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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ramakrishnan Question by Ramakrishnan on Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money

I will retire end of this year and all my commitments are done, also no liabilities. I have a self owned apartment where Ism staying with my wife. Have invested close to 2 crores, mainly in stocks and mutual funds. On retirement, I will have a corpus of around 85 lakhs. Have sufficient health insurance and term life insurances. My job is non pensionable and I am targeting a yearly requirement of around 12 lakhs. Will my corpus + past investments provide this requirement ?

Ans: Retirement planning is a significant milestone, and your preparation is commendable. Having invested Rs 2 crores and having a retirement corpus of Rs 85 lakhs shows foresight and discipline. With your target of Rs 12 lakhs per year, let's assess if your investments can sustain your needs.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You have a self-owned apartment and no liabilities. This is a solid foundation as housing costs are often a major expense for retirees. Your health and term insurance cover potential unforeseen expenses, reducing financial strain in emergencies. Your job is non-pensionable, making your investments crucial for generating a steady retirement income.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your investment of Rs 2 crores in stocks and mutual funds indicates a diversified approach. These investments can provide growth and income through dividends and capital gains. The additional Rs 85 lakhs corpus boosts your financial security. Let's assess how to utilize these resources effectively to meet your yearly requirement.

Annual Income Requirement Analysis
You aim to have Rs 12 lakhs per year for expenses. This translates to Rs 1 lakh per month. To determine if your corpus and investments can support this, we need to consider factors like expected returns, inflation, and withdrawal strategy.

Expected Returns and Inflation
Assume your investments provide an average annual return of 8%. This is a reasonable expectation for a balanced portfolio of stocks and mutual funds. However, inflation, which reduces purchasing power over time, must be considered. If inflation is around 6%, the real return is approximately 2%.

Withdrawal Strategy
A systematic withdrawal plan can help manage your finances effectively. With a corpus of Rs 2.85 crores (Rs 2 crores + Rs 85 lakhs), withdrawing Rs 12 lakhs annually is sustainable if managed well. A withdrawal rate of around 4% is often recommended for retirees to ensure longevity of funds.

Diversification and Asset Allocation
Diversification across various asset classes is essential. While stocks and mutual funds provide growth, consider including debt funds, fixed deposits, and bonds for stability. This reduces risk and ensures a steady income stream. A balanced portfolio can withstand market fluctuations better and provide consistent returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market through professional management. Fund managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, aiming for higher returns. Index funds, which mirror market indices, may have lower fees but lack the potential for outperformance. Actively managed funds, despite higher fees, can offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios since they bypass intermediaries. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) using regular plans provides professional advice and expertise. A CFP can help tailor investments to your needs, rebalance your portfolio, and make strategic adjustments. The cost of regular funds is often offset by the benefits of professional guidance.

Creating a Retirement Income Plan
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures liquidity for unexpected needs without disturbing your investments.

Debt Instruments: Allocate a portion of your corpus to debt instruments like fixed deposits, bonds, and debt mutual funds. These provide stable returns and reduce risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan: Use a systematic withdrawal plan from your mutual funds. This ensures a regular income stream while allowing the remaining corpus to grow.

Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This balances growth potential and risk.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Adjust based on market conditions, performance, and changing financial goals.

Ensuring Financial Security
Regularly monitor your expenses and adjust your budget if necessary. Keep an eye on your investment performance and consult with your CFP periodically. Ensure that your investment strategy aligns with your long-term goals and risk tolerance.

Importance of Health and Life Insurance
You have sufficient health and term life insurance, which is excellent. This protects against high medical costs and provides financial security for your spouse. Regularly review your policies to ensure they meet your needs.

Conclusion
Your preparation for retirement is impressive. With a corpus of Rs 2.85 crores and a target of Rs 12 lakhs per year, your financial plan looks sustainable. Diversify your investments, maintain a balanced portfolio, and use a systematic withdrawal plan. Regularly consult with a Certified Financial Planner to adjust your strategy as needed. This approach will help ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I am 48 yrs old and plan to retire in next 1 year with life expectancy 75 yrs. My current montly expense is 1.25 Lakhs and value of current investment is 5.5 cr so please suggest is the corpus sufficient till my death and also after my death will any corpus will be balance out of 5.5 cr so that i can pass on to my kids.
Ans: To assess if your current corpus is sufficient for your retirement and if there will be a remaining corpus to pass on to your kids, we need to consider several factors:

Retirement Expenses: Your monthly expenses are Rs. 1.25 lakhs, which amounts to Rs. 15 lakhs annually. Considering a life expectancy of 75 years, we need to estimate your expenses for the next 27 years.
Current Investments: With a corpus of Rs. 5.5 crores, we need to determine if this amount can sustain your retirement expenses for the next 27 years, factoring in inflation and investment returns.
Legacy Planning: If there is a remaining corpus after your retirement, it can be passed on to your kids as part of your legacy. Consider the potential growth of your investments and any potential bequests or inheritances you wish to leave for your children.
Inflation and Investment Returns: Consider the impact of inflation on your expenses and the potential investment returns on your corpus. Adjust your retirement planning accordingly to ensure your corpus can keep pace with inflation and continue to support your lifestyle.
To accurately determine if your current corpus is sufficient and if there will be a remaining corpus for your kids, it's advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner. They can analyze your financial situation comprehensively, consider various scenarios, and provide personalized recommendations tailored to your goals and aspirations.

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Hi i am 49 and currently have a total corpus of approx 2.5 crs ( 1cr in MF/50 lacs in stocks/ another 80-90 lacs in PF/ EPF/ NPS and some other instruments.i am planning to retire in 13 years i.e at 62 . i will be able to accumulate another 5 cr approx more till then and with the current portfolio and interests of those looking at 10 cr of corpus then . will it be sufficient for my 15- 17 years of life after that looking at 3-4 lakhs montly expenses then
Ans: With a planned retirement in 13 years and an estimated total corpus of around 7.5 crores, your goal of achieving a corpus of 10 crores by retirement seems achievable. However, it's essential to conduct a detailed analysis to ensure financial sustainability for the subsequent 15-17 years.

Consider the following factors:

Inflation: Account for inflation in your expense calculations to maintain the purchasing power of your corpus over time.
Investment Returns: Assess the expected returns from your current investments and future contributions to meet your target corpus.
Expenses: Review your anticipated expenses post-retirement, including healthcare, travel, and other lifestyle needs.
Contingency Planning: Build a buffer for unforeseen expenses or emergencies to safeguard your retirement corpus.
Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust your investment strategy if needed to stay on track towards your retirement goals.
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and retirement aspirations. With careful planning and prudent management, you can aim for financial security and peace of mind in your retirement years.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 11, 2024Hindi
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I am 56 and working in a MNC at Bangalore. I have a retirement corpus of 2 crore which includes PF, Gratuity, Super annuation, FDs and MF investment. I want to quit corporate life immediately and want to work wherein work life balance is better for another 6-8 years. I do have own house, a plot, term & medical insurance and completed my responsibilities ( son’s education, marriage). My question is whether this 2 crore corpus is enough to survive for next 30 years ( average yearly expenses is about 7.2L)
Ans: It's fantastic that you've accumulated a substantial retirement corpus and are considering transitioning to a work-life balance that suits you better. Let's assess whether your 2 crore corpus is sufficient to sustain you for the next 30 years:

• Assess Expenses: With an average yearly expense of 7.2 lakhs, it's crucial to ensure your retirement corpus can cover your lifestyle needs comfortably. Take into account inflation and any potential increase in expenses over time.

• Calculate Withdrawal Rate: Determine a sustainable withdrawal rate from your corpus that allows you to maintain your desired lifestyle without depleting your savings too quickly. A commonly recommended withdrawal rate is around 3-4% of your total corpus annually.

• Consider Investment Returns: Assess the potential returns on your investments and how they'll contribute to your income stream during retirement. Given your mix of FDs and MF investments, factor in both the interest earned and the growth potential of your mutual funds.

• Account for Inflation: Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your savings over time. Ensure your retirement income is indexed to inflation to maintain your standard of living throughout your retirement years.

• Emergency Fund: Set aside a portion of your corpus as an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses or emergencies that may arise during retirement.

• Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare expenses may increase. Make sure you have adequate health insurance coverage and provisions for any potential medical costs in your retirement planning.

• Consult a Financial Advisor: Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner who can conduct a comprehensive analysis of your financial situation and retirement goals. They can provide personalized recommendations and help you develop a retirement income strategy that aligns with your objectives.

• Review and Adjust: Regularly review your retirement plan and make adjustments as needed based on changes in your lifestyle, expenses, and investment performance. Stay flexible and adaptable to ensure your financial security throughout retirement.

In conclusion, while a retirement corpus of 2 crore is a significant achievement, it's essential to carefully assess whether it can sustain your desired lifestyle and expenses over the next 30 years. By considering factors like inflation, investment returns, and healthcare costs, and seeking professional advice, you can make informed decisions and enjoy a fulfilling retirement with peace of mind.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 47 years old. I have a corpus of about 3.4Cr of which about 1.5Cr is in equities(Mostly large cap) & ETFs and rest is FD and PF. Apart from this, I have about Rs 72000 rental income. I have a term insurance and family medical insurance. I need to work for atleast another 3 years to cover my elder son's education and need a corpus for my 14 yrs old daughter's education of say about 50L. I can invest around 2L per month in SIPs. Given all this, how much more retirement corpus I need to have a regular monthly income of 2L? Thanks for replying.
Ans: It's great to see you've built a substantial corpus and are planning for your future financial needs. Let's analyze your situation and determine the steps needed to achieve your goals.

Current Financial Status
Corpus Allocation
Your corpus of ?3.4 crore, with a significant portion in equities, FDs, and PF, reflects a diversified investment approach.

Additional Income
The rental income of ?72,000 per annum provides an additional source of cash flow, contributing to your overall financial stability.

Future Financial Goals
Education Expenses
You have identified the need for ?50 lakh for your daughter's education in 14 years and have committed to investing ?2 lakh per month in SIPs to achieve this goal.

Retirement Planning
To secure a regular monthly income of ?2 lakh post-retirement, we need to calculate the additional retirement corpus required.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Desired Monthly Income
A monthly income of ?2 lakh translates to an annual income of ?24 lakh post-retirement.

Withdrawal Rate
Assuming a conservative withdrawal rate of 5-6% from the retirement corpus, we can estimate the required corpus as follows:

?24,00,000 / 0.05 = ?4.8 crore
?24,00,000 / 0.06 = ?4 crore

Gap Analysis
Current Retirement Corpus
Your current corpus of ?3.4 crore is significant but falls short of the required retirement corpus.

Additional Savings
To bridge the gap, you may consider increasing your monthly SIP contributions or exploring other investment avenues that offer potential for higher returns.

Asset Allocation
Review your asset allocation to ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and investment goals, especially considering the need for regular income post-retirement.

Conclusion
While you have made commendable progress towards your financial goals, there is a need to augment your retirement corpus to secure a regular monthly income of ?2 lakh post-retirement. By reassessing your investment strategy, increasing your savings rate, and exploring suitable investment options, you can work towards achieving financial independence and ensuring a comfortable retirement.

If you require further assistance or personalized advice, feel free to reach out. I'm here to support you in navigating your financial journey and achieving your objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6347 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 51 years man with wife 48 years old. I have one daughter 22 years who is working. I have 5.1 cr in mutual fund SIP. 1.2 cr. PF. Houses which i can sale 1.8 cr and 1.2 cr in bank and other investments. I would be saving another around 10 cr in next 9 years of my service and growth of my mutual funds I would like to know two things 1. How much corpus is required for good retirement 2. With the corpus of around 9 cr. Can i retire
Ans: It’s clear you’ve made significant strides in building a strong financial foundation. Let’s delve into your queries with a comprehensive assessment.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Current Assets

You have amassed Rs 5.1 crore in mutual fund SIPs, Rs 1.2 crore in PF, and Rs 1.2 crore in bank and other investments. You also own properties worth Rs 1.8 crore. This brings your total current assets to Rs 9.3 crore.

Future Savings

Over the next nine years, you anticipate saving an additional Rs 10 crore, which, coupled with the growth of your existing mutual funds, will further bolster your financial position.

Assessing Retirement Corpus Requirements
Living Expenses Post-Retirement

First, estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Consider inflation, healthcare, travel, and lifestyle changes. If we assume monthly expenses of Rs 1.5 lakh, this translates to Rs 18 lakh annually.

Life Expectancy and Inflation

Let’s assume a life expectancy of 85 years. That means your retirement could last for approximately 34 years. Given inflation, a conservative estimate might see these expenses doubling every 12 years.

Calculating Required Corpus

To sustain Rs 18 lakh annually for 34 years, accounting for inflation, a retirement corpus needs to be substantial. Generally, using a withdrawal rate of 4% is a safe rule of thumb. This implies you would need approximately Rs 4.5 crore just to cover expenses without depleting the principal.

However, considering inflation and healthcare, a more realistic figure would be closer to Rs 7-8 crore.

Can You Retire with a Corpus of Rs 9 Crore?
Current Corpus and Future Growth

Your current assets of Rs 9.3 crore are substantial. With an additional Rs 10 crore savings projected over the next nine years, your total corpus could potentially exceed Rs 19 crore.

Investment Growth

Assuming a moderate growth rate of 8% annually for your mutual funds and other investments, this corpus could indeed grow significantly. Diversifying your portfolio to include a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes will help mitigate risks and ensure steady growth.

Retirement Timeline

At 51, planning to retire in nine years at 60, you have ample time to strategize and optimize your investments. This period is crucial for ensuring your corpus is well-managed and continues to grow.

Detailed Analysis and Strategic Recommendations
Mutual Fund Strategy

Your Rs 5.1 crore in mutual funds should be evaluated periodically. Actively managed funds tend to outperform index funds due to professional management and strategic adjustments. Focus on funds with consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and a track record of weathering market volatility.

Avoiding Index Funds

Index funds, while cost-effective, often underperform during market downturns. Actively managed funds offer the advantage of tactical asset allocation and better risk management. This is crucial in ensuring your retirement corpus is not significantly impacted by market fluctuations.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds may seem attractive due to lower expense ratios. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures expert guidance, strategic planning, and comprehensive financial advice. Regular funds, managed through an MFD with CFP credentials, offer better long-term value despite slightly higher costs.

Diversification and Risk Management

Diversifying your portfolio is essential. Allocate assets across equity, debt, and other instruments. Equity offers growth potential, while debt provides stability. Consider balanced funds that offer a mix of both, ensuring steady returns with reduced volatility.

Health Insurance and Contingency Planning

As you approach retirement, prioritize health insurance. Opt for a comprehensive family floater plan with high coverage to protect against unforeseen medical expenses. This ensures your retirement corpus remains intact for its intended purpose.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund of at least six months' expenses in a liquid instrument. This ensures liquidity during unexpected financial needs without disrupting your investment strategy.

Final Insights
Ongoing Financial Planning

Regularly review and adjust your financial plan. Market conditions, personal circumstances, and financial goals evolve. Continuous assessment ensures your plan remains aligned with your retirement objectives.

Professional Guidance

Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides valuable insights, strategic planning, and peace of mind. Their expertise helps navigate complex financial landscapes and optimizes your investment strategy.

Empathy and Appreciation

Your dedication to securing your financial future is commendable. Balancing current needs with future goals is challenging, but your proactive approach positions you for a comfortable retirement. It’s crucial to continue this disciplined approach and seek professional advice when needed.

Retirement Dreams

With a projected corpus exceeding Rs 19 crore, you are well-positioned for a comfortable retirement. This allows for a fulfilling lifestyle, travel, and pursuing passions without financial stress.

In conclusion, your current and future financial outlook is promising. With careful planning, strategic investments, and professional guidance, you can achieve a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I'm 37 and I just started to invest in MFs regularly. My investments are listed below. Except a couple of them, all of them are either 1 month to a few days old. As mentioned below, started SIP of 40000 between Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 and Nippon india small cap. I would like to invest 40000 more in SIPs making my total investment as 1CR over the next 10 years, in the hopes of creating a portfolio of 2 CR with a 12% return on year. I understand that there are 11 MFs here but appreciate your suggestions on trimming this down while meeting the above mentioned financial goal. Thanks. 1. Motilal Oswal Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value 50000: 2. Nippon India Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 50000: 3. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value:70277: 4. Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Reg-G: One Time: Investment: 24998: Current Value:38598: 5. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 52727: 6. Axis ELSS Tax Saver Dir-G: One Time: Investment:30000: Current Value: 63863: 7. Nippon India Large Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 49999.99: Current Value: 52358: 8. Motilal Oswal Midcap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 50000: Current Value: 54061: 9. Quant Small Cap Dir-G: One Time: Investment: 100000: Current Value: 103437: 10. Motilal Oswal Nifty Midcap 150 Dir-G: SIP: Investment:19999.98 Current Value: 20319: 11. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G: SIP: Investment: 20000: Current Value 20040:
Ans: 1. Nifty 500 Momentum 50 Index is a recently introduced index and hence also your funds based on this index. The back tested results look attractive however I recommend you to monitor them closely for 2-3 years and if you feel not sure about their progress you may exit and redeploy proceeds into PPFAS flexicap fund and Nippon large cap fund.

2. The additional 40 K sip proposed maybe split between either ELSS(for tax saving too) or PPFAS flexicap and Nippon India large cap fund.

3. You may merge your ELSS investments into one fund, my advice would be Mirae Asset ELSS.

4. This will help rationalize number of funds in your portfolio from 10(+2) to 7.

5. Discipline, focus and periodic review in MF investment are a must!

6. As you reach closer to your target transfer the gains from equity funds to liquid/debt funds to protect it from volatility.

I am quite hopeful that you may very well achieve the intended target with the right approach.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Relationship
I met a women through a matrimonial site. I live abroad and she lives in India. I am 42 and she is 40 years old. We spoke for about 6 months. Then I came to India. Spent some time together and even met the parents. We both like each other. And have the blessings of the parents. But the problem is distance. I am very close to attaining citizenship. But still see that the process and getting an OCI could take at least 2 years. She has a good job with the central government in India. She has decent career prospects, in the country where I live. Initially, she was not interested in marrying anyone living abroad. I raised this with her when we spoke. She had come to where I live for a short diploma course, and was okay in talking with me. When I met her parents, they were also okay with her moving abroad. So far things have been good, but now we are trying to fix the dates for marriage, and trying to solve the long distance issue. I suggested that she could take a sabbatical and spend some time, or if possible pursue higher education. so she need not leave her job in India. Given her current background she also has good career prospects already. However she panics now every time I try to breach this topic. She is scared even to research n life abroad, and now she feels it is better we break up. She admits that , she is a chronic overthinker, I have been very careful in dealing with difficult topics. She has had a relatively easy life, whereas I am used to dealing with challenges personal and professional setbacks. It is really difficult to connect with someone, irrespective of age. I have worked for 18 years in India, and not keen to go through the toxic culture and harsh corporate life. She has a transferable job in India, so even in India we might struggle to be together. I am okay with retiring, from a corpoarte jb and seeking another career which would keep me financially independant and help me lead a meanigful existene. I am exploring ways, but thiis is going to take time. We both considered all the scenarios, and agreed that if she finds a good job abroad, would be relatiely the easier path. But now she is not even ready to consider this and becomes very anxious. . I feel I am more, happy healthy living abroad than in India. I was diabetic in India, and am now off medicines , after moving abroad. It has been easier for me to lead a happy and healthy life abroad, even though I live alone. I am wondering how to approach this. I do not want to hurt anyone. I can understand why she is anxious. I have told her that she does not have to leave her job, she only has to research if she has good prospects. I even offered to get her in touch with folks who have made such transition. I gave her contact details of consultants who can advic her on her career prospects. Visa etc is not an issue. Please advise if I can salvage this relationship or better to accept defeat. I really like her and do not want to hurt her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your concerns. It is a tough choice- both for you and her. On one hand, we can't completely deny her concerns either. She has a good job here and the fear is only fair. But, given her chronic overthinking, she must have already created a worse scenario in her head. It sounds like you both are in a difficult spot where you care for each other deeply but life-changing decisions are creating anxiety. No matter how much you tell her, it isn't going to help. She has to come to terms with it herself. but there are some things you can do to speed up the process-

Acknowledge the fear- Don't make her feel like she is wrong to think this way, or that she is merely overthinking. There is some logic to her fears. Acknowledge that. It does not mean you are encouraging them. Just let her know that any big life decisions are bound to cause some panic in a person and her feelings are completely valid.

Encourage her to take small steps- Instead of asking her to talk to people who have made the shift, try casually including stories of such people in a normal daily conversation once in a while. It would not feel like a commitment but also give her an idea.

Frame the discussion in a better way- For instance, instead of focusing on the move, discuss the life you will be building together. This will give her a scope to see what she can gain if only she can get over her fears.

Do not rush- Big life decisions can't be taken in a hurry. So, give her that space and time. In the meantime, you can continue with life as it was. Let her know that there isn't a timeframe within which she has to decide. This isn't an ultimatum. Sometimes a few kind words can make all the difference.

It's still not time to give up. Is she worth trying a little more? If yes, try. Create a space that is free of judgment where she can openly share her worries, no matter how trivial they might be. It can seem that you are putting in all the effort, but for a chronic overthinker, even considering or trying to overcome a set fear is a big task. Give her a little more time. I am sure things will work out soon.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
So, i've started talking to this girl who was a classmate during my college. We've never talked all this time... But we started talking only after 7 years... She was currently working near my home town.. and i am working in a neighbouring state. It is 3 or 4months now.. we are talking and we liked each other...like.. we were in the same situations in life... Like.. we both lost our mothers.. and we are from the same community.. but the deadlock came here in the guise of religion. She belongs to one and i belong to another... Even though we both from same caste... We had a discussion before like.. even though we like each other... she cant move forward in relation because of religion. We had am understanding for sometime... But recently we had a discussion over the same topic and we had a fight... Now the girl and i are not fully talking to each other... Cause she was frightened on what could happen to us if we move forward in a relationship and it fails... Because we are not a stage to try and test things because we both are 29 and you know how it will be in family for a girl... So pleaseee give me advice how to save this relationship... Because i dont want to miss this girl at all. Please...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tough spot, but if she has truly made up her mind not to proceed with the relationship, especially based on something as sensitive as religion, I cannot advise you to pursue her or try to convince her further. The only thing you can do is have one last open discussion where you express your feelings and the things you are willing to do to make this relationship work out. And for one last time, you can ask her, and only ask, if she would be willing to give it another try. If the answer is still a no, I am sorry, but it would not be wise to continue pushing this. If religion is important to her or an integral part of her family values, it would be selfish to ask her to set that aside for you.

I hope things work out for you.


Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |314 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi sir, I’m planning to start a new life with my girlfriend for rest of my life leaving our both families aside. Reason to do that is, I’m recently married with other girl, and my gf married to other guy. We both didn’t even completed 6 months. We are not happy with our life partners. The reason we Got married to other is lack of courage to fight elders by my girlfriend but now she is ready to do fight or even leave them aside for me and start a new complete life.I’m a simple corporate working guy. We are completely decided to live together whatever happens. Our parents wont accept us as they are thinking about our married partners. Whats the best advice you would give to us to start new life in other state?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

This is a huge decision. First, I would advise both of you to think this through. I am not discouraging you because a broken marriage is far better than a forced one. But if you have even the slightest tinge of doubt, don't rush it. A lot of people are involved in this.

Here are my two cents-

Respect your current marriage- Even if you decide to leave your spouses, you have to handle this situation responsibly and with respect. You are in love with each other, but your current partners are going to suffer for it, through no fault of their own. The least you can do is part ways with kindness and integrity.

Legalities- Divorces can be a long and complicated process. It takes a financial and mental toll on people. Be prepared for that, especially since you do not have the support of your family.

Mental health- Here I am not only talking about your mental health, you need to consider your current spouse's mental health too. And though leaving behind your family seems to be the only option, it is still a big decision. Make sure both you and your girlfriend are in the right frame of mind when you finalize the decision.

As for building a new life in a new city, as exciting as it is, it will be equally challenging. Plan everything to the last detail- finances, living arrangements, job, etc. Before you make the move, make sure both of you are financially independent and self-sufficient. That's the only way to tackle any hurdles.

My best advice is to make this decision very carefully and approach the situation with empathy for all parties involved. I urge you to be honest with your current partner, instead of ever resorting to gaslighting. This is on you, but it would be easy to pin this on your spouse. Don't take the easy route. Take the right one.

I hope things work out for you with no one getting irreparably hurt.

Best wishes.

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