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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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I have shortlisted these funds from my research and planning to invest as lumpsum in 6 to 8 months for a long term i.e. 8-10 year horizon. I am 54 years old. Kindly give your inputs Hdfc Focused 30 fund 20% Parag Parikh Flexicap fund 15% Quant Large & Midcap fund 15% ICICI Pru Nifty 200 Mom 30 index fund15% Motilal Oswal Midcap 150 index fund 15% Nippon India Smallcap 250 index fund 5% Motilal Oswal Microcap 250 index fund 5% Mirae Asset NYSE FANG+ ETF FoF 5%

Ans: Evaluation of Lumpsum Investment Portfolio

Strategic Portfolio Assessment

Your proposed investment portfolio reflects a diversified approach encompassing various mutual funds and exchange-traded funds (ETFs), tailored for a long-term horizon. Let's analyze each component and provide insights to optimize your investment strategy.

Assessing Fund Selection for Long-term Growth

The selection of funds demonstrates a blend of actively managed funds and index funds/ETFs, aiming to capture growth opportunities across different market segments. This diversified approach aligns well with your long-term investment horizon.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds, such as HDFC Focused 30 Fund and Parag Parikh Flexicap Fund, offer the potential for higher returns through active stock selection and portfolio management. These funds leverage fund manager expertise to capitalize on market opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and ETFs

While index funds and ETFs provide cost-effective exposure to broad market indices, they may underperform actively managed funds during certain market conditions. Additionally, index funds lack flexibility in portfolio composition and may not fully capture market inefficiencies.

Optimizing Fund Allocation

Consider rebalancing your portfolio to ensure optimal allocation across different market segments. While large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds offer diversification across market capitalizations, index funds and ETFs provide exposure to specific market indices.

Risk Management Considerations

Given your age and investment horizon, prioritize funds with a track record of consistent performance and risk-adjusted returns. Evaluate the risk-reward profile of each fund and ensure alignment with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Monitoring and Review

Regularly monitor the performance of your portfolio and review fund selection periodically. Assess any changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial objectives to make informed decisions regarding portfolio adjustments.

Conclusion

Your proposed investment portfolio demonstrates a well-thought-out approach to long-term wealth accumulation. By blending actively managed funds with index funds/ETFs, you can leverage the strengths of both approaches and optimize portfolio returns while managing risk effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

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I have invested 10L in Mutual Fund through Lumpsum mode. The 4 schemes which I have invested in are PPFAS FLEXI CAP REG-G (2.5L), ICICI PRU equity & Debt-G (2.2L), ICICI PRU Large & Mid Cap-G (2.2L), SBI long term Equity Reg-G (2L), SBI contra -G (1.10L). Investment objective is long term wealth creation and time frame is 15 years. Kindly Suggest if choice of funds is good and what could be potential return.
Ans: Let's review your mutual fund choices and assess their suitability for your long-term wealth creation goal.

Current Investment Overview
Total Investment: Rs 10 lakhs
Investment Mode: Lumpsum
Time Frame: 15 years
Fund Allocation
PPFAS Flexi Cap Reg-G: Rs 2.5 lakhs
ICICI Pru Equity & Debt-G: Rs 2.2 lakhs
ICICI Pru Large & Mid Cap-G: Rs 2.2 lakhs
SBI Long Term Equity Reg-G: Rs 2 lakhs
SBI Contra-G: Rs 1.1 lakhs
Evaluation of Fund Choices
PPFAS Flexi Cap Reg-G
Flexibility: Invests across market capitalizations and sectors.
Potential: Good for capturing diverse market opportunities.
Long-Term Suitability: Suitable for long-term wealth creation.
ICICI Pru Equity & Debt-G
Balanced Approach: Mix of equity and debt.
Stability: Provides a cushion against market volatility.
Long-Term Suitability: Suitable for balancing risk and returns.
ICICI Pru Large & Mid Cap-G
Growth Potential: Invests in large and mid-cap companies.
Risk-Return Balance: Good for capturing growth in established and growing companies.
Long-Term Suitability: Suitable for long-term capital appreciation.
SBI Long Term Equity Reg-G
ELSS Fund: Offers tax benefits under Section 80C.
Equity Focus: High equity exposure for potential high returns.
Long-Term Suitability: Suitable for long-term wealth creation with tax benefits.
SBI Contra-G
Contrarian Strategy: Invests in undervalued stocks.
Potential: Can yield high returns if the strategy pays off.
Long-Term Suitability: Suitable for long-term investors willing to take higher risks.
Potential Returns
Assuming an average conservative annual return of 10-12% for a diversified portfolio, your potential return over 15 years could be significant. However, mutual funds are subject to market risks, and actual returns may vary.

Recommendations
Diversification: Your portfolio is well-diversified across different fund types and strategies, which is good for risk management.

Fund Performance Review: Regularly review the performance of your funds. Consider reallocating if any fund consistently underperforms its benchmark.

Stay Invested: For long-term wealth creation, stay invested for the entire 15-year period to benefit from compounding.

Avoid Index Funds: Actively managed funds like yours can potentially offer better returns than index funds.

Additional Considerations
Regular Monitoring: Keep an eye on your portfolio and the market trends.
Certified Financial Planner: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and adjustments.
Final Insights
Balanced Portfolio: Your fund choices provide a good mix of growth, stability, and potential tax benefits.
Long-Term Focus: Stay focused on your long-term goal and avoid frequent changes based on short-term market fluctuations.
Potential for Growth: With disciplined investing and regular monitoring, your portfolio has the potential to achieve significant growth over 15 years.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m a beginner to mutual fund and stock market investment. I’m 39 year old and recently started SIP by own. Now my portfolio has 9 different direct mutual funds. I know I should diversify and rebalance my portfolio.. 1) Now I have some quantitative money to invest as lump-sum (3.5 lakhs). So howmany funds I should choose? 2) Is this right time (market downtime as on 31st Oct 2024) invest as lump-sum? 3) Could you please help me with some mutual fund names with good returns over a period of 5 to 10 years? I chose below funds... - Quant Smallcap - ?Motilal Oswal Midcap - ?SBI Contra Fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty Smallcap 250 Index Fund - ?Nippon India Multicap fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty 200 Momentum 30 Index Fund - ?Parag Parikh Flexicap fund Please advise. Thank you
Ans: It’s great to see your interest in diversifying and balancing your portfolio. At 39, your long-term financial planning approach shows strong commitment. Here’s a detailed breakdown to guide your investment decisions and optimise your portfolio.

Reviewing Your Current Portfolio
You’ve chosen a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, contra, multicap, flexicap, and index funds. With nine funds, the portfolio seems diversified but might need some streamlining. This will avoid overlap and ensure that each fund plays a unique role in your portfolio.

Direct mutual funds do have a lower expense ratio, but direct plans require active monitoring and strategy. Opting for regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) helps ensure expert guidance and active oversight. Working with an MFD with CFP credentials offers personalised advice, rebalancing, and regular monitoring. This support can improve your portfolio’s performance and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Suggested Portfolio Size and Rebalancing
For a portfolio with Rs 3.5 lakh in lump sum investments, focus on quality over quantity:

Limit to 5-6 Core Funds: Too many funds can dilute returns. A well-chosen selection of 5-6 funds will ensure effective diversification.

Strategic Allocation by Fund Type:

Keep a core fund in each category, such as a flexicap, a mid-cap, and a small-cap.
Add a contra or multicap fund for added diversification.
Avoiding index funds in your portfolio is prudent for a few reasons. Index funds track the market but lack active management. During volatile or bearish market phases, index funds mirror market downturns. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have fund managers who can make strategic decisions. They aim to deliver higher returns and better manage risk, especially in uncertain times.

Deciding the Right Time for Lump-Sum Investment
Currently, the market is experiencing a downtime. This can be an advantageous period for lump-sum investments, but cautious approach is advised:

Staggered Lump-Sum Investment: Instead of investing all Rs 3.5 lakhs at once, consider a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP). You can allocate the sum in a debt fund and transfer it in smaller amounts into equity funds over 6-12 months. This approach reduces market timing risk.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for Remaining Investments: If you prefer regular SIPs, continue investing monthly. SIPs lower the risk by buying at different market levels over time, which reduces the impact of volatility.

Selecting Funds with Strong Long-Term Potential
Instead of naming specific funds, focus on categories with consistent, high-performing track records:

Flexicap Funds:

These funds adapt across market caps, balancing growth with stability.
Flexicap funds help manage risk by diversifying across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Small-Cap and Mid-Cap Funds:

Small-cap and mid-cap funds bring higher returns potential.
However, small-caps are volatile, so balance their allocation with large or flexicap funds.
Contra Funds:

Contra funds invest against the popular market trend. This strategy can provide higher returns when market cycles turn.
Include a contra fund for diversification and possible gains during market recovery.
Multi-Cap or Large & Mid-Cap Funds:

These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks but focus more on larger stocks.
Multi-cap funds balance growth potential with stability, a prudent choice for medium-risk investors.
Streamlining Fund Choices and Reducing Overlap
Some of the funds in your current selection, like index-based funds, might have overlapping investments in large-cap or sector stocks. Overlap in holdings can dilute returns. Consider focusing on a unique fund for each category.

Avoid Excessive Small-Cap Exposure: While small-cap funds provide high returns, they also carry higher risk. A single, carefully selected small-cap fund is usually sufficient.

Opt for Active Management Over Index Funds: Actively managed funds can better navigate volatile markets. They aim to maximise returns by carefully selecting stocks, unlike index funds that passively track market indices.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains
Understanding mutual fund taxation is essential for maximising your returns:

Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income tax slab rate, so it’s wise to keep investments for the long term to maximise post-tax returns.

Setting Up a Monitoring and Review Process
Quarterly or Bi-Annual Review: Revisit your portfolio every few months. A CFP can guide you on this, helping make adjustments based on market and economic changes.

Avoid Frequent Switching: Stick to your selected funds to let them grow. Switching too often can incur exit loads and affect returns.

Final Insights
Your journey into mutual funds and stocks is exciting and full of potential. With a well-planned, diversified approach, you can steadily grow your investments and secure financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 24, 2025

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Hello sir, i hope you are doing good. I am planning to invest a lumpsum amount of 30 lakhs in the following funds. 1. Parag parikh flexi cap fund- 15 lakhs. 2. Kotak Nifty midcap 150 momentum 50 fund - 9 lakhs 3. Mirae assets nifty smallcap 250 momentum quality 100 fund - 6 lakhs. My investment tenure of these funds are for 20 years. Please suggest me whether these funds are right pick or do i need to make any changes. Thank you.
Ans: You have chosen a lumpsum investment of Rs. 30 lakhs in three different funds.

Your investment horizon is 20 years, which allows compounding benefits.

It is important to assess the risk, diversification, and return potential of these funds.

Your selection includes a flexi-cap fund, a midcap momentum fund, and a smallcap momentum-quality fund.

Each of these funds has unique characteristics that need careful evaluation.

Flexi-Cap Fund Allocation – Strengths and Risks
A flexi-cap fund invests across market capitalisations.

It provides diversification across large, mid, and small companies.

The fund manager has the flexibility to shift allocations based on market conditions.

This flexibility can lead to better risk-adjusted returns in the long run.

Large-cap exposure ensures stability, while mid and small caps provide growth potential.

The allocation of Rs. 15 lakhs in this fund forms the core of your portfolio.

It acts as a balanced investment with exposure across various sectors.

However, performance depends on the fund manager’s ability to select winning stocks.

Actively managed flexi-cap funds have historically outperformed passive options.

If held for 20 years, this fund can provide wealth creation with lower volatility.

Midcap Momentum Fund – Evaluating Suitability
Midcap stocks have higher growth potential but also higher risk.

A momentum-based fund invests in stocks with strong recent performance.

The strategy works well in strong market cycles but can be volatile in downturns.

Midcap stocks require patience, as they experience fluctuations.

If markets correct sharply, momentum funds can fall quickly.

The allocation of Rs. 9 lakhs in this fund increases portfolio risk.

You need to monitor whether momentum-based investing is sustainable long term.

Momentum investing requires rebalancing to maintain high-performing stocks.

Over 20 years, midcaps can outperform large caps, but with higher volatility.

A mix of growth-oriented midcap and flexi-cap funds may reduce downside risk.

Smallcap Momentum-Quality Fund – Potential and Risks
Smallcap stocks have the highest return potential over long periods.

However, they are also the most volatile and prone to deep corrections.

A smallcap momentum-quality fund invests in strong-performing stocks.

Quality screening reduces the risk of poor fundamentals.

The allocation of Rs. 6 lakhs in this fund increases aggressive exposure.

Smallcap momentum funds perform well in bull markets.

In bear markets, smallcaps can decline sharply and take longer to recover.

This fund is suitable for long-term wealth creation but requires discipline.

You must stay invested despite periodic downturns.

A staggered investment approach (SIP or STP) can reduce volatility impact.

Portfolio Diversification Analysis
Your portfolio consists of flexi-cap, midcap, and smallcap funds.

There is no dedicated large-cap exposure, increasing risk.

Large caps provide stability during market corrections.

Momentum-based investing can work well, but timing is crucial.

Market cycles affect momentum strategies more than diversified funds.

Your portfolio is tilted towards mid and small caps, which increases risk.

A balanced portfolio should have more stability from large-cap exposure.

If you prefer high growth, your portfolio is well-structured.

If you want lower volatility, adding a large-cap or multi-cap fund can help.

Lumpsum Investment Strategy – Timing Considerations
Investing Rs. 30 lakhs in one go increases timing risk.

Market conditions at the time of investment impact returns.

If the market is at a peak, a lumpsum investment may face short-term declines.

A staggered approach like STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) reduces risk.

STP helps in averaging the purchase cost over a period.

If investing lumpsum, be prepared for short-term fluctuations.

Long-term holding is crucial to benefit from compounding.

Active vs Passive Fund Selection
You have selected momentum-based index funds for midcap and smallcap.

Index-based funds have lower fund manager intervention.

They track specific indices and follow a mechanical investment process.

Actively managed funds can outperform by identifying strong stocks early.

Passive funds do not adjust allocation based on market conditions.

Actively managed funds have higher flexibility to navigate different market cycles.

If you seek better risk-adjusted returns, consider actively managed midcap and smallcap funds.

Active fund managers can avoid overvalued stocks, unlike index-based funds.

Your flexi-cap fund is actively managed, balancing the portfolio.

Tax Implications of Your Investment
Equity funds attract long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax if held for over one year.

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20% if sold within one year.

Holding for 20 years allows tax-efficient compounding.

Tax planning should consider partial withdrawals after the lock-in period.

Alternative Allocation Suggestions
If you prefer stability, add a large-cap or balanced advantage fund.

A multi-cap fund can provide better risk-adjusted returns.

Avoid overexposure to momentum-based investing for a long horizon.

Ensure your portfolio has exposure to defensive sectors like FMCG and IT.

Consider an actively managed midcap and smallcap fund for better flexibility.

Finally
Your portfolio is growth-oriented, focusing on flexi-cap, midcap, and smallcap funds.

The flexi-cap allocation provides diversification and flexibility.

Midcap and smallcap funds add aggressive growth potential.

Momentum-based investing works well in bullish phases but is volatile.

A staggered investment approach (STP) may reduce market timing risk.

If you want stability, adding a large-cap or multi-cap fund is advisable.

Actively managed funds may offer better risk-adjusted returns than index-based momentum funds.

Tax efficiency will be high if investments are held for 20 years.

A long-term commitment is required to handle market fluctuations.

Regular review of the portfolio ensures alignment with financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
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Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

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I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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