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39 Year Old Beginner Asks: How Many Funds to Choose for a 3.5 Lakh Lump Sum Investment in a Down Market?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2024Hindi
Money

I’m a beginner to mutual fund and stock market investment. I’m 39 year old and recently started SIP by own. Now my portfolio has 9 different direct mutual funds. I know I should diversify and rebalance my portfolio.. 1) Now I have some quantitative money to invest as lump-sum (3.5 lakhs). So howmany funds I should choose? 2) Is this right time (market downtime as on 31st Oct 2024) invest as lump-sum? 3) Could you please help me with some mutual fund names with good returns over a period of 5 to 10 years? I chose below funds... - Quant Smallcap - ?Motilal Oswal Midcap - ?SBI Contra Fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty Smallcap 250 Index Fund - ?Nippon India Multicap fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty 200 Momentum 30 Index Fund - ?Parag Parikh Flexicap fund Please advise. Thank you

Ans: It’s great to see your interest in diversifying and balancing your portfolio. At 39, your long-term financial planning approach shows strong commitment. Here’s a detailed breakdown to guide your investment decisions and optimise your portfolio.

Reviewing Your Current Portfolio
You’ve chosen a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, contra, multicap, flexicap, and index funds. With nine funds, the portfolio seems diversified but might need some streamlining. This will avoid overlap and ensure that each fund plays a unique role in your portfolio.

Direct mutual funds do have a lower expense ratio, but direct plans require active monitoring and strategy. Opting for regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) helps ensure expert guidance and active oversight. Working with an MFD with CFP credentials offers personalised advice, rebalancing, and regular monitoring. This support can improve your portfolio’s performance and reduce the impact of market volatility.

Suggested Portfolio Size and Rebalancing
For a portfolio with Rs 3.5 lakh in lump sum investments, focus on quality over quantity:

Limit to 5-6 Core Funds: Too many funds can dilute returns. A well-chosen selection of 5-6 funds will ensure effective diversification.

Strategic Allocation by Fund Type:

Keep a core fund in each category, such as a flexicap, a mid-cap, and a small-cap.
Add a contra or multicap fund for added diversification.
Avoiding index funds in your portfolio is prudent for a few reasons. Index funds track the market but lack active management. During volatile or bearish market phases, index funds mirror market downturns. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have fund managers who can make strategic decisions. They aim to deliver higher returns and better manage risk, especially in uncertain times.

Deciding the Right Time for Lump-Sum Investment
Currently, the market is experiencing a downtime. This can be an advantageous period for lump-sum investments, but cautious approach is advised:

Staggered Lump-Sum Investment: Instead of investing all Rs 3.5 lakhs at once, consider a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP). You can allocate the sum in a debt fund and transfer it in smaller amounts into equity funds over 6-12 months. This approach reduces market timing risk.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for Remaining Investments: If you prefer regular SIPs, continue investing monthly. SIPs lower the risk by buying at different market levels over time, which reduces the impact of volatility.

Selecting Funds with Strong Long-Term Potential
Instead of naming specific funds, focus on categories with consistent, high-performing track records:

Flexicap Funds:

These funds adapt across market caps, balancing growth with stability.
Flexicap funds help manage risk by diversifying across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Small-Cap and Mid-Cap Funds:

Small-cap and mid-cap funds bring higher returns potential.
However, small-caps are volatile, so balance their allocation with large or flexicap funds.
Contra Funds:

Contra funds invest against the popular market trend. This strategy can provide higher returns when market cycles turn.
Include a contra fund for diversification and possible gains during market recovery.
Multi-Cap or Large & Mid-Cap Funds:

These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks but focus more on larger stocks.
Multi-cap funds balance growth potential with stability, a prudent choice for medium-risk investors.
Streamlining Fund Choices and Reducing Overlap
Some of the funds in your current selection, like index-based funds, might have overlapping investments in large-cap or sector stocks. Overlap in holdings can dilute returns. Consider focusing on a unique fund for each category.

Avoid Excessive Small-Cap Exposure: While small-cap funds provide high returns, they also carry higher risk. A single, carefully selected small-cap fund is usually sufficient.

Opt for Active Management Over Index Funds: Actively managed funds can better navigate volatile markets. They aim to maximise returns by carefully selecting stocks, unlike index funds that passively track market indices.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains
Understanding mutual fund taxation is essential for maximising your returns:

Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income tax slab rate, so it’s wise to keep investments for the long term to maximise post-tax returns.

Setting Up a Monitoring and Review Process
Quarterly or Bi-Annual Review: Revisit your portfolio every few months. A CFP can guide you on this, helping make adjustments based on market and economic changes.

Avoid Frequent Switching: Stick to your selected funds to let them grow. Switching too often can incur exit loads and affect returns.

Final Insights
Your journey into mutual funds and stocks is exciting and full of potential. With a well-planned, diversified approach, you can steadily grow your investments and secure financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I’m a beginner to mutual fund and stock market investment. I’m 39 year old and recently started SIP by own. Now my portfolio has 9 different direct mutual funds. I know I should diversify and rebalance my portfolio.. 1) Now I have some quantitative money to invest as lump-sum (3.5 lakhs). So howmany funds I should choose? 2) Is this right time (market downtime as on 31st Oct 2024) invest as lump-sum? 3) Could you please help me with some mutual fund names with good returns over a period of 5 to 10 years? I chose below funds... - Quant Smallcap - ?Motilal Oswal Midcap - ?SBI Contra Fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty Smallcap 250 Index Fund - ?Nippon India Multicap fund - ?Motilal Oswal Nifty 200 Momentum 30 Index Fund - ?Parag Parikh Flexicap fund Please advise. Thank you
Ans: You’ve taken an excellent step by beginning your journey into mutual funds and stock markets. Diversifying and rebalancing your portfolio is indeed important, and your current enthusiasm for learning and improving your financial health is admirable. I’ll help you answer your questions and outline an optimal approach to maximise returns while managing risk.

Assessing Your Current Mutual Fund Portfolio
Your existing portfolio of nine direct mutual funds reflects your willingness to diversify. However, managing too many funds can lead to overlap and complexities in tracking performance. Here’s a more streamlined approach that ensures you achieve effective diversification without unnecessary fund overlap.

Limit to Essential Fund Categories: Aim to retain only 4-5 core categories. These include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds, along with a smaller allocation to contra or sectoral funds for tactical growth.

Avoid Index Funds in This Case: Index funds replicate the market and lack active management, which may limit gains, especially during volatile market phases. Actively managed funds allow skilled fund managers to optimise performance based on market trends.

Reconsider Direct Funds: Investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) helps you benefit from professional guidance. While direct funds save on distributor fees, they require significant knowledge and time to monitor effectively. An MFD with CFP credentials will help you align your investments with both market trends and personal goals.

Investment Strategy for Your Lump-Sum Amount
With Rs 3.5 lakhs to invest as a lump sum, your next steps are crucial for maximising returns.

1. Choosing the Right Number of Funds
Limit Fund Selection: For the Rs 3.5 lakh investment, focus on a manageable selection of 4-5 funds. Over-diversification may dilute returns without proportionate risk reduction.

Strategic Allocation: Allocate funds in a way that balances growth with stability. For example, allocate portions to large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds, with a smaller allocation to a contra fund if you’re open to moderate risk.

Prioritise Active Funds over Passive Index Options: Actively managed funds allow professional adjustments in line with changing market conditions, aiming for higher returns over time.

2. Timing of Lump-Sum Investment
Market Timing vs. Systematic Approach: As markets can fluctuate unpredictably, consider a phased approach, such as a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP). This way, you can gradually move the lump sum from a low-risk fund to equity funds over a few months, reducing the risk of investing all at once during a downturn.

Assessing Current Market Levels: The market downtime you mentioned may appear tempting, but markets may take time to stabilise. By investing in phases, you mitigate risk while capitalising on potential market rebounds.

Suggested Mutual Fund Categories for Long-Term Growth
Since you’re aiming for a 5 to 10-year period, a well-structured portfolio with actively managed funds is crucial. I’ll avoid suggesting specific schemes and instead outline fund categories that align with your goals.

1. Large-Cap Funds for Stability
Why Large-Cap Funds? These funds invest in established companies, offering stability and consistent growth. Over time, they help anchor the portfolio, especially during market volatility.

Ideal Allocation: Allocate about 30-40% of your lump-sum investment to large-cap funds to ensure stability in your portfolio.

2. Mid-Cap Funds for Growth Potential
Mid-Cap Funds’ Role: Mid-cap funds balance stability with higher growth prospects. While they’re slightly more volatile than large-cap funds, they offer strong potential returns.

Ideal Allocation: Consider allocating 20-25% of your lump-sum investment to mid-cap funds to capture this growth.

3. Flexi-Cap Funds for Market Flexibility
Flexi-Cap Benefits: These funds provide flexibility by investing across large, mid, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions. This helps maximise growth potential while managing risk.

Ideal Allocation: Allocate around 25% of your lump-sum investment here. Flexi-cap funds give fund managers room to adapt the fund based on market trends.

4. Contra or Value Funds for Tactical Growth
Tactical Role of Contra Funds: Contra or value funds invest in undervalued stocks, aiming to capitalise when these stocks eventually rise. They add a contrarian growth element to the portfolio.

Ideal Allocation: Allocate a smaller portion, around 10-15%, to a contra fund to enhance returns while maintaining manageable risk.

Tax Implications to Keep in Mind
Understanding tax implications helps optimise net returns. Here’s a snapshot of the applicable taxes:

Equity Mutual Funds: Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh per annum are taxed at 12.5% for long-term capital gains (LTCG). Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed as per your income tax slab. If you include debt funds for a part of your portfolio, consider this in your tax planning.

Additional Recommendations to Strengthen Your Financial Position
1. Build an Emergency Fund
Maintain a separate emergency fund covering at least six months’ expenses. This fund acts as a safety net, ensuring you don’t need to dip into your investments for unforeseen expenses.
2. Term Insurance for Financial Security
Ensure adequate term insurance coverage, providing financial stability to your dependents in your absence. This policy type offers high coverage at low costs, making it an ideal safety net.
3. Health Insurance for Your Family
Having comprehensive health insurance prevents your investment corpus from being impacted by medical expenses. Check for policies that cover critical illnesses for robust coverage.
4. Review Portfolio Regularly with a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner can help assess and adjust your portfolio as needed. Regular reviews allow you to stay aligned with your financial goals and market conditions.
5. Consider Goal-Based SIPs for Future Objectives
While your lump-sum investment supports wealth creation, consider setting up goal-based SIPs to address specific future goals, such as a child’s education or retirement.
Final Insights
Your commitment to long-term investment is commendable. With a structured approach and regular reviews, your portfolio can be geared for strong growth over the next 5-10 years. By focusing on actively managed funds, phased investments, and strategic fund selection, you’re well-positioned to achieve both security and growth.

For any further queries or detailed discussions, please feel free to reach out.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Money
Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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