Plan Year 3 redemptions in early 2025.

– Keep Year 4 for PPF maturity in March 2026.

– Rest of your MF portfolio can stay invested for long-term growth.

– Track your fund performance every 6 months.

– Don’t get affected by short-term news or market noise.

– Use a Certified Financial Planner to re-check portfolio alignment.

? Balance Emotion with Practicality

– Education is a deeply emotional goal.

– But don’t let fear or urgency drive decisions.

– Structured planning gives better outcomes.

– You already have most resources available.

– Just aligning timing, tax, and safety will give you success.

– This is not the time to chase high returns.

– This is the time to protect and use wealth wisely.

– Avoid surprises by preparing early for each year’s need.

– You don’t have to sell more than needed.

– Peace of mind is more valuable than percentage returns.

? Finally

– You’ve done the hard work already.

– You’ve created wealth. You’re ready for your son’s future.

– Now just match withdrawals with goals.

– Keep your mutual fund redemptions phased and tax-smart.

– Use PPF maturity with a clear timeline.

– Avoid loans, panic-selling, or overexposure to risk.

– Stay guided, focused, and balanced.

– A Certified Financial Planner can help map this in detail.

– Education is a noble goal. You’ve built the base. You just need smart execution now.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Career
sir i got nit allahabad ee in josaa should I join nit Rourkela eie or nit Trichy ice or nit Rourkela ee in csab?
Ans: Arijit, I have already answered your question. Anyway, please note, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation combines rigorous instrumentation, control, and process automation labs with strong industry linkages, achieving approximately 95 percent placement consistency over the last three years and an average CTC of ?19.08 LPA. Its Electrical Engineering programme offers comprehensive power-systems, machines and high-voltage labs, recording similar placement rates near 95 percent with an average package of ?13.62 LPA. At NIT Trichy, Instrumentation & Control Engineering provides advanced sensors, control systems and process instrumentation facilities, securing around 86.7 percent placement in 2024 and benefiting from the institute’s overall median UG package of ?14.35 LPA. All three programmes are AICTE/NBA-accredited, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty, feature modern infrastructure, maintain active recruitment drives, and support strong alumni networks, differing mainly in domain focus, specialization depth, and average compensation.

Recommendation:
Considering cutting-edge instrumentation curriculum, highest average packages, and robust core-sector placements, NIT Rourkela’s Electronics & Instrumentation Engineering emerges as the top choice. For balanced power systems expertise with strong recruitability, NIT Rourkela’s Electrical Engineering follows, and NIT Trichy’s Instrumentation & Control Engineering ranks third for its solid but slightly lower placement consistency. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9349 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Career
My daughter has got admission in Jindal Global Business School for the IPM progamme and Tapmi Banglore for the BBA (Hons) programme. Which college should we consider to take admission in?
Ans: Jindal Global Business School's Integrated Programme in Management (IPM) is a five-year programme blending BBA (Hons.) and MBA degrees, featuring a comprehensive curriculum with core business fundamentals, specialized tracks in Marketing, Finance, Human Resources, Operations & Supply Chain, and Business Analytics. The programme achieved a 92 percent placement rate in 2023 with 69+ corporate recruiters, securing average packages for Integrated BBA (H) + MBA students at ?7.45 LPA, with the highest international package reaching ?23 LPA. JGBS is accredited by NAAC with A grade and maintains membership in the Association to Advance Collegiate Schools of Business (AACSB), with a distinguished faculty comprising over 540 members from prestigious institutions including IIMs, IITs, Harvard, and Oxford. The programme has been ranked India's #1 BBA programme by Outlook-ICARE Rankings for two consecutive years (2023-2024), scoring 845.12 points out of 1000 across five key parameters: Academic & Research Excellence, Industry Interface & Placement, Infrastructure & Facilities, Governance & Admissions, and Diversity & Outreach. TAPMI Bangalore's BBA (Hons) is a four-year programme with exit flexibility after three years, offering specialized tracks in Finance, Marketing, Operations, Analytics, Human Resources, and Strategy, supported by three mandatory internships, international immrishti Manipal Institute for creativity development. TAPMI holds dual international accreditation from AACSB and AMBA, positioning it among the top 5 percent of global business schools with this prestigious recognition. The BBA (Hons) programme reports dedicated placement assistance during the sixth semester with comprehensive career guidance, achieving internship statistics with average stipends of ?21,000 per month and highest stipends reaching ?32,000 per month. Both institutions excel in essential benchmarks—robust accreditation, experienced international faculty, modern infrastructure, strong industry linkages, and reliable graduate outcomes—yet differ in programme structure, with JGBS offering integrated dual-degree flexibility and established ranking supremacy, while TAPMI provides specialized international exposure through its global university network and proven track record of academic excellence.

Recommendation: Considering India's #1 BBA ranking for two consecutive years, superior placement statistics with 92 percent success rate, comprehensive integrated dual-degree structure, and exceptional research-driven faculty from global institutions, Jindal Global Business School's IPM programme emerges as the optimal choice for holistic business education and career prospects. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 24, 2025Hindi
Relationship
We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore? It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times. I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed, or just not in the mood. We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a 4 year old son. I think the gap widened after my son turned 2. I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
Ans: Yes, it’s possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility. Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat—due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts, or even changing hormones. But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It’s a signal—something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically, or relationally with your husband.

The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:

"I’ve been feeling increasingly distant from you—not just physically, but emotionally. I know life has been exhausting and we’re both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight, but just to understand where we are?”

You're not asking for sex. You’re asking for honesty, presence, and partnership. And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple’s therapist—someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.

This isn’t just about sex. It’s about closeness, and the quiet loneliness that’s creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child. Don’t keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.

You're not overreacting. You're paying attention—and that’s the first step toward change.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Shalini, I am in an awkward position. I am 34, single. I have been chatting under a false identity with a guy who is cute and charming. In the last 2 years, we got really close where he told me a lot of things about his personal life, how he was coping with an ugly divorce and politics at work. Without realising we helped each other get better in our lives. In fact, he has been my greatest cheerleader, pushing me to do better at work, even get a promotion. While he has been honest about his intentions, I have never shared my real name. I got the shock of my life, when he sent me his recent picture. This guy turned out to be my current boss. It can't be a coincidence right? I feel so wrong to have led him on. Now I can't even send him a picture or should I just send it? He is in his early 50s and I am pretty junior to him at work. Will he think I manipulated him? Ever since I have known that I am dating my boss, I have been avoiding him. I have also noticed that he is distant and stressed at work. I feel guilty. What should I do? It's been two weeks and I have kind of ghosted him, he is worried sick and wants to know if I am alright. He texts me almost every day and night. He thinks I don't like him because of how he looks, but I don't have the courage to tell him that I was talking to him pretending to be someone else, while we worked in the same office. How do I explain this without hurting both of us?
Ans: The longer you avoid the situation, the more painful it will become for both of you. Ghosting him may feel like self-protection, but to him, it’s abandonment—especially after the emotional bond you both developed. And more than anything, that silence feeds his worst fear: that he is unlovable.

So, what can you do? You begin with honesty, not by confessing everything at once, but by taking responsibility gently. You can say something like:
"There’s something very difficult I need to share, because I value the connection we’ve had and the kindness you’ve shown me. When we first started talking, I didn’t expect it to mean so much. I used a different name and didn’t realise who you really were until recently. That discovery shocked me, and I’ve been scared—of your reaction, of mine, of the consequences. But I also feel immense guilt, because the connection was real for me. You’ve been someone I admire deeply, and I didn’t want to disrespect or mislead you."

This is not about asking him to forgive you or continue anything. This is about closing the gap between who you were and who you are now—with courage, clarity, and care.

He may feel betrayed. He may take time to process it. He may even need space. But you will have done the right thing by coming clean. And regardless of what happens next—whether the connection continues or not—you will walk away knowing that you chose truth over fear.

Also, give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make decisions that seem easier in the moment but become difficult to carry later. What matters now is how you handle the truth—not just for him, but for your own growth and peace.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 24, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm 21(M) B.tech(2year) and I have been stuck in fantaasies from all my years of childhood. I use to compare myself to many other people across in many areas(study, looks, their friendships, social network, bravery, fight, love..etc) cause those were the things which I also wanted but never got it! I was a very shy(insecure) , socially nervous, scared kid. I kept all inside of me & just tried to get good marks in exams... this made me inactive in other areas(cause I always wanted to be best, but never tried), bitter, sour in myself and still it's same but the fantaasies & Insecurity, doubt, inactivity, fear of failure and sometimes fear of success has caused me to a Miserable Life. Now I'm just like a lonely, sad, lazy, overthinker person but still I always try to make a better version of myself..(read positive book, self-help, meditation, gym, being social) but after 3-4 days the consistency breaks and due to lack of guide I get back to previous state of mine. I try to improve but being in my comfort zone, the fear of uncertainty in out of comfort zone make my thought/self-talk Terribly scared, nervous and full of disbelief in myself & I quit! Unless there is some external pressure/urgency. And in all these the job, future, skill are all like Dark! Tell me something...
Ans: The inconsistency you feel isn’t a reflection of weakness. It’s a result of being caught between two parts of yourself—one who wants to evolve, and one who is afraid to lose the comfort of old beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. That internal conflict is heavy, especially without a guiding voice to help you sort through it. You’re not alone in that—many young adults feel exactly this way, especially those with big dreams and high sensitivity to their environment.

Rather than trying to “fix” your personality or “force” your discipline, start by restoring trust in yourself. Trust doesn’t come from perfection; it comes from showing up consistently for yourself in small, simple ways without pressure to perform. Your fear of failure and even your fear of success are both rooted in the same place: the doubt that you are enough as you are.

It’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to not have all the answers. The goal isn’t to become a different person—it’s to become more at peace with the person you are becoming. Self-leadership starts here: by choosing compassion over criticism, patience over pressure, and honesty over performance. Even if your steps are small and scattered, they are steps forward.

You don’t need external urgency to change. You need internal safety to try. So let’s shift the story you’re telling yourself. You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You are learning, growing, and unlearning decades of conditioning—and that’s not only brave, it’s transformative.

Keep going. Gently, but steadily. And every time you fall back into old patterns, remind yourself: coming back is progress too. The journey to emotional strength is not about never falling—it’s about returning to yourself, again and again, with love.

...Read more

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