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I'm 35 and earn 1 lakh, should I retire early?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Balaji Question by Balaji on Aug 09, 2024Hindi
Money

I have salary of 1lakh per month. Had one 1lakh investment in equity. Home loan of emi 40000 remaining of 8 years. And the value of the home is 45laks. I had another one home which is cost around 30lakhs. I would like to retire at the age of 50.

Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
With a monthly salary of Rs 1 lakh, you are in a good position to plan for your financial future. You have already made some investments in equity, have a home loan with an EMI of Rs 40,000, and own two properties valued at Rs 45 lakhs and Rs 30 lakhs, respectively. You aspire to retire by the age of 50, which is a significant milestone that requires careful planning. Let’s evaluate your current financial standing and explore the steps you need to take to achieve your retirement goal.

Home Loan Considerations
Your home loan, with an EMI of Rs 40,000 and a remaining tenure of 8 years, is a substantial commitment. The value of your primary home is Rs 45 lakhs, and you own another property worth Rs 30 lakhs. These assets are important but can also be a source of financial strain if not managed properly.

Points to Consider:

Loan Repayment Strategy: Evaluate whether you should continue with the EMI payments as planned or consider prepaying the loan if you have surplus funds. Prepaying can save interest costs, but it may also reduce liquidity.
Property as an Investment: Since you own two homes, consider if both properties are necessary for your lifestyle. If one property is not essential, selling it could free up capital that can be invested for your retirement.
Retirement Planning
Retiring at the age of 50 is a commendable goal, but it requires significant financial preparation. With your current income and financial commitments, it's crucial to build a robust retirement corpus.

Steps to Take:

Increase Equity Investments: With just Rs 1 lakh invested in equity, you need to allocate more towards equity mutual funds to generate higher returns. Equity is known for its potential to outpace inflation over the long term, making it ideal for retirement planning.
Diversify Your Portfolio: While equity is important, consider adding debt funds or fixed-income instruments to balance risk. This will ensure that your portfolio is not overly reliant on market performance.
Maximise Savings: Given your current salary, aim to save and invest at least 30-40% of your income. This might require cutting down on non-essential expenses, but it is crucial for building a retirement corpus.
Investment Strategy
Your current investment of Rs 1 lakh in equity is a good start, but to meet your retirement goals, a more structured investment strategy is needed.

Recommendations:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Consider starting SIPs in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap mutual funds. This will provide a balanced approach, combining stability and growth.
Avoid Real Estate: Since you already own two properties, further investments in real estate may not be necessary. Real estate investments are often illiquid and can tie up capital that could be better utilised in more flexible and higher-yielding investments.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be kept in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund to ensure easy access in case of emergencies.
Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While considering your investment options, it's important to understand the limitations of index funds and direct funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

No Outperformance: Index funds merely replicate the performance of an index, offering no potential to outperform the market. This might limit your returns, especially when planning for long-term goals like retirement.
No Active Management: Without active management, index funds cannot adjust to market changes, which could lead to missed opportunities.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Requires Expertise: Investing directly in mutual funds without the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner can be challenging. Selecting the right funds and knowing when to switch or rebalance requires a deep understanding of the market.
No Professional Support: Direct investors miss out on the valuable advice, portfolio reviews, and adjustments that come with working through a Certified Financial Planner.
Insurance Planning
Insurance is a critical component of your financial plan, ensuring that your family is protected in case of any unforeseen circumstances.

Points to Consider:

Adequate Coverage: Review your existing insurance policies to ensure they provide adequate coverage for your family’s needs. If you don’t already have one, consider a term insurance plan with a sum assured that covers your home loan and provides for your family’s future expenses.
Health Insurance: Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance to cover medical expenses. Medical emergencies can drain your savings if not adequately covered.
Planning for Retirement at 50
To retire comfortably at 50, you need a clear and structured plan. Here’s what you should focus on:

1. Estimate Your Retirement Corpus:

Calculate the corpus you’ll need to sustain your desired lifestyle post-retirement. Consider inflation, healthcare costs, and any other post-retirement goals.
2. Aggressively Invest for Growth:

Since you have 8-10 years before retirement, focus on growth-oriented investments like equity mutual funds. Start with SIPs in diversified funds that align with your risk tolerance and time horizon.
3. Plan for Post-Retirement Income:

Consider investments that provide a steady income stream post-retirement, such as dividend-paying funds or a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) from your mutual fund investments.
4. Review and Adjust Regularly:

Regularly review your investment portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it remains aligned with your retirement goals. Adjustments may be necessary based on market conditions, changes in your financial situation, or evolving retirement needs.
Final Insights
Retiring at 50 is an admirable goal that requires disciplined savings and strategic investments. By increasing your equity investments, diversifying your portfolio, and managing your home loan effectively, you can build a robust retirement corpus. It's also essential to understand the limitations of index and direct funds and opt for actively managed funds with professional guidance. Regular reviews and adjustments with a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track to achieve your retirement dreams.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 32 Years old with a Loan of 1.25 cr on my 4 Properties earning Annually approx 18-20 lakhs (excluding Rental Income). Balance of SSY and PPF is 9.5 lakh as of now. I wish to retire by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakh.
Ans: It’s great that you’re thinking about your financial future and planning for retirement. At 32 years old, you have a solid foundation with four properties and an annual income of 18-20 lakhs. Your balance of 9.5 lakhs in SSY and PPF is a good start. Let’s dive into your goal of retiring by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Assets
Annual Income: 18-20 lakhs (excluding rental income)
Properties: 4 properties with a loan of 1.25 crores
SSY and PPF: 9.5 lakhs balance
Liabilities
Loan: 1.25 crores on properties
Retirement Goal
Retirement Age: 50 years
Monthly Income Post-Retirement: 5 lakhs
Planning for Retirement
Evaluating Your Goals
Retiring at 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy. It’s important to consider inflation, investment returns, and tax implications.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve a monthly income of 5 lakhs post-retirement, you need a substantial corpus. Assuming a lifespan of 80 years, you need to plan for 30 years of retirement. Let’s break down the steps to create this corpus.

Investment Strategy
Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: High growth potential but volatile. Ideal for long-term growth.
Debt Mutual Funds: Provide stability and regular income. Lower returns compared to equity.
Hybrid Funds: A mix of equity and debt. Balanced approach.
SSY and PPF: Safe and tax-efficient. Continue contributions.
Power of Compounding
Investing early allows your money to grow exponentially due to compounding. The longer the investment period, the greater the growth. Start investing regularly and stay committed.

Managing Liabilities
Loan Repayment
Your 1.25 crore loan on properties needs to be managed efficiently. Prioritize loan repayment to reduce interest burden. Consider prepaying whenever possible.

Rental Income
Utilize rental income to support loan repayments and boost savings. Rental income can also supplement your retirement corpus.

Detailed Investment Plan
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are essential for long-term growth. They offer high returns but come with market volatility. Diversify across different types:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. Lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies. Higher growth potential.
Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies. Highest growth potential but high risk.
Flexi-Cap Funds: Invest across all market capitalizations. Provides flexibility and diversification.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds offer stability and are less volatile than equity funds. They are ideal for generating regular income and preserving capital. Types of debt funds:

Liquid Funds: Short-term investments with high liquidity.
Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for 1-3 year investment horizon.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for more than 3 years. Provides better returns with moderate risk.
Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balanced approach. They aim to provide growth with stability. Types of hybrid funds:

Balanced Funds: Equal exposure to equity and debt.
Aggressive Hybrid Funds: Higher exposure to equity.
Conservative Hybrid Funds: Higher exposure to debt.
Safe and Tax-Efficient Investments
SSY and PPF
Continue contributing to SSY and PPF. They offer tax benefits and guaranteed returns. Ideal for long-term savings.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular investments through SIPs in mutual funds can help build a substantial corpus over time. SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Tax Planning
Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Plan your withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities. Utilize the annual tax exemptions on long-term capital gains.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Invest in instruments that offer tax benefits under Section 80C, such as ELSS funds, PPF, and SSY.

Risk Management
Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. It protects your family and your investments in case of unforeseen events.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses. It provides financial security during unexpected situations.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular Review
Review your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your goals. Make adjustments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. It helps manage risk and optimize returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who make investment decisions based on market research and analysis.

Potential for Higher Returns
Active management aims to outperform the market by selecting high-potential securities. It can provide higher returns compared to passive funds.

Flexibility
Fund managers can respond to market changes and take advantage of investment opportunities, offering flexibility and adaptability.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation with a diversified investment strategy and a clear retirement goal. To retire by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs, focus on:

Diversifying Investments: Spread investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds.
Managing Liabilities: Prioritize loan repayment and utilize rental income.
Compounding: Start early and stay invested for long-term growth.
Tax Planning: Optimize withdrawals and invest in tax-efficient instruments.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance and maintain an emergency fund.
Regular Monitoring: Review and rebalance your portfolio periodically.
Your proactive approach and disciplined investing will help you achieve your retirement goal. Stay committed and keep monitoring your progress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 43 year old with 1.5cr in Fd, home loan of 1.8 cr , 1 property which is loan free, 2 houses on which loan of 1.8 cr is pending .I have life insurance of 1 crore and family health insurance of 1 cr.The properties are worth 7 cr at current market rate .I have mutual funds of 22 lakhs and ppf of 30 lakhs .I have 2 kids who are 9 years old.My current monthly expenditure is 1.5 lakhs and home loan emi of 1 5 lakhs and monthly salary is 3.5 lakhs .I want to retire by 50 .What should i do ?
Ans: Your financial planning is quite impressive, especially given your responsibilities and future goals. Let's break down your situation and create a solid strategy to achieve your retirement goal by age 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are 43 years old and aim to retire by 50. Here's a snapshot of your current finances:

Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 1.5 crore
Home Loan: Rs 1.8 crore
Loan-Free Property: One
Loan-Pending Properties: Two, with Rs 1.8 crore pending
Property Value: Rs 7 crore (current market rate)
Life Insurance: Rs 1 crore
Family Health Insurance: Rs 1 crore
Mutual Funds: Rs 22 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 30 lakh
Monthly Expenditure: Rs 1.5 lakh
Home Loan EMI: Rs 1.5 lakh
Monthly Salary: Rs 3.5 lakh
Two Kids (9 years old)
Prioritizing Financial Goals
Retirement Planning
Early Loan Repayment
Children's Education and Future
Let's dive deeper into each goal.

Retirement Planning
Retiring by age 50 means you have only seven years to build a substantial corpus. Here's how you can achieve this:

Evaluate Your Investments
You have significant savings in FDs, mutual funds, and PPF. These are good, but diversifying further can enhance returns. Mutual funds can provide higher returns compared to FDs and PPF, especially over the long term.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding can significantly grow your investments. By investing regularly in mutual funds, you can benefit from rupee cost averaging and mitigate market volatility.

Diversify Your Mutual Funds
Consider allocating your investments across different categories of mutual funds for better returns:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies for stability.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies with higher growth potential.
Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies for high returns, though with higher risk.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These provide a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
Increase Your SIP Contributions
Given your current salary, you can allocate more towards SIPs. Increasing your monthly SIPs in mutual funds will help you build a substantial retirement corpus.

Early Loan Repayment
Reducing your debt burden before retirement is crucial. Here's how you can tackle your home loan effectively:

Lump-Sum Payments
Whenever you have surplus funds, consider making lump-sum payments towards your home loan. This will reduce your principal amount and overall interest burden.

Prepaying with FD Maturities
As your FDs mature, use a portion to prepay your home loan. This strategy can significantly reduce your EMI burden and loan tenure.

Children's Education and Future
Planning for your children's education and future expenses is equally important. Here’s a strategy:

Separate Education Fund
Create a dedicated education fund for your kids. Investing in equity mutual funds can be beneficial due to their long-term growth potential.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Set up SIPs in mutual funds specifically for your children's education. This will ensure you have a substantial corpus when needed.

Evaluating Current Investments
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
FDs provide safety but relatively lower returns. Consider gradually shifting some funds from FDs to higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Mutual Funds
Your current mutual fund investment of Rs 22 lakh is a good start. Increase your SIPs to enhance this corpus. Diversify across different categories for balanced growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. Continue investing in PPF for assured returns and stability in your portfolio.

Insurance Coverage
Life Insurance
Your current life insurance cover of Rs 1 crore is good. Ensure it is sufficient to cover any outstanding liabilities and your family's needs in case of any eventuality.

Health Insurance
Your family health insurance cover of Rs 1 crore is adequate. Review it annually to ensure it meets rising healthcare costs.

Strategic Investment Allocation
Here’s a suggested allocation for your additional investments:

Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your savings towards diversified equity mutual funds.
Prepay Home Loan: Use FD maturities and any surplus funds for lump-sum payments towards your home loan.
Dedicated Education Fund: Set up separate SIPs for your children's education.
Final Insights
Balancing long-term goals like retirement, medium-term goals like loan repayment, and short-term goals like children's education is key. By diversifying your investments, making strategic loan prepayments, and saving diligently, you can achieve financial stability and enjoy a comfortable retirement by age 50.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7100 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 10, 2024

Money
Hello expert, Iam 38 years old and the sole earner of my family living with my wife and 3 daughters (7y,4y,and 5 month).My monthly salary is 60k and a part time bussiness which gives 2.5 L per year .I have an outstanding home loan of Rs 16 L and its emi is 18 k per month.At the age of retirement i.e 60 I want 2 crore what shall i do for this plz suggest
Ans: At 38, you’re managing family needs with a steady income. Your primary goals include:

Repaying a Rs 16 lakh home loan with an 18k EMI.
Accumulating Rs 2 crore by age 60.
This will involve efficient savings, careful debt management, and the right investment strategies.

Monthly Income Breakdown and Savings Potential
Your monthly salary is Rs 60,000, with an additional Rs 20,833 from your part-time business, totaling Rs 80,833. Allocating funds wisely can boost your financial health. After your EMI and essential expenses, maximizing savings is crucial.

Let’s discuss steps to reach your Rs 2 crore goal.

Home Loan Strategy: Efficient Debt Reduction
Repaying your home loan faster will reduce interest costs and free up funds for your goal. Consider these options:

Extra Repayments: If you add any surplus income, even a small amount, towards the loan, you could shorten its term.
Refinancing for Lower Interest Rates: Look for lower-interest loan options to reduce your EMI or loan term.
Reducing your debt quickly can allow more focus on your investment goals.

Investment Strategy: Building the Rs 2 Crore Corpus
To reach Rs 2 crore in 22 years, consistent investment in equity mutual funds can offer long-term growth potential. Let’s examine a strategic investment approach:

1. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Consider SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds generally deliver stronger returns than passive ones like index funds.
Regular investments in equity funds can help you build wealth over time. SIPs spread your investment, reducing market timing risks and helping accumulate a robust corpus over years.
2. Debt Fund Allocation
As you approach retirement, having a portion in debt funds will reduce market exposure.
Debt funds provide stability, though returns are typically lower than equity funds.
Remember, gains from debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.
3. Balancing Between Equity and Debt
A balance of 70% in equity and 30% in debt can provide an optimal mix of growth and security.
Gradually shift from equity to debt as you near retirement. This strategy helps secure gains while limiting exposure to market volatility.
Mutual Funds: Prefer Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Certified Financial Planner (CFP) Advice: With regular funds, you benefit from guidance by CFPs who understand your risk tolerance and goals.
Regular Monitoring: Certified advisors provide ongoing management, which direct funds lack. Direct funds may be cheaper but require expertise in fund selection and tracking.
Insurance Planning: Securing Your Family’s Future
As the sole earner, ensuring adequate life insurance is essential. Here’s what to consider:

Term Insurance: Term plans offer high coverage at low premiums and provide financial security to your family.
Health Insurance: A family floater health policy will protect against medical expenses. Coverage should be sufficient for major illnesses, ensuring your family is secure in any emergencies.
These policies safeguard your savings and investments from unforeseen events.

Emergency Fund: Essential for Stability
Set aside an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of expenses, including EMIs. This fund will be crucial for unexpected expenses, ensuring you don’t have to dip into investments or take on debt in emergencies.

Children’s Future and Education Planning
With three young daughters, you may have education and other milestone expenses in the future. Consider these strategies:

Separate SIP for Education: Start a modest SIP dedicated to your daughters’ education. Compounded over time, this fund can be a substantial asset for their higher education or other needs.
Government Schemes: Certain schemes offer good returns with capital protection, ideal for education planning. Check eligibility based on investment goals and risk appetite.
Tax Efficiency: Minimizing Liabilities
Tax efficiency plays a significant role in your financial growth. Here’s how to optimize taxes:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%. Plan redemptions based on your goals and tax obligations.
Debt Funds and Other Investments: Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab. Consult a tax advisor to maximize after-tax returns.
Final Insights
Following these steps can help you build a strong financial foundation:

Focus on building a disciplined investment routine.
Gradually shift to a more conservative asset mix as you approach retirement.
Ensure adequate insurance coverage and maintain an emergency fund.
Consider professional guidance for long-term strategies and efficient tax planning.
With consistent efforts, disciplined investing, and clear planning, achieving your Rs 2 crore goal by age 60 is within reach. If you’d like more personalized advice, connecting with a Certified Financial Planner may be beneficial.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 40 yr old having work-expereince of 10 yrs behind me in ITes, customer support & service, banking and sales & marketing (product). My life till now can easily be converted into a bollywood biopic having its own twist & turns, roadblocks, struggles laughter, joy and sorrow. Change is the only constant in life and that exactly applies in my case. Although it has been a satisfactorily life till now given that I know myself and how I lead my life. Whenever I start to read something new I feel like going deep into it. I am also easily attracted to novel things & concepts. I usually get into procastination mode whenever I come across something entirely new and start to imagine myself trying it out in realilty.Why does this happens? Why can't I focus on one single thing at a time and see it to completion? I know in todays world generalists are looked down upon and it is an era of specialists, experts and professionals having good domain knowledge of their area of work. It is always better to be an expert than be a jack of all trades (which seems very filmy nowadays where a hero is expected to do everything on his own). Lately I have developed an avid interest in technology and i keep on reading various articles & books on IT and technology. I am also pursuing an online cyber security course from Great Learning Institute, Bangalore. I want to know am I going in the correct direction in life or is it something else I should do which ensures more satisfaction in life? Lately, I have become bit irriiated as well due to the above reasons as I tend to do multiple things at a time (multitasking). My parents are also fed up of me now. My mother keeps nagging me all day.I dont know how to really deal with her, as she always finds perfection in everything. That becomes too much at times. Does this happens in every household? Should I go out and travel to some place in order to temporarily escape from all this? Kindly suggest me some course of action. Pls answer. Thanks
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You will be distracted and keep trying new things until you actually figure out what you want for yourself in life.
- How does you life seem like a few years down the line?
- What must you do NOW to actually get to where you want in life?

And to answer these questions, you first need to identify a strong, solid goal in life. Either you work with a mentor or your boss or a friend or an expert who can help you identify your goal and purpose. That might help you stay the course and actually streamline your thoughts, your job and your daily life.
Travel used for learning is great but using it to escape only worsens things...So, work on Goal-Setting!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1321 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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