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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |858 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 25, 2024Hindi
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"I am 39.7 years old and aiming for a corpus of ?5 crore. I have two daughters (9 and 3 years old), a term insurance of ?2 crore, helath insurance of 15 lacs and 3 lacs from company and two Sukanya accounts (?3.5 lakh and ?1.5 lakh). After a gap of 2-3 years due to loan liabilities, I resumed investments and have started a SIP of ?15,000 monthly, investing ?10,000-10000 monthly in Sukanya accounts, Total YTD in one account is 3.8lacs and 1.7lacs and running Jeevan Tarun LIC policies for both daughters (?2,052 investing from 8 years and ?2,450 investing from 2 years premiums for 20 years). I also have LIC policies for myself and my spouse, Max Life policy maturing in 2027, and invest in PPF and gold monthly. Am I on the right track to reach my financial goals, or should I adjust my investments?"

Ans: Hello;

You have adequate term life insurance plan (2 Cr).

Then it is not efficient to invest in additional endowment policies of life insurance (LIC Jeevan Tarun, individual LIC policies for yourself and spouse plus max life policy maturing in 2027) for the plain and simple reason that they yield a very poor return on your investment.

If at all you have to invest through insurance(after adequate term life insurance)then atleast go for ULIP plans with premiums adjusted in such a way that single policy premium does not exceed 2.5 L per year so that will ensure that you get exposure to equity asset class and also avoid paying capital gain tax thanks to provision of sec 10(10)D.

Another excellent option for retirement planning is NPS which enjoys E-E-E status.

Now coming to your investments, a sip of 15 K will yield you a sum of 1.72 Cr after 20 years (pure equity funds assumed yielding modest return of 13%)

SSY1 is expected to provide you a sum of 33 L

SSY2 is expected to provide you a sum of 59 L (7.75% aggregate return assumed)

PPF considering extended span of 20 years will yield you a sum of 66 L.(7.1% return considered)
This when added together will yield a corpus of 3.3 Cr.
Both Jeevan Tarun policies are expected to yield a cumulative sum of around 20 L, adding this to your corpus it comes to 3.5 Cr.
Add to this the maturity proceeds you are expected to receive from LIC policies for self, spouse, any EPF corpus and max life policy maturity value.
If this meets your target corpus needs then it is great else I recommend you to top-up the sip amount by 10-15% every year.

Buying gold systematically is fine but physical gold has security concerns hence it is better to invest in gold mutual funds/ETFs. (Allocation to gold as an asset class should not be more then 10-12% of your portfolio, apart from jewellery.

I am sure you are aware that you will also have to provide for higher education of your daughters.

If SSY is aimed to meet that requirement then retirement corpus will need to be revised.

Step up your health care cover to a minimum of 50 L, as you grow older.

Feel free to revert in case you have any further doubts/queries.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Dear Sir, I am 44 yrs old with wife and 2 kids of age 9&11.I have been investing my money into the following sectors over the last few years back. 1.LIC and SBI money back policies of 8.5L and will be mature in 2034. 2.Life cover for self of 50L has to pay till 2047 annually of 20K. 3.Max life ULIP plan SA 6L mature in 2031. 4.Family floater Health I surance of 5L 4.HDFC life click 2I combo plan invest of 9L 5.SSA till date for both children 1L each 5.SIP of 20K since last 4.5yrs monthly 6.SIP lumpsum of 1L invested in Axis medium cap fund invested 4yrs back My question is to secure my child education and retirement life after 55 yrs , corpus should be 2 Crore what else I have to do
Ans: It's commendable that you've been diligently planning for your family's future. Your commitment to securing your children's education and ensuring a comfortable retirement is truly admirable.

Considering your current investments, it's essential to evaluate if they align with your long-term goals. While your existing plans offer some protection and potential growth, diversifying your portfolio could provide added stability and growth potential. Have you explored avenues beyond traditional insurance policies and mutual funds?

Certified Financial Planners can offer personalized strategies tailored to your aspirations and risk tolerance. They can suggest options that balance growth potential with risk mitigation, guiding you towards achieving your desired corpus. Have you considered consulting one to fine-tune your financial roadmap?

Remember, the journey to financial security is not just about numbers—it's about ensuring peace of mind and enabling your loved ones to pursue their dreams. By proactively seeking guidance and exploring diverse investment avenues, you're laying a robust foundation for a fulfilling future. Keep nurturing your financial garden, and the seeds you sow today will bloom into a prosperous tomorrow.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Money
Hi my age is 34 earning 1.30l per month, my saving are monthly 26k in different sips, 12.5k monthy ppf, 2 policies total amount of 15-16lakhs paying 30 and 70k premium yearly ( mature in 2035), investing montly in gold - 500 and 50,000 yearly in nps. Rest 5 to 10k in saving account. I have 2 questions 1.Should I need to invest more if i want total corpus of 3 crore? 2. I have 2 daughters so i should have enough amount for their education and their marriage
Ans: Planning for Your Financial Future: Building a Rs 3 Crore Corpus and Securing Your Daughters' Futures

Congratulations on your disciplined saving and investment habits. Your current financial strategy is commendable, and it’s clear you’re committed to securing a prosperous future for yourself and your daughters. Let’s address your questions and develop a comprehensive plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
To start, let’s review your existing financial commitments and investments:

Monthly Income: Rs 1,30,000
Monthly Savings and Investments:
SIPs: Rs 26,000
PPF: Rs 12,500
Policies: Rs 30,000 and Rs 70,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 8,333 per month)
Gold: Rs 500
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 4,167 per month)
Savings Account: Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000
Your total monthly investments sum up to approximately Rs 51,500, excluding the savings account contributions.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
You have two primary goals:

Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Ensuring Funds for Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Goal 1: Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Calculating the Future Value of Your Investments
To determine if you need to invest more, we must project the future value of your current investments. Let’s assume an average annual return of 12% for your SIPs, considering they are likely invested in equity mutual funds.

Formula for Future Value of SIP:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 26,000)
r = Annual interest rate (0.12)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (12)
t = Number of years (26, assuming retirement at age 60)
Future Value Calculation for SIPs
Using the formula above:

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.12/12)^(12 * 26) - 1] / (0.12/12)

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.01)^(312) - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [(1.01)^312 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [36.786 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 35.786 / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 3,578.6

FV = 9,30,43,600

So, the future value of your SIPs after 26 years would be approximately Rs 9.3 crores.

Future Value Calculation for PPF
The PPF has a fixed rate of return. Assuming an average annual return of 7.1%:

Formula for Future Value of PPF:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 12,500)
r = Annual interest rate (0.071)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (15, due to PPF maturity period)
FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071/1)^(1 * 15) - 1] / (0.071/1)

FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [(1.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [2.847 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 1.847 / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 26.014

FV = 3,25,175

So, the future value of your PPF after 15 years would be approximately Rs 3.25 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for NPS
NPS investments typically yield around 10% annually. Assuming the annual contribution is Rs 50,000:

Formula for Future Value of NPS:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 4,167)
r = Annual interest rate (0.10)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (26)
FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10/1)^(1 * 26) - 1] / (0.10/1)

FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [(1.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [10.835 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 9.835 / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 98.35

FV = 4,09,445

So, the future value of your NPS after 26 years would be approximately Rs 4.09 lakhs.

Additional Investments
Your existing policies (LIC, ULIP) may not offer the best returns. Consider surrendering them and redirecting the premiums into mutual funds for potentially higher growth.

Goal 2: Funding Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Estimating Future Expenses
Education Costs: Assume a need of Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s higher education.
Marriage Costs: Assume Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s marriage.
Let’s estimate the inflation-adjusted cost of education and marriage in the future.

Formula for Future Value of Education Costs:

FV = PV * (1 + r)^t

Where:

PV = Present value (Rs 20 lakhs)
r = Inflation rate (0.06)
t = Number of years until the expense (assume 10 years for education)
Future Value Calculation for Education
FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * 1.791

FV = 35,82,000

So, the future value of education costs after 10 years would be approximately Rs 35.82 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for Marriage
Assuming marriages in 20 years:

FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * 3.207

FV = 64,14,000

So, the future value of marriage costs after 20 years would be approximately Rs 64.14 lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Daughters’ Future
Child Education Funds: Invest in dedicated mutual funds for child education. These funds typically offer higher returns and are tailored for education expenses.
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP): Use STP to gradually move funds from equity to debt as the expense time nears to minimize risk.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Consider SSY for long-term savings for your daughters, offering tax benefits and secure returns.
Monitoring and Adjusting Investments
Regularly review your investments to ensure they align with your goals. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Periodic Reviews
Annual Performance Review: Evaluate the performance of your investments and adjust as necessary.
Adjusting Asset Allocation: Shift funds between equity and debt based on market conditions and your risk tolerance.
Risk Management
Diversification is crucial to minimize risks. Spread investments across various asset classes to safeguard against market volatility.

Market Risk
Equity Investments: High returns but subject to market fluctuations. Diversify across sectors and companies.
Debt Investments: Lower returns but more stable. Include high-quality debt instruments for stability.
Tax Considerations
Maximize tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. Ensure investments align with your overall financial strategy.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): Provides tax benefits and good returns. Suitable for long-term goals.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Safe and tax-efficient. Ideal for conservative investors.
Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help tailor your investment strategy to meet your specific goals.

Advantages of CFP
Expertise in Financial Planning: Offers professional insights and strategies.
Personalized Advice: Tailored to your financial situation and goals.
Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 3 crore corpus and securing funds for your daughters’ education and marriage requires disciplined investing and strategic planning. Your current investments are a strong foundation, but consider increasing contributions for higher returns.

Diversify your investments, monitor performance regularly, and adjust your portfolio as needed. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable guidance and help you stay on track.

Stay committed to your goals, and with careful planning, you can achieve financial security and ensure a bright future for your daughters.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Money
Im 47 year old im doing 25k per month SIP in various funds and presently my fund value is 35 lacs and my aim to build a corpus of 1.5cr in next 8 year it means at the age 55 , i have a insurance policy of rs 6 lacs which are going to matured next year other than it also 1800 per month EPF deduction held by my employer and current saving in EPF is aprox 8-9 lacs . Is this all are sufficient to achieve my aim or ineed to increase more savings. Pls suggest
Ans: First off, you're doing a great job with your savings and investments. Building a secure financial future takes dedication, and you're on the right track. Let's dive deeper into your current financial situation and see how you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1.5 crore by the age of 55.

Understanding Your Current Financial Scenario
You’re currently investing Rs. 25,000 per month in various SIPs. Your existing fund value is Rs. 35 lakhs, which is impressive. You also have an insurance policy maturing next year worth Rs. 6 lakhs. Your EPF savings are around Rs. 8-9 lakhs with a monthly deduction of Rs. 1,800.

Let's break down how these investments are contributing to your goal and assess if any adjustments are needed.

Evaluating Your SIP Investments
SIP investments are a great way to build wealth over time. Consistent monthly investments benefit from rupee cost averaging and compounding. Your Rs. 25,000 SIPs will significantly contribute to your corpus. However, it’s essential to ensure these funds are diversified across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Diversification reduces risk and can enhance returns.

SIP investments take advantage of the market's volatility. By investing a fixed amount regularly, you buy more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high. Over time, this strategy averages out the cost of your investments and reduces the impact of market fluctuations.

Power of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are powerful financial tools that pool money from many investors to invest in securities like stocks, bonds, and other assets. They are managed by professional fund managers who aim to achieve the fund's investment objectives.

Diversification: One of the most significant advantages of mutual funds is diversification. By investing in a mutual fund, you gain exposure to a wide range of securities, which reduces the risk associated with investing in a single security. Diversification helps in balancing the portfolio and minimizes the impact of poor performance by any single security.

Professional Management: Mutual funds are managed by experienced professionals who analyze market trends, conduct research, and make informed investment decisions on behalf of investors. This expertise can lead to better returns and efficient portfolio management.

Accessibility: Mutual funds offer a variety of schemes to suit different investment goals, risk appetites, and time horizons. Whether you are looking for growth, income, or stability, there is a mutual fund that matches your needs.

Liquidity: Mutual funds provide liquidity, allowing you to redeem your units at the current net asset value (NAV) whenever you need funds. This flexibility makes mutual funds a convenient investment option.

Tax Benefits: Certain mutual funds, like Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act. This dual benefit of investment and tax savings makes mutual funds attractive for tax planning.

Insurance Policy Maturing Next Year
You have an insurance policy maturing next year worth Rs. 6 lakhs. Upon maturity, consider reinvesting this amount wisely. Since your aim is to build a corpus for the future, parking this amount in equity mutual funds can be beneficial. Equities typically provide higher returns over the long term compared to other instruments.

It’s important to separate insurance and investment needs. Insurance policies that combine investment with protection often have higher costs and lower returns compared to pure investment products like mutual funds. Instead of opting for investment-cum-insurance policies, it’s better to invest in pure term insurance for adequate coverage and invest the rest in mutual funds for growth.

Investment-cum-insurance policies often come with high fees and complex structures that can eat into your returns. Moreover, the investment component of these policies usually underperforms compared to standalone investment products. Therefore, it’s advisable to avoid these hybrid products and keep your insurance and investment needs separate.

EPF Contributions and Savings
Your EPF contributions of Rs. 1,800 per month, coupled with existing savings of Rs. 8-9 lakhs, add another layer of security. EPF is a safe investment with decent returns, especially useful for retirement. However, relying solely on EPF may not be enough. It’s crucial to complement it with other investments to reach your desired corpus.

EPF offers the advantage of compound interest and tax benefits, making it a vital component of your retirement planning. However, the returns from EPF are relatively lower compared to equity investments. Therefore, balancing your portfolio with equity mutual funds can help achieve higher growth.

Assessing the Gap
Let’s assess if your current investments are sufficient to achieve your goal of Rs. 1.5 crore in the next 8 years.

Assuming an average return of 12% per annum from your SIPs, we can estimate the future value. However, returns are subject to market fluctuations and cannot be guaranteed.

Similarly, EPF typically offers an 8-9% return. Considering these returns, let’s see if your current strategy will help you reach your goal or if adjustments are needed.

Adjustments and Recommendations
To ensure you achieve your goal of Rs. 1.5 crore by age 55, consider the following recommendations:

Increase Your SIP Amount: If possible, try to increase your monthly SIPs. Even a small increase can significantly impact your corpus due to the power of compounding. Aim to gradually increase your SIP amount every year.

Reinvest Maturing Insurance Policy: Reinvest the Rs. 6 lakhs from your maturing insurance policy into diversified equity mutual funds. This will give a substantial boost to your corpus.

Diversify Your Investments: Ensure your SIPs are spread across various mutual funds categories. Diversification minimizes risks and can potentially increase returns.

Monitor and Review: Regularly monitor your investments and review their performance. Make adjustments if necessary to stay on track with your goals.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds
Since you’re focusing on mutual funds, it's crucial to highlight the benefits of actively managed funds over index funds.

Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager making decisions to outperform the market. They can adapt to market conditions and potentially offer higher returns compared to index funds which simply track the market.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you choose the best funds suited to your financial goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios compared to regular funds, but they might not always be the best choice for everyone. Direct funds require a more hands-on approach and a good understanding of the market. If you lack the time or expertise, this can be challenging.

Regular funds, on the other hand, come with the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They provide expert advice, helping you navigate through market complexities and ensuring your investments are aligned with your goals.

Building a Strong Financial Foundation
While focusing on your investment goals, don’t forget other aspects of financial planning. Here are a few additional tips:

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a safety net for unexpected situations.

Health Insurance: Adequate health insurance is crucial. Medical emergencies can derail your financial plans if not adequately covered.

Review Life Insurance: Assess your life insurance needs and ensure you have sufficient coverage to protect your family’s financial future.

Retirement Planning: Beyond your goal of Rs. 1.5 crore, continue planning for retirement. Consider other retirement-specific investment options and strategies.

Regular Financial Check-ups
Regularly reviewing your financial plan is essential. Market conditions, personal circumstances, and financial goals can change over time. Schedule periodic check-ups with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to ensure your investments are on track and make necessary adjustments.

Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 1.5 crore by the age of 55 is a commendable goal. Your current investments and savings provide a strong foundation. By increasing your SIP amounts, reinvesting wisely, and diversifying your investments, you can enhance your chances of reaching this goal.

Remember, consistency, discipline, and regular reviews are key to successful financial planning. You’re already doing great, and with a few strategic adjustments, you’ll be well on your way to achieving your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 37 years , married with 2 years old child, planning for retirement, education and marriage of child.. i have 12 l in FD, 21 l in lumpsum mutual fund, SIP for a year totalling 17000 per month, total assets worth 3 crores.. health insurance worth 1 crore. 3 term plans being paid for and active.. and i make 1.5 lakhs give or take a month.. .. i have started contributing to ssy account and have a education policy in aditya birla too worth around 8 lakhs at the time of maturity .. i have one pension fund being paid for 58000 per year for 15 years, already paid for 10 years... I need a corpus of 5 to 7crores within next 25 years.. am i doing enough? I have no loans or liabilities
Ans: You're on a solid path with your financial planning. Let's assess and refine your strategy to achieve your goals.

Review Current Investments

Your FD of Rs 12 lakhs and lump sum mutual funds of Rs 21 lakhs are good. Your SIP of Rs 17,000 per month shows discipline.

Consider Increasing SIP Amounts

Increasing your SIP amounts gradually can help you reach your corpus goal faster. This can leverage the power of compounding.

Allocate Funds for Retirement

Your goal of 5 to 7 crores in 25 years is achievable. Continue investing in diversified equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Child's Education and Marriage

Your SSY contributions are a smart move. Consider child-specific mutual funds for additional growth.

Evaluate Your Pension Fund

Your pension fund contribution of Rs 58,000 per year is good. Ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Health and Term Insurance

Your health insurance worth Rs 1 crore and three term plans provide good coverage. Maintain these for family security.

Regularly Review and Adjust

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust based on market conditions and personal financial changes.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy. They can provide tailored advice for reaching your financial goals.

Stay Focused and Disciplined

Consistent investing and disciplined saving are key. Stay focused on your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
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Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

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Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on ' Careers | Health | Money | Relationship'.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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