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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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I want to retire at 46, I am single unmarried, I have fixed deposit 90 lakh, 73 lakh in provident fund , PPF, NPS . Can I take voluntary retirement now at 46.

Ans: Your decision to retire at 46 is bold and inspiring. With a fixed deposit of Rs 90 lakh and Rs 73 lakh in provident fund, PPF, and NPS, you have a strong foundation. However, early retirement requires a detailed financial strategy to sustain your lifestyle for decades.

Key Considerations Before Retiring

Duration of Retirement

Retiring at 46 means planning for 40+ years of expenses.
Your corpus must support rising costs due to inflation.
Current Savings and Investments

Fixed deposits provide safety but offer limited growth.
Provident fund, PPF, and NPS are good for stability but lack liquidity.
Expenses Analysis

Assess your monthly expenses and project future costs.
Include inflation, healthcare, and lifestyle changes in calculations.
Challenges of Relying on Current Corpus

Inflation Impact

Inflation reduces the purchasing power of fixed returns.
Your corpus must grow to outpace inflation.
Lack of Liquidity

Provident fund, PPF, and NPS have withdrawal restrictions.
These funds may not be easily accessible during emergencies.
Long-Term Healthcare Needs

Healthcare costs are rising rapidly.
Without proper planning, these can deplete your savings.
Steps to Secure Early Retirement

Reassess Your Asset Allocation

Diversify your portfolio to include growth-oriented investments.
Equity mutual funds can help achieve inflation-beating returns.
Optimise Fixed Deposits

Fixed deposits offer low post-tax returns.
Shift a portion to debt mutual funds for better returns and tax efficiency.
Leverage Your NPS Investments

Use the NPS for long-term growth with equity allocation.
Regularly review its performance and adjust allocations if needed.
Creating a Sustainable Income Plan

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

Use SWPs from mutual funds to generate a steady income.
This ensures cash flow while allowing your corpus to grow.
Emergency Fund Allocation

Maintain an emergency fund of Rs 10-15 lakh in a liquid fund.
This provides liquidity for unforeseen expenses without disrupting investments.
Health and Term Insurance

Ensure adequate health insurance to cover rising medical costs.
A term plan can protect your family if needed.
Tax-Efficient Wealth Management

Reduce Tax Liabilities

Fixed deposits and PPF offer limited tax-saving benefits.
Equity mutual funds provide better post-tax returns.
Strategic Withdrawals

Withdraw funds in a tax-efficient manner to minimise taxes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimise withdrawals.
Inflation-Proof Portfolio Strategy

Equity for Long-Term Growth

Increase exposure to actively managed equity mutual funds.
These funds aim to outperform and deliver inflation-beating returns.
Balanced Portfolio Allocation

Maintain a balance between equity and debt instruments.
This ensures stability while providing growth.
Avoid Over-Reliance on Index Funds

Index funds follow the market and may not offer superior returns.
Actively managed funds adapt to market changes for better performance.
Lifestyle and Financial Discipline

Review Your Lifestyle Needs

Assess your lifestyle and create a realistic budget for retirement.
Control discretionary expenses to extend the life of your corpus.
Plan for Future Goals

Allocate funds for long-term goals such as travel or philanthropy.
Regularly review and adjust your plan as circumstances change.
Stay Invested for Growth

Avoid holding excessive cash or low-return instruments.
Long-term investments are key to maintaining purchasing power.
Finally

Early retirement is possible with disciplined planning and execution.
Reassess your asset allocation to ensure sustained income and growth.
Invest in a diversified portfolio for inflation-beating returns.
Regularly review your financial plan and make adjustments when needed.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 01, 2024Hindi
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Money
I want to retire next year i m 45. My current corpus 15 lac mf , 50 lac fd , 10 lac plot , 24 lac bond & ncd , own house. No liabilities. Monthly expenses 22k. Can i retire
Ans: With a comprehensive portfolio and no liabilities, you're in a favorable position to consider retirement at 45. Let's assess your financial readiness to retire next year based on your current assets and expenses:

Existing Corpus:

Mutual Funds: Rs 15 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs 50 lakh
Plot: Rs 10 lakh
Bonds & NCDs: Rs 24 lakh
Own House: Value not specified
Monthly Expenses:

Your monthly expenses amount to Rs 22,000.
Given these figures, let's analyze your retirement prospects:

Sustainable Income:

Calculate the annual income generated from your existing corpus (mutual funds, fixed deposits, bonds & NCDs). Consider average returns and tax implications.
Ensure that the income generated from your investments is sufficient to cover your monthly expenses of Rs 22,000 and any additional retirement expenses.
Evaluate Future Expenses:

Anticipate any changes in your expenses post-retirement. Consider factors like healthcare costs, travel, and leisure activities.
Ensure that your retirement corpus can support these potential expenses and provide a comfortable lifestyle throughout your retirement years.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and set aside for unexpected expenses or emergencies.
Consideration of Inflation:

Factor in the impact of inflation on your expenses and investment returns. Ensure that your retirement corpus can keep pace with inflation to maintain your purchasing power over time.
Professional Advice:

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to evaluate your retirement readiness comprehensively.
A CFP can assess your financial situation, retirement goals, and investment strategy to determine if you're adequately prepared for retirement.
Based on the information provided, retiring at 45 appears feasible given your substantial corpus, low expenses, and lack of liabilities. However, it's essential to conduct a thorough analysis, consider potential contingencies, and seek professional advice to ensure a smooth transition into retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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I AM 46 YEAR OLOD WITH 42 YEARS OLD WIFE AND 2 KIDS AGED 12 & 7.I HAVE CORPUS OF ABOUT 1.7CR IN PF,30 L IN NPS , 75L IN PPF,40L INMFS AND 40 LAKHS IN FDS.I AHVE MY OWN HOME IN TIER 2 CITY.CAN I RETIRE WITHIN A YEAR.
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Position
Your corpus is Rs. 3.55 crore, spread across various investment options.

PF (Rs. 1.7 crore) offers security and regular income post-retirement.

NPS (Rs. 30 lakh) provides a partial annuity option, though withdrawal rules apply.

PPF (Rs. 75 lakh) is risk-free with tax-free returns but has liquidity restrictions.

Mutual funds (Rs. 40 lakh) give growth potential but are market-linked.

FDs (Rs. 40 lakh) provide stability but may not beat inflation.

You own a home, which secures your housing needs.

Your spouse (42 years) and kids (12 and 7 years) add ongoing financial responsibilities.

Is Retirement Feasible Within a Year?
Retiring at 46 is achievable but depends on expense control and inflation.

Your corpus can support early retirement with disciplined investment.

Children's education and healthcare costs are key considerations.

Planning for Children’s Education
Higher education costs will increase significantly in the next 5-10 years.

Allocate separate funds for this goal in debt or balanced instruments.

Use PPF maturity or part of FDs for these expenses.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Set aside 12-18 months of expenses as an emergency fund (Rs. 6-9 lakh).

Liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts are ideal for emergencies.

This provides financial security during unforeseen events.

Insurance Coverage Assessment
Ensure adequate health insurance for your family, including top-up plans.

Consider health coverage of at least Rs. 20-25 lakh for medical emergencies.

Reassess life insurance for you and your spouse post-retirement.

Addressing Inflation
Inflation will erode your purchasing power over the years.

Allocate a portion of your corpus to equity mutual funds for growth.

Balanced investment ensures long-term financial stability.

Asset Allocation Strategy Post-Retirement
Equity Allocation
Invest 40%-45% in equity mutual funds for inflation-beating returns.

Choose actively managed large-cap or flexi-cap funds for moderate risk.

Avoid sector-specific or small-cap funds at this stage.

Debt Allocation
Keep 40%-45% in debt instruments like PPF, debt funds, and SCSS.

Debt funds offer better post-tax returns than FDs.

Use staggered withdrawals from PPF to fund expenses.

Gold Allocation
Maintain gold allocation through SGB or gold ETFs if needed.

Avoid increasing allocation as it doesn’t generate income.

Liquid Assets
Keep 5%-10% of your portfolio in liquid funds or savings accounts.

This ensures liquidity for short-term needs.

Generating Regular Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
Use SWPs from mutual funds for tax-efficient monthly income.

Start with a 3%-4% annual withdrawal rate.

Reinvest unspent amounts to preserve corpus.

Laddered Fixed Deposits
Use laddered FDs for periodic and predictable cash flows.

Avoid reinvesting in FDs during low-interest rate cycles.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS offers stable returns but is taxable.

Invest within limits to balance stability and tax efficiency.

Tax Planning
Equity mutual funds’ LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG on equity funds is taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds’ LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your tax slab.

Plan withdrawals carefully to minimise tax liability.

LIC and Investment Plans
If you hold LIC or investment-linked insurance, review its returns.

Surrender low-performing plans and reinvest in mutual funds for higher growth.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed assessment.

Steps to Minimise Risks
Diversify across asset classes to reduce dependency on any one investment.

Review your portfolio annually to maintain balance.

Avoid emotional decision-making during market fluctuations.

Long-Term Financial Monitoring
Regularly review your spending to ensure it aligns with your plan.

Adjust your asset allocation based on lifestyle changes and market performance.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for timely updates.

Final Insights
Your current corpus can support early retirement with efficient planning. Allocate funds wisely for children’s education and inflation. Build a diversified portfolio to ensure growth and stability. Prioritise regular income generation and tax efficiency.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6750 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2025

Career
Sir i have given 12th in 2025 and passed with 69% but not given jee exam in 2025 and not in 2026 also But i want iit anyhow sir is this possible that i give 12th in 2027 and cleared 75 criteria then give jee mains and also i am eligible for jee advanced
Ans: You have already appeared for and passed the Class 12 examination in 2025. As per the eligibility criteria, only two consecutive attempts for JEE (Advanced) are permitted—the first in 2025 and the second in 2026. Therefore, you will not be eligible to appear for JEE (Advanced) in 2027. Reappearing for Class 12 does not reset or extend JEE (Advanced) eligibility.

However, you can still achieve your goal of studying at an IIT through an alternative and well-established pathway. You may take admission to an undergraduate engineering program of your choice, appear for the GATE examination in your final year, and secure a qualifying score to gain admission to a postgraduate program at a top IIT.

This is a strong and viable route to IIT. At this stage, it would be advisable to move forward by enrolling in an engineering program rather than focusing again on Class 12, JEE Main, or JEE Advanced.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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