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37 yo, Married, 1 Child, 3 Crore Assets: Can I Achieve 5-7 Crore Corpus in 25 Years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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I am 37 years , married with 2 years old child, planning for retirement, education and marriage of child.. i have 12 l in FD, 21 l in lumpsum mutual fund, SIP for a year totalling 17000 per month, total assets worth 3 crores.. health insurance worth 1 crore. 3 term plans being paid for and active.. and i make 1.5 lakhs give or take a month.. .. i have started contributing to ssy account and have a education policy in aditya birla too worth around 8 lakhs at the time of maturity .. i have one pension fund being paid for 58000 per year for 15 years, already paid for 10 years... I need a corpus of 5 to 7crores within next 25 years.. am i doing enough? I have no loans or liabilities

Ans: You're on a solid path with your financial planning. Let's assess and refine your strategy to achieve your goals.

Review Current Investments

Your FD of Rs 12 lakhs and lump sum mutual funds of Rs 21 lakhs are good. Your SIP of Rs 17,000 per month shows discipline.

Consider Increasing SIP Amounts

Increasing your SIP amounts gradually can help you reach your corpus goal faster. This can leverage the power of compounding.

Allocate Funds for Retirement

Your goal of 5 to 7 crores in 25 years is achievable. Continue investing in diversified equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Child's Education and Marriage

Your SSY contributions are a smart move. Consider child-specific mutual funds for additional growth.

Evaluate Your Pension Fund

Your pension fund contribution of Rs 58,000 per year is good. Ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Health and Term Insurance

Your health insurance worth Rs 1 crore and three term plans provide good coverage. Maintain these for family security.

Regularly Review and Adjust

Review your portfolio annually. Adjust based on market conditions and personal financial changes.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner

A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy. They can provide tailored advice for reaching your financial goals.

Stay Focused and Disciplined

Consistent investing and disciplined saving are key. Stay focused on your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

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Hi my age is 34 earning 1.30l per month, my saving are monthly 26k in different sips, 12.5k monthy ppf, 2 policies total amount of 15-16lakhs paying 30 and 70k premium yearly ( mature in 2035), investing montly in gold - 500 and 50,000 yearly in nps. Rest 5 to 10k in saving account. I have 2 questions 1.Should I need to invest more if i want total corpus of 3 crore? 2. I have 2 daughters so i should have enough amount for their education and their marriage
Ans: Planning for Your Financial Future: Building a Rs 3 Crore Corpus and Securing Your Daughters' Futures

Congratulations on your disciplined saving and investment habits. Your current financial strategy is commendable, and it’s clear you’re committed to securing a prosperous future for yourself and your daughters. Let’s address your questions and develop a comprehensive plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
To start, let’s review your existing financial commitments and investments:

Monthly Income: Rs 1,30,000
Monthly Savings and Investments:
SIPs: Rs 26,000
PPF: Rs 12,500
Policies: Rs 30,000 and Rs 70,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 8,333 per month)
Gold: Rs 500
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually (equivalent to Rs 4,167 per month)
Savings Account: Rs 5,000 to Rs 10,000
Your total monthly investments sum up to approximately Rs 51,500, excluding the savings account contributions.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
You have two primary goals:

Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Ensuring Funds for Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Goal 1: Accumulating a Rs 3 Crore Corpus
Calculating the Future Value of Your Investments
To determine if you need to invest more, we must project the future value of your current investments. Let’s assume an average annual return of 12% for your SIPs, considering they are likely invested in equity mutual funds.

Formula for Future Value of SIP:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 26,000)
r = Annual interest rate (0.12)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (12)
t = Number of years (26, assuming retirement at age 60)
Future Value Calculation for SIPs
Using the formula above:

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.12/12)^(12 * 26) - 1] / (0.12/12)

FV = 26,000 * [(1 + 0.01)^(312) - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [(1.01)^312 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * [36.786 - 1] / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 35.786 / 0.01

FV = 26,000 * 3,578.6

FV = 9,30,43,600

So, the future value of your SIPs after 26 years would be approximately Rs 9.3 crores.

Future Value Calculation for PPF
The PPF has a fixed rate of return. Assuming an average annual return of 7.1%:

Formula for Future Value of PPF:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 12,500)
r = Annual interest rate (0.071)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (15, due to PPF maturity period)
FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071/1)^(1 * 15) - 1] / (0.071/1)

FV = 12,500 * [(1 + 0.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [(1.071)^15 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * [2.847 - 1] / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 1.847 / 0.071

FV = 12,500 * 26.014

FV = 3,25,175

So, the future value of your PPF after 15 years would be approximately Rs 3.25 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for NPS
NPS investments typically yield around 10% annually. Assuming the annual contribution is Rs 50,000:

Formula for Future Value of NPS:

FV = P * [(1 + r/n)^(nt) - 1] / (r/n)

Where:

P = Monthly investment (Rs 4,167)
r = Annual interest rate (0.10)
n = Number of times interest is compounded per year (1)
t = Number of years (26)
FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10/1)^(1 * 26) - 1] / (0.10/1)

FV = 4,167 * [(1 + 0.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [(1.10)^26 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * [10.835 - 1] / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 9.835 / 0.10

FV = 4,167 * 98.35

FV = 4,09,445

So, the future value of your NPS after 26 years would be approximately Rs 4.09 lakhs.

Additional Investments
Your existing policies (LIC, ULIP) may not offer the best returns. Consider surrendering them and redirecting the premiums into mutual funds for potentially higher growth.

Goal 2: Funding Your Daughters’ Education and Marriage
Estimating Future Expenses
Education Costs: Assume a need of Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s higher education.
Marriage Costs: Assume Rs 20 lakhs for each daughter’s marriage.
Let’s estimate the inflation-adjusted cost of education and marriage in the future.

Formula for Future Value of Education Costs:

FV = PV * (1 + r)^t

Where:

PV = Present value (Rs 20 lakhs)
r = Inflation rate (0.06)
t = Number of years until the expense (assume 10 years for education)
Future Value Calculation for Education
FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^10

FV = 20,00,000 * 1.791

FV = 35,82,000

So, the future value of education costs after 10 years would be approximately Rs 35.82 lakhs.

Future Value Calculation for Marriage
Assuming marriages in 20 years:

FV = 20,00,000 * (1 + 0.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * (1.06)^20

FV = 20,00,000 * 3.207

FV = 64,14,000

So, the future value of marriage costs after 20 years would be approximately Rs 64.14 lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Daughters’ Future
Child Education Funds: Invest in dedicated mutual funds for child education. These funds typically offer higher returns and are tailored for education expenses.
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP): Use STP to gradually move funds from equity to debt as the expense time nears to minimize risk.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY): Consider SSY for long-term savings for your daughters, offering tax benefits and secure returns.
Monitoring and Adjusting Investments
Regularly review your investments to ensure they align with your goals. Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Periodic Reviews
Annual Performance Review: Evaluate the performance of your investments and adjust as necessary.
Adjusting Asset Allocation: Shift funds between equity and debt based on market conditions and your risk tolerance.
Risk Management
Diversification is crucial to minimize risks. Spread investments across various asset classes to safeguard against market volatility.

Market Risk
Equity Investments: High returns but subject to market fluctuations. Diversify across sectors and companies.
Debt Investments: Lower returns but more stable. Include high-quality debt instruments for stability.
Tax Considerations
Maximize tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. Ensure investments align with your overall financial strategy.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): Provides tax benefits and good returns. Suitable for long-term goals.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Safe and tax-efficient. Ideal for conservative investors.
Professional Guidance
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help tailor your investment strategy to meet your specific goals.

Advantages of CFP
Expertise in Financial Planning: Offers professional insights and strategies.
Personalized Advice: Tailored to your financial situation and goals.
Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 3 crore corpus and securing funds for your daughters’ education and marriage requires disciplined investing and strategic planning. Your current investments are a strong foundation, but consider increasing contributions for higher returns.

Diversify your investments, monitor performance regularly, and adjust your portfolio as needed. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable guidance and help you stay on track.

Stay committed to your goals, and with careful planning, you can achieve financial security and ensure a bright future for your daughters.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

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Hello Sir, I am a 40 yr old Zonal Sales Head in a private organisation having monthly take home salary of Rs.2.15 lakhs. I now invest Rs.81,500/month in diversified mutual funds SIP. I have a mutual fund Corpus of Rs.67.5 lakhs. I have Rs.16 lakhs in Shares in equity market & Rs.28 lakhs in PF, Rs.8 lakhs in PPF, Rs.8.5 lakhs in LIC Jivan Anand. I keep Rs.3 lakhs in Bank account. I have a 6 yr old daughter. I would like to have 2.5 Cr for my daughters' higher education in 15 yrs & i need to have a corpus of 8 crores for my retirement in 18 yrs. Please suggest, am i on the right path.
Ans: I understand that you want to ensure your daughter's higher education and a secure retirement. With a structured plan and consistent efforts, you're on the right path to achieving your financial goals. Let's dive deeper into your current investments and future needs.

Current Financial Standing
You have an impressive monthly salary of Rs. 2.15 lakhs. Out of this, you are investing Rs. 81,500 in diversified mutual funds SIPs. Your mutual fund corpus stands at Rs. 67.5 lakhs, and you have Rs. 16 lakhs in equity shares. Additionally, you have Rs. 28 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF), Rs. 8 lakhs in Public Provident Fund (PPF), and Rs. 8.5 lakhs in LIC Jivan Anand. You also maintain Rs. 3 lakhs in your bank account for liquidity. This is a robust financial foundation.

Assessing Your Goals
Your financial goals are clear and ambitious. You aim to have Rs. 2.5 crores for your daughter's higher education in 15 years and a retirement corpus of Rs. 8 crores in 18 years. Let's break down how your current investments align with these goals and what adjustments may be necessary.

Mutual Fund Investments
Your substantial investment in mutual funds is commendable. Diversified mutual funds are a solid choice for long-term growth. Given your current SIPs, ensure that your portfolio remains balanced across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Diversification reduces risk and enhances growth potential.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
It is crucial to monitor your mutual fund portfolio periodically. Market conditions change, and your investments may need rebalancing to maintain the desired asset allocation. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your portfolio.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market. Professional fund managers make strategic decisions to maximize returns, adapting to market fluctuations. This expertise can potentially provide higher returns compared to passive index funds.

Equity Shares
Your Rs. 16 lakhs in equity shares is a good investment. Direct equity investment can offer substantial returns but also comes with higher risk. Ensure that your equity portfolio is well-diversified across different sectors to mitigate risk. Consider periodically reviewing and possibly reallocating your investments based on market performance.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your investments in PF and PPF are prudent for long-term security. These instruments offer safety and tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds to ensure a stable, risk-free component in your portfolio.

Life Insurance Policies
You have Rs. 8.5 lakhs in LIC Jivan Anand. While traditional insurance plans provide security, they often yield lower returns compared to mutual funds. Given your substantial investment in insurance, consider evaluating the returns and possibly reallocating to higher-yielding investments.

Surrendering Investment-cum-Insurance Policies
If the returns from LIC Jivan Anand are not meeting your expectations, consider surrendering the policy. Reinvesting the proceeds into diversified mutual funds can potentially offer better growth, aligning with your long-term goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining Rs. 3 lakhs in your bank account for emergencies is wise. This fund should cover at least six months of your expenses. Given your monthly salary and expenses, ensure that this emergency fund remains liquid and easily accessible.

Daughter's Higher Education Goal
To achieve Rs. 2.5 crores in 15 years for your daughter's higher education, your investments need to grow at a healthy rate. Diversified mutual funds can help achieve this target. Ensure that you regularly review and adjust your SIPs to stay on track with this goal.

Education Savings Plan
Consider setting up a dedicated education savings plan. This plan can focus on high-growth mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Regular contributions and compounding growth will help you reach the Rs. 2.5 crore target.

Retirement Planning
Your goal of Rs. 8 crores for retirement in 18 years is ambitious but achievable with disciplined investing. Let's evaluate how your current investments align with this goal.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Continue with your diversified mutual fund SIPs and equity investments. Additionally, consider increasing your SIP contributions periodically to match inflation and salary increments. This will help grow your corpus faster.

Role of Provident Funds
Your investments in PF and PPF will provide a stable and secure base for your retirement corpus. These funds should continue to form a core part of your retirement plan due to their safety and tax benefits.

Long-Term Investment Strategy
Adopt a long-term investment strategy focusing on equity mutual funds for growth. As you approach retirement, gradually shift to more conservative investments like debt funds to protect your corpus from market volatility.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds. They offer tax benefits under Section 80C and potential for higher returns.

Maximizing Tax Benefits
Ensure that you are fully utilizing the Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction limit under Section 80C through investments in PPF, EPF, and ELSS. Additionally, consider tax-saving options under Sections 80D for health insurance and 24(b) for home loan interest.

Health Insurance
Adequate health insurance is crucial for financial security. Ensure that you and your family are covered under a comprehensive health insurance plan. This will protect your savings and investments from unforeseen medical expenses.

Estate Planning
Consider creating a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning helps avoid legal complications and ensures your family's financial security.

Education and Retirement Goal Alignment
Balancing your daughter's education and your retirement goals is key. Prioritize and allocate investments towards both goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help structure a plan that aligns both objectives without compromising either.

Final Insights
You are on a commendable path with your disciplined investment approach. Your diversified portfolio and regular investments are key to achieving your financial goals. Regular reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio will ensure you stay on track.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice and strategies to optimize your investments. Stay focused, and your financial goals are well within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

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Hello Madam I am Vivek & 43 Year OLD , I have corpus of 60 Lac & SIP of 30K ,Gold Asset 10Lac ,PF : 10 Lac ,Home loan: 7 lac going on .LIC & Term Plans are there Not considered as Investment I invested 30 Lac as below Small Cap 4,00,000 13% Flexi cap 4,00,000 13% Multi Cap 5,00,000 17% Large Cap 1,50,000 5% Large MID CAP 2,00,000 7% Mid cap 3,50,000 12% Sector Fund 6,80,000 22% Value Fund 3,50,000 12% Also started SIP of 30500 As 1]Nippon Small Cap -7000 2] HSBC Multi CAp-3000 3] Mahindra Manu Mid CAp - 4000 4] Motilal Oswal Mid Cap : 3000 5] 4] Motilal Oswal Large & Mid Cap : 3000 5] HDFC Defence Fund :5000 6]ICICI Prudential PSU Equity Fund -3000 6] Axis Value Fund - 2500 7] PPF -4000 What will be corpus after 5 years ,will it be sufficient if I Quit Job by 48 ,Monthly Expenses is 60K PM
Ans: Hello;

Your monthly expenses of 60 K will be around 80 K in 5 years from now considering 6% inflation.

Further your sip sum, corpus sum, lumpsum investment, gold holding, pf holding will yield you a cumulative corpus of 2.13 Cr after 5 years.

If you use this sum to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company you may expect to receive a monthly income of around 90K (post-tax).

LIC policy maturity proceeds, if any, and PPF(you should continue as long as possible) will be surplus.

Hope the home loan is fully repaid over 5 yr time.

You may quit regular 9 to 5 job and keep yourself occupied in some alternate vocation or profession with flexi time maybe for another 8-10 years. This serves 2 purposes: it keeps your mind focused and active plus any income from such activities can help fund your holidays/boost retirement corpus.

Please ensure to have a good personal healthcare cover for yourself and your spouse.

Happy Investing;

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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