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Retired Looking for a Secure Investment to Generate Rs.50000 Monthly from a Rs.5 Crore Corpus

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Syam Question by Syam on Feb 15, 2025Hindi
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I am retired from service.need monthly rs.50000 from a corpus of Rs.5 cr. How to invest

Ans: Your requirement is Rs 50,000 per month from a Rs 5 crore corpus. The plan must provide stable income, capital growth, and tax efficiency.

Key Investment Principles
Preserve capital while ensuring steady income.

Beat inflation to maintain purchasing power.

Use a mix of fixed income and market-linked investments.

Ensure tax efficiency for better post-tax returns.

Keep liquidity for emergencies.

How to Allocate the Corpus
1. Fixed Income for Stability (40%)
Invest Rs 2 crore in debt instruments for safety.

Use senior citizen schemes, corporate bonds, and debt mutual funds.

Ensure funds are laddered for liquidity.

Interest income can partially support monthly withdrawals.

2. Equity for Growth (40%)
Invest Rs 2 crore in diversified equity funds.

Select funds with strong track records and active management.

Keep a mix of large-cap and flexi-cap funds.

Withdraw gains systematically to support expenses.

3. Hybrid Investments for Balance (15%)
Allocate Rs 75 lakh to balanced advantage funds.

These adjust equity and debt dynamically.

They help reduce risk while generating returns.

They can provide additional income over time.

4. Liquid Funds for Immediate Needs (5%)
Keep Rs 25 lakh in liquid funds.

This ensures easy access to cash.

Helps meet unexpected expenses without disturbing investments.

Generating Rs 50,000 Monthly
Debt investments will give stable interest income.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds can provide steady cash flow.

Ensure withdrawals are tax-efficient.

Rebalance the portfolio once a year.

Tax Considerations
Debt fund withdrawals are taxed as per slab.

Equity LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Withdrawals from hybrid funds may have mixed taxation.

Emergency and Medical Planning
Ensure Rs 10 lakh medical insurance.

Keep Rs 25 lakh liquid for sudden needs.

Update nominations in all investments.

Final Insights
This plan gives monthly income while keeping corpus safe.

Equity ensures long-term growth and inflation protection.

Debt provides steady income without high risk.

Regular reviews will keep the plan aligned to your needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 57 years old. After 5 years I want income 5 lakh per month. How and where to invest to get 5 lakh income per month.
Ans: Planning for a secure and comfortable future is essential, especially as you approach retirement. Ensuring a monthly income of Rs. 5 lakh within five years is an ambitious goal, but achievable with the right strategy. Below, we’ll explore various investment options and strategies to help you reach this goal.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
To achieve Rs. 5 lakh per month, you need a clear understanding of your financial goals. This involves assessing your current financial situation, expected expenses, and desired lifestyle post-retirement. It’s important to determine the total corpus required to generate this income through careful planning and projections.

Risk Assessment and Investment Horizon
At 57, your risk tolerance is likely moderate. Balancing risk and returns is crucial. Your investment horizon is five years, meaning you need to invest in options that provide substantial growth without exposing you to excessive risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes. This ensures that poor performance in one area doesn’t drastically impact your overall portfolio. A well-diversified portfolio is key to achieving stable returns.

Equities: The Growth Engine
Equities can be a significant part of your investment portfolio. They offer the potential for high returns, which is essential to meet your goal. Actively managed equity mutual funds, where a professional fund manager makes investment decisions, can be a good choice. These funds have the potential to outperform the market, providing higher returns than passive index funds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers use their expertise to select high-performing stocks.
Potential for Higher Returns: Active funds aim to beat the market, unlike index funds that just track it.
Flexibility: Managers can adjust the portfolio in response to market changes.
Debt Instruments: Stability and Safety
Debt instruments provide stability and lower risk. They should form a significant part of your portfolio to ensure capital preservation and steady income. Examples include government bonds, corporate bonds, and debt mutual funds.

Benefits of Debt Mutual Funds
Regular Income: Debt funds provide regular interest income.
Lower Risk: They are less volatile compared to equities.
Liquidity: Debt funds offer easy liquidity, allowing access to your money when needed.
Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
Systematic Withdrawal Plans from mutual funds can provide regular income. You can invest a lump sum in a mutual fund and withdraw a fixed amount monthly. This ensures a steady cash flow while your investment continues to grow.

Benefits of SWPs
Regular Income: Provides a fixed monthly income.
Tax Efficiency: Capital gains are taxed favorably compared to interest income.
Flexibility: You can adjust the withdrawal amount as needed.
Balancing Equity and Debt
A balanced approach is crucial. Typically, a 60:40 or 50:50 equity-to-debt ratio is advisable for someone close to retirement. This provides growth potential while ensuring stability and safety.

Mutual Funds: A Closer Look
Mutual funds offer a range of options suitable for different risk profiles and investment goals. Actively managed funds, including equity and balanced funds, can provide the growth needed to achieve your goal. Debt funds offer the stability and regular income required for retirement.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.
Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of securities, spreading risk.
Flexibility: They offer different schemes to suit various investment needs and risk appetites.
Importance of Regular Reviews
Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio ensures it remains aligned with your goals. Markets and personal circumstances change, and your portfolio should be adjusted accordingly. This involves assessing the performance of your investments and rebalancing the portfolio if necessary.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning is essential to maximize your returns. Different investment options have different tax implications. Understanding these can help you make tax-efficient investment decisions.

Tax-Efficient Investment Strategies
Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) up to Rs. 1 lakh are tax-free. Gains above this are taxed at 10%.
Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG from debt funds are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits, reducing the tax liability.
SWPs: Provide regular income while being tax-efficient due to favorable treatment of capital gains.
Contingency Planning
Having an emergency fund is crucial. It ensures you have access to funds in case of unexpected expenses without disrupting your investment plan. Typically, an emergency fund should cover 6-12 months of expenses.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation and goals. A CFP can help create a comprehensive financial plan, select appropriate investments, and provide ongoing support.

Conclusion
Achieving a monthly income of Rs. 5 lakh in five years requires careful planning, disciplined investing, and regular reviews. By understanding your financial goals, assessing your risk tolerance, and diversifying your investments, you can create a robust investment strategy.

Key Takeaways
Diversify Your Portfolio: Spread investments across equities and debt.
Opt for Actively Managed Funds: Leverage professional expertise for higher returns.
Utilize SWPs: Ensure regular income through systematic withdrawals.
Regularly Review Your Portfolio: Adjust investments as needed.
Plan for Taxes and Contingencies: Maximize returns through tax-efficient strategies and maintain an emergency fund.
Action Plan
Assess Your Financial Situation: Understand your current assets, liabilities, and income needs.

Set Clear Goals: Define your desired monthly income and the total corpus required.

Create a Diversified Portfolio: Invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments.

Opt for Actively Managed Funds: Choose funds managed by professionals for better returns.

Implement SWPs: Set up systematic withdrawals to ensure regular income.

Review and Adjust Regularly: Monitor your portfolio and make necessary adjustments.

Seek Professional Advice: Work with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance.

By following these steps, you can work towards achieving your goal of Rs. 5 lakh monthly income. Stay committed to your plan, make informed decisions, and adjust as needed. Your financial future can be secure and comfortable with the right approach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Age 62 Corpus 1.30 Cr Require 1 Lakh per month how to invest
Ans: At the age of 62, you have accumulated a corpus of Rs 1.30 crore, and you require Rs 1 lakh per month to cover your living expenses. This translates to an annual withdrawal requirement of Rs 12 lakhs. Ensuring that your corpus lasts for the rest of your life while meeting your monthly requirements is a delicate balance. Let’s assess the best investment strategy to achieve this goal.

Assessing Withdrawal Needs
Your corpus of Rs 1.30 crore needs to generate a consistent income of Rs 12 lakhs per year. A sustainable withdrawal rate that prevents your corpus from depleting too quickly is around 6-8%. At a withdrawal rate of Rs 12 lakhs per year, you’re targeting roughly a 9-10% return on your investments. This is feasible but requires a careful balance between risk and return.

Investment Strategy for Regular Income
Debt and Fixed Income Investments
A significant portion of your portfolio should be invested in safer, debt-based instruments. These will provide you with stable returns and protect your capital. Consider allocating 60-70% of your portfolio to the following options:

Senior Citizens’ Saving Scheme (SCSS): This is a safe, government-backed scheme that offers decent returns. It also provides regular payouts to meet your monthly needs.

RBI Floating Rate Bonds: These bonds are safe and provide a regular income that can help cover part of your expenses.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This scheme provides steady monthly income and is a low-risk investment option.

Corporate Bonds or High-Rated Debt Funds: While slightly riskier than government schemes, corporate bonds or high-rated debt funds offer higher returns and can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Balanced or Hybrid Mutual Funds
Since you need regular income and want to preserve your capital for the long term, hybrid or balanced mutual funds are ideal. These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing moderate returns with lower risk. Consider allocating 20-30% of your portfolio to:

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These funds invest about 65% in equities and the rest in debt. They offer growth potential while maintaining some level of safety.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically shift between equities and debt based on market conditions, offering a mix of growth and safety.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
To ensure a regular income stream, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in your mutual fund portfolio. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month while the remaining corpus continues to grow. SWPs from balanced or hybrid funds can help you generate income and offer some capital appreciation over time.

Inflation and Rising Expenses
One of the key challenges in retirement planning is inflation. While your expenses are Rs 1 lakh per month today, they will likely increase over time. Therefore, it’s important to invest in instruments that can offer growth above inflation. This is where equity investments come in.

Equity Exposure for Long-Term Growth
To counter the effects of inflation, a small portion of your corpus should be invested in equity mutual funds. Consider allocating 10-15% of your portfolio to equity mutual funds. These funds will help grow your corpus and ensure you don’t run out of money in the long term. Focus on:

Large-Cap Equity Funds: These funds are relatively stable and invest in established companies, offering consistent long-term returns.

Dividend Yield Funds: These funds invest in companies that regularly pay dividends, providing you with an additional income stream.

Emergency Fund
Given your need for regular income, it’s important to have an emergency fund. Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid form, such as a savings account or short-term FD. This will ensure you don’t have to dip into your investments for unforeseen expenses.

Tax Implications
Tax planning is crucial, especially when withdrawing from your corpus. Here’s a brief overview of taxation on mutual funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

By withdrawing strategically using an SWP, you can reduce your tax liability and ensure efficient tax management.

Final Insights
At 62, preserving your capital while generating regular income is essential. A diversified portfolio of debt instruments, balanced mutual funds, and a small exposure to equity can help you achieve your goal of generating Rs 1 lakh per month. Focus on:

Allocating 60-70% to debt instruments for stable, regular income.
Investing 20-30% in hybrid mutual funds for growth and safety.
Allocating 10-15% to equity mutual funds for long-term growth and inflation protection.
Setting up an SWP for monthly withdrawals while allowing your corpus to grow.
Maintaining an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses.
By following this balanced approach, you can ensure a steady income throughout retirement and maintain your financial independence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
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I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
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I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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